From The Confessional: Some People Are Humping Like Rabbits (And Some Are Definitely Not)

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Photo credit: 10'000 Hours / Getty

Does your quarantined sex life look exactly like you thought it would? Are you screwing like rabbits every time you can get the kids to leave you alone and zone out in front of YouTube? Or is the weight of possible illness, death, loss of income, and all the new teacher responsibilities you never asked for too heavy to even think about getting in the mood?

COVID-19 has taken over everything, even what happens in the bedroom. Here are some confessions from our readers who are having alllll the sex and none of the sex and everything in between.

If quarantine had unexpectedly zapped your sex drive, even though you and your S.O. are both there all day every day, you’re not alone. Confessional #25773264 Possibly the only ones not having sex during the quarantine bc working from home is no less stressful than going to work. ALSO, the 4 yo is always around. Confessional #25774534 I was kind of looking forward to some mid-day sexy time with DH at the start of this shelter in place. But then the horrible news and my bratty kids totally destroyed my sex drive. Now we’re both frustrated. Confessional #25772448 Dh & I started having sex. Our kid BANGED on our door so we stopped. 10 mins later he snuck back to finish. Our 3yr old barges in as Dh is cumming followed by our 9yr old!!! (We were under blankets) they both sat on the bed with us! pretended to nap.

Or, maybe you’re getting a whole lot of sexual healing during this pandemic and you can’t keep your hands off each other. Confessional #25773200 H and I have been having so much sex during this quarantine. If I didn’t have my tubes tied I would definitely be pregnant by the end of this. Confessional #25774357 DH is amazing. I work outside the house. He took on the teacher role, still keeps the house pretty tidy, looks after dinners, gets outside with the kids and the sex is insane! Confessional #25775177 I so want to give my husband a blowjob right now. It sucks that he is essential.

The worst is when you and your partner aren’t on the same page. They want it, you don’t. Or you’re ready to roll and they’re like nah. UGH, being sexually frustrated is the last thing anyone needs right now. Confessional #25774230 Was hoping being stuck at home 24/7 with my husband would mean I would finally get a good amount of sex. NOPE. Still getting turned down and horny AF. Confessional #25774047 Haven’t had sex in 3 weeks. The last time I pulled out all the stops for him. Been home for 3 weeks together. I don’t matter. My needs don’t matter. He thinks I’m cheating! Lol with who bitch? Been looking at your 30inch forehead for 3 weeks. Confessional #25774845 Majorly stressed, and could really use a hug from my spouse and the comforting of laying in each other’s arms for 30 minutes. Not sex – just holding each other. SO says it still ain’t happening.

The possibility of death really makes you think. Like, what if you never have sex again?! Confessional #25771819 I’m already using the ‘we may be dead soon – so let’s make love while we can’ ploy to shamelessly milk this coronavirus hysteria to get as much sex as I can out of SO. Confessional #25773797 I hate that I’m stuck at home with my husband. Not only can I not see my lover, but I can’t talk to him anymore either. Sometimes I feel like I’m never going to see him again and I will just die without having sex ever again. Confessional #25775124 I wish DH would make getting a refill on his ED meds a priority. It’s been months since he ran out & it feels like he doesn’t care about having sex & doesn’t care about my needs. I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage like it was b4 he went on them!

OMG, great that you’re in the mood. But seriously, no. Confessional #25774297 I’m ovulating hardcore for the first time since I had my sweet baby a year ago. You KNOW what that means. NO SEX. would have to be batshit to intentionally get pregnant right now. Confessional #25774076 Due to ED, DH has to take a shot to get hard. After a year of turning him down, I finally agreed to sex. Currently in a whirlwind as he tears the house apart frantically looking for the drug. This is more entertaining than the sex is. Confessional #25775080 DS4 has gone feral. DS0.5 is teething. DH has gone sex crazy. There’s not enough booze in the world for this.

STFU Brittany or I’m gonna drop my kids off at your front door. Confessional #25774957 DH and I haven’t had sex regularly sice the fucking lockdown because the kids are always around or we are totally exhausted. I masturbated 3x today and I’m still horny. Confessional #25772613 It doesn’t feel right to complain right now but sometime its takes all my restraint to not yell at DH to ‘Just man the fuck up already and give me a good pounding.’ So tired of the half-limp dick 30 second rabbit sex I get every two weeks. Confessional #25772114 Dh can’t have sex when he’s stressed. I need sex when I’m stressed. Guess I’m not getting any for a very long time. So there you have it. This pandemic has people all over the spectrum (the sextrum if you will). Sometimes apocalyptic events make people want to get it on. Sometimes having to breathe the same air space as our partners 24/7 makes us stabby, not horny. However COVID-19 is impacting your sex life, just know that it won’t last forever. Someday our kids will go back to school, our spouses will return to work, and our kitchens won’t be makeshift classrooms anymore. Right?! Tell me that’s true. *cries into coffee

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