10 Skills Every Mother Should Possess

1. The magical look that instantly snaps misbehaving children into shape.

2. The ability to say “no” to volunteer opportunities, hosting of events or inconvenient carpooling.

3. A fake gasp, to feign “OMG, what a masterpiece” excitement when presented with Lord knows what from art class.

4. The slyness to transfer said masterpiece to the recycling bin without ever getting caught.

5. The foresight to know which toys will result in disappointment and tears and which will magically occupy a child for hours on end.

6. The restraint to resist passing over the iPhone as a means of entertainment.

7. The ability to sleep with open eyes, to be used at school plays and talent shows when the other people’s kids are on stage.

8. The stern tone which tells children that you mean business, and you mean business now.

9. The knowledge that glitter will haunt you forever and balloons inevitably end in tears, no matter what.

10. The appreciation that whatever annoying, infuriating or frustrating phase any child is currently in is fleeting. And will be replaced by an equally annoying, infuriating or frustrating phase.