We’re here to blind you with science jokes! Scientists can be pretty serious, but one of these 100+ nerdy and smart jokes might make them smile. Try one or try them all: call it an experiment and see if you can make your little scientist laugh… in the name of science! They can always conduct their own experiment by testing them out in the schoolyard, too.
1. Photons have mass?
Who knew they were Catholic?!
2. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I probably won’t get a reaction.
3. Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.”
Helium doesn’t react.
4. A neutron walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer. How much will that be?”
The bartender answers, “For you? No charge!”
5. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? That’s a hardware problem!
6. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
7. Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
8. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
9. Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in forty different countries and learned to speak seven languages?
He was a man of many cultures.
10. What was the biologist wearing on his first date?
11. The way to a man’s heart in through his veins.
12. Unfortunately, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking.
Fortunately, none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.
13. How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
A very tiny book.
14. What does the sign at the biology lab say?
15. What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
16. A molecule tells another: “A free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”
17.Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.
18. What do you do with a chemist who is ill?
First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.
19. What is the least interesting element?
20. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
21. Why is the moon so broke?
It’s down to its last quarter.
22. What is the name of the first electricity detective?
23. Have you heard that entropy isn’t what it used to be?
24. How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
25. What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
Quark, quark, quark!
26. Want to hear a joke about potassium?
27. Why can’t you trust atoms?
28. All mushrooms are edible.
Some are only edible once.
29. There are 10 kinds of people:
Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
34. What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes.
35. A frog is worried about his love life, so he goes to a psychic for help.
The psychic tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled and asks: “Where will I meet her?”
The psychic replies: “In her biology class.”
38. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?
It was full!
39. I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
40. Two scientists walk into a bar.
“I’ll have an H2O,” says the first.
“I’ll have an H2O, too,” says the second.
The second scientist dies.
41. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
42. How come noses run and feet smell?
43. What’s a mathematician’s favorite season?
44. We really shouldn’t talk about mitosis…
It’s such a divisive issue.
45. What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?
46.What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
You may have graduated but I’ve got many degrees.
47. What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?
48.Einstein developed a theory about space — it was about time!
49. What is a cation afraid of?
50. If a prince farts, is it a noble gas?
51. Two blood cells met and fell in love.
Alas it was all in vein.
52. What did one decimal say to the number?
Did you get my point?
53. A hug without u is like Mercury.
54. Why is electricity the perfect student?
Because it conducts itself so well.
55. Why do quantum physicists make bad pitchers?
Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position
56. Why do you go to jail for throwing Sodium Chloride at somebody?
It’s a salt!
57. What did is a nuclear physicist’s favorite snack?
58. What’s the physicist’s favorite part at baseball games?
59. Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
To get to the same side.
60. The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full — half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
61. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar.
62. Chemists are totally wild!
Some drop acid, and others drop the base.
63. I don’t need a spine — it’s holding me back!
64. What’s the best science?
Geology — it rocks!
65. A biologist and a physicist got married but got divorced soon after.
There was just no chemistry.
66. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
67. If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, they would be alloys!
68. Organ donors really put their heart into it.
69. What did one photon say to the other photon?
I’m sick and tired of your interference.
70. A quark doesn’t walk into a bar and orders a drink.
71. Do you find bone puns humerus?
72. I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements…
73. Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
74. I’m fascinated by water’s gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
75. What do you call a rude acid?
76. Absolute zero is so cool!
77. What is the tornado’s favorite game?
78. How do you cut this sea in two?
With a see saw!
79. How does the astronaut serve their tea?
In flying saucers!
80. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn’t exist yet!
81. What is an astronaut’s favorite thing on the keyboard?
The space bar!
82. What do scientist get for bad breath?
83. Why don’t scientists have doorbells?
Because they want to win no-bell prizes!
84. What did Benjamin Franklin write in his diary after discovering electricity?
85. What’s the computer’s favorite snack?
86. What kind of bears dissolve in water?
87. Why does no one like to talk to Pi at parties?
Because he goes on forever.
88. The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The engineer sees a two times too large.
89. What do you call a tube that’s finished its studies?
A graduated cylinder.
90. What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was charged with a salt and battery.
91. The cost of the space program is truly astronomical!
92. How do deaf mathematicians communicate?
Through sine language.
93. 9 sodium atoms walk into a bar…
Then in comes batman!
94. Why does the photon never have to check suitcases on for flights?
Because they’re traveling light.
95. Why are chemists so good at solving problems?
They have all the solutions!
96. Why is ice so edgy?
Because it was water before it was cool!
97. Why did the chemistry lab blow up?
Because oxidants happen!
98. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“When do we want it?”.
99. There’s a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
100. What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association.
101. They just found the gene for shyness.
They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
Read more hilarious jokes, puns, and one liners here.