80+ Super Charged Science Puns That Are Out Of This World

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
science puns, little girl dressed as an astronaut
SDI Productions/ Getty

Whether or not you were a fan of science class in school, you probably at least picked up a few key terms. You may not spend your days working in a lab, but you can put your (limited) scientific knowledge to work in clever puns, jokes, and one-liners.

So, grab your goggles and lab coat because these jokes are explosive. It’s time to experiment with your humor, and like careful scientists, we’ve done the research. These jokes are scientifically proven to leave your audience laughing for hours. Science puns might be a little nerdy, but they never go out of style. Here are some science puns that will make you giggle and think. Best part is they’re kid-friendly and mom-approved.


  1. How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
  2. Why did the amoeba cross the road? It was time to split.
  3. Why did the bacteria fail the math test? He thought multiplication was the same as division.
  4. What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
  5. They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
  6. What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium? Its CoRn Y
  7. What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walked into his bar? OH SNaP!
  8. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”. Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
  9. What do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus.
  10. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
  11. Do you want to know how often I say element jokes? Periodically.
  12. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:

“What do we want?”. “Time travel” “When do we want it?” “Irrelevant.”

  1. Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
  2. I used to know a lot of science puns, but now they argon.
  3. I can eat sugar with either hand… I’m ambidextrose.
  4. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
  5. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts!
  6. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
  7. What’s 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!” Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!” Engineer: “4, obviously, but let’s make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”

  1. Me doing biochemistry: biochemistry, biochemiscry, biochemiswhy, biochemisby.
  2. Why did the gene crossover? To get to the non-sister homologue!
  3. Make like a melanogaster and buzz off!
  4. When the astronomy department found out their famous professor was not going to get the Nobel prize this year, they decided to hold a party for him anyway and give him a constellation prize instead.
  5. The doctor tells a woman that she has only six months to live. He advises her to marry a chemist and move to Toledo.

The woman asks, “Will this cure my illness?” “No,” replies the doctor, “but it will make six months seem like a very long time.”

  1. When a third grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.”
  2. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark.
  3. What is a cation afraid off? The dogions!
  4. Where does bad light end up? In a prism.
  5. Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.

“I don’t know,” says the first logician. “I don’t know either,” says the second logician. Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”

  1. Unknown Fact: You can be cooled to -273.15C and be 0K.
  2. Many people ask me why I chose Forensic Medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!
  3. Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high, the second one, about a meter too low, the third one yells, “We got it!”
  4. A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-‘s”
  5. One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.”
  6. Why is quantum mechanics is the original “original hipster”? It described the universe before it was cool.
  7. How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb? Two – one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.
  8. What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist? A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.
  9. Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested? He was released without charge.
  10. You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.
  11. What do computers like to eat? Chips!
  12. A neutrino walks through a bar.
  13. Why did Werner Heisenberg detest driving cars? Because, every time he looked at the speedometer he got lost!
  14. An interesting paradox: Noses run but feet smell.
  15. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
  16. Baby let’s measure the amplitude of our physical wave.
  17. If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go together!
  18. If you ask a Russian cosmonaut when is his favorite moment to snack, how does he answer? “Launch time.”
  19. Teamwork is essential, because you can always blame someone else.
  20. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.
  21. One mouse to another: “Look at that fellow with a white coat on. Whenever I push the paddle, he starts writing something!!!”
  22. A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
  23. Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
  24. Photons have mass? I didn’t know that they were Catholic.
  25. Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
  26. What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style.”
  27. An ion meets his atom friend on the street and says he’s lost an electron. “Are you sure?” asks the atom. The ion replies, “I’m positive.”
  28. A photon checks into a hotel. When asked if it needs a bellman, it responds “No, I’m traveling light”
  29. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? Try and be more PACIFIC!
  30. There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.
  31. What did the dog say to his owner? “My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz but you’ve probably never heard of that.”
  32. The wives of the American Society of Otolaryngologists have a cute saying: “The way to a man’s stomach is through his esophagus.”
  33. An astronomy major had a part time job working in the university’s off-campus housing office. One day, a fellow student, upon entering the office in thought about the morning lecture, asked, “What is an astronomical unit?” To which the astronomy major replied, “One helluva big apartment.”
  34. Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend? Cloud 9.
  35. I was reading a book on anti-gravity. I found it difficult to put down.
  36. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
  37. A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”
  38. Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings? A. Because they’re all fake.
  39. Organ donors really put their heart into it.
  40. An infectious disease walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.” It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
  41. How do Scientists freshen their breath? With Experi-Mints!
  42. Why were the Romans so bad at algebra? They always ended up with X equals 10.
  43. A physicist while exiting the theater after seeing the movie Star Wars bumped into a fellow physicist. Inspired by the movie, he blurted to his friend, “May the mass times acceleration be with you.”
  44. Confucius once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”
  45. “Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.” – a New York City tenant.
  46. What did the receiver say to the radio wave? Ouch! That megahertz.
  47. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”
  48. The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
  49. Why do pirates like algebra? “Annex” marks the spot.
  50. Air resistance is a real drag.
  51. Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
  52. What is a rock’s favorite cereal to eat? Coco-pebbles!
  53. Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

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