The Strange Things We Do...That Nobody Else Understands

Saturday mornings are my sacred time. I get up after lying in bed for a very long time (I hit the sack around 8pm on Friday nights and watch Hallmark until I drift off to sleep) and get in a workout. The one thing that motivates me to burn some on a quiet morning while my kids are still tucked in bed is this: I am going to eat chocolate in the shower when I’m done. Lots of it.

Last weekend just after peeling off my sports bra, I unwrapped a Toblerone my boyfriend got me for Valentine’s Day. Then, I dug into the bag of chocolate hearts my daughter gave me and prepared some of those too.

You see, there is a method to my chocolate-shower eating. Everything has to be unwrapped and ready to go because as soon as I get in the shower with my handfuls of yum, the steam starts to work its magic. Also, I can’t set chocolate down in the water because gross. So, I have to have it ready in my hands.

Then, I open the shower curtain with my elbow. I get in so my back can enjoy the luxurious hot water hitting it, and my lips can enjoy the perfectly soft chocolate (that actually gets sweeter as it melts, I don’t care what anyone says) mixing with my saliva and I don’t have to think about anything else in the world.

I’ve been doing this for a few years now. I discovered it after grabbing the last Cadbury egg from my kids’ Easter basket and wanting to eat it in peace without them bothering me. I couldn’t believe I’d missed out on the fact chocolate gets better in the shower my for so many decades, so I decided I’d make up for it for the rest of my life.

My boyfriend doesn’t understand this habit, but I told him he doesn’t get to have an opinion about it until he tries it. Plus, he’s one of those people who likes their chocolate better from the fridge so he may never come to #teamchocolateisbetterwithsteam.

Upon further investigation, Scary Mommy asked our readers and found lots of us have a ritual, or something they love to do, that people give the side-eye to.

For instance, some like to put their face in things.

“I like to stick my face in a pile of fresh-fallen snow. So refreshing and good for the complexion!” –Karen S.

“I put my face on my cat’s belly but maybe other pet owners do that?” –Jen S.

I guess putting your face in things can be therapeutic because a lot of people like to dive into the fur-bellies of their animals. I’d probably try this if my eyes didn’t look like piss holes in the snow after coming into contact with animal hair.

And as far as shower-shenanigans, I’m not the only one who partakes.

“I like to drink beer in the shower. It’s refreshing, multi tasking and I like beer.” Sarah L.

It’s also a good way to get a buzz-on really fast because I used to do this in college with Zima. If you are a light weight like me, word to the wise: Don’t try and shave your vag after more than a few sips of alcohol in the shower. It won’t end well.

Quinn P. must get blasted with cold water at the end of every hot shower. “For at least a minute. The colder the better.”

Okay, I always thought showers were for relaxing self-care and not pure torture, but okay.

Now when it comes to people’s sleeping habits, things got really strange.

Rachel S. said, “I have to go to sleep on my left, with my pillow tucked snug under my jaw and neck, super heavy blankets, and one of my children’s muslin baby blankets (that I have to hide from them) draped lightly over the right side of my head (so bugs don’t get in my ear).”

I’ve never been afraid of bugs crawling in my ear at night, but now I am. Thanks for that. But also, can’t the bugs crawl under the blanket and into your ear anyway?

Jodi H. says she can’t sleep with her closet door open: “I have to shut it. I cant sleep if my closet is open!”

Now this is something I have to do as well and I never realized it. I don’t think I can sleep with any doors or drawers open, for that matter. I’d feel exposed, like I was just asking for the monsters to come and get me.

Many people enjoy quiet or white noise when they fall asleep, but not MyLove B. — nope. “I can only sleep if the soothing sounds of murder are playing on the bedroom TV. Not rain sounds, not music, not ocean waves, not a cultured voice telling bedtime stories. It has to be Criminal Minds, or CSI, or Forensic Files or something.”

Okay, I’m thinking that she and the woman who needs all the closet doors closed in order to sleep could never coexist.

And as far as quirky food preparations and combinations, people like what they like.

One reader said she microwaves her ice cream to “get it to perfect scooping consistency.”

Another likes her Spaghetti-Os cold right out of the can.

One woman said she dips her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in milk. And another likes her peanut butter a different way … spread on dill pickles.

I think I need to try all of these things just to see if they bring me as much joy. I highly doubt they can compare to eating a Hershey bar in the streaming hot shower, but I’m willing to risk it and see. The thought of eating cold, canned pasta and sauce is strangely exciting to me. Who else is in?