Of course the ‘RHONY’ women would fight — at an anti-bullying event
Last week on the Real Housewives of New York City, as Leah McSweeney and Sonja Morgan had their cashmere two-piece set showdown, we thought to ourselves, “You know what, we need more Luann.” And apparently the Bravo gods heard our prayers because, this episode, Luann De Lesseps takes center stage — but not before Sonja leaps from her seat to call her a liar.
Let’s start with Luann’s reunion with her ex of four and a half years, Jacques Azoulay, who’s giving us major Sandy Cohen hair vibes.
Friends‘ Ross, too.
Luann talks to Jacques about her anti-bullying comedy show, “Marry, F, Kill,” where he’ll not only tell a few jokes, but where she’ll also perform “Feelin Jovani” “live,” and unbeknownst to him at this time, where she’ll aggressively deny that she slept with The Pirate in Season 5 — while they were still dating, no less.
Next, a handful of the RHONY women, including Sonja “I’m on a liquid diet” Morgan, Ramona “Her Mother’s Favorite Flower Is Also Lilac” Singer, Elyse “Random Lady in Red” Slaine, and Dorinda “President Of The ‘I Hate Tinsley Mortimer’ Club” Medley, meet up for dinner; and it doesn’t take long for the conversation to turn to Tinsley.
“When you ask Tinsely a question, it’s hard to get an answer. It’s frustrating,” Dorinda tells the ladies. “She doesn’t want to engage with us at that level.”
“I feel like Leah has access to Tinsley in a different way than I have or the group has; so, maybe she’ll provide some sort of comfort level or connection that will bring us back together,” Dorinda adds in a talking head.
At dinner with her mom, Dale Mercer, Tinsley tries to describe a farmer’s market demographic — “people that cook, who come to get vegetables, and cook, and things I don’t do” — and her relationship with her boyfriend, Bruce.
“I developed full feelings for Bruce, but he just hasn’t seemed to make any sort of time for me,” she tells Dale.
“Tinsley, it’s because his life is set,” Dale says. “He doesn’t really need you and the complications of a girl who’s never had children… I don’t think.”
And just before Tinsley and Dale are served their medium pizza, Dale serves Tinsley a red-hot burn.
“What I’m saying is, he probably has decided, ‘This is too much for me,'” Dale says, followed by this look (that’s now the wallpaper on my laptop):
“My mom just has this way of proving things, like, ‘Why does Bruce want to be with a 44-year-old with no kids?'” Tinsley then says in a talking head.
After watching Leah speak to her ex via FaceTime and mention that she’s still at odds with her mom due to her decision to start drinking again after nine years of being sober, we finally move on to the rehearsal of Luann’s comedy show, where she’s joined by Jacques and his fiancée.
“I couldn’t be happier for Jacques,” Luann says. “He is engaged to a lovely lady who I’ve met a couple of times, and he has my stamp of approval.”
And that brings us to the big punch line of the show, where Luann denies — yet again, and in front of Jacques — that she didn’t 👏 sleep 👏 with 👏 The 👏 Pirate 👏.
“I want to set the record straight with you guys: I never fucked the pirate,” Luann says to the audience that immediately begins clapping, cheering, and roaring. Sonja then leaps out of her seat and screams, “You 👏 did 👏 fuck 👏 the 👏 pirate! You did. You did. You did.”
“She did fuck the pirate,” Sonja says once more, this time seated. “She told me that she did.”
At the comedy show, Dorinda suggests she, Tinsley, and Leah have lunch together, just the three of them; but Tinsley doesn’t love the idea of having Leah at the lunch as a mediator.
“She’s kind of a voice of reason,” Dorinda tries to convince Tinsley.
“I don’t like that idea,” Tinsley then says in a talking head. “I don’t need somebody else there.”
But Leah loves the idea, saying, “Dorinda thinks I’d be a great mediator because I’m not batshit crazy. I am the voice of reason, which is actually kind of scary.”
The niceties don’t last long, though, because once the show wraps and they’ve had a few drinks (and a couple of shots) in them, Dorinda and Tinsley butt heads — at an anti-bullying event, no less.
It starts with Leah calling Dorinda “intimidating,” which Dorinda then hears as Tinsley’s intimidated by her.
“Dorinda. Tequila. No bueno, baby,” Leah says.
Tinsley then repeats that she prefers Leah not show up to the lunch as a mediator: “I don’t need other people to help me solve our problem.”
“Everything I do with you, Tinsley, is not good,” Dorinda says, to which Tinsley responds, “I’m so sick and tired of people talking for me.”
“These two women are so stuck, they don’t need a mediator; they need a miracle,” Leah quips.
RHONY airs Thursdays at 9/8c on Bravo.
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