Before I re-entered the dating scene in 2016, I had never really heard men call women crazy all that much. I wasn’t surrounded by men who talked that way, and I was married to a good one who respected women and didn’t think that if they reacted to something that bothered then they were automatically labeled as crazy.
I grew up with three sisters and a single mom. We argued, we all menstruated at the same time, and we all loved food and would go through great lengths to get what we wanted. Emotions ran high because we were humans who went through shit like everyone else did. We called people out if they did something we didn’t like because that’s who we were. Never once did it cross my mind any of us could be considered “crazy.”
It wasn’t until I started dating after my divorce that I realized men let the word “crazy” roll off their tongues like it was nothing when they were describing women.
I also started noticing they’d post things on their Tinder profile like “No crazy exes here!” Or, “My ex was crazy, don’t swipe right if you are too.” Or “High maintenance women need not apply. It’s all chill over here.”
Yeah, I’m sure you are cringing just as hard as I was.
First, the math is simple. The men who add things like this to their profile because they feel the need to repel the crazy are the ones we need to run from. If all their exes are “crazy,” they are the common denominator. Period.
There’s nothing that lets you get to know a man better than the way he talks about his ex. Ever notice if he has one “crazy” ex, they are all “crazy”?
I began to notice the men who were supposedly being followed around by these so-called crazy women were those who had cheated. Or were compulsive liars. Or had wandering eyes. Or had spending issues. Or completely shut down when it came to dealing with any type of emotions.
It didn’t take long.
Drink one: “Yeah, it didn’t work out because my ex was so unhappy. She was just on me all the time! She was crazy!”
Drink three: “I did cheat on her once.” Or “I was going out a lot and drinking. A few times I never came home. Life is short! I like to have fun!” Or, “She just expected me to be perfect and I’d work all day and be tired when I got home. Plus, she never wanted to have sex.”
Newsflash to all the men out there constantly calling women crazy: A woman isn’t crazy because she doesn’t want to bang you after you’ve had a long day and come home and don’t do jack around the house.
A woman isn’t crazy because she is reacting to being disrespected. In fact, I’ve seen more men overreact when their egos are bruised than I’ve seen women react to disrespect. Who’s the crazy ex now?
As a mother to two boys, I am drilling it into their brains that you don’t call women crazy, ever. It’s not a term that they need to get into the habit of using simply because they’ve upset a woman. Or she’s not acting like they want her to act. Or she’s having an emotional day.
I was listening to a podcast with two successful comedians who used to be bachelors.They were talking about their carefree days and all the fun they used to have with different women before they settled down and addressed this subject beautifully.
One of them said he had friends who were still sowing their wild oats and he called them out a few times for calling women “crazy.” He explained that he tells his friends (who are fooling around with more than one woman and not being honest about it) if they are going to call a woman crazy, they need to realize they are reacting to how they are treating them. He literally says, “Dude, she’s acting like that because you’re being fucking shady!”
We need to normalize women taking charge and reacting in a way they see fit to get what they want and need. After all, men have been doing it their whole life and no one calls them crazy for puffing out their chests, being super competitive, getting in fights, or acting like women are possessions.
I’ll be damned if my sons are going to use this term. And if I don’t teach them how wrong this is while they are young, who will? They certainly aren’t going to learn it’s not the right thing to say by listening to their friends, or from people they follow on social media.
I want them to have empathy. I want them to realize their actions affect other people. I want them to realize they are capable of hurting others. I want them to realize that crying and showing emotions doesn’t mean you are crazy.
It means you are human.
And if I ever hear them talk about a woman this way, Mama is going to have to show them what “crazy” really looks like.