Straight Pride Parade Organizers Received Suspicious Mail... Full Of Glitter

Straight Pride organizers called the FBI when they received suspicious letters in the mail… that turned out to be full of glitter

Three organizers of the ridiculous “Straight Pride” Parade that’s planned to take place in Boston next month reported receiving suspicious letters in the mail. The FBI and Massachusetts State Police rushed to investigate the envelopes, which had no return addresses and sounded like they were filled with a substance. Get ready to LOL, because that substance was… glitter.

Yep, someone responded to these homophobic trolls in possibly the most appropriate way: By glitter bombing them. The only unfortunate thing is that they called authorities instead of opening the letters, which would have sent glitter flying everywhere in their homes, which was probably the point. If you’ve ever done even a single Pinterest, you know how invasive glitter can be. BRB while we put together letters full of glitter to send to everyone we wish to suffer just a little, but in like, a totally harmless way.

Anyway, I guess the way these Straight Pride boneheads discovered the letters was probably a little unnerving.

“I went out to my mailbox and there was an envelope in there with my name and address, no return address, the back was very heavily taped up and when I shook it I heard stuff shaking around inside,” Samson Racioppi told CNN.

Racioppi called the police, who brought in a bomb squad and shut down the street. Meanwhile, Racioppi warned other parade organizers to check their own mail and learned two others had received similar envelopes. The bomb squad and FBI investigated those, too.

Calling in the bomb squad was probably appropriate because anything could have been in those letters. But can you imagine the conversation between Racioppi and the FBI after the letters were tested and found to just contain glitter?

RACIOPPI: So was it anthrax?

COPS: Um, no sir.

RACIOPPI:

COPS:

RACIOPPI:

COPS: It was glitter.

Everything is now fine — the FBI released a statement saying that while the investigation is still ongoing, they don’t think there’s any threat to Racioppi, any of the other parade organizers, or the public. Meanwhile, though, the Straight Pride Parade is still slated to go on. Last week, the group received approval for their public event application. Now, they just need to get the police district captains on board and obtain a parade permit and entertainment license. The parade is tentatively scheduled to take place on August 31.

America, I think you know what to do. A daily barrage of glitter-filled envelopes might just help these dudes get the idea that the LGBTQ+ community is fabulous AF, and their stupid parade is not something the world needs. Just, you know, don’t package your glitter in a way that looks like it could be anthrax. We fully support filling these homophobic men’s lives with glitter, but no more public resources need to be wasted on them.