Can’t sleep? Sleep jokes can’t help, but they can at least make you laugh about your exhaustion. There are basically three types of people when it comes to sleep: Those who fall asleep in their bed when they’re tired (can you imagine?), those who can fall asleep literally anywhere and in any sleep position, and those who desperately try to sleep but can’t and end up watching seven hours of Bridgerton. Of course, if you’re a parent of an infant, you’re in a lack of sleep league of your own (hang in there, it’ll get better).
Not to be a downer, especially since you’re here to laugh, but sleep deprivation can actually be pretty dangerous for your health, mental health, and overall well-being. Not to mention the well-being of approximately everyone you come in contact with — from your kids to your dog to the guy who’s going door-to-door to see if you or your neighbors want to switch internet services.
But sometimes you just need to laugh at the thing/lack of thing that can either make you feel like a million bucks or the absolute grumpiest person on the planet. And by the planet, we mean in your house as everyone around you goes about their well-rested lives. Sleep jokes and puns won’t make you any less tired, but the good ones will make you giggle — even if it’s only a brief chuckle in your head.
With that in mind, we rounded up the best sleep jokes and puns that’ll make you laugh and then wish you were sleeping instead. Because let’s be honest, when you’re tired, anything will make you wish you were sleeping instead. But the jokes are funny! Promise.
- Do you think Jeff Bezos sleeps naked?
Or with pajamazon?
- Woke up the other day with a puzzled look on my face.
Had fallen asleep on my crossword.
- Why do dragons often sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.
- Why do clowns wear loud socks?
To stop their feet from falling asleep.
- What dinosaur makes the most noise when he is asleep?
- Taller people sleep longer in bed.
- I am so good at sleeping.
I can do it with my eyes closed.
- Why do keyboards never sleep?
Because they have two shifts.
- Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs.
“Just five minutes more.”
- If there is a king and queen-size mattress, where does the prince sleep?
On the heir mattress.
- I couldn’t figure out why I haven’t been sleeping all night.
And then it dawned on me.
- What do you call making up for lost sleep?
- I would love to be paid to sleep.
It would be my dream job.
- What does the gingerbread man sleep on?
- The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just
a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
- A sumo wrestler once came to visit and ended up sleeping on my couch for a month.
It left a negative impression.
- What do you call a sleeping cow?
- If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it’s pasture bedtime?
- What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?
Resisting a rest.
- How do you get an alien baby to sleep?
- Just bought a sleeping bag for $30.
No idea how to wake it up though.
- Where do books sleep?
Under their covers.
- My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed.
Jokes on him, I sleep in a real car.
- I like to sleep with a bedside lamp on. My boyfriend says it’s weird.
I don’t know why, it makes a great hat.
- The patient said to the anesthesiologist, “Can I put myself to sleep?”
Anesthesiologist: “Knock yourself out!”
- I know someone who was habitually late until his doctor recommended sleeping in a herb garden.
Sounds odd, I know, but now he wakes up on thyme.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on.
Not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
- What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin’ B. Anthony!
- I’m so tired, my tired is tired.
- There was a kidnapping at school today.
It’s okay though, he woke up.
- You know you’re getting older when happy hour is a nap.
- Where do fish sleep?
On the river bed.
- What’s it called when your feet go to sleep and won’t wake up?
- Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to close its eyes and go to sleep?
It was pasta bedtime.
- Why did mom always tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
She didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
- What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom?
It’s time to go to sweep.
- Why did the little girl take her bike to bed?
Because she didn’t want to walk in her sleep.
- Why did the little boy hide sugar under his pillow at night?
So he would have sweet dreams.
- Where do burgers sleep?
On a bed of lettuce.
- Did you hear about the lady who always goes to sleep on a chandelier?
She’s a light sleeper.
- When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
- I went to a gig last night and the band’s guitarist passed out on stage.
He must have rocked himself to sleep.
- I accidentally went to bed with my contact lenses last night.
My dreams have never been clearer.
- I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep.
It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia.
- Is your iPad making you fall asleep?
There’s a nap for that.
- Learning to sleep upside down is often hard for baby bats.
But they soon get the hang of it.
- The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You could say he’s quite the boar.
- My partner asked why I put a watch on the bed before going to sleep.
I told her I wanted to wake up on time.
- What do you get when you eat cookies in bed?
- How did the sheep get to sleep?
She counted her friends.
- Sleeping comes so naturally to me.
I could do it with my eyes closed.
- Have you heard about those new corduroy pillowcases?
They’re really making headlines.
- To bears, people in sleeping bags are soft tacos.
- What does James Bond do before he goes to sleep?
He goes under cover.
- I finally got eight hours of sleep.
It took me three days, but whatever.