There’s nothing better than the shock value of an innocent newborn wearing a onesie that sports a design or phrase bold enough to make you spit your f*cking drink out. Parenting is hard, so you might as well get some laughs out of it by using your cute baby to unwittingly deliver some clever jokes.
These funny baby onesies will make everyone do a double take thanks to their snarky, silly, and straight cray messages. Here are our top funny baby onesie picks, and yes, you can have them all. (And you’ll probably want multiple outfits anyway, considering what hot messes babies are).
Awwww, from afar this looks like a typical baby onesie that sports a woodland creature. But up close, other people will do a double take as they’re let in on play on words and sly joke. For fox sake is a nicer way of saying an expression that, if you have an Irish friend, you’ll be quite familiar with. And if someone doesn’t appreciate the humor, you can continue to give zero fox. This 100 percent cotton onesie comes in sizes from newborn to 18 months, and in five different colors (in case you need a backup, or a backup for your backup). It also has a reinforced three-snap closure on the binding and lap shoulders to make it easy to put on and take off.
It also makes a great gift, as this one reviewer said, “Oh my goodness, the funniest thing ever. Bought this for my sister who was expecting a baby boy and his nursery is a fox theme. He’s worn it out and its gotten a lot of attention.”
Orange really is the new black. Dress your former little jailbird up in this ring-spun cotton onesie that expresses the lack of freedom both of you experienced while your baby was living inside of you. The onesie has snap closures to make changing easy and the print is a 100 percent handmade silk screen to prevent cracking and fading. It also comes in four other colors if orange is not your bag.
This onesie is funny for any parent, but it could be even more relatable for officers of the law. Said one reviewer, “This is the best thing ever for a mom or dad to be who is in law enforcement. We got this for someone who protects and serves and both she and her husband love it as much we did giving it to them.”
You probably find yourself silently judging people more often than you’d like to admit, and while others may say that’s not very neighborly or compassionate, they’ll never say that about a baby. This onesie will let your tiny tot blatantly get away with what you do anyway, all while still being super cute.
This short-sleeved onesie is available in pink, baby blue, grey, and white. It has a 88 percent cotton/12 percent polyester blend, a crew neck opening, and a snap crotch. It’s made from pre-shrunk, ring-spun cotton, so you don’t have to worry about your baby not fitting into it after just one wash. Go ahead and let your tot silently judge to their little heart’s content (all the way up to 24 months old at least, which is the biggest available size). Although let’s be honest, the person your baby is most likely judging is… you.
This cotton baby onesie sports a phrase that some might consider too raunchy for G-rated audiences (though to be fair, it technically is true). While we wouldn’t recommend dressing your baby in it for church on a Sunday morning, we do think it’s a onesie you can get a kick out of around your mom group or friends with an off-kilter sense of humor. Plus, you can strategically slip it on your baby to piss off your mother-in-law when she’s visiting. And if your MIL won’t get mad about this, then you’ve really won in life.
One happy reviewer said, “Everyone that saw my daughter in this onesie thought it was hilarious! I was afraid that someone might be offended by it, but the response to it was extremely positive and everyone kept asking, ‘WHERE DID YOU GET THIS???!!!’… I would buy it all over again. And again. And again.”
All right, stop, collaborate and listen: Your baby may be too young to have enjoyed Vanilla Ice’s iconic hip hop song, but that doesn’t mean they can’t wear a onesie that celebrates it. This onesie has “Ice Ice” printed on the front (sorry, you have to provide the baby) and will transport you back to 1989, when “Ice Ice Baby” became a certified hit and everyone thought they could be a lyrical poet. The onesie is made of 100 percent cotton and is soft and stretchy, and it comes in five different colors. There are three snaps at the bottom and an expandable lap shoulder neckline to enable quick outfit changes for when things get messy (which you know they will). For anyone who loves music or throwback pop culture, this onesie would make a great gift. Word to your mother: This onesie rocks.
Babies are unpredictable, but two things you can always count on them to have are literal sh*ts and giggles. This onesie reminds you what your baby is capable of, at any time, on any day, and you’ll get a good laugh just by looking at it. It’s 100 percent comfy cotton, and comes in sizes from newborn to 12 months. It also has a snap closure at the bottom to help you with the sh*ts portion of the day.
The funny onesie is a great gift for anyone who likes to swear, whether that is you or a mom friend. One reviewer said, “Great shirt. After even washing has not faded like many others. Soft material which is a must for me. I bought size 3-6 months and fits my 4 month old at 13lbs comfortably still,” while another gifter said, “Bought for a gift, they absolutely loved it and everyone got a good laugh out of it.”
For true Star Wars fans and tiny, soon-to-be fans, this onesie — which, fortunately, does not require traveling to a galaxy far, far away — is what you’re looking for. It combines the intimidating Galactic Empire soldiers with the equally terrifying substance that comes out of your baby’s bottom. The onesie is made from a pre-shrunk 100 percent ring-spun cotton jersey knit, and the design is screen printed on the front. There’s a snap bottom and lap shoulders, and your tiny Storm Pooper, er, Trooper, can wear their uniform starting from newborn until they’re 12 months old. May the force be with you (and your mini-you). One reviewer said, “I love this onesie so much and have wanted it since before I was pregnant! My daughter looks fantastic in it and she showed it off so well for Star Wars Day back in May.”
No matter what you were like before having kids, times have changed, and you’ve likely traded any semblance of thug life for 24/7 chug life. But your baby can still look cool sporting this 100 percent cotton onesie, which makes even baby bottles look stylish. It comes in four different colors, size newborn to 12 months, and has a snap bottom to make it easy to deal with diaper changes and the aftermath of your baby’s chugging. One reviewer (and Tupac fan) said, “Excellent material/construction. Cool idea that sold the item to me. Chug Life in old english lettering. Ha, ha… Keeping Tupac’s ‘thug life’ alive in a humorous way. I enjoyed Tupac’s genius back then & still from time to time these days. Our sons grew up with his music & the onesie is for one of my grandsons… Full circle huh!”
Gone are the days where you were poppin’ bottles in the club, but this funny baby onesie will still make you feel like a VIP… to an invite-only party that is so exclusive it only includes you and one pint-sized guest (BYOB required). Hey, if you’re going to be up at 2am (and again at 4am and 6am, if not more frequently) with your baby, you might as well have a sense of humor about it. The onesie is made with 100 percent cotton and comes in two colors that use water-based inks so as not to irritate sensitive baby skin. There’s a three-snap bottom, and sizes range from newborn to 12 months. And if you’re looking for a baby shower gift, this will make you the life of the party, One reviewer said, “Great baby gift. Got a good laugh at the baby shower.”
For most great stuff for your little one, check out all our Baby Gear picks.