How Same-Sex Adoption Works — Your Guide To Getting Started

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
same sex adoption
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Once rare, same-sex adoption is now becoming increasingly common in the United States, thanks to being effectively made legal in all 50 states in 2016. And though gay and lesbian parents are only raising four percent of the adopted children in the United States, an estimated two million LGBTQ+ people are interested in adoption. Those numbers are likely going to increase as more people continue to accept same-sex couples as parents. And while things have definitely gotten better, that doesn’t mean that same-sex adoption (like any other type of adoption) isn’t without challenges. Here’s what you need to know about the process of same-sex adoption to help you decide how to start a family.

If you’re looking for more info on other types of adoption, you can find our guides to embryo, open, closed, baby, foster care, private, adult, international, transracial, step parent, military, single parent, Jewish, and Christian adoption.

The Process of Same-Sex Adoption

Unlike heterosexual couples, most same-sex couples don’t have the option to have their own biological children without some type of assisted reproductive technology or assistance, like surrogacy or in vitro fertilization. Per the Adoption Network, same-sex couples are four times more likely to turn to adoption in order to start a family than heterosexual couples. And though the adoption process is largely the same, same-sex couples may face an additional challenge in pursuing an open adoption, as some birth parents may decide that they would prefer to have their child raised by a heterosexual couple.

In fact, according to Considering Adoption, less than one-fifth of adoption agencies are actively seeking same-sex adoptive parents. In addition, it may also be harder for same-sex couples to adopt children internationally, as some countries have strict cultural or societal codes that do not yet accept same-sex couples as candidates to be adoptive parents. Hopefully birth parents and adoption agencies, both international and American, change their views soon so children may thrive and find a forever home with loving parents, no matter their sexual orientation.

Choosing an LGBT-Focused Adoption Agency

To start with, same-sex parents looking to grow their family may want to seek out an LGBTQ+-friendly adoption agency. If you’re unsure where to start, contact a local LGBTQ+ community center in your area and ask for their input. Additionally, the Human Rights Campaign suggests looking into agencies you’re considering by asking the following questions:

  • Does the agency’s mission statement mention the LGBTQ community?
  • Does the agency’s client non-discrimination statement include the terms “sexual orientation” or “gender identity”?
  • Does the agency use LGBTQ-inclusive advertising images?
  • Does the agency have LGBTQ-inclusive paperwork?

As previously mentioned, there is still a frustratingly large sect of Americans who don’t believe that people in the gay community should be allowed to adopt. However, there are more advocates and resources than ever before. Your journey towards adoption doesn’t have to be extra stressful simply because of who you love. Here are a couple of agencies that have systems in place specifically for LGBTQ couples, so you know they have your best interests at heart.

Lifelong Adoptions

Lifelong Adoptions has an A+ BBB rating, offers classes on how to start your adoption process, and has free applications. Even if you don’t use them, they’re a great resource

Adoptions Together

Looking for a true adoption advocate? Adoptions Together won a Human Rights Campaign Innovator award for the work they do “supporting and serving LGBTQ Youth and Families.” They’re licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia, but their site offers great nationwide resources.

Human Rights Campaign

Speaking of the HRC… For an almost exhaustive look at inclusive adoption agencies in your area, take a look at their interactive map.

Costs Associated With Same-Sex Adoption

The costs associated with same-sex adoption are similar to other forms of adoption and may range anywhere from $10,000 to $50,000, or more. Those costs cover legal fees for both the adoptive parents and birth parents, the home study, advertising, miscellaneous document fees, counseling, and any other expenses that might come up. That is a steep price to pay and many prospective parents drain their life savings or take out loans just to cover the cost. Luckily, organizations like give out grants of up to $15,000 for deserving prospective parents, regardless of their ethnicity, religious affiliation, marital status, and sexual orientation.

Same-Sex Adoption and Home Studies

Home studies are an essential part of nearly all types of adoption so knowing exactly what will be expected of you and how you can prepare is important to complete one successfully. During a home study, prospective parents must:

  • Submit to numerous home visits
  • Supply health and income documentation
  • Draft autobiographical statements painting their life story
  • Undergo background checks (true for anyone 16+ in the house)
  • Provide personal references letters from three or four family members and friends

Outcomes of Same-Sex Adoption

Even though not everyone may be on board with same-sex adoptions, a study from the American Sociological Association found that children adopted by same-sex parents in the United States fared the same as children adopted by heterosexual couples in a range of ways, including academic performance, cognitive development, social development, psychological health, early sexual activity, and substance abuse. Not only that, but a study out of the University of Southern California found that children raised by same-sex parents tend to be more tolerant and self-aware: Not only do they communicate about their feelings more openly and show more empathy for those who are different, they are also not as bound by traditional gender roles.

Legally Adopting a Partner’s Child

In some cases, one member of a same-sex couple already has a child, either through adopting on their own or as a result of a previous relationship. And while their new partner may be their child’s parent for all intents and purposes, there are benefits to having them also legally adopt the child. This is done through a stepparent or second-parent adoption. According to Considering Adoption, going through this process is important for several reasons, including:

  • To protect a child’s right to insurance and inheritance
  • To be recognized as a child’s legal parent during school pickups, doctor’s appointments, and other events
  • To be able to obtain their medical records

Going through the adoption process may be time-consuming and costly, but ultimately could save your family hassle and heartache if something were to happen to the child’s legal parent. It also helps provide stability and a secure and legal permanence to your family.

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