Sometimes the closest thing we have to magic is science. Where would we be without our baking soda volcanoes or elephant toothpaste? Science pushes us to think outside of ourselves and analyze the world more closely. It’s also inherently universal — you may not spend your days working in a lab, but you probably picked up a few key terms even if you weren’t a fan of science class in school. Sure, science can be pretty serious. But did you know it can also be funny? If you need proof (and really, doesn’t every good scientist?), all you need to do is examine our collection of hilarious science jokes and puns.
And who loves science more than the guys from the Big Bang Theory? An interest in science can turn into a wonderful career of discovery and innovation. If you’re looking to spark some experimental thoughts in your little scientist, these jokes and STEM toys are a great first step. There are so many fields people can explore like meteorology or paleontology (which was Ross Geller’s job in Friends!). It’s important to remember science is more than about asking questions. It’s about having fun too.
So, grab your goggles and lab coat, because these jokes are explosive. It’s time to experiment with your humor, and like careful scientists, we’ve done the research. These jokes are scientifically proven to leave your audience laughing for hours. The best part is they’re kid-friendly and mom-approved. One of these 160+ nerdy and smart jokes is sure to make your little mad scientist smile. Try one or try them all: call it an experiment… in the name of science.
Best Science Jokes
- Photons have mass?
Who knew they were Catholic?!
- Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.”
Helium doesn’t react.
- A neutron walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer. How much will that be?”
The bartender answers, “For you? No charge!”
- How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
- Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to 40 different countries and learned to speak seven languages?
He was a man of many cultures.
- What was the biologist wearing on his first date?
- Unfortunately, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking.
Fortunately, none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.
- How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
A very tiny book.
- What does the sign at the biology lab say?
- What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
- Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.
- What do you do with a chemist who is ill?
First, you try to helium. Then you try to curium. But if this fails, you have to barium.
- What is the least interesting element?
- Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
- Why is the moon so broke?
It’s down to its last quarter.
- What is the name of the first electricity detective?
- How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
- What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
“Quark, quark, quark!”
- Want to hear a joke about potassium?
- Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
- All mushrooms are edible.
Some are only edible once.
- Why did the hipster chemist get burned?
He touched the beaker before it was cool!
- There are only bad science jokes left.
All the good ones argon.
- What did the microbiology student get for being late to class?
- How much room do fungi need to grow?
As mushroom as possible.
- What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
- A frog is worried about his love life, so he goes to a psychic for help.
The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled and asks, “Where will I meet her?”
The psychic replied, “In her biology class.”
- What do you do when your science jokes don’t get a laugh?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
- Why didn’t the sun go to graduate school?
Because it already had a million degrees!
- Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?
It was full!
- Two scientists walk into a bar.
“I’ll have an H2O,” says the first.
“I’ll have an H2O, too,” says the second.
The second scientist dies.
- What’s a mathematician’s favorite season?
- We really shouldn’t talk about mitosis…
It’s such a divisive issue.
- What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
- What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.
- What fruit contains barium and double sodium?
- What scares a cation?
- Two blood cells met and fell in love.
Alas, it was all in vein.
- What did one decimal say to the number?
“Did you get my point?”
- A hug without u is like Mercury.
- Why is electricity the perfect student?
It conducts itself so well.
- Why do quantum physicists make bad pitchers?
Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
- Why do you go to jail for throwing sodium chloride at somebody?
It’s a salt!
- What did is a nuclear physicist’s favorite snack?
- What’s the physicist’s favorite part at baseball games?
- Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.
- The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full — half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
- Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar.
- Chemists are totally wild!
Some drop acid and others drop the base.
- What’s the best science?
Geology — it rocks!
- A biologist and a physicist got married but got divorced soon after.
There was just no chemistry.
- What did one photon say to the other photon?
I’m sick and tired of your interference.
- I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements…
- I’m fascinated by water’s gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
- What do you call a rude acid?
- What is the tornado’s favorite game?
- How do you cut this sea in two?
With a see-saw!
- How does the astronaut serve their tea?
In flying saucers!
- Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn’t exist yet!
- What is an astronaut’s favorite thing on the keyboard?
The space bar!
- What do scientists get for bad breath?
- Why don’t scientists have doorbells?
They want to win no-bell prizes!
- What did Benjamin Franklin write in his diary after discovering electricity?
- What’s the computer’s favorite snack?
- What kind of bears dissolve in water?
- Why does no one like to talk to Pi at parties?
Because he goes on forever.
- The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The engineer sees a glass two times too large.
- What do you call a tube that finished its studies?
A graduated cylinder.
- What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He got charged with a salt and battery.
- How do deaf mathematicians communicate?
Through sine language.
- Nine sodium atoms walk into a bar…
Then in comes Batman!
- Why does the photon never have to check suitcases on for flights?
They travel light.
- Why are chemists so good at solving problems?
They have all the solutions!
- Why is ice so edgy?
Because it was water before it was cool!
- Why did the chemistry lab blow up?
- A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”
“When do we want it?”
- They just found the gene for shyness.
They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
- Three statisticians go hunting for deer.
- They spot one in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high; the second one, about a meter too low; the third one yells, “We got it!”
- Teen 1: “Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?”
Teen 2: “OMg!”
- Famous last words from chemists:
“And now the taste test…”
“And now shake it a bit…”
“In which glass was my mineral water?”
“This is a completely safe experimental setup.”
“Now you can take the protection window away…”
- How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
- Why did the amoeba cross the road?
It was time to split.
- Why did the bacteria fail the math test?
He thought multiplication was the same as division.
- What’s wrong with a joke involving cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
It’s CoRn Y.
- What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walked into his bar?
- A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
- What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
- I can eat sugar with either hand…
- I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity.
I can’t put it down.
- Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts!
- What’s two times two?
Physicist: “After some measurements, I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration, I can now prove that the solution exists!”
Engineer: “Four, obviously, but let’s make it five, just to be on the safe side.”
- Why did the gene crossover?
To get to the non-sister homolog!
- When the astronomy department found out their famous professor wouldn’t get the Nobel prize this year, they decided to hold a party for him anyway. They gave him a constellation prize.
- A doctor tells a woman that she has only six months to live. He advises her to marry a chemist and move to Toledo.
The woman asks, “Will this cure my illness?”
“No,” replies the doctor. “But it will make six months seem like a very long time.”
- When a third-grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.”
- What does a subatomic duck say?
- Where does bad light end up?
In a prism.
- Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.
“I don’t know,” says the first logician.
“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.
Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”
- Many people ask me why I chose forensic medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!
- Why is quantum mechanics is the original “original hipster”?
It described the universe before it was cool.
- How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two — one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.
- What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist?
A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.
- Did you hear about the neutron who got arrested?
He got released without charge.
- What do computers like to eat?
- Why did Werner Heisenberg detest driving cars?
Because every time he looked at the speedometer, he got lost!
- A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer.
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
- If you ask a Russian cosmonaut when is his favorite moment to snack, how does he answer?
- Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke six languages?
He was a man of many cultures.
- One mouse to another: “Look at that fellow with a white coat on. Whenever I push the paddle, he starts writing something!”
- What did the male stamen say to the female pistil?
“I like your ‘style.'”
- An ion meets his atom friend on the street and says he’s lost an electron.
“Are you sure?” asks the atom.
The ion replies, “I’m positive.”
- A photon checks into a hotel.
When asked if it needs a bellman, it responds, “No, I’m traveling light.”
- What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean?
“Try and be more PACIFIC!”
- What did the dog say to his owner?
“My favorite frequency is 50,000 hertz, but you’ve probably never heard of that.”
- An astronomy major had a part-time job working in the university’s off-campus housing office. One day, a fellow student, upon entering the office in thought about the morning lecture, asked, “What is an astronomical unit?”
To which the astronomy major replied, “One helluva big apartment.”
- Where did the lightning bolt propose to his girlfriend?
- What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
- Why are conspiracy theories are like moon landings?
Because they’re all fake.
- An infectious disease walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”
It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”
- Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?
They always ended up with X equals 10.
- A physicist, while exiting the theater after seeing Star Wars, bumped into a fellow physicist.
Inspired by the movie, he blurted to his friend, “May the mass times acceleration be with you.”
- “Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.” — A New York City tenant
- What did the receiver say to the radio wave?
“Ouch! That megahertz.”
- A frog telephones the psychic hotline.
His personal psychic advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled. “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says his advisor. “In her biology class.”
- Why do pirates like algebra?
“Annex” marks the spot.
- What is a rock’s favorite cereal to eat?
- Do you know the name Pavlov?
It rings a bell.
Best Science Puns
- There’s a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
- I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- Hand over the calculator; friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
- If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.
- The cost of the space program is truly astronomical!
- Absolute zero is so cool!
- Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
- Do you find bone puns humerus?
- A quark doesn’t walk into a bar and orders a drink.
- If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
- If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, they would be alloys!
- Organ donors really put their heart into it.
- I don’t need a spine — it’s holding me back!
- If a prince farts, is it a noble gas?
- Einstein developed a theory about space — it was about time!
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- How come noses run and feet smell?
- I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
- Have you heard that entropy isn’t what it used to be?
- A molecule tells another: “A free-electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”
- The way to a man’s heart is through his veins.
- I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I probably won’t get a reaction.
- There are 10 kinds of people: Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
- Me doing biochemistry: biochemistry, biochemiswhy, biochemisby.
- Make like a melanogaster and buzz off!
- A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads, “Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-‘s.”
- One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.”
- You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.
- Baby, let’s measure the amplitude of our physical wave.
- If you were anatomy, then I’d be physiology… because they always go together!
- Teamwork is essential because you can always blame someone else.
- A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
- Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
- There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
- The wives of the American Society of Otolaryngologists have a cute saying: “The way to a man’s stomach is through his esophagus.”
- A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, is this stool taken?”
- Confucius once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”
- The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
- Air resistance is a real drag.
- Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.