10 Tips For Being The Daughter-in-Law Your MIL Wants

Dear Daughter-in-Law,

I’ve seen all the do-this-don’t-do-that lists for mother-in-laws, and I do try to abide by them. But if you and I are truly going to get along, then there are some handy little “rules” that you need to follow as well.

Ready?

1. Don’t tell me how I “am welcome any time” and then rant on your social media thingie about how I am “always at your house and up in your business. If you don’t mean any time, then don’t say it. I didn’t realize I’d need to make an appointment to see my own child and grandchildren, but if that’s what it takes to keep us copacetic, then that’s what I’ll do. I fully realize that dropping by without calling first is rude, but for some reason, you never seem to answer the phone. So…

2. Answer the damn phone! I am not a telemarketer trying to sell you carpet shampoo. I am the mother of your spouse, grandmother to your children, and you could at least give me the respect of picking up the phone, if only to say, “Sorry Diane, I’ve got my hands full and can’t talk right now.

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3. As much as I adore my grandchildren, I am not your free ticket to eternal childcare. Contrary to what you may think, I do have a life of my own. If you want me to watch the kids for you, I’m sure I’d probably be delighted. But you DO need to ask first with plenty of notice, so that I can rearrange my schedule if needed and stock up on groceries. If you expect me to respect your time and space, (see #1), please extend me the same courtesy. I promise to answer the phone when you call.

4. Act like the adult you purport to be, and don’t bitch about me behind my back. I’m sure that my child doesn’t like being put in the middle any more than YOU would, so if you have a problem with me, put your big girl panties on and come talk to ME about it.

5. Passive-aggressiveness is still aggressive. (Not to mention rude.) Don’t tell me how nice my house looks, followed immediately by some snide comment about you would rather take more time to enjoy your children instead of cleaning. You have toddlers. I don’t; I did my time. It’s a pretty simple concept. My clean house is not an automatic slam against your housekeeping skills in your own house. Defensive much?

6. Don’t buy me clothes or decor for gifts, if they are drastically different than what I own. I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I think it’s pretty clear that we shop from radically different catalogs. Gift certificates or something the kids made is perfectly acceptable and appreciated. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my kitchen doesn’t have a single red rooster in it, so I’m not exactly sure where you expect me to put all this barnyard memorabilia you keep buying me…

7. It’s my money, so please let me spend it. If I want to lavish my grandchildren with gifts, it’s because I love them and I have the ability to do so. It’s not to shame you for not being able to match me dollar for dollar.

8. I want my son/daughter to be happy and have a happy marriage, but know this: I am the mother. I will always be the mother. If by death, divorce, or desertion, you two were to ever be separated, I will still be here to pick up the pieces. Your own children will grow up one day, and you will understand this.

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9. Speaking of, you DO realize that I successfully produced an offspring that grew into such an amazing adult that YOU decided to marry and have children with…right? I may not be up on all the current parenting trends and psychological research, but by your own standards in mate selection, I must have done something right. You don’t have to hang on every word I say, and please forgive me if you think I’m overstepping with the unsolicited advice, but I have YEARS and YEARS of experience. It’s got to be good for something. Maybe you could at least try to listen to some of it every once in a while.

10. Contrary to what you might think, I am not trying to control you or judge you. Ok, well, I might judge you a little bit. I can’t help it. Really, though, I’m trying not to. I just want my son to be happy and have a good life, and I want the same for my grandchildren. Your spouse may be your spouse, but he’s still a son and a brother and an uncle and a nephew and a father, all rolled into one. You’re going to have to share, whether you like it or not. Might as well learn to be gracious about it. I had to.

Sound doable? I hope so.

And how about I watch the kids this weekend so you grown-ups can have a night out? Just promise me you won’t spend the whole evening complaining about me… ok?

Related post: There Can Only Be One First Lady

About the writer

Diane is retired, a former homemaker-turned-busybody, mother to five, mother-in-law to three, and grandmother to seven. You can follow her all the way to the supermarket, or to Thursday night BINGO.

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Lorie Brown 3 months ago

Doesn’t the bible say that man will leave his mother and cleve to his wife. This list is crazy. You are the mom and you need to let go. Was your mother in law like this to you?

Leyla 3 months ago

Ehmm… no.

1) No one is ever welcome all the time. If someone tries to be gracious you still have to have respect for their lives and privacy,
2) You’ll get a call back.
3) ok
4) You don’t want to hear it.
5) When you come to babysit and instead wash dishes and vacuum, that pretty much says it all.
6) Same goes for you.
7) Just because you love your grandchildren and can buy the whole Toys’r’Us, doesn’t mean you get to. I don’t think it’s healthy for kids to get presents on a weekly basis. I don’t think it’s healthy for them to get whatever they want the minute they express the fleeting desire. I don’t want my house to be featured on Hoarders.
8) That’s nice you’re validating your place in your son’s life by contemplating my death or our divorce.
9) Maybe.. maybe not. You probably have more than one kid. I probably wouldn’t even look at the other/s. It’s not a golden ticket to being always right or not paying any attention to my requests.
10) Oooh, poor baby. Please get a hobby. It’s time to take a back seat. We all will someday.

Chelline Carter 3 months ago

I agree 100%! The tone of the entire article was bitchy! And I am a mother in law myself!

K Butler 3 months ago

Not married (yet, but soon) and I’m so grateful that my future MIL is nothing like this! The only time we “sort of” butt heads is when talking about cooking (both learned to cook at the side of our grandma’s). Plus, she already has another DIL that raves about her.

Melinda 3 months ago

I’d like to see the daughter in law version of this.

MARYJANETABOR 3 months ago

ACTUALLY, THE TRUTH OFTENTIMES IS THAT THE MILS ARE NOT PERFECT FOR SURE BUT THE DAUTHER-IN-LAWS CAN REALLY BE A THORN IN THE SIDE OF MANY–MY ADVICE IS FOR DIL TO REVIEW THEIR BEHAVIORS ALSO…

Mikki 4 months ago

Hi Melanie! We’re so glad you found us!! There are LOTS of articles about MIL/DIL relationships. They represent a variety of views, I’m sure you’ll find one that you can relate to a little better! Stick around, I promise you will like it here! http://www.scarymommy.com/category/in-laws/

Melanie 4 months ago

I landed on this page hoping for some insight and now feel a bit sick after reading the article. I’m sure the author had some good intentions at some point but this reads as so condescending and so defensive.

MelissaMm 4 months ago

1. Use good judgment when interpreting an expression such as “welcome any time.” You’re an adult right? You know that doesn’t actually mean 2am, 9pm, when baby is sleeping etc…?
2. I answer my phone when I please, and feel no duty to you or anyone else to jump everytime my phone goes off.
3. My mil isn’t allowed alone with my kids, so no problem there!
7. My children, my rules. This applies to the loud crappy made-in-china battery dependent junk my mil buys. Buy whatever you want, but don’t expect it to remain in MY and MY childs home.
8. You started playing second fiddle the day my husband proposed. *tiny violins* Cut the apron strings, wench.
9. My husband survived selfish, ignorant and alcoholic parents- he’s an amazing man DESPITE, not because of mil. Also, daycare and public school was more of a “mother” to him than my mil. I hear this argument all the time but the fact is that good people do come from lousy parents and the other way round. You don’t owe ANYONE access to your child or your home because they got knocked up and birthed your spouse.

votemom 4 months ago

ugh, i hate this.
i’m a DIL and a MIL.
where is the kindness and love?
yuck.

Kylie 4 months ago

My MIL expects us to give them money and but i cant rely on her to help out with my children (ages 1 and 3). When my husband travels for work i spend money on outside help to. I tried very hard to be friends with MIL but after 3 years of trying I now avoid her as I have realised she is akwayz going to expect me to be subservient and sacrifice my needs for her, and her entire extended family.

Scooter 5 months ago

I love my MIL, and my kids adore her to pieces! And I really don’t want to begrudge her desire to spoil them. But when my kids stay at her house, she loads them up with sugar and crap and lets them stay up hours and hours past their normal bedtime, and then gets all complain-y about how out of control they are. They’re great kids! Just maybe not when they’re all hopped up on chocolate pudding and sleeplessness. Anyone else have this issue? Any tips for how I can gently tell this wonderful woman that she’s making it harder on herself?

jill 5 months ago

Hahaha your comment is great…your son wont wipe your butt but your DIL might. Very true. the writer has lost perspective…

jill 5 months ago

Why?? Seriously….why???

Becca 5 months ago

Thank you! My mil has been told time and time again, don’t buy jr more toys! He has more then enough and we don’t want to spoil him. Plus, he can’t even appreciate that many toys anyway, it all just gets lost in the jumble. So what does she go out and do just a few days ago? Buys him more freaking toys from the most expensive store in town! Then she says to dearest, “I want to be part of painting jr’s room.” Dearest says that we have no plans to paint his room. Then she says, “but I will pay for it.” As if its a money thing and not a “the color of his room is just fine” thing. She likes to buy people, it’s her go to strategy for everything. Jr has never liked her very much, but he would come over to her to try and get her ipad from her, so then she wanted to buy him an ipad. This was before he was even one. I told her I want him to learn the simple joys of putting together a puzzle and playing with blocks before she gets him addicted to video games like she did with her own son. Now he’s almost two and she still brings it up, but the answer is still no! Unfortunately for her, my kid’s love isn’t for sale.

Callie 5 months ago

Your lavish gifts for the grandchildren might not make DIL feel “shame.” She may become annoyed because she’s trying to raise kids who aren’t entitled, spoiled, and greedy. Many parents choose to limit gifts, both in quantity and price, so that their children will be more appreciative. Which kid is more grateful — the child who get piles of presents for his birthday, and who can’t even remember what he received, or the child who receives one meaningful, carefully-selected item?

If DIL objects to you showering her kids with material things, shower them with love instead.

Kelly 5 months ago

I have to agree…sounds like my future MIL and omg is she passive aggressive, controlling, etc. yes, she’s his mom, and had years of experience, but sometimes that doesn’t mean crap!! (The man I’m with has needed years of professional therapy and talking to me about his issues with his mom and her being controlling, overbearing, and screwing up for YEARS and YEARS.) and the “put the big girl panties on…” Lol every MIL I know that is like this turns right around and talks about their DIL to the family …and #3…lol lady you don’t have to see them at all let alone say when childcare should be arranged, perhaps it was just an offer to spend time with your grandchildren bc their parents had plans. How about putting the big girl panties on and saying “no I can’t watch them” ?

lucy 5 months ago

Best reply ever! Totally agree. This woman sounds awful, the MIL that is. She’s all the things that she’s accusing the DIL to be!

Marni 5 months ago

For the most part, I have a good relationship with my mother in law. (we have our struggles, as our families are very different in many ways, but for the most part, we strive to respect each other and treat each other with kindness.)

Diane, reading this made me so sad for you your sons, and your daughters in law. Most of these are common struggles that any in laws will have to find the balance that works best for them. And most likely it will require some give and take on both sides. However that cannot happen when you do not respect each other and treat each other with kindness. Perhaps your daughter(s) in law have been hostile from the beginning. But I cannot imagine being able to ever have a healthy relationship with a mother in law who thinks my relationship with her son is temporary of any kind.

Perhaps you would never say such things to her, but that and the “little bit” of judgement are completely throughout the undertone of this article. I promise you, she knows it. I know personally that I would not be likely to work on a relationship with my mother in law, if she saw me as always second place to her as “The Mother.”

I don’t want to discount your feelings. And I know feelings can be hurt on both sides. But when I read this, I can’t help but think that the real problem is that you need to learn to let go of your son. He will always be your son, but he is not longer a child. He is an adult. And if it is his happiness (and not your own ego) that you are truly concerned about, I suggest you try to treat your daughter in law like she is your daughter, and always will be, instead of a woman who is in and out of your son’s life. If she is the mother of your grandchildren, she and your son are forever attached. Even after divorce.

Robbie 5 months ago

My MIL isn’t a bad person, but she is soooooo passive & needy & whiny & cries all the time. She can drive, but insists we always drive – even with 6 kids. That little girl lost crap is pissing me off. You are a grown up – act like one. She called us every day on our 2 week honeymoon & talked to my husband for over an hour – at bedtime!!! The one time I hid his phone she called 52 times in a row crying hysterically that her baby didn’t love her and that she needed to talk to him. AHHHHHHHHH. He has 3 children from his first marriage & I have 3. She calls them her real grandchildren & mine – the spare grandkids. She has 8 x10s of the other kids – wallets for mine. She say the real ones are so much better looking largesized, while mine look so pretty in miniature. I am losing my mine!

jh 5 months ago

Dear granny, No#2 doesn’t apply if you are an incessant caller , dialing everyday and what you’ve been historically doing is asking every single detail of our lives – each phone call lasting an hour. Conversations with you drag me down and drain my energy at the end of the day. Unless you understand boundaries and that as a retiree you have wayy more free time on your hands, I have the ultimate devision when to screen calls. Daughter in laws are NOT people who owe you a about progress report and are Not at your beck and call.

Kate 5 months ago

Nope. My MIL abandoned her children rather than share joint custody, and my step MIL is emotionally abusive. I owe them zero, and I would never leave my children alone with either of them. I’m sure the author is a nice enough MIL but it’s ridiculous of her to assume she knows how it should be for everyone else.

Senna 6 months ago

My MIL can be very kind fun and loving and I really enjoy visiting with her for about a week at a time. But after that, she definitely wears out her welcome and becomes passive aggressive and tries to take over our household. When at the beginning of our marriage, we extend an open ended and loving invitation for her to visit us whenever, she moved in for 3-4 months at a time every summer for a decade. During one of her lengthy endless visits, she witnessed my husband and I having marital spats (sometimes exacerbated by her presence). When I became pregnant the last time, she told me that we already had enough kids and fought too much and implied I should seek an abortion. (Several years later, that child is alive and well and the light of our lives). She’s known about her one of her grandchild’s nut allergy for several years too and still passively aggressively brings nuts into our home and acts like she forgot about the allergy. I could go on. Definitely like (even love) my MIL in small doses, and I want to encourage her relationships with her grandchildren– but this is definitely a case where absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is fine as a mother of grown children you will be there through thick and thin and if your child’s marriage fails, you plan to be there to pick up the pieces. I can certainly appreciate that. But make sure you aren’t inserting yourself into your child’s marriage to the degree that that his or her divorce will be your self-fulfilling prophecy.

A. Quinn 6 months ago

I agree with you 100%.

Aimee Cooper Cantrell 6 months ago

The author of this piece has apparently never heard of “leave and cleave.” She sounds like the type who would tell her son to choose between her and the wife. I’d like to tell her that some men are good DESPITE what they grew up with. I feel sorry for her and her daughter-in-law.

Mandie 6 months ago

Wow. I feel sorry for both the players in this one- there’s obviously a lot of background there. But I like reading posts like this coz it reminds me to be grateful for my MIL- she’s an amazing balance of helpfulness, kindness and respect and I hope I give her the same in return. Plus she is incredible with our kids, to the point where the elder ones visit her off their own bat. Thanks Barbie B- you rock!

Victoria Utvick 6 months ago

Why ouch? Seems like standard rules for being a sociable human

Tracy 6 months ago

Can’t help myself. Gotta agree with you too Megan. The author of this article isn’t being funny, she’s basically just laying into her DIL. As I saw one grandmother write on another website “If your only reason to be nice to your DIL is your grandkids, you have some psychological problems”. There’s no humour in this article and I don’t understand why a website that usually supports mothers would run it really. Won’t stop me readind Scary Mommy from time to time and I am not deeply damaged by it or anything, just up late at night pumping and – Somewhat bemused, head shaking… Can only empathise with the poor DIL who has this evil cow as a MIL.

Tracy 6 months ago

Totally agree Momoftwo. There’s no ‘humour’ in this. It’s just a lonely, bitter old shrew taking pot shots at her daughter in law. I get sarcasm, I have a really active sense of humour. This isn’t funny. If she’s cracking ‘jokes’ like this and wondering why her DIL doesn’t want to talk to her, she needs to see a mental health professional to work through her issues.

Tracy 6 months ago

Sorry, but I really don’t find this one funny. I read Scary Mommy from time to time because it’s a site that supports mothers through humour. And I know it’s not about me, but having suffered through 18 years of a mother in law who needs to see a psychologist I just can’t see the humour in this article, or why a mother-in-law deserves space in this forum. Why doesn’t your DIL answer the phone? Maybe because she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore because you are, quite simply, not very bloody nice to talk to and need to talk to a mental health professional about how your ADULT son’s ADULT partner deserves to be treated like a human being and treating her like crap will NOT wind back the clock and save you from having to accept that having grandkids is not a chance to relive your years as a parent of small children. It’s a chance to be a grandparent. Learn the fricking difference!

Mande Kay Sumner 6 months ago

We cut ties with my mother in law months ago, by my husband’s decision. She’s toxic. She was a terrible mother and a terrible wife, so any “tips” she offered went in one ear and out the other.

Michele Simon 6 months ago

This is a dumb article

Andrea Thomas 6 months ago

Lol! I don’t know if my DIL feels the same, but I think she’s great! She’s never made me feel ANY of these things! My MIL is pretty fab too! Pretty blessed.

Anon 6 months ago

I live with my inlaws in a city where I have no friends or family, and i treat my mother inlaw like a queen and she despises me. Her own husband and children (including my spouse) say she treats me unfairly and I’m feeling suicidal now. I thought this post would help me but it’s just opened my eyes that all mother inlaws are bitter and resentful.

Rebecca Gibson 6 months ago

What is this?!?!

Vikki Palma Nozza 6 months ago

Ugh………

Barbara C Friedman 6 months ago

Thanks for your comments, Andrea. You seem to be the only one making any sense to me.

Megan Christine 6 months ago

I don’t always realize how lucky I am to have a kind and gracious mother in law!

Becca Phillips 6 months ago

I am blessed this way as well lol

Megan DuPont 6 months ago

This whole article was passive_aggressive (#5 or #6) and shitty. “I’, going to tell you how it is..and going to be..” I’ve had a MIL hate me for 8 years running…Sorry, if you call…I’m not answering until I as the mom…get respect…*shrug*

Brandi Minogue 6 months ago

No no no. If this is from a real mil then I lucked out! I could write a book of how to follow her example and be a good mother in law . Nothing from this list would be there.

Jamie Seaton 6 months ago

This is ridiculous. I happen to have a great MIL but my friends who aren’t so lucky have some psycho hose beasts for MILs who are ever vying to remain the number 1 girl in their grown sons lives.

Sarah Sicola 6 months ago

The real title should be if you completely want to change who you are so your mother in law should be happy then follow these miserable tips.

Sarah Sicola 6 months ago

Thank you!!!

eep 6 months ago

Danielle, that is absolutely nightmarish. I’m so sorry you had to experience such an awful thing. Hugs to you. Hopefully she dies soon. (Sorry-not-sorry.)

Jade Deacon 6 months ago

The writer sounds like a reasonable mother in law.

Momoftwo 6 months ago

This sounds so bitter it’s sad. I find it hard to believe she has much of a relationship with her DILs.

Cristi Carpenter 6 months ago

Here’s my tip: Be yourself and the woman that your husband fell in love with.

Misha Bahr 6 months ago

I actually loved this article

Christina Hernandez Williams 6 months ago

What about a mother in law and a step mother in law? Same rules!?

Stephanie Ramos 6 months ago

Yikes!! If I was her daughter in law I’d run lol

Stephanie Thiel 6 months ago

No thanx if they don’t like me its their loss,my MIL and my mom only want to see my kids when its convenient for them,which is twice a year if that,it’s my kids I feel bad for. So to all those that have inlaws or parents that are great and love to be around your kids count your blessing and be grateful,because some aren’t so lucky.

Jennifer Throener 6 months ago

How about tips for the other way around?

Ellen 6 months ago

I don’t understand why this list is so littered with snark and contempt? It’s argumentative in its own rite and seemingly not very supportive of a mutually respective relationship. just a laundry list of do this, not that.

Lien Hai Dinh 6 months ago

Damn. MILs ARE judgmental!
In any case, if mothers want their sons and grandchildren to spend holidays, weekends, etc at their house, I strongly suggest winning over your daughter in law. In the end, women will usually pull their husbands with their own family. Guess who loses?? Thank God I have 3 daughters! They’re coming to my house! Woohoo!

Carla Buchholz 6 months ago

Wow. This article is straight shit. I’m sorry but once you get married you become one and create your family. I can careless what others think he’s number one to me and I’m #1 to him.

Sandy Zoellner 6 months ago

The image I have of Diane in my minds eye is Hoyt Fortenberry’s mother from True Blood. Total bitch. Also, when people continuously ignore your phone calls? It’s because they absolutely dread talking to you!

Rachel Romano 6 months ago

Umm…..no, just no….

Brittany Gabrielle Stottlemyre 6 months ago

And this is one of the MANY reasons I’m so glad my MIL rocks! She is truely fabulous. I hope that I’m even 1/10th the mother in law she has been when the time comes.

Mandy Brzoska 6 months ago

This article just pisses me off at MILs even more. What a bitch. She played the part right though! Spot on! Bravo!

Jennifer Bickford 6 months ago

Yikes!!! if was the daughter in law of that lady this rant would break my heart

Lynn Groff Loomis 6 months ago

Rough!

Blaire Pawluk Hawes 6 months ago

All aboard the train to No flipping way in Hells ville! Toooot tooooot!!

Jenny Tessman 6 months ago

Sorry for the book! Pretty angry if you can’t tell.

Jenny Tessman 6 months ago

Not only is this rude but extremely arrogant and self entitled. Respect is earned, not given regardless of who the person is to you.

So that I don’t get religious I will just say that when you pick your spouse you pick someone to start your own life and family with. You start your own family when you marry and the people within your home should be the most important in your life. While spouses should respect each other’s relationship with their own parents on a normal healthy level; they should not be required to play second fiddle to a mother who feels like her child should put her first. This woman clearly thinks she is first. While it is a grandparents job to spoil their grandkids, this should be done with respect to the parents wishes. Saying you just want to spoil them and buy them everything you can and then adding the part about being able to spend more than the mother does you are showing that you are boasting over that ability. Realize if you die before that child is an adult you will have conditioned it to expect extravagance and are no longer here to follow through. Then mom and dad have to try and achieve this level of materialistic attempt at buying a child’s love. Realize then that the same judgement for inability to spend ridiculous amounts of money on things that will be broken you are placing on your DIL, you are also saying you are better and more well equipped to satisfy your grandkid than your son.

Your advice when unsolicited should be kept to yourself. There is no need for arrogance and you acting like what you would do is better in any situation. Your son left your home for his wife. She didn’t move to you so that you could feel entitled to control her life. When your DIL says she would rather spend time with her kids then keep an immaculate house then you should just say your right this age is some of the best memories, not act like because you already went through what your DIL is experiencing you are better and did better at juggling the tasks of keeping a happy home.

Feeling like you have the right to tell someone how they should treat you when they didn’t pick you, they picked your son, makes you sound desperate to be right, first and in charge. Just remember your son sleeps with her and makes love to her not you. Let them have their own family just like you did and let them not have to argue because his life has to be your way. If you want what’s best for your son let him decide what’s best. After all he knows what and how he feels, you don’t truly know his heart, soul and mind in regards to his wife. Hope for the best and let your DIL develop the relationship she wants with you, not the relationship you expect. Trust, love, loyalty, respect, etc is earned not given or demanded.

Do I love my MIL? Yes because without her I wouldn’t have an amazing husband and father to my kids. However I don’t have to do things her way, bend over backwards to please her, or run what happens in my home past her and that includes the entitlement she might feel to my kids.

While grandparents should get to develop a flourishing bond with their grandkids they should respect the limited family time most families have with today’s busy society. If I tell my MIL, “No you can’t pop in whenever and no today you can’t see the kids” then she should understand I am the mother and I have a reason. Just the same she should accept that her son has his own home to attend to and he won’t be available to her satisfaction a the drop of a hat. If I let her come and go as she pleased my kids might assume they came come and go as they please while in my home. They might assume that Grandma is who they should be going to first. When a wife and mother to children makes a decision it is usually because she knows her life and what is happening. The MIL does not and should let the family unit she is a guest in run how they see fit. I just can’t with this because I hate mothers who feel like when their children marry they still have a say so. Just as parents give heir daughter away they also give their son away to the wife. You should loose the title of First Lady in your kids life at that point. Let them learn to rely on each other for EVERYTHING and then you can develop a place inside their family and life. I just can’t get over the self-righteous approach to demands/expectations from the woman who gave you grandkids and according to your son completed his life in the first place!

Kirby Dufour 6 months ago

This article is harsh. It makes this woman sound overbearing and crazy. Like you said, he’s a grown man so cut the cord, mom! Lol. At the same time, who professes to love their MIL and then badmouth them on social media? Are you an idiot? Nine times out of ten, you’re also friends with other family members of your husband’s and your crap talking will get back to her. Doesn’t sound like either of these women acts like an adult!

Kirby Dufour 6 months ago

I agree with you! We are living with my in laws right now while building a house and they are so kind and generous, even with the two of us, our baby, and our two dogs!

Kirby Dufour 6 months ago

I’m really happy that I have a wonderful MIL that I adore. I feel bad for all of you that don’t have a good relationship with the mother of your spouse. I do realize that there are some mother in laws that are devil women, I’m certainly not trying to rub my good relationship in anyone’s face!

Kirby Dufour 6 months ago

Sadly, there are a lot of men that will side with mommy before their wife and the mother of their children.

Jill Evanson McKnight 6 months ago

I’m so glad my mother-in-law is not like this one!

Shelby Pokéball Beckstead 6 months ago

My in-laws are super religious. Nobody likes bigots.

Daniela Wilkins 6 months ago

I agree with you!! Also, I attached an eye-roll meme for future use

Jenny Tessman 6 months ago

Not only is there attitude but she sounds extremely arrogant to feel so self entitled.

Daniela Wilkins 6 months ago

You will be a MIL not ever being in a nursing home

Daniela Wilkins 6 months ago

I love my mother-in-law. she’s awesome; however, if she had the attitude the author of this article has, I probably would not pick up the phone either.
“He is my son…blahblah lah… You want to respected, how about you respect the other adult in this relationship? She may not be his wife forever–shit happens–but right now she is..which means he’s about her as much as he’s about you..maybe more.. I am sure of it. Also, when I see old ladies with sons living their life out in a NURSING HOME…I wonder: maybe she was opposed to his wife…cause honey–your son won’t wipe your butt when you’re old.. Your daughter-in-law might. I know I will for my MIL, if it ever would become necessary. Just some food for thought..

Karry Winter 6 months ago

I actually agree with this list.

Laura Jacobsen 6 months ago

Two favorite quotes;)
1. “A happy wife is a happy life.”
2. “Men are what their mothers made them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emily 6 months ago

maturity should trickle downward from the eldest right? MIL should lead by example and with love.

Delsie Morrison 6 months ago

Love this!

Emily 6 months ago

1) First, “your always welcome” is true as long as you ask permission. Second, stop calling DIL and call your son for permission. We are not devilish gatekeepers, but rather SOOOOOOOOO tired of managing our own family, our own extended family, and especially our Husband’s family. WE NEED A BREAK.

2) According to the tone of this article I can see why your DIL would not answer. DILs are in no way obligated to a succubus of energy and happiness , ON THE PHONE OR IN PERSON no matter who the hell you are.

3) Family is supposed to help one another out, when called upon for help it is most likely when “life” has demanded immediate attention thus making it difficult to give, “plenty of notice”. Question, why is this only directed to DILs, it sounds like your son is expecting the same thing from you in terms of child care as well; why not an open letter to “to all adult sons”. Maybe its a matter of not sharing the same understanding of what it means to be family.

4) Mother or not, caught in the middle or not, Husband and Wives are each others main support system NO MATTER WHAT THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM. MILs are foolish to think there are exceptions to the bonds of marriage.

5) PROJECTION MUCH, not everyone’s comments are premeditated backhanded compliments. Maybe she feels you judge her homemaking skills and needs to provide an explanation in a moment of insecurity. Give the benefit of the doubt instead of looking for more proof of why you clearly don’t like your DIL.

6) Its the thought that counts, did your mother not teach you that valuable benchmark of humanity?

7) Don’t steal your own child’s thunder as a parent. Its not about you and your right to spend money, there is a much bigger picture. Spoil with your love and everyone wins including your son, remember him?

8) MY MY, your stats are way off.. Your DIL is far more likely to be the one to care for you at your life’s end and pick up the pieces for your son when you pass which is 100% guaranteed to happen, Death and taxes, right? Versus a 50% chance of you picking up the pieces of a divorce.

9) NATURE VS NURTURE, maybe your son is so special despite your childrearing skills. There is a reason your advise is falling on deaf ears. Ever chew on that thought? Of course not, your an experienced mother and why would you question years of experience? Because experience always equates excellence right?

10) Lastly, if you want your son to be so happy as all you MILs claim, then stop trying to have the relationship you want with him and except the one that he wants with you. Now wait…..this will blow your mind, YOUR SON ACTS ON HIS OWN FREE WILL…..He is not a brainwashed puppet that bends at your DILs every command; he has actually shown you the amount of sharing himself he wants to do with you and everyone else, now its time to step out of the shadows of delusion and except his actions as his own.

NOTE: A Man is a man when he makes his immediate family his first priority and during those child raising, carrier building years, there isn’t much time for anything else. Time is finite; there are only a few exhausted squeezed in hours with his wife and children so get over it, your not getting them.

11) my own addition to the list….We DILs and young mothers understand that we too will have to pass the torch to our children’s future families of choice, but for now, age with some grace MILs and allow us to enjoy our turn.

Heather Hinshaw Blews 6 months ago

Wow. Someone needs some Xanax

Laurelei 6 months ago

I’m sorry but how is writing a blog post about her and posting it to the Internet not being passive aggressive?

Linda Susan 6 months ago

Yes. It boils down to maturity. A daughter in law who is mature and confident in her own marriage and parenting skills is NOT offended by nor needs to offend her m-I-L. In fact she is wise enough to embrace her. I am lucky, but I have friends with really immature and cruel d-I-L’s. It can work badly for the same reasons in reverse as well.

Sunny 6 months ago

Twice referring to your adult son as your child leads me to believe you have mental issues. Let go. And I do not have to answer your calls, try your son’s number. Spend your money however you choose, but be prepared to learn I have donated or thrown out anything that is taking up too much space, I did not ask for, or requested you keep at your house. This is such a snarky piece, and I truly hope it’s in jest, because having a mother in law like this will either cause total disownment or divorce. And a woman like this would probably be proud that she had caused the latter.

Taylor Stevens 6 months ago

So glad I have a good future MIL, not a nut case like the lady that wrote this.

Annie Mendell Froehlich 6 months ago

Oh my gosh. MIL from hell much?? Let go already lady. You can “think it” but jeez putting it to paper out there on social media makes you look like a bitter old lady who can’t stand being second fiddle to her sons wife. “A son is a son till he takes a wife”. Like it or not. Wow.

Linda Bonczek 6 months ago

The DIL I want is one who is the best mother to my grandchildren ! I was truly Blessed with the BEST !❤️ as for the rest you get back what you give out !

Kelly Stansel Coady 6 months ago

I became the DIL my MIL wanted when I divorced her son.

Maria Almond Cannon 6 months ago

I’m me! The person my husband fell in love with. She doesn’t have to love me and she doesn’t have to like me. I’m sure she loved her MIL right?! Lol

Mynn 6 months ago

I hope for your sake, MIL, that your son never sees this. Or maybe he already realizes how terrible you are and isn’t answering the phone because he, rightfully, cut you off.

I have to wonder, since you claim to have no desire to control or judge, what exactly do you call unexpected drop in visits, unsolicited advice, and unwanted gifts. Not to mention the judgment over gifts received and whether or not a young couple answers your calls in a timely enough manner to your liking.

Please get yourself a skilled therapist.

And to those lovely ladies telling others to wait until they’re in the shoes of a MIL….I will agree that life’s transitions (such as having a child marry) are hard but that doesn’t make them any less necessary and it certainly doesn’t give you the right to walk around acting like such a huge asshole.

Katie 6 months ago

I’m lucky to have a good relationship with my MIL, if anything I have more drama with my own mother lol.

Nic Bignell 6 months ago

This woman sounds like an awful MiL. Thank god she’s not mine!

Beth Stolte 6 months ago

What about “I don’t judge you for working while your children are young just because I stayed home.”? Probably not the case. :-/

Cheryl Grogan 6 months ago

Haha. Ha. Ha.

Karen Lowder 6 months ago

I may not be the perfect MIL, but I’ve got this one beat by a lot !

Steen 6 months ago

Agreed! This whole article is very passive aggressive…

alexis 6 months ago

I’m right there with you. My house is never clean enough and up to her standards, I’m a bad mom because I dont hae dinner on the table at 5pm everyday, and I am doing a shitty job of raising our 6 month old daughter because she always wants to be held and she should be drinking formula and I shouldn’t be nursing anymore, according to her also. (She lives upstairs from us.. not sure how I’m still sane.)

alexis 6 months ago

I think if I didnt live downstairs from my MIL, I might appreciate her more and probably wouldn’t have rolled my eyes at everything on this list. Hubby is not ready to move yet. Ugh.

Erika Shumway 6 months ago

Geez written with such resentment and animosity, I’m so glad my relationship with my MIL is not this typical catty crap, that seems to be the norm for mother/daughter in law relationships. I laugh because this article is so completely unrelatable

Missy Carter 6 months ago

Should be titled tips to make your smother in law happy. And a lot of those go both ways.

Sara Howard 6 months ago

I love my mother in law and am grateful for her. She has been in my life since I was 17. I know I am lucky.

Vera Benson 6 months ago

Sounds like they are both selfish and Aweful to me

Vickie Davis Schwager 6 months ago

Harsh

Margaret Limburn 6 months ago

I am a mother in law. The way I see my children have married the person they love and as long as their happy I am happy. Family is everyone marriage is two people.

Kat La Vo 6 months ago

Mine is INSANE…seriously….she’s a sociopath

Carla Carla 6 months ago

would love to read one from the daughter in law perspective…

Kate Hillin O’Neill 6 months ago

Love this. Glad that I adore my MIL, and she feels the same about me. She raised the man of my dreams….so she is a rockstar in my book

J 6 months ago

You guys are looking at this wrong. Encourage the grandma to buy the expensive stuff – it’s called outsourcing. I always give my in-laws the list with the big ticket items. I’ll still get credit because I’m the mom and I always win!

Nara 6 months ago

Seeing this article posted again a year later has given me some perspective. I still think this MIL has it very, very wrong. But does she realize how insulting she is being to her son with this article? Seriously. Is her son just some empty doll-puppet who exists to do her bidding and fulfill the honour of being Her Son? Where is he when the phone is ringing endlessly, when a gift for her needs buying, when child-rearing advice needs to be given? Why does she assume the ball is being dropped solely on DIL’s end?
Or more importantly, why doesn’t MIL ever consider Her Son’s feelings? How does he feel when the gift they give her is chucked away because “it doesn’t suit her style”, when their requests for time accommodations or presents for the kids are ignored, when MIL is criticizing DIL to Son constantly or when MIL is badgering DIL about childcare behind Son’s back, like Son does absolutely nothing with the kids ever? Where is the consideration for MIL’s own offspring in this entire article?
When I first read this, I was upset for me, as DIL. But now I feel sad more for my husband, because this situation is just a lifelong pattern of never being good enough for Mom.

Lenny DeHart 6 months ago

This reminds me of “Bates Motel” in a way…

Susan Harris 6 months ago

My mother in law never visits , she never calls me, only my husband at work. She very rarely kept the children. She does not give many gifts. She does stay out out of our business. In fact, I would call her benignly neglectful. Meanwhile, she says that family is the most important thing. Truth be told , if you are not blood related, you don’t count. Very weird and kind of hurtful.

Stacy 6 months ago

^^^This. This woman is scary.

Stacy 6 months ago

No matter who you are and how much experience you have, if you want to give unsolicited advice, you had better be prepared to be shut down. No one has to take your advice, Ma’am. I also take exception to the: “I may not be up on all the new child rearing stuff, but my kid made it out alive,” crap. Most babies who die from SIDS do so in the care of grandparents who insist on clinging to the old way. Your kid was fine, but lots of others weren’t.

When I was pregnant, I once sat next to a woman who took great delight in telling me that she would go out of her way to lie her newborn grandchildren on their stomachs for sleep because she didn’t like her DILs acting like they knew better. Fucking horrifying.

Jodi Caldwell 6 months ago

Im very lucky I guess because my MIL and I would NEVER have any of these situations occur. Glad we can both act grown

Stacy 6 months ago

I thought the same thing. Pretty defensive about her DIL being defensive.

Darlene Sartin Sims 6 months ago

thinking this one really touched a nerve….lol..no one is perfect, and surely no MIL is, nor DIL, are perfect, and with any realtionship it takes work to make it work…and it takes two to fight…life is too short, to fight with someone your spouse will love till the day they die…so like the article said…put your big girl pannies on and deal with it…set the rules and stick to them…and really is frkn rude to not answer the phone or return the call at least when you can…..I was blessed, I had and have wonderful MIL’s, and my own mother was a good MIL too…I hope i can live up to their standards when its my time to be the MIL!

Elizabeth Anderson Sherrer 6 months ago

I love how she said that passive aggressiveness was not okay and yet this whole article is passive agressive!

Sandy Hughen Johnson 6 months ago

Wow. I’m so grateful for the incredible mother in law I had. We had a great relationship until she went to heaven. I would have been really offended if she had approached me in this way.

Caitlin Thompson 6 months ago

My MIL practically lives with us! She lives in Mi but when she comes to visit us in KY, she stays for 6 months leaves for a few and comes back again. I love her to death she is a wonderful hard working woman, and even though at first there were some adjustments, she has never overstepped what I would consider “this is not your house or your kids” line, it’s actually my husband and her that don’t get along. Whenever she leaves I’m a mixture of emotions BC the quote “it takes a village to raise a child” feels so real to me when she’s here. She is a 2nd mother to my kids- I work full time and she’s the one they get to hang out with- how awesome is that? I feel like I have a live in nanny who LOVES my family. I know everyone has a different relationship with their MIL and circumstances are diff etc etc but I think if you kill someone with kindness and treat them like they are wanted instead of on the defense, you can change the relationship you have with your MIL. This is unrealistic for some, so please don’t take this as I’m saying it will work for everyone.

Alyssa Miller-Bohnert 6 months ago

I couldn’t even finish the list. It truely is the mark of a sociopath to try to control that which is no longer within your realm.

Emily Parenteau 6 months ago

agree with all except number 7. I understand it’s your money but some people do not belive in spoiling their children rotten. thankfully my mil and mom only spoil them nicely! :)

Joanna Quigley 6 months ago

Um, I thought this page was scary mommy… Not scary grandmommy!

Barbara Fortenberry- Shannon 6 months ago

Lol most is so NOT right bit I am all into #7

ztj 6 months ago

My hubs told my MIL exactly that when we got engaged. He told her don’t ever pick fights with me because right or wrong, he will defend me Every Time. He has stayed true to his promise.

Dawn Wright 6 months ago

Here’s an idea don’t be what she wants be you if she can accept that to bad for her

Sarah Young 6 months ago

My MIL is too nice to say any of this (especially in that nasty tone), but I needed to hear it anyway. The truth hurts, but it’s still true.

Maryann Silverman 6 months ago

Don’t even try!

Steph Louie Santiago 6 months ago

*some* of it makes sense. Dont tell your mil shes welcome any time then blast her for being there all the time.
However… the rest she can blow me on..

Catriona ‘Kittie’ Brook 6 months ago

I love my mother in law and either she’s a really good actress or she’s fairly fond of me too.

Kim Weston Schenkelberg 6 months ago

I thought #5 was interesting. Seemed like an oxymoron to me. Instead of the blog post telling the world- talk to the DIL directly.

Betty Midgley 6 months ago

Well, this was really hard to “like”. I don’t feel that way at all. I just wish i was close enough to have the boys “dropped off”!

1funmum 6 months ago

That got to me too. I wrote a rebuttal about it down bellow. There are so many reasons why the phone isn’t answered. They raised their son. In my case my mother in law wants to talk to me because I give more feed back. But to me that’s on her. She raised him. If he’s not the fabulous communicator then that’s on her. I do the cards. Arrange the family pictures. I make her personal scrapbooked albums. I remind him for everything. She knows it. That’s why she wants to talk to me. But when she does she’s rude and a bully. My mil actually calls a hour before my husband comes home. On purpose. I just don’t answer now.

danielle 6 months ago

Hahaha
My mom hasn’t done any of these things.
My mom calls before she comes over. She checks with me before buying presents and she firmly believes that my new family come first.
My husband’s mother bought a one way ticket to our wedding and intended to move in with us. She told me god made me barren because I would be a bad mother, god blessed her with two children because she was a wonderful mother (who had her parental rights terminated after years of abuse and neglect). She called my gynecologist and tried to convince him to secretly sterilize me. She made false abuse allegations against me and to top it all off- she tried to pretend to be me and called a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings against my husband.

Soooo…yep. I have taken a good long look at my mother, as has my husband. We are both sad that my parents aren’t around more and his parents are.

1funmum 6 months ago

Yep! And I have a mother in law just like her. And we screen her calls. You got to. Or you just can’t get by.

Colleen Bird 6 months ago

I’m lucky in that my step mother in law is a great lady but my mother in law, no way she’s the exact opposite. Don’t care if she likes me.

Becky Kazy Yanos 6 months ago

So happy I am blessed with fabulous in laws. Never had to endure any hardships or squabbles. We all respect & love each other, been with my hubby since 1989, married in 1994. ♡

Stephanie Anne 6 months ago

This is mine to a T. But if I say it out loud, I’m negative and being a bitch. Oh, and ungrateful.

Tara Boell Treppiedi 6 months ago

ouch

1funmum 6 months ago

I have a rebuttal for ever stupid snide comment this woman makes. From the daughter in laws perspective.

I don’t know where you got your manners from. But I’m not raising my kids to impose on anyone. I have already taught my kids that if someone says ” drop by anytime” or “your welcome any time” it doesn’t mean you invite your self over at the persons house. Your older then me. I would think some how with all your advice lady you would have learned this. Remember your all knowing. ” your welcome any time means I enjoyed your company and wouldn’t mind another visit sometime. I will remind my self to say it just like I mean it from now on. ” we will see you every two months or so. Please be ready to have fun then. This way we don’t have to have an hour of you whining through the visit sorry that I have to schedule you because you don’t have boundaries your self”

Um answer the phone. Flat out N to the O NO. Uh no. If you’ve called at dinner time every time and have been told to stop, I’m not answering. If you have been told the baby is napping and I was forced to turn off the phone because you won’t stop calling then that’s on you. If you were told that we have a after school schedule for sports and activities yet you keep calling while we are getting ready, then nope not answering. If this call is just round two of your nit picking I’m not answering. If this call is to bit€# at my husband, your son and tell him all your drama then guess what…he’s not answering either. If this call is to cancel baby sitting because your scared, you know you’ve been running your mouth and your advise doesn’t work. I’m not answering it. I said tag your it. If this call is made before my hubby is home then I’m not answering it. You know your sons work schedule. Same bat time same bat channel. It doesn’t change. So call when your son is here. That way if he wants to speak with you he can. Remember your his mother. Your not my mother. Your supposed to want to talk to your son. It doesn’t matter if he gives you less feed back. It doesn’t matter if he never knows what’s going on with the kids. Even if he just grunts yes and no at you that’s ok. It’s your son. You raised him to be as articulate as he is. Build that relationship up. Call when he’s home.

This may apply only to my mil but don’t give large amounts of cash then call it a gift then call it a loan. Then call it a gift. Quit that stuff. Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford then say how expensive everything is. If your going to guilt us with your money keep it. If your trying to buy your way into extra visits keep it. You need it. Why because if you don’t have it you will one day come and live with me. Heck no.

About the son you raised. I have been finishing the job for over 15 years. Way to go champ. Keep giving me advice based on your failed out comes. I’m the woman that taught him the things you left out. I live with your results. Even though he’s a great man. Cute as can be. Just like I have my faults, he has his. That business your often all up into. It’s often me having to correct your son. I wasn’t around to tell you how to do your job when you were raising him.but if I could have told you back then what your results would have been I would have. The arguments it would have saved us. So thinking that your advice is just the best is wrong. You didn’t invent mothering. Btw how much did you like it when your mother in law gave you advice. Where you following it to the tee.

About my big girl panties. How come when I talk to you directly you pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. Or you say I’m not treating you good. If I say please stop doing something you do it again and again then pretend to not understand. Yeah I’m talking about your game playing. Why do you play games. Why not you be honest. When I say something to you directly why do you go passive aggressive. Where’s your big girl panties. We are having a conversation remember.

Baby sitting. Don’t say over and over again that you want to see your grandchildren but don’t get to enough. If every time I talk to you, your going on an on about missing them. So I pack up the kids and give them over to you and your complaining. Your complaining when you get them and complaining when you don’t. Your using it as the excuse to have more visits at my house. A house that your often not as pleased with. You have a lot of advise for parenting. And I’m not doing it to your wishes at all time. Since you want to be the mother all the time and I’m doing it all wrong, show me how it’s done master mommy. Jump in here. No not at my house where you can just tell me how I’m not doing it right, but at your house where you don’t have me as a crutch.
Oh yes the wore you out. They do it to me.

If you want your son to have a happy marriage then butt out! That’s right I said it. Give us space. Let us be married. Why are you the third wheel. You are always going to be the mother. I am a mother too remember. Oh ya you never wish me a happy Mother’s Day. I bring you flowers and mark them from your forgetful son. I remind him to make time. I share my day with you. But you keep forgetting I’m a mother too. You were there before me and if I die ( stop wishing, I’m going no where. you First Lady, your older. I have young kids) you will be there after me. Know your position. I’m his wife. Your his mum. If you would get that your not my kids mum and that your is now a grown man that would be great. Thanks for teaching me how to act when I’m a mil. I’m not going to keep making my kids have to talk to me about my behaviour like a kid. Your son is tired of talking to ya and getting no where. Back to why he doesn’t pick up the phone every time.

Don’t buy you things. Deal! I prefer to make gifts for ya anyway. Remember your the person throwing the money around. Not me. Btw then stop telling me how to spend my money.

Just remember everything goes both ways. If you don’t like comments about your house then never ever comment on mine. If you have been giving snarky comments about other people’s homes then they will do it back. Even worse if your making comments on how my kids messed up your home on a visit. Then that’s where the comment came from. If your up in arms over the perfection of your home and saying stuff then maybe someone might comment back. Just saying.

Now I bet I’m looking bad for answering back. Saying how I feel and all that. Because in your day no girl dared speak back or speak up for her self. Maybe your mother in law mistreat you and now you think it gives you the right to mistreat others. I get it we woman now want our cake and eat it too. But before you get mad and say I’m bad for saying things back. Remember you asked me to put my big girl panties on.

Julie Jacobson 6 months ago

I’ve been engaged for over a year now and can’t set a date because my MIL is in disagreement about the wedding plans and guest list.

Courtney Chambers 6 months ago

I’m blessed I don’t have a mother in law such as this. It’s about having mutual respect for each other. Yes, he “PICKED” me but she also loves him more than anything else in this world and is the one who kissed his little booboo’s when he got hurt and comforted him when he was scared. She was also the one who carted him around to all of activities and was his number one fan when he was a teenager and she prayed for him when he was a wayward asshole of a 19 year old. Yes, I am his wife and the mother of our children but she gave birth to him and loves him just as fiercely as we love our own and we as women need to respect that. It’s not a competion and unfortunately that’s what a lot of this nonsense boils down to. My mother in law insists on going on my Kindergarteners field trips so instead of getting pissy about it, we BOTH now go. The more people who love and support my children the better! She wants to buy them a bunch of toys and clothes, sure,go ahead! It’s her money not mine! You want to feed them a bunch crap when they are over? Sure, go ahead! Just make sure they eat an actual meal beforehand. That’s a grandparents job! I can also promise you this, any good man does not want to hear you bash his mother!

Debbie Washabaugh 6 months ago

Very sound advice!

Jessica Kraly 6 months ago

I’d rather be me then be what she wants me to be,

Anjie Kubrynski 6 months ago

Wow. OUCH is right…not perfect, but didn’t think I was perceived to be this bad of a DIL.

Colleen Bird 6 months ago

None of this applies to my MIL. She’s a narcissistic mean person who’s children grew up to be wonderful people in spite of her not because of her.

Kelly Bloom Planeta 6 months ago

I truly believe the saying a daughter is a daughter all of your life a son is a son until he takes a wife. Meaning lay off all you crazy controlling MIL’s no one with a mother in law like the one who wrote this will ever want to change so she likes them!

Maxine Quinnell 6 months ago

This made me laugh!! (And just because i find it funny, doesn’t mean i don’t still politely waddle around making my MIL tea when she ‘surprises’ us with a visit the day after i get home from hospital with her new born grandchild….

Kelly Bloom Planeta 6 months ago

I just laughed out loud at this.

Laura Robinson 6 months ago

Oh dear! If this is what mothers who have sons turn into when their little boys fly the nest then I’m happy to have all girls lol

Kelly Bloom Planeta 6 months ago

I agree with most of these posts. I’m not here to be the person she wants be to be. I don’t care one way or the other and its usually her talking shut about me so why would I care to please her.

Ashley 6 months ago

This woman is pushy, controlling, and manipulative. I feel sorry for her daughters in law. She wants tons of notice before babysitting but expects to drop by and see her son whenever?? She expects to buy her grand kids whatever they want with no respect for their parents? No wonder no one answers the phone…

Kelly Anondoc 6 months ago

I’m hoping this is subtle satire. Otherwise, it’s pretty awful.

Kattie Austin 6 months ago

This woman would be a saint compared to the mother in law I got. Mine is down right mean even to my children. We don’t have anything to do with her except where my oldest stepson is concerned and even that is too much contact. If it wasn’t for him she would be out of our life 100%. This woman did come across bitchy but maybe she has a know it all daughter in law

Christina Ridley Kasprzyk 6 months ago

Here is how I get along with my MIL. We live over 1000 miles apart!!

April Sumner 6 months ago

This is so dirty and I love it

Christina Ridley Kasprzyk 6 months ago

You win!!

1funmum 6 months ago

Agreed. You can tell she’s the problem. Let’s see she has boundaries issues. That’s the start. But a attitude problem as well.

April Sumner 6 months ago

one of the things I hate the worst is the double standard where the DIL gets blamed for everything but they don’t hold their son accountable for any of it. The son could answer the phone. Why does it have to be the DIL? I don’t expect my husband to handle communications with my family. Its his family so its his job to handle the calling them and the talking to them. Its his job to get them gifts. Its his job to handle most of it. I handle my family. He handles his. We finally came to that agreement. For awhile I tried to do both families and after several years of me going out of my way to send cards and gifts and invite his family over and all I got was passive aggressive and snideness from them, I gave up. I said well why am I doing this if they don’t appreciate it. So now, its up to my husband to handle it and guess what? It does not get done. He can’t be bothered to call them or send them gifts or cards and I made sure they know that they need to be mad at him about that, not me,

1funmum 6 months ago

so true. I have tried to talk directly to my mil about her behaviour. All she does is play games. If I say don’t do something because I don’t like it. She does it even more. Then when I call her on it she tells everyone I treat her badly. Pretends that she forgot. It often causes rifts between me and her. To the point that I have given up and hubby is tired of coming between us. But he can actually see his mothers behaviour at this point. He loves her. He wants to be a good son. But he’s not ok with his mothers games and passive aggressive bull. He’s even tried to have talks with her. He gives up too.

Stacie Jordan 6 months ago

Thankful that this has never applied to me. Hopeful that out of five boys that I am a nurturing rock for my daughter in laws.

Julie Hallock Howard 6 months ago

The plural for ‘mother-in-law is ‘mothers-in-law’.

Bethany Gummow 6 months ago

Omg I love this!!!

Kirsten Nelson 6 months ago

Mine told me the shortly after I had my son “you have a son now. You will do just the same as I do.”

Uh, no.

Stacy 6 months ago

I feel sorry for this lady’s Daughter-in-law. How about don’t create a list and actually treat your son and daughter-in-law as adults? How about respect that they have their own family now and you are a guest in their home?

Your word does not trump the parents’. You feel you have a right to buy someone else’s child something that the parent doesn’t wish the child to have? Really?

Fortunately, I have a wonderful mother-in-law who respects boundaries and doesn’t act like an entitled hag like this women. My guess is her son is an uber mommas boy and doesn’t stick up for his family and his wife is a doormat but is slowly dying inside.

Jodi Beatty 6 months ago

I like the tips. I don’t have a MIL but my poor husband has 2 of them. (I have 2 moms.)

I don’t like that the article is written from such a position of anger though!!

Marilyn Denny 6 months ago

I think this article was an excellent idea that unfortunately emerged a bit too aggressive. I’m glad to have wonderful in-laws. <3

Tracey Wallace Don Prociw 6 months ago

What a horrible article – I am thrilled to see my kids grow up and be in relationships and I would never interfere. I look forward having lots of extra faces at holidays and as for babysitting – love having those little ones around. Life is too short to and relationships are too hard to be the wedge that hurts your children. You were their center for years but even the bible says a man will leave his father and mother and cleave onto his wife. Kids grow up and start their own families and own traditions and that is the way it should be. They have a new center and that is the natural order.

Nicole Morrow Kreimer 6 months ago

Don’t get me wrong sometimes my mil drives me crazy but I try to give her the respect she deserves as the mother of the man I love and a fellow human. I think that is all this article is trying to say we each deserve respect.

Dionne Maricelli 6 months ago

None of this actually applies to me, I have the best MIL in the world and she is more like my own mother to me than my real one, she is the best person to talk to and is such a caring and giving person. I’m so blessed, I feel for those who struggle w their inlaws. It’s not the way a marriage should be.

Em 6 months ago

By the tone of the article, it is clear that you dope serve to be treated the way you have been. How nasty, possessive and mean spirited. Shame on you for not being an example and doing what you stated in number one, bitching about it in social media.

Helen Jones 6 months ago

I was so looking forward to having a close relationship with my husband’s mum (as I’ve always got on so well with ex partners mums). She was incredibly tough & spiteful from the beginning. It made me so miserable but I did (probably still do) blame my husband for not setting boundaries or for paying her enough attention. She used to get so angry if i didn’t answer the phone or call back straight away. I was a mum of little boys plus a breastfed baby-sometimes you just can’t get to the phone & then time runs away with you. Why didn’t she call her son’s mobile instead? My in laws stopped speaking to us 5 years ago & tbh it’s been so much happier & stress free. They’re slightly back on the scene with my husband now but I told my husband I just cant be involved with them anymore. I know this makes life awkward for him & I feel terrible but I can’t go back to all she did & said again. I cant cope with the toxicity of her. I hope I’m doing the right thing.

Margot E. R. Krizmanic 6 months ago

What a nasty article, I must have been blessed. We don’t always get alone but my MIL would never be as nasty as the hag that wrote this article. *counting my blessings

Karen Christine Borsholm 6 months ago

Sheesh if I had a MIL as angry as all that I might complain a bit, too!

Barbara Rossi Wirchin 6 months ago

O love my daughter in law…she’s the best!!

Emily Johnson Peterson 6 months ago

Love number 3!

Kristine Hopkins Kehn 6 months ago

My husband’s mother died soon after we got engaged. I adored her, and she loved me. I wish every day that I’d had the opportunity to see what kind of grandmother she’d have been, and that I’d had the opportunity to be the kind of daughter in law that she’d brag to her friends about. Because I just know she’d have been the kind of mother in law I’d have been proud to have. In the 5 1/2 years I had her, three of which I lived with her son, I strived to nurture our relationship, since, because of her, I got the greatest gift, in her son.

Agnes Atienza Rivera 6 months ago

I still think that my MIL is the best.

Andy Pandel Smol 6 months ago

I got lucky. And I knew it the day I met my husband. I don’t think there are any surprises. You can learn a lot about how your relationship will be with your mother in law, by your early interactions with your husband. I don’t see any part of the article mentioning the man and he plays a role in all of this too. My husband is an amazing son AND an amazing husband and father. It can be done. And I have a fantastic relationship with my mom (mother in law).

Shonika Anderson 6 months ago

I actually agree with every point but #8.

Christi Cook 6 months ago

I’m disgusted with some of these comments. Sounds like you need to grow up ladies. You do not have to love your MIL, but you should at least respect her. After all, She’s your husband’s mother… You know, the woman who carried him, birthed him, took care of him, loved him unconditionally … So on and so forth…? I wonder if you would think the things you are saying about your husband’s mom would be ok coming from your husband’s mouth about your own mom. Have some respect people. For your mother in law, and for your husband’s relationship with his mother. I understand there are hellish MIL out there. I’m sure too there are hellish daughter in laws out there as well. But aside from extreme cases like those, I just don’t get all the shade. You have feelings and boundries? Why can’t she? You want a little respect? Why is it unacceptable for her to ask the same? It is a two way street. If you can’t take it… Stop dishing it. Grow up.

Lynsey Lotty 6 months ago

I guess I’m extremely lucky because my MIL rocks. I love her to pieces.

Jenni Pellegrino 6 months ago

Ha! Nice try, but not a chance in hell. So glad to see so many other women also have to suffer in my fate. At least we have women who have show us what we DON’T want to be.

Dorrace Samples 6 months ago

Thank GOD that I have such great in-laws! Not so lucky my first go around…..everything that list had on it was what my first MIL used against me.

Carolyn Pulfer Southworth 6 months ago

Going to have to say that I absolutely adore my mother in law (my late husbands mother) but there are still reminders on this list for me. Good article!

Michelle Cook 6 months ago

Luckily I have the world’s sweetest MIL with a big heart and nothing but adoration for her daughters in law. But 6, 7, and 9 are the only ones I have any issue with in this particular article. 6 goes BOTH ways. 7 – I don’t care to match dollar for dollar. I don’t want my kids to either have useless junk all over the place, getting a gift after they have been ungrateful brats all day, and they already have toys coming out their ears and I’m sick of the clutter. Gifts of toys can stay at grandma’s house. We have enough here. And 9. Times have changed and I have kept 2 alive (one through extreme prematurity) and I will parent as I see fit. I will ask for advice when needed. And I honestly do. Both my mom and MIL are awesome. My husband and I actually hang out with my parents and go to dinners and stuff (they’re still pretty young).

Julia903 6 months ago

#8. You have no respect for your son’s marriage. Sounds like you can’t wait to destroy his family so you can pick up the pieces. Disgusting. Please seek some counseling.

And from personal experience, the DIL gets blamed for every.single.thing. Yet maybe it’s time you also look at your son for why you aren’t getting what you want from that relationship.

Linda Keong 6 months ago

Lol! This is one of the dumbest articles I have ever read! Perfect for my MIL? Ha! How about be the perfect MIL for your DIL? I’ve never been difficult, but on the other hand….

Erin Elizabeth 6 months ago

To all of you disagreeing with this, let’s see how you feel when your kids grow up, move out and get married.

Rachael Wilson 6 months ago

I LOVE my MIL. That being said, I do treat her with respect as she does for me. We have had disagreements, but they are short lived. I have seen the hateful and spiteful side of things and I never want to be there.

Holly 6 months ago

Give respect to earn respect. Bottom line

Sarah Ruth Calton 6 months ago

This is a terrible article. The first article from scary mommy that I totally disagree with. Yes, he came out of you but he is a grown man now… Remember that your son decided marry said wife and is the mother of your grandchildren… Remember that.

Aoife Doran Kruger 6 months ago

Respect is a two way street. Mother in laws don’t get to make one rule for you and another for them.
I am a mother to a young boy but I hope and pray that I don’t play games with my daughter in law. I hope I don’t make 10 rules for her to abide by. If she makes my son happy. I will be forever grateful.

Dani Graff 6 months ago

Man. This lady is a bitch! Glad I love my MIL.

maggie 6 months ago

1. No reasonable person would assume “come over anytime” means come over unannounced all the time. She was obviously just trying to be welcoming but as a guest, you should know when you’ve overstayed your welcome especially if she’s a new mom or has a newborn in the house.
2. Call your son and not her. Why would you even be bothering her? Is it because you don’t want to bother your son? Well, if you think whatever you have to say is too trivial for him, it’s most definitely trivial for someone you didn’t even give birth to. Furthermore, stop calling her cause she’s probably sick and tired of having to put the kids back to sleep, yet again, because you, once again, called to bother her about X, Y, Z.
3. Contrary to what you may believe, if you want the fun of spending time with your grandchildren, it comes at a price. the price of taking care of them when your DIL just doesn’t have it in her anymore. Otherwise, you are useless to her. Remember, she is not your child and she is only trying to be civil to you because she loves your child and her child but to her, you are unnecessary to live a fulfilling life and if you want to spend time with your child and her child then it’s in your best interest to put your best foot forward. see how that works?
4. Your DIL married your child because she trusts them. She can say whatever she pleases, ESPECIALLY bitch about YOU to them because that is how marriages work and you should make a point to recognize she was bitching so that your child can discreetly inform you about X,Y,Z. Remember, you didn’t give birth to her so her dealing with you is really for your benefit and for your child’s, NOT HERS.
5. Can’t get more passive aggressive than posting an article online titled, “10 Tips For Being The Daughter-in-Law Your MIL Wants.” LOL
6. Ok, I’ll give you this one. I hate this too.
7. Some gifts are unsafe even though they are pricey. Furthermore, it might not even be the price tag that your DIL is unhappy about but rather safety (like buying a walker and you both have stairs in your houses. Unless you spend your days reading the most up to date safety recommendations, like a mom does, you probably aren’t even aware of them.
8. Know this, your son’s family is now his wife and his children and his wife should always come first. If this is not the case, I’m sorry to say that your child’s marriage will not be a happy one. If that is truly what you want, then you should be the one reminding him of this.
9. You may have produced great offspring and managed to keep him alive in spite of the odds considering up to date healthcare recommendations but that doesn’t mean your DIL has to risk her offsprings life/safety to appease you. If you want your suggestions to have merit, double-check if they’re even relevant anymore. And if you don’t have time to do that, then don’t offer up any advice because whatever advice your DIL needs, she’s already getting from her pediatrician and the plethora of material available to her that I’m sure she reads on the daily.
10. You admit you’re judging your DIL and she doesn’t have to accept anything. Once again you forget that your relationship with her is for you and not for her. So if you want your child’s marriage to be happy and if you want to maintain a good relationship with him and your grandchildren, it is you who needs to change, not her.

Brittney Fa 6 months ago

We all have to realize that, God willing, we will one day be mother-in-laws as well. Treat people the same way that you want people to treat you.

Pamela Somers Johnson 6 months ago

This MIL is scary.

Natalie Voytek 6 months ago

I must be strange. If my MIL needs my husband, im the first one to say “thats your mother! You better go help her”
She does buy my kids a lot of stuff but thats because she loves them so much. She gives me advice that makes me raise an eyebrow, but its because she wants things to be ok. Shes human just like I am. Expecting her to be perfect is ridiculous. And expecting her to never come around is ridiculous. I have five children and the thought of only seeing them once every couple weeks is devestating

Kerri Wright 6 months ago

The items are not the worst; however, this post is WAY off base.

Sheena Roccia 6 months ago

Sorry I’m too busy being the person my husband wants. I love my MIL bit I could give a fuck less about what she wants in a DIL.

Jennifer Michelle Jones 6 months ago

My in laws rock.

marsha 6 months ago

Mee tooo!

Gemma Boole White 6 months ago

When the MIL is respectful to me, I will be respectful to her. But I don’t see how I should love and respect a woman who has beaten her son, and told him throughout childhood and beyond to ‘rot in hell’ and she ‘wishes she had never had him’.
This article is bollocks.

Naomi Cree Loretz 6 months ago

Blech. This one missed the mark…I’m a huge feminist, I love women and I like my mother in law…but this post sounds like one crazy b*** complaining about another crazy b****…i bet the son/husband and children/grandchildren can’t stand either of them!

Heather Mae 6 months ago

YOUR grandchildren?! MY CHILDREN. And YOUR child is the one that doesn’t want to be around you. Your clean house? Keep it, but I won’t be around with the children because I’m afraid they’ll break or dirty something. And I’m the one picking up the pieces that created when you “raised”this man who by God’s grace alone turned out wonderful. So keep calling and texting and messaging, I’m not going to answer.

Jenn McPherson 6 months ago

Just as this Tips for DIL’s seems like a rant from a woman who is hurting and maybe just doesn’t get it sometimes, every single Tips For MILS blog is the same bitter, selfish rant. So why aren’t all the MIL’s giving Us DIL’s a hard time on here for our bitter blogs? We can give this woman a break. Yes, there Are some psycho MIL’s out there, but there are just as many psycho DIL’s too. Only we’re currently psycho from sleep deprivation, demanding little ones, lack of disposable income, over scheduling, etc. LOL

P.S. Please feel free to buy things for my children, but please, things they need are more helpful than a room full of toys I’m constantly purging due to messes and breakage. And know this, noisy toys will not be received well

Orela Krawczyk 6 months ago

I get on with my mil majority of the time. When I first meet her 11 yrs ago. I wasn’t that confident and although she’s mostly lovely she can be snide/thoughtless with her comments and up until i had my daughter. I will not put up with that anymore

Orela Krawczyk 6 months ago

Rolled my eyes when read the title. I am sure as hell not here to fit a mould for my mil but tbh majority of these are about basic respect and I’ve no problematic that as long as it is returned by mil

Sarah Margetts 6 months ago

I’m lucky, I’ve got a lovely MIL, but one day I might be a MIL, so looking at it from the other side, not all DIL’s are sweethearts. There’s always 2 people in a relationship, I think this post is a fair and honest account from a MIL.

Annaliese Agalomba 6 months ago

She can think it,write on a blog but she will not pass this bullshit any where near me. Respect goes both ways.

Steph Al 6 months ago

My mother in law doesn’t speak English so most of our communication is a hug hello and good bye and basic Arabic conversation. Never personal lol I scored! That being said the relationship we do have is decent. She does talk bad about me once in a while but it’s not a personal attack, I’m the only foreigner in the family. She is still scarred of the unknown.

Carla Wetzel-Kratzke 6 months ago

I think a huge issue with today’s “MIL- Generation” is that the woman they had as their MIL’s truly were wonderful people. Kind, trustworthy, comforting and lady like. They encompassed what it meant to be a mother and a grandmother, and hence became the monarch of the family. Now we are not seeing the same traits in our inlaws, we feel disrespected or judged so we don’t honor them as they saw previous woman honored, but act still as if they ARE the monarchs. They see that we are in the wrong for not treating them in this manor; but we Wan them to cool their jets and be who they THINK they are- act how they THINK they do. If all that happened this letter would seem appropriate and instead of asking “What’s wrong with that B of an author…” We would ask ” What’s wrong with that B of a DIL…” RIGHT!?!

Brigida Montgomery 6 months ago

Not even gonna read this!

Emily Sjomeling 6 months ago

I have a great MIL. She is fun an young at heart. She isn’t all up in our business and is a lot of fun when she is. But I also make sure to thank her for raising such an amazing man at the very least yearly on his birthday.

Tracy Dickson 6 months ago

Why would I want to do that! Pphhhfftt

Monique Nicole Gutierrez 6 months ago

Omg this IS an awful article. She used her platform to shame her own daughter in law. Well played. Lol

Carla Wetzel-Kratzke 6 months ago

I have absolutely learned through life how I will treat my future daughter in law. This MIL is a lioness that needs to “get-to-steppin'”. Good God. My ears hurt after reading that. I could hear the condisention; if you have a horrible heart when you try to act grandmotherly and kind it is horribly transparent and pyscodic. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH to this article, and the author. Good try, but really, try again.

Monique Nicole Gutierrez 6 months ago

And thank God I can’t relate. My mother in is cool! Haha

Monique Nicole Gutierrez 6 months ago

Lol these comments are hilarious.

Lyndsay Sims-Wade 6 months ago

To be perfectly honest, I dont give a flying shit what type of daughter in law my mother in law wants. Im here to be the best mum I can be an make her son happy. If she doesn’t like me, well I guees thats tough crap!

Theresa Williams 6 months ago

No thanks. She can kiss my ass

Lee-Ann Mayimele 6 months ago

She perpetuates the stereotype of the evil mother in law. Down to the letter

Sharon Donahue Addison 6 months ago

I think this is kind of a joke? I hope?? I don’t have an official DIL (my son has a common-law though) and I wanted to tag her in this as a joke. I was waiting for something along the line of ‘you make my son cry? I make YOU cry! I want to be respected on my own merit (decent, kind, respectful, non-intrusive person) not because I birthed a son, her partner. Personally I am happy as hell my son has a woman in his life that treats him well and cares to get to know me as a person not some matriarch of the family. I will always be my adult son’s mom, but not his mommy. Our relationship evolved past that into mutual adults. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like I need to run the show and can have true joy in the fact my DIL makes him happy and they have a happy life.

Briahlen Havan 6 months ago

The whole article sounded bitchy & like it’s directed at someone the writer knows. How passive aggressive of her.

Molly Taylor 6 months ago

Try having an overbearing MIL AND being a different religion than her. Good Gods.

Lynn Anne Raabe 6 months ago

Ouch indeed.

Ruth Simpson 6 months ago

I must be very lucky. My MIL is great. Actually both of them are. They babysit with notice, and will drop everything in an emergency. Taxi us anywhere if required as I’m currently carless. Laughs when her son is being a pain but gently reminds me they moved house and changed locks for a reason – he’s my problem now. Doesnt complain if i dont answer phone because she knows one of the kids will have hidden it. All in all i really cant complain, when I had 3 under 2 she saved my butt a lot.

Cecilia 6 months ago

Right? I’ve about given up on complaining. It doesn’t do any good. She tries, I try, whatever. But I don’t, and never have, openly mocked the way she dresses, the clothes/accessories/gifts she picks out for my kids, the food she cooks, her parenting/life decisions, or the names she picked for her children. I’d appreciate the same respect, but I know I’ll never get it. This article is for the daughter in laws that don’t know how good they’ve got it.

Jessica Connoly 6 months ago

omg I hate this so much. This MIL sounds like a self-entitled, controlling, overbearing, know-it-all b-word on wheels. Just because you placed your child on his belly to sleep, fed him rice cereal in his bottle, used baby powder religiously, cried it out, and let him watch tv since 3 months old and he happened to survive and be somewhat of a marriable person does not mean that the “advice” you give is right. And you better believe you’re getting instructions to care for my child the way that I do…believe it or not, you’re not the authority on taking care of MY child just because you had one of your own. And please, by all means, spoil my child with your excessive, age-inappropriate toys or hideous clothing that smell like they came from a garbage can full of potpourri scented cigarette smoke. You don’t want my crappy gifts? Guess what, I don’t want yours either! And yes, my husband will always be your son, but you know what else he’ll always be? The father to MY children. Which makes his choices an extension of mine, not yours.

Luckily my MIL is pretty contrary to most of these. Otherwise, you better believe I’d be complaining behind her back. If I were your DIL, I would buy you every crappy rooster knick knack I could find and sure as heck never answer that phone.

Tania Lu Carrillo 6 months ago

….Said the cumdumpster!

Erin Moore 6 months ago

This woman couldn’t be more bitter about having to cut the cord. I have something to say about literally every one of these, but the one that stood out to me the most is #9. Yes, mothers do raise their children and one day some woman will marry the sons they raised. But just because you happened to birth someone doesn’t mean you necessarily had anything to do with the person they become. There’s mothers who have sons who grow up to be drug addicts and serial killers. Pretty sure they raised those kids too and I’m sure those career paths weren’t in her agenda or her goal for what her child would grow up to be. And your son growing up to be great might have just as little to do with your mothering as the mothers of the serial killers. Just because you expelled a child doesn’t mean their persona is entirely based on you.

Cherri Nicole 6 months ago

How about tips to be the mil your daughter in law wants and remember she already has a mom and doesn’t need your “guidance”

Kathy Langdon 6 months ago

Articles like these only perpetuate the divide that sometimes exists in this complicated relationship.
Let’s promote stories that highlight the strong, loving ones to give hope and encouragement instead.

Laura Butler 6 months ago

Shout out to my awesome MIL! We love each other and have a great relationship!

Melanie Poston 6 months ago

This mother clearly doesn’t see her son getting married as gaining a daughter. Jealous much?

Lauren Kruger 6 months ago

Can’t for the life of me imagine why this woman wouldn’t have a good relationship with her daughter-in-law!
As for number 8, when one gets married their spouse and family are supposed to be their first priority. You may be the mother, as was so delicately pointed out, but your time as the number one female is over. Your son who you raised so wonderfully should know this.

Splasher Babybeauty Australia 6 months ago

I’m just wondering where to buy some barnyard items for the kitchen if they get her knickers in a knot that much :)

Molly Taylor 6 months ago

Yeeeeeaahh, if my mother in law sent me this, not only would I go off on her, but she’d be not welcome around me anymore.

Jodi Dailey Tolzmann 6 months ago

I find this article to be a bit aggressive, but realize it’s meant to be humorous. I find the aggressive comments to be inappropriate, and not in a humorous way. Yes, I agree that the MIL relationship can at times be difficult or strained— but it’s nice/necessary to also see it from the MIL perspective. Above all— how about some sisterly love?! I’m so tired of women hating on women. Whether it’s the skinny/fat debate, the breastfeeding/bottle feeding debate, or the wife/MIL debate– come on people – grow up – stop acting like high schoolers – and start respecting and supporting and uplifting fellow women!!!

Kirsti Gooda 6 months ago

By far my least favourite post by this site yet. Sounds like this MIL needs to hush up and learn to respect her DIL. Unlike!

Amanda Shultz 6 months ago

I actually have great MIL’s. My husbands mom lives in Texas & we live in OK so we don’t see her much. & I live a mile from my husbands step mom & she’s actually not just my MIL, but also she’s a friend. She’s there if I need her, I lucked out.

Aprilynn Wyatt 6 months ago

Even the fake post gets my
Blood boiling.

Katherine Gunsweat 6 months ago

Almost every woman this is directed at will also be a MIL one fine day. So you know….let’s keep that in mind.

Monica Poor 6 months ago

I’m pretty blessed I have a great MIL :) my kids absolutely love her… and she raised an AMAZING son <3

Dana Taylor Williams 6 months ago

I don’t know or care about my MIL’s feelings for me. I have kept her son happy for 25 years and he has kept me happy for 25 years.

Brita Simonson Gulseth 6 months ago

I wonder how far back this dynamic goes in history, the mother in law/daughter in law relationship woes. There are stone tablets and papyrus describing “the state of the world today” and how “the next generation has no respect” etc. Every generation seems to think this. Is this just the natural state, deeply ingrained into human nature? I think it’s normal and healthy to talk through (and laugh sometimes) about the parts of our family that challenge the way we think. Whose family doesn’t do that? Unless l’m dealing with a member of my family that is toxic and unhealthy, it feels like my role is to facilitate the relationship my children have with them. We have boundaries and communication. They are pretty clear. For the most part, it keeps us all fairly happy. I hate lines drawn in the sand, they don’t make anyone happy (especially grandchildren).

Enna Vistman 6 months ago

Sounds like one of those horror MIL

Laura McLaren 6 months ago

Best thing I ever did was mind my own business….treat my husband well, be a good mom and be responsible for my own happiness.

Michael Miguel-Sanchez 6 months ago

1. You can’t
2 – 10 – Go to 1

Pamela Thomas Yoder 6 months ago

I’m a MIL and I disagree with just about every point in her letter. First of all, I may be my son’s mother but we taught him that once he marries, his wife comes first before us. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would never just drop by their house without first calling or texting to see if it was convenient. To do otherwise is just plain rude. And I feel it is an honor and a privilege to be asked to babysit my grandchildren. No wonder they are having problems with a MIL with this attitude. It’s not all about her anymore. Her son grew up.

Katherine H Jett 6 months ago

My MIL is fine it’s my FIL that drives me nuts sometimes.

Kellie Holliday 6 months ago

This made me so sad for this lady and her daughter in law. My MIL is WONDERFUL and I wish we could ALL be so lucky!

Leah Nicole Delgado 6 months ago

My fiance’s mother and I don’t get a long, mostly because she’s a drug addict who is now in prison. She’s had no part in making my fiancé into the man he is today- when I met him he didn’t have a job, was couch hopping, and constantly getting in trouble with the law. We now have a house, car, he has a stable GOOD job, and we’re expecting a son within the next two weeks. Before she went to prison we would find broken syringes on the ground and needles around the house. Totally unhealthy environment plus she was always looking for a reason for us to give her money. I’m SO happy she won’t be around me or my baby.

Terri Alexander Gunter 6 months ago

It is supposed to be a crock of shit isn’t it?’

Michelle Tribble 6 months ago

Tips on how not to be a MIL, thanks! Someone get this woman some wine because Jesus she sounds miserable.

Sierra Dawn Townsend 6 months ago

Wow. I don’t have to worry about any of these stupid tips, because my “mother in law” hasn’t seen or spoken to me and my family for 3 1/2 years.

Stephanie Rae Greulich-Essex 6 months ago

Damn! Nope. Sorry. My husband turned out to be an amazing man DESPITE you! Trust me. I’ve seen you’re work on your other son. And again, no. If I’m busy with the kids and the dogs and life, I’m not adding to the madness to pick up the phone to say I’m busy. Get over yourself. I don’t answer the phone for anyone when it’s that crazy. My MONSTER in law was such a bitch on wheels, her son said to be around us, she needed to be a civil person (ie: stop pulling my hair like a damn 2 year old) and she refused. Goodbye!

Marci Dennis 6 months ago

I never ever post on these things. I applaud anyone willing to put themselves out there, even if their opinion differs from mine. The author obviously touched on a subject important to people which gets us all thinking… But I have to say, having had two vastly differently mother in laws, (current mother in law being an absolute gem) I can safely say that I see both sides and the author makes some very valid points, even if it is done in a very poor manner. Respect is a two way street. Plain. And. Simple.

Nina Pluta 6 months ago

Wife first!!!!! Don’t get married if Mommy comes first

Brittany Frazier 6 months ago

I don’t think this is a bad article. I don’t really have a bad relationship with my future MIL though. We’ve had our issues before but generally were good. And I’d never make him choose sides bc that’s not his place. I’d go off on him if he tried that crap with me. We’re adults and capable of making our own opinions. But I respect my MIL though. She’s had a tough life and came out on top. She works her ass off now too. And luckily doesn’t try to over step any boundaries. And when MY mother tries to over step I put her in her place. We’re all adults so it’s possible to act like one :) So I guess I’m a lucky one after reading these comments.

Christel Riley Halse 6 months ago

What a horror of a woman. Yikes.

Heather Hoskins Speidel 6 months ago

My MIL is awesome. I’m so glad we don’t have these issues. ☺️

Terrie Sampsell Sobaski 6 months ago

I am Blessed to have a wonderful daughter-in-law I love, who loves me back and is truly a friend also.

Jennifer Cronin 6 months ago

I met my in-laws years before meeting my husband. So in a way, I chose my in-laws before I chose my husband. They are amazing, I could not ask for more!

However, reading this just makes me feel bad for my mom. My brother’s wife is batshit crazy!

Jersey Woods 6 months ago

Funny thing about the whole “I raised him” argument is that the mothers don’t know or realize all the crap that happens within relationships that often causes both parties to grow and mature. Yes, you raised him but he wasn’t perfect.

Jersey Woods 6 months ago

So glad I don’t have a relationship with my MIL! Ugh! None of these apply….I don’t deal with her, can’t trust her, don’t like her and I am fine with that.

Nikki Lewis Franklin 6 months ago

Wow, I think this article could have been written in a little less dramatic fashion..usually it goes over a little better that way :)

Jess Rodriguez 6 months ago

I didn’t marry my MIL… She can kiss my ass…

Monica Lowe 6 months ago

Luckily for me, my hubby doesn’t like his mom, so it’s OK, that I don’t either.

Amy Shackelford Curry 6 months ago

Wow! This is terrible! My mother in law is precious, and I hope to grow up to be just like her! I feel for this woman’s son. Talk about a lack of maturity!

Sarah Scholl 6 months ago

My MIL loves my husband’s baby mama and treats me like shit because I have no respect the manipulation welfare grabbing three baby daddy woman that she is. I won’t be treated like crap in my own home not will I go to hers. He married me and I am his family. She’s now second fiddle. Deal.

Michelle Tamasa 6 months ago

Man, these comments have me wondering if I’m crazy. I thought these were pretty reasonable and presented in a sarcastic way… My MIL is awesome!

Anita Gutierrez 6 months ago

This can also apply to MIL’s

Sarah Sicola 6 months ago

My mil needs to read this for herself! Nm screw mil, I married your son because he is a sexy broken mess and I like fixing stuff lol! The war continues lol!

Kristin Alderfer Webb 6 months ago

Holy snarkfest. There may be some good advise and perspective but it’s hard to find buried under all the hostility.

Christi Clever Anderson 6 months ago

I’m pretty lucky.. my mother-in-law is pretty awesome.. and my father-in-law makes me laugh. I already see my hubby in his dad.. and yes.. it is scary, but funny as hell to laugh at with my brothers-in-law.. :) my advice is be yourself, be open, be respectful.. and have boundaries.

Gina Ramirez 6 months ago

Omg people it’s a joke lighten up! I highly doubt she speaks like this on the daily!

Michele Cargill Pete 6 months ago

For those of you making snide comments about the article, wait until your son gets married. When you sit on the other side of a young girl, who is now number one in your son’s life, you’ll understand it a bit better. From that point on, she gets to set the rules. It’s humbling to say the least. It’s difficult to figure out how exactly to navigate these new waters. MOST of us, MILs, just want our son to be happy and to love you and our grandchildren. You just have to let us, without putting words in our mouth or making assumptions about our intentions. I, too, had a very difficult MIL, so I don’t want to be that any more than you want one!

Tammy Harbord 6 months ago

ugh… I have 3 boys.. I’m always going to be the MIL :( … but my MIL is great! so I am lucky.. hopefully I can be as easy going as she is one day

Heidi Vasek Freemark 6 months ago

I’ve got great in laws btw!!

Christi Clever Anderson 6 months ago

Ugh… No.. why be someone you aren’t? But be kind.. be open.. be yourself. :)

Heidi Vasek Freemark 6 months ago

A son leaves his mother guess who’s #1 now?? Lol

Katie Harris Monsen 6 months ago

My MIL wishes that she could use this article. But in reality that is not how things go at all. My husband is who he is DESPITE how they tried to screw him up. And we are the in laws least favorite kids, therefore have their least favorite grandkids. And unfortunately my kids are becoming old enough to realize it.

Lisa Burrows 6 months ago

And for anyone who thinks that mothers will understand once their children are grown and married. If my children can’t put their partners and children above mommykins i will have pathetically failed as a parent. If i ever expect them to or try to run their adult lives, PLEASE commit me to an institution because i have clearly lost my damn mind.

Gabrielle Groce 6 months ago

I hope you wouldn’t actually speak to you MIL like that. Geesh.

Lisa Burrows 6 months ago

Awww how adorable. A mil who thinks she has power over her daughter in law. I’ll awnser the phone when i damn well please. They are not your anything because they are MY children and you will see them when it’s convenient for me. Fuck whoever wrote this steaming pile of shit. Thank every god that has ever been worshipped that my mil is a great person. Not that i would deal with anyone who wasn’t. Hubbys sperm donor is a dick and we haven’t spoken in nearly 3 years. Bliss.

Lindsay Gibson 6 months ago

Haha um…no thanks. I could careless what my MIL thinks. My husband and I are happy just way we do things!

Renee Haynie 6 months ago

This article is not for everyone because my MIL is a narcissistic person and I wish she cared about my kids, but she doesn’t have it in her to bond with them or me so I think in my situation this article gives me no help.

Gabrielle Groce 6 months ago

Really, ladies? This article wasn’t offensive, and the expectations really aren’t that hard. Being respectful, kind, and open is not too much to ask. Not every person is perfect- MILs, husbands, and yes…wives. I see a lot of bitching and complaining, and no realization that, hey, MILs are part of your lives…and unless there are extreme circumstances probably aren’t going anywhere. The lack of respect is only hurting your relationships with your husbands and their families.

Krystal DeLayne Holland 6 months ago

I am SO glad my MIL is not a part of our lives

April Easterwood 6 months ago

I just had to ” like” it had 666 likes

Alice Thomas 6 months ago

Everybody loves Raymond… Enough said…

Andrea Dre Miller 6 months ago

Wow! All of yall. I actually liked this article and read it LOGICALLY and open minded. And it does make sense, especially if he is the only son and you women with sons remember you will have a daughter in law and you dont get to pick her. This woman isnt Satan, and shes RIGHT. Most of yall, “ive got a mother, blah blah blah…” and I am sure your kids and spouse see her more than his. Thats not right. Its down right cunty, entitled, and spoiled. I always want my husband to see his mother. She is 74 and at times it is inconvenient the stuff he has to do AND DOES STRAIN. But our marriage is STRONG. And she raised him and she means a great deal to him too. Her blood runs through my childs. She deserves respect because shes my elder. Whether I always get it or not. One day she wont be here and it will devastate him to the lowest degree. And I’ll be here to hold him.

Debbie AndDale Ruark 6 months ago

Awww. I love you to. Your the best!!!

Brittanae Carey 6 months ago

Yeah. I was expecting something cheeky from DIL perspective. Meh.

DeeDee Hagan 6 months ago

My MIL is pretty great, only problem I have is she and my mother buy too much stuff for the kids and I have to keep up with it.

Jennifer Garrison 6 months ago

I had been blessed having a good relationship with my MIL and some of these are well said! We have our moments but in the MIL pool I hit the lottery :)

Brandy Crosby 6 months ago

Oof that was awful. Seems like she’s been hurt and is lashing out. Or having problems coping with a loss of control.
It’s not what she said, it’s how she said it.
You catch more flies with honey.
I will say, regardless of the tone of the article, I took a few good points from it and will try to be more considerate to my own mil.

babs dill 6 months ago

My MIL could have written this herself. Which is why she no longer has access to her son or grandkids, and that’s by his choice, not mine. Yes, you did raise him, which is likely why he hates you so much as an adult. And it might have all turned out differently without the self-righteous, entitled, victim-y demands. As you point out, you did your time, which suggests that you might have a little compassion for a young family building its bond. Now we’re doing our time, for our family, and frankly, you are making yourself a high-maintenance liabilty because all you ever do is bitch about what is being kept from you. The fact that you’re most concerned about your needs being met, rather than your son and grandkids, says a lot more about you than it does the DIL. Finally, let’s all be adults and if there’s a problem, address it directly? Okay, hypocrite, might want to read your own advice before your next passive-aggressive, first-name only, public Internet posting. SMH. (And lest you think I’m doing the same, I’ve already had the very difficult, very candid conversation with my own MIL directly….not that she gets it, or that she would ever own her role in creating never-ending drama, but I’ve been 100% transparent about why things are the way they are, and that she needs to fix things with her son, not me. instead of taking the advice, she talks shit behind my back. Bad idea to alienate the only person in your son’s family who might have helped you repair the relationship, bc while u might be the mom, sadly for you, I’m the one who matters to him. He might make up with you to make me happy, but I’m the key. And the more you try to make me the enemy, the smaller and smaller your role in our lives becomes. Your move, MIL. Hope you get smart and quick.

Shannon Necci 6 months ago

Ummm no!

Reena Acuña 6 months ago

Whoa. Good thing my MIl isn’t Satan. We have common interests, Wine being one of them! I’m beyond thankful.

Ellen Craig Nelson 6 months ago

Apparently I’m not the norm–I LOVE my MIL!!!! She is so helpful & there for us 100%
We ALL love her. If she had FB I’d tag her, but since she doesn’t well…whatever you get to read it 😉

Kate Micklow Harwan 6 months ago

A whole lotta NOPE with this one.

Jillian Hughes 6 months ago

If your mil is like this then leave him! This bitch is crazy!

Deborah Pinner 6 months ago

me too 😀 lol

Holymolyguacamole 6 months ago

Wow, this is so sad. You sound completely overbearing. I feel sorry for you and your son and DIL. If she ever needs someone to bitch about you behind your back, have her call me. And please, let your kids life their life.

Jessica Moore 6 months ago

I think one article from a MIL about being a good daughter in law is very acceptable compared to the hundreds (that probably an incredibly modest estimation) of articles of soused bitching about said MIL’s behaviors. Which is what this was written to respond to… I feel like that point got lost when everyone got all defensive, lol! Wish we could all set the alpha-female power struggles (from all angles) aside and just be a family!

Rachel Karr 6 months ago

I need my MIL to read this so she can follow these rules herself. Loves her damn house more than her grandkids and she is NEVER happy to watch them. Ever.

EJ Barnes 6 months ago

Girl…..you definitely did!!! ☺️

Lisa Tullis Williams 6 months ago

I have a better relationship with my MIL than with my mother. Boundaries are always important as is basic politeness.

Monica Smith Pennington 6 months ago

I just wish my MIL was not so negative. It really sucks the life out of me. I also wished she realized she gets to visit because of me and not in spite of me. I wished she realized that just because I married into the family I don’t owe my husband’s drunk brother attention, patience, or accommodation. The fact that I want to ignore his existence should be enough.

Christina Morris 6 months ago

Lol! I see it, I totally see it- and am SO glad I have such a wonderful mother-in-law. Although, I bow down to your cleaning expertise Laura Morris! I hope when o don’t have small children anymore that I can do it like you!

Bev Mayfield 6 months ago

Wow! I am so thankful to have a truly amazing MIL that I get along so well with. I guess I truly am so lucky that she is such an amazing lady, grandma and mom!

Jennifer Thunder Crotch Ferrell 6 months ago

HAHAHAHA

Wendy Westervelt 6 months ago

I’m so glad I get along with my partner’s mom so well. I’m really lucky. She’s a terrific lady and I honestly can’t say anything negative about her at all.

Eva Nicole Tabron 6 months ago

Lol. This lady has lost her Schmidt. The two shall be come one, hun. A husband leaves his mother and father and cleaves to his wife. You as the mother are never #1 to a married son. And once he becomes a father, you get bumped back again. A good mother graciously accepts this and is proud of having raised a responsible man. Btw, daughter in laws have their own mothers to take advice from. Her not taking advice from you is her choice, and if you don’t like that, put your big girl panties on and suck it up. Also, your precious man baby is not put in the middle by his wife, who he is one with…side automatically picked at the altar, dear…. moreover, I don’t want to answer your calls, lady. Why the heck would she? And if you really think throwing a kind gesture back in her face is grounds for barging into their home every time you feel like showing up, you’re crazy. Ever think they ask you to sit so often because you’re always there, anyway? Go get that life you rant about….the Mother role doesn’t trump the role of the Wife. And just because you are his mother, doesn’t give you mothering rights to his kids. Get over yourself.

Jennie Reis 6 months ago

Wow. I’m so happy my MIL rocks. She’s pretty awesome…and raised an AMAZING son. ♡

Erica Smith 6 months ago

Um no I don’t need her to like me I’m here to treat her son and grandchildren right that’s what she should be worried about the rest will fall into place if she respects me as a mother and wife

Ashley Ann Russill 6 months ago

I will always be this guys number one. His future wife better just deal with it! Muahahaha!

Amanda Davis Hamlin 6 months ago

I don’t give a shit what my MIL thinks!

Martha Farrier 6 months ago

I’ve been on both sides of this and yes, these are are very valid thoughts for a mother in law. Wait until your children get married, you’ll see!

La Rubia 6 months ago

I dont like the sound of this!! Makes me want to hug and never let go of my mother in law!! She is awesome!! Except that she is a hoarder everything else is great.

Destinie Doyle Drentkiewicz 6 months ago

Wow, what a bitch. Glad she isn’t my MIL!

Amy Saille BadonkaRonk 6 months ago

“A daughter’s a daughter all of her life. A son’s a son till he takes a wife.”
My MIL and I get along very well. I am glad that I’m not in some emotional struggle with anybody in my life like that. I’m glad that I don’t have anybody at odds with me in my life with the mentality of that author.

Sara Olander Jackson 6 months ago

Fortunately, my MIL adores me, and I, her. It really would bother me of her didn’t get along. That woman raised my husband. Her approval means a great deal to me. Sorry.

Brooke Lewis 6 months ago

Makes sense to me!

Judy Woodyard 6 months ago

I can’t be the woman my MIL wants me to be because I’m not about micromanaging my husband’s life & being an agent of her control (plus I would need to lose about 50 IQ points to believe the nonsense she sees as gospel truth). Don’t have time for that mess. Plus anyone who stalks my family online is placed firmly outside our circle. Thanks anyway.

Casey J Ellington 6 months ago

The gift thing annoys me, put it in a college fund take yourself on vacation. Thanks but no thanks you don’t have to buy their love or attention. This whole article is messed up.

Marianne Coduti 6 months ago

Well try being the DIL that understands all of those things and is still disliked and talked badly about to anyone who will listen. Maybe Scary Mommy needs to do one of these from the DIL’s perspective as well. Or just understand that sometimes people will have issues with you because of their own flaws, no matter what effort you make to keep things civil.

Susie K. Rabig 6 months ago

What a horrible article.

Kristena Brown Benavides 6 months ago

Disgusting.

Lisa Welch Kapp 6 months ago

What if you don’t care if u r the daughter in law your mil wants?!?!

Amy Grimes Spaulding 6 months ago

Hell, my MIL called me by the wrong name for a while, then switched to just ‘she ‘ and ‘her’. It’s all I can do to respect my elders and not remind her that I fuck her precious prodigal son on a regular basis.
Fuck this article.

Liz McAllister 6 months ago

Oh. Hell. No.
No. You cannot stop by whenever you want. Kind of like you need notice to watch the grandkids, we need notice that you will be coming over. We are our own separate family unit.
Spend your money how you want. But you cannot just give my kids endless amounts of crap. It’s not about competing with you to spend the most. It’s about raising MY kids to not be spoiled. And also- I don’t need tons of shit to clean up. Thanks. Just like you don’t want tons of farm memorabilia to clean up.
Yep. You raised a good person. Now can I have a turn to do the same? And ps- he does plenty of stupid shit that I DONT want my kids to do. So yea. I don’t need your advice to raise a carbon copy of your kid.
And if you want to complain about someone not picking up the phone, complain about your own, seemingly perfect, kid. You’re not my mom. I don’t have to answer your phone calls.
Consider the fact that maybe I’m busy and don’t want to talk to you, have you stop by, or whatever else. I. Am. Busy.

I should add that my mil is not like this. Luckily. But if she were, I can tell you things would not go well.

Rachel Wunderley Ellis 6 months ago

My MIL is pretty great ftmp. She gets under my skin from time to time, but overall we get along fine.

Katherine Elizabeth 6 months ago

This is a terrible article. She is completely delusional especially number 8! This lady is crazy and won’t ever be happy with her child’s spouse if these are the expectations.

Gretchen Bartholomew 6 months ago

How about 10 tips for being the MIL your DIL AND SON WANT!!!! Eff this! My mother in law had been a nightmare since the day she found out I was pregnant! And it just keeps getting worse! She is a conniving, manipulative, lying, slimy snake! And It’s on her that she continued to do the exact opposite of what I asked of her, and acted like she didn’t do anything wrong and refused to even hear me out, that I no longer have anything to do with her or the majority of my in laws, thanks to her going around lying about stupid crap to them playing the victim card and making me out to look like the bad guy! Even though because of her bullshit I went into preterm labor at 6 months pregnant and almost lost my daughter, but she’s the saint! I caught her in a lie via text between what she said to me and what she said to my husband! And still have those text messages, and she STILL to this day almost 3 years later, acts like she didn’t do anything wrong and that she didn’t lie! And guess what because of her behavior and the fact she had so many chances, and never took them and basically threw them back in my face, I have cut her off, and because I was and still am the only one that actually attempts to take my daughter to see family, the in laws don’t get to see her! And that’s on her and my husband now because she made her bed and everyone else’s and she and everyone else now need to lie in it, and well the hubby, yea he doesn’t go see them because of the bullshit drama! Oh well sorry MIL, but bye Felica!

Sue Watson 6 months ago

I’m very fortunate. The mother of my ex is someone I hold in the highest regard and trust more than anyone. And nope- she would never have written an article like this.

Sarah Spiers 6 months ago

Dear god. My first MIL helped end my marriage with her constant criticism and interference. What was the worst was the criticism I received for breast feeding. She couldn’t stand it that I was the only one to feed him, despite the superiority of breast milk.

Megan Ruse-Sullivan Blamires 6 months ago

None of those things are unreasonable. There are just as many daughters in law with bad attitudes as there are mothers in law. When you have sons that are starting to date you start to see MIL’s perspective a little better.

Alexandria Cruikshank 6 months ago

I love mine… We both chose to get along. Call each other everyday.

Rin 6 months ago

Guess I lucked out here… Mine passed away years ago.

Justine Kowinsky 6 months ago

That is okay. I will be me, the woman that her son fell madly in love with and still does after 24 years.

Carol Lafferty-Cahill 6 months ago

My teacher look now lol

Tracy M. 6 months ago

This. So much!!

Jade Beckman 6 months ago

Her poor daughter in law.

Rebecca Harris Emmitte 6 months ago

How about try and have a relationship with your DIL if you want to be involved.

Nisie 6 months ago

1. You may be welcome, but it’s still good to ask if this is a good time. That’s the counterpoint to the invitation.
2. I refuse to be bound to my phone. It may not be a good time, I may be in the bathroom, or you may call too much.
3- good point. Please stop dropping by the house and calling to see the kids, only to be surprised when I take you up on it.
4, 5, 6 Pot, kettle. I wonder what your DILS would say about you….
7 You are free to buy what ever you want in your house. However, just like you don’t like roosters in your house, your DIL may not want the items you want to bring in your house- even if they are for the kids.
8. According to the Bible, “a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.” Guess who wins if it comes down to it.
9. Unsolicited advice is unwanted advice.
10. You judge and criticize your DILS ability to raise kids, answer phones and be hospitable- and that’s the starters.

Respect is a two way street. Perhaps it’s time to show it to get some.

R 6 months ago

This “article” is ridiculous. It is obnoxiously patronizing, and if my MIL ever spoke to me this way I would flip. l do not like my MIL at all, and I don’t think that is a big secret, but she and I get along and are cordial to one another because we are adults and we do not want to alienate other family members. The bottom line is this: my husband and I are completely united in our decisions, and if my MIL wants to see us and her grandkids then she will be nice.

Elise Gatti Deegan 6 months ago

This is all very true. Except the last one. Being a mother doesn’t trump being a wife! It even says so in the bible. “What the Lord has joined together let no man separate” and a “man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife.” Otherwise I agree with this otherwise – life is easier when everyone is just considerate of one another! I want my child to enjoy his grandparents!

Jessica Acosta 6 months ago

I haven’t spoken to my fmil for 4 yrs so that tells you enough. I’m not here to please my fmil and that is one thing I think my future in laws hate. I take no shit and stand my ground and when I need to confront someone I don’t hide behind my df. In fact I tell them in front of my df so they won’t go to him and twist my words. I haven’t seen or spoken to none of my future in laws for 4 yrs and I don’t plan on it. I also never asked to take care of my kid ever. So they can’t throw that to my face nor I ever ask for anything for my kid. Thank God for that. I know my df family thinks I’m a bitch but idc I’m still living my life and will continue to do so.

Meghan Cummings 6 months ago

Or just be yourself. Be a kind person..
Be the best you can be for your spouse and kids.

Tiffany Valentine 6 months ago

I’m so glad my MIL and I get along

Molly 6 months ago

Wow you sound like a real peach. Try seeing things from your dil’s perspective. She has children, a husband and a home to juggle. Ever hear of the Golden Rule? And since you have been in her shoes you know first hand how hard that tightrope is to walk. Life is demanding on everyone. Be kind and maybe your DIL will extend you the same courtesy. Overbearing, critical MIL’s get cut out of the picture until they can improve their behavior. Just ask my MIL. Stop acting like an immature teen. Be the good example for your son and DIL. Let your son be a grown ass man. He may always be your son but he is no longer a little boy. He is a MAN w a WIFE. BACK OFF!!!

Michelle Sullivan-Jensen 6 months ago

Dead? Haha.

julia 6 months ago

Reading the comments on here make me realize how lucky I truly am. My in-laws are awesome & have been super supportive. They even get along with my family…the ones that they have gotten to meet anyways (my parents live in another state & only my mom can take time off to visit regularly). The only thing that bugs me is my husband seems to believe that he isn’t supposed to like my parents. It didn’t seem to matter that he rarely has to see them (it’s a 20 hour drive so there are no unannounced visits), they actually have lots in common, or that my parents & the rest of the family genuinely love him…he still complains about them when they aren’t here. Every time my parents visit, he’s awesome with them & says that they should come more often. But every time before they get here he acts like he’s facing a firing squad. It’s so frustrating. I’m blaming all those sitcoms that show spouses not liking their in-laws!

Amanda 6 months ago

I don’t have a problem with grandparents giving junk food or gifts ‘ocassionally’, if seeing grandparents is an uncommon thing or a treat. But if my child spends 3 days a week at your house and you’re giving him mini pancakes for every meal, you’re undermining all the work I’m putting into trying to get him to eat real food …and making it so he always wants to stay at your house and never at home. Really not cool.

Amanda Key 6 months ago

Not everyone has a MIL/DIL relationship like this…I love and respect my Mother-in-law! She was and is an amazing mother to my husband and brother-in-laws, a wonderful grandmother to my son, a shining example of a wife, sister, and aunt, and I truly love her like my second mom! She respects and supports us, never makes nasty comments or starts fights… I know I’m outrageously lucky, but surely I can’t be alone in actually liking my Mother-in-law?

(and on the flip side, my parents love and respect my husband as if he were their son, too. It’s possible to get along with your in-laws!)

Kendra Fritz 6 months ago

Wow. Very up front and logical. Why are people seeing something wrong here? She’s just asking for mutual respect.

Shannon Rae-Dufour 6 months ago

Yep not going to try to impress my MIL. She plays the victim, is manipulative and puts her own son in the middle. She tells him one thing and me the opposite. I just try to steer clear

Danielle Sacra 6 months ago

A lot of the points in this article sound like things from my perspective as a daughter-in-law!!! My MIL is EXTREMELY passive-aggressive and rude!

I’ve seen her utter laziness 1st hand, but she has nerve to make digs at me (unlike her, I’m not retired, I have 3 young kids, and I certainly don’t have a husband who does a lot of the housework & grocery shopping like she does!!!)

My MIL has zero respect for anyone else’s time or schedule. The one time she actually showed up early for my daughter’s birthday party (I couldn’t believe it), she decided to run a mile from our house to get a card and came back 40 minutes AFTER the party was supposed to start!!!!

I do think she needs to limit what she buys for my kids because I don’t need all that extra crap at my house, and more importantly, she has instilled in them the expectation of getting something new every stinkin’ time they are with her & go somewhere with her! (Then, that expectation spills over to me, and I have to tell them to no and not to expect things every time we step foot in a store!)

And, my MIL is definitely the one who needs to stop buying weird looking things for me that, for some strange reason, she finds cute! Even my oldest daughter asked me at Christmas about one of the gifts from years ago, that we came across at the bottom of my Christmas decorations – she said “You’re not going to put those snowmen out, are you? They’re creepy looking!” (And, they are!)

Oh, and one last thing (I could go on and on, but I won’t), when we got back from the ultrasound of our 3rd child after finding out that we were having a 3rd girl, she was totally upset that it wasn’t a boy and started SOBBING!! My then 8-year old had to walk her to her car and tell her the way it was. She said “Grandma, you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit!” (I died laughing!). You cry over a massive birth defect being found, not because you’re getting another granddaughter!!!

Heather Fulginiti 6 months ago

Eww

Marina Fernandez 6 months ago

Well, mils are mothers. They just want their kids to be happy. Of course they will judge us. We are different. But they have to understand that their kids chose us.

Manda Edwards 6 months ago

I want to throat punch her. Most of these don’t apply to my situation, my inlaws are in different states and I like it that way. It would be nice for them to see the kids more and have the opportunity to give us a break once in a while, but it’s better this way. But yeah, I really want to punch that “see you next Tuesday” in the throat.

Stacey McGowen Hudson 6 months ago

The only thing my ex-MIL asked of me was obescience and subjugation. I don’t miss being in her family.

Jessica Muratore 6 months ago

Thankful I have an awesome mil!

Mandy Barton Herlong 6 months ago

BAHAHAHA!!…I love how everyone likes the articles about what to say or what not to say to this type of mom or that type of mom…but when it’s about what the MIL wants….everyone’s like ‘AWWWW HELL NAW!!!!’

Sarah Jane 6 months ago

All of these comments are spot on. Sorry, this “MiL” seems like a huge bitch. I have left relationships over having over-bearing parents.
Respect is a two way street. Give it, expect it back. This is just…douchey.

Nikki Manning 6 months ago

Wow, I’m blessed to have a wonderful mother in law and we don’t have these issues…thank goodness! This sounds awful!

Ruth Winfield 6 months ago

and oh so funny! LOL

Kristina Smith Whitley 6 months ago

No thanks! I’ll let her keep hating me, mean I have to see her less haha

Kari Russell 6 months ago

Every time I see things on fb bitching about mother in laws I always feel a little twinge of sadness. I wish I could have met mine. She passed away when my husband was 13. From the stories I’ve heard she was a fantastic woman and I’d give anything to have had the opportunity to meet her.

Kelly Peters 6 months ago

I answered the phone, I let her in, I told her intimate details about my inner most thoughts & feelings- and she blabbed it all over the east coast because she has zero respect for privacy & loves to gossip about others. I’d love to see one of these written from the DIL position :)

Sarah Meyer 6 months ago

I left a man because his mother was absolutely batshit fucking crazy. Stark raving mad. No one should have to ever put up with that shit. EVER.
And I’m hoping Scary Mommy posted this as a joke because…really? Just no. I could care less if I’m the DiL my MiL wants…it’s not her business who I am. That’s between my husband and myself. Thankfully, my actual MiL is really really awesome and I have zero complaints…but I’ve been down the psycho MiL (or, nearly MiL) before. NEVER…EVER…AGAIN!

Jaye Fisher 6 months ago

I bet most gals don’t have a MIL that not only does many of the no-nos on that list, but also tells the new wife of her son that she looked fat in her wedding dress (I was pregnant!), sabotages her other DIL (who is vegetarian) by using beef broth in a recipe. Makes backhand “complements” about the new house and criticizes the fact that the guest room was incomplete. But the kicker was when she
wrote a four page rant about everything she thought was wrong with me, and left it on my kitchen counter. Her “apology?” “I’m sorry you found that.”
Yeah, no warm and fuzzy relationship here.

Wendy Pickering Bedrosian 6 months ago

I don’t subscribe to the “I am the mother, therefore I am entitled” attitude. If you want respect, give it.

Michelle Reeves 6 months ago

When a man takes a wife she is the woman who becomes MOST IMPORTANT in his life!!!!

Laura Novotny 6 months ago

This article didn’t bother me at all. I am lucky to have a good relationship with my MIL. I think the article makes good points. I feel that my husband also has a good relationship with my mom. There will always be differences in any relationship, but I think it’s important to always see the best in each other. My mother has been my greatest teacher, but I have learned important lessons from my MIL as well.

Jen Sowden 6 months ago

I won’t even bother reading this article.
I’ve got better things to do than to worry about what she wants from me.
I’ll never be enough. I’ve stopped trying.

Sheilah Graham 6 months ago

I don’t have many problems like those with my mother in law but Ohh Lord help her if I did!

Randi Lolley Gladson 6 months ago

#7 DISLIKE !!!!

Tara Romano 6 months ago

A marriage is between two people. I don’t buy the “you marry the whole family” BS.

Renee Johnson-Hetrick 6 months ago

I love my mother in law…the closest we’ve ever lived was 5 1/2 hours apart. Maybe that’s why we get along!

Tara Leffler 6 months ago

I’m definitely not here to please my delusional MIL. I am here to be a good wife. :-)

Lauren Ulm Blackman 6 months ago

And the MIL that wrote this sounds like a piece of work. Bless her DIL’s heart….

Shannon Jackovitch 6 months ago

Ok… I think NOT!!! Tho this crazy seems a lot better than my MIL! Here’s my advice life’s so much nicer WITHOUT added crazy toxic people in your life!

Kelley 6 months ago

Preach it, sister!
Amen to the Nth!

Rachel Pringle McMullen 6 months ago

Just saved for future use! Screw it I’m gonna troll till I can use this!

Heather Poyhonen 6 months ago

If you have a baby chances are you will be a MIL. I personally adore mine, but she is a gem. You reap what you sow…

Lauren Ulm Blackman 6 months ago

Disagree with number 7. I don’t want grandparents bribing my children with things and my children associating their relationship by materialistic things. I also don’t want them to be spoiled, etc. Parents do have the right to say stop buying my kids junk and stuff.

Maggie Dumit Zihlman 6 months ago

I tolerate my MIL’s son. And she lives out of state so our relationship is perfectly fine lol

Kelley 6 months ago

Dear Author:

1. I will stop saying that. It would help if when you did come over you would stop complaining about my housekeeping and commenting on the contents of my medicine cabinet and how my sheets are (not) folded, however. Also, please stop “stopping by” 10 minutes before the kids’ bedtime and loading them up with sugar. If you ever babysat, feel free to sugar them up then.
2. I don’t answer the phone for anyone anymore, particularly when their number is blocked, ever since the time I found the preschooler standing in the sink drinking children’s Ibuprofen while you kept me on the line for 20 minutes after I said pretty much what you just suggested.
3. Well, hopefully, I won’t have another emergency surgery I need to find childcare for. I’m sorry you felt put out. I’m just glad they got the baby out before she died.
4. Sorry, no go on this one. He’s my husband and my friend and mine to vent to. Have you ever considered that perhaps I’m not asking him to be a go between but he is simply asking you to lay off the woman he loves?
5. Hmmm, I wonder why I might be defensive… see #1.
6. I didn’t pick the rooster theme. Your son did. After you complained nonstop about the blouse I picked the first year we were married, he took over buying gifts for you of his own volition.
7. I call bullshit. In fact, the comment you made about “it’s a shame mommy and daddy won’t buy you these” puts paid to that.
8. You are, indeed, the woman that gave birth to my husband. I, however, am the woman dealing with this wonderful, loving man day to day and the woman helping him get over the damage you did to his self-esteem and psyche.
9. Yes, you did. Times change, however, as do the recommendations of pediatricians as more things are researched and studied. No offense is intended when I prefer to follow the recommendations of my children’s pediatrician.
10. Your son doesn’t believe that last statement and, frankly, he would know better than I would so I’m going with him.

Ok… I thank the dear Lord in heaven that the woman that wrote this is not my MIL. My real life MIL is awesome and I am very blessed. And, even given my snark-back above, I do think some of the author’s points could be valid if they weren’t clearly addressed with such snotty, holier-than-thou, just sheer obnoxious sarcasm. Oy!!

Lila Skinner 6 months ago

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that my MIL is, probably, the most awesome woman I’ve ever known! I LOVE her.

Jen Mattson Stewart 6 months ago

Nope.

Emily Church 6 months ago

What a peach….doesn’t sound judgemental at ALL. 😉

Jen Hill Amistadi 6 months ago

Thank God for grandparents who respect boundaries. The author seems like she isn’t one of those.

Kelley Cathcart 6 months ago

Passive-aggression is still aggressive. Yes. And most of this list is passive aggressive. I agree with a lot of the boiled down advice, but the way she wrote the list is in many of its items, totally passive aggressive.

Sarah J Pearson 6 months ago

Wow…….
Classless rude and completely nasty!

Lisa Cherrone 6 months ago

as a DIL and a new MIL, it seems a little harsh, but there is definitely a little truth under some of that frustration.

Susan Ferraro Barbieri 6 months ago

Wow!

Andrewandjenn Litherland 6 months ago

Um…I’m going to be ME..not the person my MIL wants me to be. If she doesn’t like it she will have to get over it…lol!

Brooke Barrett Hunter 6 months ago

My MIL and I have come a long way since my husband and I got married. She doesn’t live close enough to be overbearing. She’s in PA and we’re in MS. We used to not really get along but like I said, we’ve come a long way in the past 4 years. We have a mutual respect that we didn’t really have earlier. It’s actually nice to not constantly be at war with your spouse’s family.

Tori Stong 6 months ago

I’m blessed with a wonderful MIL..she would do anything for anyone, especially her family! Love her!!!

Christina 6 months ago

Glad she’s not my MIL. No to the whole thing this woman sounds super entitled. In reference to number 1. Yes you need an appointment, if I’m not expecting company I won’t answer the door. 2. I don’t talk to people if I don’t feel like it… call your son not me. 3. I actually agree with point 3, I won’t even let my MIL watch my child. 4. It’s my husband’s job to manage his family that means you! Don’t worry though he won’t be in the middle, he’ll be on my side every time. We are a unit. Cut the umbilical cord already. 5.Agree 6. Not a problem, it should be the husband’s job to buy gifts for his mother. You wouldn’t be getting anything from me. 7.It’s my house, if I don’t want the crap you’re purchasing in it it’ll go straight to good will. 8. No. My husband took vows to forsake all others when we were married. That means I always come before you. 9. Sure, but when we know better we do better. Your knowledge is outdated. 10. This is just a straight up lie. If you weren’t judging this article wouldn’t exist.

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 6 months ago

I guess I’m blessed. I have an amazing MIL. She had a wonderful son whom she raised to be a good man:)

Danae E Barnett 6 months ago

True story. I love my MIL, she’s awesome and every word of this is spot on.

Sarah J Pearson 6 months ago

What ouch??? It’s true!!! 100% true!

Bobby Susemihl 6 months ago

Um, yeah, if my MIL tried to make these types of suggestions, she would have even less of a relationship with her son than she does now. I am the one that pushes him to have the contact he does with her as it is…when we got married, he hadn’t spoken to her in 8 months…

Maureen Steele 6 months ago

Okay so some of these are fine, they’re common sense and just plain politeness. Some of them though… No. Yes you may have successfully kept your ch old alive long enough for him to develop a personality in felt worthy of my hand in marriage, however, that’s doesn’t mean I can’t tell you not to feed my 3 month old an 8 Oz bottle of water and Karo syrup. -.-

Connie Markward 6 months ago

This give MIL a bad rap! I have a great relationship with my DIL and I know my son loves his MIL. All relationships are work in progress.

Danielle Maria Monroe 6 months ago

I think I’ve lucked out.

My MIL doesn’t call, EVER.

She has yet to visit us (and only visited us 5 times when we lived 2 minutes away).

She apparently has no desire to see her grandchild since she enjoys spending money going to dog shows and not spending money to come visit.

I have one pic of me and my MIL at the wedding. It was after she said her son made the biggest mistake of his life and she bets we will be divorced in the first year.

As for presents, she refuses to acknowledge my existence, so I refuse to acknowledge hers.

Babysitter? She’s seen her grandchild three times. Babysat her once while her son was having surgery, and had no problem ransacking our bedroom looking through stuff.

I am so incredibly thankful for the relationship my husband has with my mother and father. Its amazing what happens when there’s sanity and unconditional love on just one side of the family.

Sheena Shade 6 months ago

I like my MIL:)

Stephanie McNiel 6 months ago

Hope her DIL doesn’t read this.

Maria Tripp 6 months ago

She should try calling her own son if she wants them to pick up the phone. DIL is not the gate keeper. He can make plan too.

Angela Hoekstra 6 months ago

I thought it was a good article and I think if you think about it, you would want them same when your children grow up

Kimmy Cipriani 6 months ago

didn anyone else want to punch the shit out of their screen? i did…

Aly Jones- Millert 6 months ago

I love my mother-in-law and I am so thankful that we don’t have this kind of relationship.

Ashleigh Spagnuolo 6 months ago

Wow. Just wow. Thank god my mother in law is nothing like this!!!

Kristy Beltram 6 months ago

Personally I could. Careless what my MIL thinks. I’m not here to please her. I’m respectful of her but this article is so general. Some MIL are awesome some are not.

Rachel Post 6 months ago

The number one tip fore would’ve been to kill myself. I refuse to even read this stupid article.

Amy Grimes Spaulding 6 months ago

Fuck that.

Michelle Fischer 6 months ago

Wow. If anything was going to make a daughter in law hate their mother in law, it’s this article…

Stella Holgerson LaBarre 6 months ago

When a man weds he cleaves to his wife NOT his mother, so take a hike Diane! And take my MIL with you!

Stephanie McNiel 6 months ago

Hahahah!!!

Meghann McIntyre Antrim 6 months ago

Glad to see I’m not the only one who thinks this is bullshit.

Maureen Steele 6 months ago

Anyone with a son needs to spend some time on DWIL Nation on babycenter.

Natalie Voytek 6 months ago

When my mil and I finally realized that we were who we were, That she is Daria all day long, that I am Natalie all day long…we finally started liking each other. She tells me lovingly that im a pain in her ass and I tell her lovingly that her son is a twat. I love my MIL very much. Is she a perfect MIL? well, im certainly not a perfect DIL so we just gotta accept what we are

Niki Dransfeldt 6 months ago

That is the mother in law from hell.

Charla McMillan Bamburg 6 months ago

My mother in law wouldn’t say those things. She minds he own business, almost never calls or visits, to be nosey (she actually calls because she and I are friends), and she doesn’t seem too judgmental. Guess I’m lucky! Though I do wish she would volunteer to babysit more… Like all the time! Lol

Lori King 6 months ago

I want to like this twice.

Carolynn Dulin 6 months ago

I’m very blessed to adore my husband’s family.
This list just seems to be common decency and respect.

Alyssa Williams 6 months ago

This made me all kinds of mad!

Allison Wickramasinghe 6 months ago

The tone of this article is quite simply fucking rude.

Megan Bailey 6 months ago

1) Success in raising your son is relative. For some MIL, that means the son survived to adulthood with a bunch of baggage. Ask how I know. 2) there is a point that a child becomes a son. What I mean is he becomes an adult, marries and starts his own family. My son is only 10 mo old but I am already preparing for the day that I have to let go, take a few steps back, and respect HIM and his choices, including who he picks as a spouse. And even if I don’t like something, my job at that point will be to keep my mouth shut, compliment his wife and love him. Not try to fix/change/put my nose into his life without him first asking. But maybe that is just my perspective and what I have learned after having my MIL live with me for a yr and a half.

Kendal Zeisloft 6 months ago

*big ol’middle finger* that’s all I’ve got for ya.

Jessica 6 months ago

Exactly I don’t like my mil or spend anytime with her she’s the slum lord we rent off of that has never done any repairs and they’re past over due She might have had 4 kids but can’t keep her story straight on it either they where taken away by cps or she took them and said she didn’t want them anymore, then when they turned 18 she went to collect the 3 that wasn’t adopted. So i dont think she has any right to give ANY parenting advice. What do yall think ?

LeAnn Stidham 6 months ago

A lot of this woman’s points are valid…which is why my sons are not allowed to grow up and get married.

Miran 6 months ago

7. It’s my money, so please let me spend it. If I want to lavish my grandchildren with gifts, it’s because I love them and I have the ability to do so. It’s not to shame you for not being able to match me dollar for dollar.

To a point. In-laws only have the kids for short periods. We do the rest of the time. So if a toy is too obnoxiously loud, sorry, I don’t care who it’s from, it’s not staying. That and I don’t want my kids learning that grandma will give them anything and everything they want, if mom and dad won’t.

Carla Patricia Torres Orona 6 months ago

Haha I like it!

Cissy Gaab 6 months ago

Yet ANOTHER reason I love being SINGLE! Don’t have to deal with it! Lol

Paula Christian Howard 6 months ago

Some DILs will NEVER live up to MIL’s standards because the MIL never wanted DIL. She assumedd her son would stay single forever so he could move home if/when she became a widow.

Katie Unruh Leonard 6 months ago

Yea I don’t agree.

Jenifer Pender Friedel 6 months ago

Sometimes I am just happy I married my husband because I get his mom!! So lucky.

Linda Barras Clouatre 6 months ago

Whew, I’m glad that I get along with and love my mother in law and this doesn’t speak to me at all!

Kate Cahill 6 months ago

Love it! I think MIL’S often get a bad rap.

Lisa MacKenzie 6 months ago

Screw this lady.

Carol L. Wohr 6 months ago

Please don’t include this MIL in this rant. My son loves his wife and so do I. That’s enough.

Jerri Flynn 6 months ago

Yes. Ouch. I sure hope I don’t fit that stereotype. I sure try to be like my own Mother who always tries to butt out. :)

Meghan May 6 months ago

You guys, you will probably be mother-in-laws someday too. Take it easy, what goes around comes around.

Debbie Craig Taylor 6 months ago

Pretty sure my MIL would be happy if I she didn’t have to admit I was in the family for 15 years

Courtney O’Neill 6 months ago

Hahaha like I care!

Jennifer Schepers 6 months ago

#7. Nope nope nope. Totally disagree.

Yolanda Kozak Goodwin 6 months ago

To any woman who hates this post, I have one thing to say…

I would give anything to spend a day in my mother-in-law’s company again.

My mother-in-law never got the chance to even know that she was having more grandchildren, let alone four more. She will never know that there were two more precious granddaughters born to a family heavy with sons. She will never be able to meet her great-grandson.

She died February 4th, 2001, and I had only met her a few months earlier. Her daughter had her next grandson in March of 2002. My husband and I had our children in August, 2002, September, 2004, and October 2006. She’ll never know any of these children.

She never got to be there for our wedding in February of 2008 – Leap Day. She never got to know me, her latest daughter-in-law either, even though from the moment I met her, she treated me like I was deserving of her time, attention, and most importantly her love.

I would give anything, for five more minutes of her time just because she was that awesome of a woman.

Not all mother-in-laws are evil, manipulative bitches. Some are actually decent.

Wanna know how awesome she was? Even though I wasn’t in her will, she told her children that I should get all her craft stuff because I was a crafter too.

Just five more minutes… please?

Jennifer Smith Headlee 6 months ago

I have no desire to be the person my MIL wants to have as a daughter in law.

Merrit Bretz 6 months ago

Sounds like an asshole wrote that. I can see everyone else thoroughly enjoyed it too.

Stephanie DeMarzo 6 months ago

The more I read this the angrier I became. What a horrible article.

Kelley 6 months ago

My MIL is a wonderful woman; my mother… well, she’s difficult. She’s very much like the woman who wrote this seems to be (except that she’s way better about gifts) – a passive aggressive Holier-than-Thou!

I would suggest the author look at her own behavior and attitude before casting stones.

Carol Zarda 6 months ago

I am a mother in law and I really don’t agree. I feel this is way too much about her and her comforts and that she has forgotten what it was like to be a daughter in law! Time to lighten up and enjoy the people in her life she has been blessed with.

Gloria Katz 6 months ago

Love my MIL and very grateful she’s not a nut case :)

VJ 6 months ago

We don’t speak to his mother haven’t in 2 years. She has hated me from day one and doesn’t hide it well at all.

Jill Leigh 6 months ago

I am reminded of this: “A daughter is a daughter for life. A son is a son until he finds a wife.” ….I love my parents in law!!! It was the siblings in law I struggled with. I never belonged in their eyes. But like she said…death or divorce or desertion, I’m still here!! That’s exactly what happened. I’m the last one left who married into the family…. for life, yo. I feel bad that my MIL had such shitty DILs.

Shannon Minnig 6 months ago

My mother in law is ridiculously amazing. I lucked out.

Christina Johnson Ware 6 months ago

I wish my mil was the least bit involved with my kids. They haven’t seen her in almost 3 years. Shortly after their dad passed away. Be thankful that your i laws are involved and try. ITD so sad that my kids don’t have that special relationship with their grandma. I’ve done all I can think of to include her to no avail. She’s missed so much. So sad for her too.

Whitney Cutshaw 6 months ago

C’mon ladies..this isnt about you changing who you are or stayin true to yourself, this is about respecting other people and extending the same courtesy to others and you wish them to extend to you

Terry N Jamie 6 months ago

Just be yourself. If you and her son are happy, that should be all she wants to see.

Rosa McMillan 6 months ago

All I can say for my MIL is that she has shown me how NOT to be a MIL. We’ve had no contact with her or my FIL for almost 2 years and our marriage and family-life have significantly improved. In comparison the woman who wrote this article sounds like a peach lol

Nicole 6 months ago

Unfortunately, this is far from true for every MIL.
I am not married to my boyfriend, yet, but I don’t see any drastic change coming any time soon between his mother and I any time soon.
She is rude, she has on multiple occasions tried to convince J to leave me, and since the birth of our daughter, she has tried to convince him to take her away from me out of pure spite.
She hates me because I came into the picture and because another important woman in J’s life. She gossips to their entire family about me, and has successfully made most of them dislike me, even though many of them have never met me.
That woman is in no way deserving of my respect, I have tried many times over the years to mend fences only to be me with sarcastic and hurtful remarks.
I refuse to let her spend all the time she would like around our daughter, not out of anger or spite, but simply because I don’t want her growing to think it is ok to act the way her grandmother does, and I don’t want her to be influenced into thinking she needs to be like her grandmother.

Brittany Thomas 6 months ago

Nope nope nope. HELL NO.

Amanda J Morczek 6 months ago

I’ll just be me, my husband adores me so that’s what matters. She can go sit in her hole and have her own pitty party.

Jean Eagers-Czerniawski 6 months ago

Wish my MIL was still alive and my son could have met her

Maggie Jagger 6 months ago

It isn’t my responsibility to make his mother happy, nor is it his to mine. You stop by uninvited, you are rude, you call and I don’t answer, get over it. If I don’t ask for your advise, don’t give it and my child is my child and if you buy a gift without running it by me and I deem it to be inappropriate or overly extravagant, it is my right to take it away or return it. Don’t like it? You know where the door is. This applies to anyone, not just mils (I actually love mine, but she’d never come at me like the beast who wrote this article).

Heather Smith 6 months ago

I’m not sure why people hate this. I can see how a MIL would believe these and I don’t think they are far fetched. My MIL Gayle Smith is a bad ass little woman who runs her own business, takes no shit, is incredibly positive, and shows unconditional love for those that deserve it. I lucked out, though, and could’ve gotten a much harder lot!

Neelie Sammon Koulouvaris 6 months ago

Wow,I’m really lucky I have a great MIL…We treat each other with the utmost respect & I thank her for raising an amazing son,who has become an amazing father & husband! I do realize not everyone is so fortunate…like the DIL of this woman! Lol!

Kieshia Colburn 6 months ago

Yeah ouch is right! I’m guilty but my MIL is a little crazy lol.. We get along well but The struggle is real

Jocelyn Rose 6 months ago

This woman is awful! Get out of here scary MIL eeek

Alisha Ketcheside 6 months ago

Who cares what kind of daughter in law she wants, I married her son not her

Jill Port 6 months ago

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooope.

Amanda J Morczek 6 months ago

Fuck yes, so much yes!!!

Ashley Houghlan 6 months ago

I hate the article but reading other responses is comforting knowing I share the same opinion as many!

Jacqui 6 months ago

I appreciate the point of view, but #4 and #5 come off as hypocritical.
I have a different relationship with my MIL, and most of these points sound like what I would say to her.
I hope I’ll be well liked mother-in-law when the day arrives….

Heather Leigh Colangelo 6 months ago

Yeah, no. My Mother-in-law has and always will hate me. The only reason she pretends to tolerate me is because I’m the mother of her first and so-far only grandchild. But that’s alright, because I’m an awesome Mom and a pretty good wife~

Jennifer Schulz 6 months ago

Well SHE sounds like a passive-aggressive handful…and i mean the author. Thank goodness I love my own mother-in-law, she is awesome :)

Tanisha Woods 6 months ago

Everything she has said is true. All she is asking for is common courtesy. I’m glad mine is a decent woman. To all who have a problem with that maybe your the problem

Elizabeth Smith Boblitt 6 months ago

This was pretty harsh. I have a great relationship with my mother in law. I love her very much. That being said, she would never be like this.

Kelley 6 months ago

Oh dear. I hope she improves with age and that your hubby stands up for you!

Tania McCreanor 6 months ago

It is true I totally respect my MIL for doing a job successfully that I hope to one day do for my own child. I love my husband and part of that is because of the way she raised him. She still has her other side which I wont go into (I have my own faults too) and we share no real love for one another but the respect is there and I think that is what matters most.

Kelley 6 months ago

Absolutely!! She sounds selfish, controlling, and aggressive!
I thank my lucky stars my MIL is a very sweet lady and nothing at like this woman.

Jacqueline Landrau 6 months ago

I really liked this article and there are definitely some things I can improve on. Like the whole pick up the phone thing. I could of used that when I made him call for the baby shower invites. I probably should of done that but was to lazy. I need to suck it up next time.

Naomi N Albert 6 months ago

Ouch, glad my MIL is nothing like this lady.

Amy Jo 6 months ago

I did not have the most fantastic start with my in laws, things were rocky in the beginning, but I put my big girl panties on and got over it. Now I can’t imagine my life without them. I love them all very dearly and realize that they are full of love even when I don’t agree with what they are saying. Take a moment and get over yourself and realize that most MIL’s are not the evil person you make them out to be. You did marry the fruits of their labor, you chose him to spend your life with, and she may actually have a slight idea what she is talking about. I am sure some of you have real issues with your inlaws but hating the mother of your husband and grandmother to your grandchildren will not solve anything in the long run.

Jaime Andrejan-Wetherald 6 months ago

My MIL is the greatest. Im pretty lucky…she’s one of my best friends

Joss Naron 6 months ago

Lots of “I want my son and grandchildren to be happy” what about also wanting a happy daughter in law? Sounds more like passive aggressiveness and less like tips for success

Holly S. Martinez 6 months ago

I’d agree if my kids married an ungrateful “B”…. but I hope they dont… I like the I got a life part… I always ask in advance for help unless it’s an emergency but I’ll still understand if she couldn’t… and she does the same… I’m glad both me and my husband like each others parents.

Laurie Flood 6 months ago

what a foolish, selfish article. No. Effing. Way. This woman sounds like no matter what her DIL does, it will never be enough. I wonder how she was as a new wife with *her* new MIL. LOL

Alicia Reichert 6 months ago

What the fuck?! If my MIL said any of this to me, they would be her last words to me. I think mutual respect has pretty much died and has been replaced with mutual bitterness and animosity. Sad.

Donald Nona Wilson 6 months ago

#10 lol

Sarah Ruark 6 months ago

I must be incredibly lucky because I love my MIL! We are super close and really good friends.

Carolyn Laich 6 months ago

I read this before and it’s rudely worded. My mother in law wouldn’t talk to me like that and if she did, I don’t think I’d have much respect as a fellow adult, mother of her grandchildren, and wife to her son. I find the snarky undertone to be very off putting. I’m happy my mother in law and I have a good relationship. I wish I could pick up the phone and say I’ve got my hands full but this is difficult mid-diaper change, bath, or after I’ve gone to bed (early I know!).

Rachel Smith French 6 months ago

Super thankful I have a great MIL!

Kelley 6 months ago

Amen, Liz, Amen!!

Amanda Horning Gonzalez 6 months ago

I have to completely disagree with 9… I love my husband because he over came the raising he had and my greatest pet peeves are direct results of her parenting. I think we work in a manner of detached connection. Also yes you need to plan ahead before you visit because we have a life… an active busy life… no one shows up unannounced and expects to be entertained it is rude.

Erin Rogers 6 months ago

Oh man this sounds like a nightmare I’m so lucky to have a truly wonderful MIL

lexie 6 months ago

Me too! My MIL is wonderful, kind and helpful

Nicole Cummins 6 months ago

Well that escalated quickly.

Amanda Breasbois-Schulz 6 months ago

Don’t worry. I’ll never tell you to ‘drop by any time.’
Never
Ever.

Jessie Y-l 6 months ago

I hear so many people complain about their MIL. Some people need to realize its a two way street and have some respect!

Amy Deaton Edmiston 6 months ago

No wonder they call you scary mommy!

Lindsey Perrott 6 months ago

I love my mother in law and I’m grateful for her all the time!
I’m sorry to those of you that do not get along with yours.

Tara Tallent 6 months ago

I heard (read) the whole thing in a sarcastic voice

Laura Baron 6 months ago

Ick. Never again…

Kerrie Penno 6 months ago

I’d hate to be her daughter in law, ouch. Hopefully they don’t read this.

Natalie Anderson 6 months ago

What a rant! Here’s some food for thought……there’s power in choice. You choose your spouse, but you don’t choose your parents, siblings, or children. And that choice of spouse is one of the most powerful choices a person can make in his/her life. I’d rather invest my time and energy into that powerful relationship than trying to make a judgemental woman happy.

Char Downs 6 months ago

This makes me want to punch my mother in law in the face. Oh wait, her narcissistic rages went over the line too many times and we have been No Contact for over 2.5 years, happily raising her ‘grandkids’ that she hasn’t seen since 1 was 9mo and has never seen the 2yo.
Happy times! I feel sorry for anyone stuck with an abusive MIL

Kristin Matheny 6 months ago

I disagree with about 3/4 of these points, and I’m a mother of boys, so inevitably I have thought quite a bit about being a MIL. A mother is a mother, yes, and it is a sacred role…but it does not trump the role of “wife”. If a mother raises their son well, that son will hopefully end up with someone who cares about him and is awesome. I think a lot of tension between MILs and DILs is that there is a struggle over the primary female role in the son/husband’s life (I’ve heard of this happening way too often, although it’s not a problem I have with my own MIL)! Also, I disagree that any grandparents, in law or not, have carte blanche to buy grand kids whatever they want and let them do whatever they feel like doing. Grandparents play a special, unique role…but they are not parents. Final veto power goes to the parents. I respect what this author is saying, but I disagree with a lot of it. You don’t necessarily “give up” when your son marries, but you do have to step aside…and yes, I know I will have to do that one day. It’s hard for many to accept. I get it. But still.

Malissa Richardson 6 months ago

Not in this lifetime!

Vanessa Hernandez 6 months ago

I love this article!!! My MIL is the best and I am so glad we have a great relationship.

Mary Casey Lang 6 months ago

I read this and feel such love for my MIL.

Jennifer Marie Gonsior 6 months ago

Yeahhh sure…

Tracy Deming 6 months ago

No thank you. I’m the wife my husband wants. Maybe my MIL should be the MIL I expect: ACKNOWLEDGE your grandchildren’s birthdays and Christmas ON the respected dates, call them once a year, ask
for pictures.

Brittany Owens 6 months ago

Omg!! So mean!! If my mother in law was like that I would not be married

Tara 6 months ago

Ouch, indeed. Glad that Diane isn’t my MIL. Especially since she just wrote all over her own “social media thingy” complaining about her DIL. Hello kettle? Are you there?

Terrie Tarpy-Sauer 6 months ago

I have a great Mother in Law. I love her like my own Mother.

Melissa Baileey 6 months ago

Wow. I’m so glad my in-laws are awesome and that my parents love my husband. This is ugly!

Rachel Miller Jewett 6 months ago

Yikes. What a negative way to think and write about your daughter in law. No wonder she doesn’t answer your calls and you don’t have a good relationship. Your son is grown. And , yes, you had a lot to do with that, but part of being grown is having your own life and relationships. Have you ever thought that maybe your SON is the one not wanting you at the house all the time? You say you have a life of your own, but too bad it doesn’t sound like a happy one. Also, if this was my mother in laws view on her relationship with me, I wouldn’t want my her around my child, either. Maybe try to stop poisoning the well if you want to be involved.

C.j. Westover 6 months ago

You do need an appointment to. See your child! He is married and lives away call and set something Up!

Diane Bo 6 months ago

I understand some of the sentiments in the article, but it came off REALLY…. Witchy…. It was almost designed to put people on the defensive and get comments, lol. Love my MIL!

Mary Katherine Backstrom 6 months ago

It’s all good for us mamas to complain, but the minute a MIL steps in we freak out? Nah, I liked it. Didn’t see eye-to-eye on every point, but relationships take two people, and this is one that I believe is worth fostering. No matter how challenging. (Okay, we all have our limits.)

Cathy Lowe Bogle 6 months ago

It is kind of bitchy, but she does have some good points!

Sara Conner 6 months ago

I love my mother in law. We get along very well. She’s the sweetest lady and respects our space and our rules,as much a grandma can. I love that she spoils my children. It’s a grandmas job to do so!

amy 6 months ago

My mil and I have an odd relationship. I give her praise for raising such an awesome man and being a very supportive grandma (unlike my own mom). But I dont like her 24/7 negativity it can be really draining, she doesn’t get along well at all with other females not even her own daughters. I try to be very amibcle towards her though.

Bonnie Lynn Patterson 6 months ago

I’m lucky enough to have had a great relationship with my exhusbands mom and a n even better relationship with my current mother in law! Thank goodness!

Nicole Van Hoose 6 months ago

We do need to stop with niceties like “stop over anytime” when we don’t mean it. We think that we are being polite, but not everyone gets it (or wants to get it) and this way there is no confusion.

Michael Toledo 6 months ago

Ew I feel bad for anyone with this kind of relationship with their MIL! Two thumbs waaaaay down on this article. First Scary Mommy post I’ve thought was truly shitty!!

Andrea Benson 6 months ago

I’m ok with it. Remember we were all once little grand kids and and, god willing, we will all on day be grandparents <3

Angela Rodriguez 6 months ago

Needs to written from a daughter in laws perspective.

Kelly Womack 6 months ago

Didn’t like this article Last Year, don’t like it now.

Tina Kiley 6 months ago

Sadly enough, I’ve known people with that kind of relationship. Luckily for me, I got the pick of a life time when I got my daughter in law!

Lily Addams 6 months ago

Lol my mil called me Satans Mistress and cut her son outta the will because she hates me that much.

Tracy Franko Marica 6 months ago

Way to air dirty laundry, I’m sure her DIL really respects her now (insert eyeroll).

Derbakerta Pandas 6 months ago

So grateful for my MIL who wouldn’t even THINK like the writer of this article, let alone regard me like this. Least favourite SM read ever :(

Jane Calder 6 months ago

Yeah, granny has some fair points here!

Olivia Crowder 6 months ago

Bleh lol

boredfirst 6 months ago

My mom is the one in our family who buys a lot of gifts and, less desirably, junk food. For the most part we try to roll our eyes and look away. Grandparents earned the right to a bit of tomfoolery and I think the kids are usually in on the joke.

Kassidy Taylor Rummler 6 months ago

Sounds pretty passive aggressive to me!! I see the validity in each point but damn…she’s throwing shade lol

Lindsey Christiansen D’Lugos 6 months ago

Is it really so hard to be respectful towards one another? Granted some mil’s are terrible but some dils are just as bad and don’t even try.
I love my mil, she is wonderful

Crystal Woods 6 months ago

As soon as my mother in law stops thinking she can control me by threatening to take me to court for my son… Maybe then I’ll care about what she wants.

Heather Barnes Wisniowski 6 months ago

I found this interesting. I am so lucky to have a great mother in law but I have two sons and I know it will be hard to share them one day! She was a bit snarky at times but I sort of found her funny too. Except for number 5. I could see myself saying something about not cleaning my house bc I am playing with the kids as well. I’m guessing her DIL said that because she felt judged, not because she was judging.

Melisa Hennessy 6 months ago

It’s a double edged sword that i don’t have to worry about this. My husbands mom passed away ten years before we met. I hear how much we would have loved each other and it makes me sad that our one month old daughter will never know her grandmother.

Thomas Pack 6 months ago

Just remember- we will all be MIL’s someday. Pick your battles. I think that’s the bottom line.

Jodie Brown 6 months ago

#8 are the bitter words of a woman who is no long in control. When my son gets married I will remember this and realize, once he gets married, his wife is #1. Same thing that happened when I married my husband :)

Andrea Williams 6 months ago

I wanted to like my MIL, until I realized she doesn’t treat my children from a previous marriage like her biological grandchildren. No. Not cool.

Ashley Turner Krull 6 months ago

I’m not here to be the person my MIL wants. I’m here to be the best spouse and mother to my own children that I can be. If, in doing that, my MIL becomes dissatisfied with the person that I am, that is her burden to bear, not mine.

Correina D Shea 6 months ago

I have the worst one.

Elizabeth Clayburn 6 months ago

My MIL is the best! I even live in the other side of a duplex next to her :). We have an incredible relationship ❤️

Brooke Rahko 6 months ago

I think she made fair points it may be our husband, but it’s still her son. She didn’t ask to be put first just respected and considered. I wouldn’t want cut out of my sons life. Glad I have a good MIL

Christi Cook 6 months ago

I agree with this article. Everyone’s always bitching about their MIL and a lack of respect… well respect is a two way street. Let’s not forget- this is the woman who raised the man you love. Why shouldn’t she be respected? Don’t forget… ALL of us moms are going to be a MIL to someone someday!

Gina DeVilbiss 6 months ago

Whew I feel lucky!

alison 6 months ago

OMG yes 1000 times! Every time I try to have a constructive conversation with the woman she puts her hand up and say you always make me the he bad guy!

Amanda Roloson 6 months ago

Considering my mother in law is about as manipulative, delusional, and toxic as it gets… I’m going to have to take a pass on these “tips.” Thanks for playing though.

Brandi-Lee Mouck 6 months ago

Considering I can’t stand my MIL I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what she thinks of me!! Good thing she lives 3000km from me!!

Breanna Helmer 6 months ago

I was blessed with a superb mother in law. Very cool, laid back lady. I feel sorry for my husband because of the mother in law he got when he married me…

Amanda N Schwartz 6 months ago

Wow.

Heather Gulliver 6 months ago

My mother In law Is awesome! She’s so supportive and helpful, I’ve been very blessed!

Kristen Fitts 6 months ago

This was bad. This mother in law sounds awful, as does the daughter in law she is writing about! I’m so thankful to have a wonderful relationship with my mother in law.

Lou Kenny 6 months ago
Jackie Simmons 6 months ago

I think this is totally on point, and it’s nice to be reminded occasionally that relationships are a two way street.

Kayla Wilke 6 months ago

This MIL sounds super scary. YIKES!

Sara York 6 months ago

I was never gonna be the daughter in law my MIL wanted because I don’t know how to be seen and not heard so I don’t really care lol

Katie Marchetti 6 months ago

I must be lucky. I have lovely in laws. They love and support our choices and respect our privacy. Thanks moms.

Sarah Russell 6 months ago

I love mine :)

Emily Hone 6 months ago

Thankfully I don’t have any of these problems!

Elizabeth Ryan 6 months ago

I feel like I’ve read this here before. Thankful for my super cool and supportive mom-in-law! She’s pretty wonderful!!

alison 6 months ago

And dear MIL, here is what I say to you. I am not your daughter and I will not live my life to her standards. And when you neglect my children in favor of hers, or my husband I’m favor of your daughter, it cuts like a knife. I hope few have the terrible experiences I have had with my MIL. My real estate agent, upon meeting her, literally said “I feel so sorry for you” as she was trying to pilfer the deceased previous owners belongings.

Kayleigh Lorraine Sancaster 6 months ago

Thank god my other half has nothing to do do with his evil witch of a mother. Rapacious harpy that she is!

Lauren Preziosi Mueller 6 months ago

Lol, whooooaa

Emily Gerwig 6 months ago

These things can easily go the other way too

Sarah Marsic 6 months ago

Thankful for having a good relationship with my MIL. She’s not evil or overbearing!

Kristi Miller Frame 6 months ago

Hmmmmm

Dani Mae Heights 6 months ago

HAHA. As if anyone could ever make her happy…

Jenni Saaidi 6 months ago

Fuck that lol you don’t like me keep on a moving

Mandy 6 months ago

Same here …

Mother In Law Gifts 6 months ago

Good read! The relationship with your mother-in-law will definitely affect your marriage so its something to play close attention to making it work.

eehgcam14 7 months ago

I thought the tone of this article was obnoxious…

ASIs 8 months ago

My mil also thinks I have ‘brainwashed’ her only grandchild to hate her. In reality, I never, ever said a negative thing about her. My son, who is now nine yrs. old, saw her behavior and decided himself that he did not like her. Her money was not enough to explain why she told him to lie to us or cut his hair when he did not want it cut or, the biggie, why she talked so ugly to me (his mama). After he saw and heard he talking to me, and begged her to “stop talking to mumsie that way” and she kept right on being nasty and did not even bother to answer him, pretended that he wasn’t there when he was crying and asking her to stop. He finally slammed something on the counter to get her attention and announced, at 9 yrs. old, that he was going to bed ( because he did not want to be around her yelling at me). She did not even stop yelling at me to say good-night. My hubby and I took turns going into his room to say good-night and try to calm him. We took turns because she HAD to have someone with her to yell at (grandpa too ignored our son, did not say good-night etc).
I finally, hours later, said “enough, I am done”. I went to bed and listened to her tell my hubby all kinds of nasty things, I laid there and thought “this is it, I never have to deal with her again, this is the last time I will ever hear her voice”.
I did not sleep, I was so upset and worried for our son. I packed a small bag and as soon as I heard our son wake up, I was ready to leave and my son and i were gone before mil was awake. I took our son and got a hotel room on the beach with a pool. I talked with him about what happened and we had a very good talk at Starbucks about the whole thing. He explained what he thought was happening first, and he was spot on! He realized what a nasty person she was without me saying a thing.
I explained that we would not be seeing grandma again, ever, and he was just fine with that. I asked him if he wanted to say good-bye and he said no, he just wanted to go to the hotel and have fun. Because I was emotionally exhausted, I went and picked up one of his close friends and they had a lovely day playing at the pool.
When mil and fil woke up, my hubby took them to their own hotel (they were planning on staying with us 4 nights but only made it one night and then were asked to leave). They continued their ‘vacation’ just fine, went to NYC and visited some friends and family on the east coast for several weeks after this falling out.
Mil did not seem to care. Never even called her only grandchild, whom she was supposed to adore, to say bye. We never heard a thing from her until Christmas when she mailed gifts to the kids, which we donated to charity.
She seems to think that things will work out or be ok between her and our son. She is so narcissistic that she does not even realize that we have gone ‘no contact’ with her and she is basically dead to us.
She abused my husband and I for so long…him for 40 years and me for 10. When you are abused , I think it is a natural reaction to want the other person to get a taste of their own medicine. She threatened disinheriting us so many times, or threatened that my husband may “just have to choose between his wife and his ‘family” (as if his wife and child were not his family). She thought her money was power….but the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world and in reality, hubby and I have all the power, since we have the only grandchild. I never thought of this as power because I do not believe in using kids as pawns, nor do I believe is using power to control others.

We went no contact in order to protect ourselves and our children from abuse. I know however, that this will cause her to suffer (when she realizes she is not the one giving US the silent treatment but rather we have gone no contact). And, a part of me is very happy, elated actually, that she will suffer the exact thing she threatened us with for years. We delt with her because we were afraid that if we did not deal with her, we would also lose members of his extended family (brothers, aunt, cousins etc.). See, if you don’t agree with her 100% then she sees you as an enemy. We were worried we would lose others in the family because she would make them choose, us or her.
Finally her behavior became so bad though, that we felt we had no choice. Hubby called everyone to let them know what happened and to tell them that he loves them and still wants to be in their lives. We were both so relieved when they were supportive. While they are still it ouch with mil, they also understand the reasons we are not. We would never make them choose, all we ask is that we not talk about mil and they not talk with her about us. They all respect that. They also all knew how nasty she had been to us and that she has issues. They basically deal with her in order to keep the rest of the family. I wish they would all kick her to the curb though, so we could still have big gatherings and what not, without her.
Hubby and I will not go to events she is at. Luckily, she lives 3000 miles away so it is not that much of an issue. Still, we used to have Christmas together every other year and our son would visit her and get to see his aunts/uncles/cousins. We need to find a way that he can still see them, but we will.
But yes, she thinks I brainwashed my husband and my son. I was never anything but supportive. If my mother acted the way she did, I would have cut her out of my life a long time ago but because it was hubby’s mother, I felt I needed to follow his lead.
In the end though, we cannot let anyone abuse us, not even for the people we love. In the end, she abused me so badly that both hubby and son want nothing to do with her.
Now she is spreading lies about me, saying I am an unstable, alcoholic, drug user with no job. Reality? I never drink anything but hard cider and at most three in a day and that is about once a week. Three ciders a week. I am also in a masters program and have a 4.0 gpa. So no one believes her and she is making herself look crazy. I do not try to defend myself against her slander, I let my life speak for me. If she tries to contact us or makes a pest out of herself (once she realizes it is hubby and i that are not talking to her, not the other way around) I will press slander charges and take out a no contact order. She can try explaining that one at the dinner table or at one of her gatherings with her ‘friends’.

I am so happy she is gone, seriously, I have been elated, excited, had more energy and just been giddy in general, since I finally stood up and said “enough, I’m done”. And it brings me great peace knowing she is gone from our lives and she either is or will suffer for how she treated us.

I wish I could see the look on her face when she realizes that she will never see her only grandchild again and that her own son wants nothing to do with her. I wish I could ask someone to take a picture at that moment.

Hopefully, via experience and example of both mil and my mama, I have learned some things and hopefully I will know better how to be a kind, loving, non-judgmental, supportive, understanding, helpful, friend to any future daughter in law that I may be blessed to have.

For now though, I just bathe in the glory of humming “ding done the witch is gone, the wicked witch is gone…”

ASIs 8 months ago

As for gifts, I have to say that my mother is spot on. Her gift giving to my children demonstrates what a loving mother and nana she is. I thought I would share what she does so that other nana’s may follow her idea.
My mama also wants to spoil her grand kids. She wants them to have the things she did not have the money to give me when I was a kid. BUT….she also knows how much she, as my mama, wanted to be able to give me those things and how sad she felt when she couldn’t and my grandma could.
SO…she always helps us. She looks at my older son’s amazon wish list and orders things from it, has them sent to our house and I wrap them. Some are from nana, some are from all of us, and she insist that some be just from me or just from my husband.
Sometimes when the kids want something really expensive, she will pay for most of it and let my hubby and I contribute what we can afford and then the gift will be from all of us. My son has no idea who paid what and he’s able to get something that we could not afford alone– such as a guitar or camera.
Sure, she sends the kids little surprises, as nana’s love to do, and the kids adore getting surprise gifts. She also wants to be our hero though, and she knows that the best gift she can give my hubby and I is the ability to do for our kids.
She helps us buy school clothes, so the kids can have nicer things than we could afford, such as fancy band t-shirts that cost $25 each as opposed to plain t-shirts that hubby and I could afford.
I love my mama for her thoughtfulness and in the future the kids will know who helped Santa!
For now though, she gets to spoil them plenty BUT she also helps us to get to spoil them a little bit. My mama is so kind, thoughtful, and loving. I am so lucky because my mother-in-law is the exact opposite. She tries to buy our kids love and tries to triangulate our family.
My mil uses money as a weapon. She tries to use money to control others and she thinks she can abuse others and they have to take her abuse because otherwise she will disinherit them.
Hubby and I are not for sale. We no longer speak to or have anything to do with his mother.
My mama would never threaten to disinherit us. My mama wants us to have our inheritance now, when we need it most, while rasing our children. He help has allowed me to be a stay at home mama, and now I am returning to college and will start working again. She helped to give my kids and I the gift of being together when they were little and really needed me at home. For that, I will always be grateful.
In contrast, my mil (who is wealthy) does nothing but give me a hard time for being a stay at home mama. She insults me (well, not anymore since we do not talk to her anymore) and she tries to make me feel worthless, no matter what I do.
For example, while I have been at home with my young kids, we bought a foreclosed house and I learned how to renovate myself. I did plumbing, electric, built cabinets, laid wood floors etc. all alone.
We made 70k on that house when we sold it, during the recession. My mil says this doesn’t count and says that I have done nothing to help my husband with the bills or savings. When we married, I owned my home, almost outright. My hubby was in college and had no savings or house. I worked until our son was born and paid all the bills ahead of time for the first 13 months of our son’s life. We then. Had to move and for a variety of reasons I could not return to work. When I finally could go back to work, the whole country was in a recession and no one would hire me because it had been several years since I worked. (I am a nurse and if you leave for several years it is very hardto go back unless you return to college or take a refresher course).
I was devastated to discover this, and lost as to what to do. Literally heartbroken at a) having lost my career and b) not being able to help my family have a better life. I did all I could to help, working construction with my dad, flipping houses I renovated myself, selling things on eBay etc.
Rather than having compassion or trying to help or even understanding how hard it was to get a job during the recession, my mil attacked me about my not working.
As a strong woman that had always taken care of myself, I was very depressed about my career crisis. I felt scared and vulnerable, alone, worthless and unwanted. I mean I was seriously depressed and I was seeing a career counselor and researching and trying as hard as I could.
My mil did not care. She could not relate to me as a person, mother, or woman. She just attacked me and told me to ‘get a job’. That was hubby and my final straw.

My mil would do things like give us $100 for son to start piano lessons. But we still had to buy a piano and lessons are $1.00 a minute. At 45 minute lessons a week, the money she gave us would have only covered two lessons. Yet….she became furious when she asked how piano was going and we told her that our son had not started because we were saving up money for a piano. Yes, she got mad at us because she thought we had ‘taken her money’ and not used it for what she wanted. In reality, we had the money saved and were waiting to start piano until we could afford a piano and the tuition above and beyond her $100.

Mil is filthy rich. My mama though, is poor. She only has a GED and always worked two and three jobs to care for me as a single mother. She is ok now, or I would not let her help us with money, but she is not rich. My mama uses money to help others, in an unselfish and unconditional way. Mil uses money as a way to try to control.

I feel sad for my hubby. Having seen how my mama is, and how I treat our kids, he now understands that his mother is a monster. It is sad to see a mother love her kids conditionally. Indeed, unconditional love is the only love worth having. My hubby is so grateful for my mother in his life. She is the only mother he has now and they are very close, he talks to her more than I do! He needs a mother, he never really had one before and no matter what, my mother will always love him unconditionally.

To get back on point, if you really want to get along with your son/daughter-in-law, follow my mama’s example, not my mil’s. Unconditional love and support win. I love it when the good guys win. Mil may have lots of money but she no longer has her youngest son or her only grandchild.

Oh, and mil says “her money” but really, her husband earned it. She has had, in the distant past, little income here and there. She wrapped gifts for fancy realtors and she worked as a secretary for a few years and she babysat. Her wealth came from her husband though. I know marital money should belong to both people but to hear her talk about it, you would think she made all the money. She gives no respect to her husband or all the hard work he did over the years in order to give them the lifestyle they now enjoy. That’s what makes me sick about it. Her poor husband, who is a lovely person, is made to feel worthless.

Incase you can’t tell, my mil has narcissistic personality disorder. She’s a nasty piece of work.

“let me ask you one question, is your money that good? Can it buy you forgiveness? Do you think that it could? I think you will find, when your death takes it’s toll, all the money you earned can never buy back your soul” ~ bob Dylan

Katie 8 months ago

You say not to be passive aggressive, not to be rude, etc. but the tone of your article is just that, not to mention condescending. Your child you think you needn’t set an appointment to see is now my spouse. Your grandchildren? My children. We have a schedule, plans, and a life that can’t and doesn’t revolve around you, I’m sorry. We can’t always answer the phone. Just because we don’t answer the phone as much as you like doesn’t mean you get to say “oh well I tried. I’m headed over.” If making sure a visit coincides with our family’s schedule constitutes setting am appointment, then fine, you have to set an appointment. It’s called common courtesy.

Also, we know you’ll always be the mom…but news flash…he’s not a baby anymore and you won’t be the one to always pick up the pieces. To remind us this by saying you’re there in case of “death, divorce, or desertion” is sick. Grow up.

It sounds like you’re having a real hard time adjusting to and realizing your new role, and it’s simply sad. Set your son free, you controlling, self-important whack job.

Catie Kidman 8 months ago

For #9, in my case, my spouse became an amazing person *despite* his terrible, abusive upbringing. So this point is completely lost on me. The way he turned out was not due to the love and nurturing given him! Free with earlier posters, this article is snarky, not helpful at all.

#10: a complete lie. “No judgment” is a total lie! Some MILs feel threatened by a younger woman. My MIL is competitive, mean-girl type. There IS judgment that has little to do with wanting son to be happy and all about how she feels about herself: inadequate and threatened.

Bbcllama 9 months ago

Agreed!

Bbcllama 9 months ago

#4 confused me. There is no middle. The day we married we vowed to forsake all others. I’ve always picked my hubby over my family.

laura 9 months ago

This article wasn’t funny or entertaining it just pissed me off. I know everyone has stories about their MIL’s as I do mine but this lady would literally be cut off from us. I get its hard for mother’s to see their son no longer needs them anymore and another woman has replaced her role and she now no longer the leading lady in his life but is now the supporting woman. It doesn’t mean she’s loved any less or that as a DIL i love my MIL any less it just means as a couple we have veto power over each of these areas listed. I know my mom is not rainbows and lollipops but being we see eachother now as adult woman and I’m not still her “sugar bear” (as my MIL refers to my husband) my mom respects my decisions. I think with my MIL in particular its hard like this author to respect the DIL because they still want to baby their sons and not being able to do that they are jealous. MIL’s that act like this lady need therapy period!

Honey 10 months ago

Hello Diane,

Good article from you, a mother-in-law’s perspective. However, wanna put across my point of view as well. I believe I am qualified to write a response being a daughter-in-law myself.

1. Don’t tell me how I “am welcome any time” and then rant on your social media thingie about how I am “always at your house and up in your business.”

Your presence is more than welcome if you are not exactly being a critic of everything I am, everything I do, and everything you see. Just like you see your girlfriends without a being a critic or socialize with other people, you are welcome as long as it’s some “Quality” time and not a “CRITIC” time. If you were so nice in the first place, why is anyone telling you to call ahead of time?

2. Answer the damn phone!

We spoke hours together. I took advice from you how to cook that special food that my soul-mate, your son loves. I said you, you are an amazing mother to have raised a great man who is now my life and my reason of living. And, all you say is that yes you were a great mother and no one can parallel you. I did agree you are a great person. Why can’t you just be nice for once for Christ sake?! Because you choose not to be nice to me even over my dead-body, I too decide not to answer your phone even by mistake.

3. As much as I adore my grandchildren, I am not your free ticket to eternal childcare.

You never gave me a glass of water in our 5 years of relationship. How the heck will I ever even think of leaving our kids with you. And, I gave up my job just so I can look after the kids. What are you even talking about?

4. Act like the adult you purport to be, and don’t bitch about me behind my back.

Can you please do the same? Can you be honest in your life-time with me for once? Can you actually tell me why are you so bitter to me even in the moments when you know I truly adore you? I am educated as much as your son is and I am spending every bit of my energy to take care of my twin-soul, your son and our children and yet “respect” is the last word from your dictionary to me. It is unacceptable when not just you find faults with me but also your siblings, their daughters, their families. I got married to live a life with your son and not be blamed my life-time that I am not good enough while my education and career
speak otherwise.

5. Passive-aggressiveness is still aggressive. (Not to mention rude.)

Honestly! You say anything and everything I do is wrong in the first place even when it is logical, medically correct, nutritionally righteous. Added to this, you even blame my parents. While I am your daughter-in-law, what have my parents ever done anything to you. You saw them 4 years ago and they are just living their life far far away. You can’t even leave them alone out of your hatred to me. Lets stop pointing out who’s rude.

6. Don’t buy me clothes or decor for gifts, if they are drastically different than what I own.

You hate it when we don’t give a gift and instead give you gift cards. You are not even happy with the gifts that we buy after spending good deal of energy and searching all the rare stores to find what you might like.
I would be more than happy to find out how to please you, which seldom happens no matter how hard I try.

7. It’s my money, so please let me spend it.

Right! You are! It’s your money. You have every right to spend it the way you want. Spare our kids. I am trying my best to teach kids the value of money. I have given up my job for them so I can grow them into wonderful beings and responsible adults. Even if you cannot understand how tough things are for me already, at least you can stop trying to spoil them.

8. I want my son/daughter to be happy and have a happy marriage, but know this: I am the mother.

Yes! You are the mother and so am I. We don’t make a great society or generation by pointing how wrong someone is or something is. We only do so by pointing how good we are at something. Similarly, you cannot bring out happiness pointing only to pains. Just as you are always there pick up the pieces, I am also always here for my husband and our kids to take in everything negative you can ever give me and yet spark our lives and shine and be happy no matter how hard because that is the only goal of my life now and forever.

9. Speaking of, you DO realize that I successfully produced an offspring that grew into such an amazing adult that YOU decided to marry and have children with…right?

If you didn’t pay attention, I have always adored you for taking a very good care of my amazing man. Yes! Experience matters. What you do not realize is that no matter how good a lesson is, everyone has to learn everything on their own. Just because I had only A grades my entire life, I can’t pass it on my kids. They have to struggle through their own journeys and learn it on their own. If they ever need help, they will ask and so will I. Also, before electricity was invented or even automobiles were invented, people led a different kind of life. Just because our ancestors had a difference kind of experience, they didn’t enforce on their future generations which is exactly why we progressed. Hope you understand that life is a constant learning curve for each one of us at any given point of time irrespective of our ages and conditions.

10. Contrary to what you might think, I am not trying to control you or judge you.

There are so many people I know of in my life and yet I just have problems with you and you alone. Why just you? I socialize with everyone very well. Then why is it that we both have problems? May be because, you judge a little too much which becomes a lot. See, there you go!

Stop being so insecure and uncertain about your son, your own blood and our relationships. Guess what, you think if you control me, I will listen to everything you say and do accordingly and you are secure. It doesn’t work that way at all. Unfortunately, if you can’t make me feel good about myself, I can’t reciprocate it either. The more stressful you become in my life, the more farther I am from you. The truth is, we all get what we give. When my marriage began, I was innocent of relationships especially, the one that of a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. I gave as much love and importance to you as to my mother because I know my soul-mate loves you. But then again, all the good will lost when you started saying lies to my husband while we eventually sorted it out. We were in a good relationship and I was talking very well to you and actually tried very hard and my best to make this is a close knitted family. Where there is no honesty, relationships will eventually break. So, I am finally free of your games, your rude comments and the best part, I am living my life again, a happy one with my husband and kids. You can always see your son and grandchildren. I will just be out of the equation because as you said, neither my husband nor our kids need any bad time because of either of us. All of us have more important interesting and necessary things apart from each other! Have a good life and let and me have one dear mother-in-law!

Alexandra Rosas 1 year ago

What a witch.
That poor DIL is a saint.

Liz 1 year ago

And please don’t tell them the lavish Christmas presents at your house are from Santa! No parent wants to answer questions about why Santa leaves better presents at Grandma and Grandpa’s

Lisa 1 year ago

Wow, that’s really controlling. I might consider walking away from the house and keeping my sanity. With his name is on the deed, then if she were to pass away, it would be his again one day anyway.

Stacey Tieger 1 year ago

Wow! What a terrible post from an angry woman. I expect something less judge mental and “helpful” tips from the title. Not a list of demands that seem fueled from jealousy and entitlement. Bad post, ScaryMommy, bad post.

Kathie Johnson Walker 1 year ago

Why is this “in-law” thing a competition? Someday every parent will be an “In-Law” and I hope, for everyone’s sake, that all those making snipey comments grows up a little by then. Otherwise, you’re in for a very tough ride and you’ll be very lonely. I also read in these comments a lot of very young women who believe they have all the answers and are doing all the right things to raise their children. But, one day you’ll realize that even your best might not have been as good as you thought it was. You’ll see your children struggle and blame it all on you. And, then you’ll have a daughter-in-law just like you were. Please, just think about what you say and realize this is YOUR family too and they only want what they think is best. Nobody’s perfect, not even you.

Lindsay 1 year ago

Uh… phones are a convenience for if I need to use it. Not a summons. You actually DO need an invitation. My house is NOT your house, and you become relegated to EXTENDED FAMILY when your child marries. As soon as I had a child, I became the mother. Your child is grown. You are the grandmother. An EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER. Holy shit, I can’t even with this article. Totally bizarre.

Emma Edgecomb 1 year ago

I feel like she sounds like a bitch.. Jeesh. I wouldn’t pick up the phone if she was my mother in law either!

Leah 1 year ago

You are referencing is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Susan Crook 1 year ago

Just use your good manners and consideration everytime and let the relationship develop. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is your connection with another person.
Also, remember good fences make good neighbors, have reasonable boundaries, and respect the boundaries of others. That’s all that is needed.

Jan Ashley-Russell 1 year ago

I read the tips and if this were my MIL I would have to punch her in the throat !! js

Susan Crook 1 year ago

Thank you, Lisa, and you’re right, a lot of gp’s miss out on their grandkids being around them because they have mistreated the mother.

Jennifer Tyler Turpin 1 year ago

The thing, for me, about gifts is this – I don’t want my child to associate their relationship with you am with the stuff they get. I want them to remember the time they spent. I’ve had to remind my own mother of this.

Lisa 1 year ago

I’m sorry you had to go through that. My paternal grandparents didn’t like my mom. It affects the way I view them. If you don’t treat my mom right, then I won’t have a connection with you no matter who you are.

Lyn Rayner 1 year ago

I’m sorry but this MIL sounds like a bitch to me…I got annoyed at her just reading her rant….maybe we should hear from her daughter in law as well….and by the way I am a MIL

Erin Patrick McGregor 1 year ago

Reading this makes me SOOOO thankful for my MIL and the relationship I have with her! Sure, we don’t always agree, but I love and respect her like my own mother!!!! :-)

Sue McLaughlin Lake 1 year ago

My MIL was awful. She asked me the day after our wedding “so who gets the house in the divorce?” When she passed away my husband finally apologized for not sticking up for me more.

Erin D Harker 1 year ago

I’m a bit late in on this thread and someone may have already said it, but we all do realise that we may be MIL’s one day? And one very cleaver saying I heard years ago is : “Grandparents and grandkids have a common enemy”

Kym Knox 1 year ago

This is definitely my relationship with my MIL. She does my head in and I rant to DH about her all the time, but i usually be sweet to her face. She smothers us and shows up unannounced all the time buying tons of cr*p for the kids when our house is already overflowing with toys, she is impossible to communicate with and why is texting so friggin difficult? My mum can manage it, you don’t need a phone call every single time!!

Tarryn Kinder 1 year ago

I have a son and a daughter, I will respect and be happy for them with whoever they choose to marry as long as they are happy. This article sounds bitchy in some regards, but in others I get it- at the end of the day I don’t want to take over my adult kids lives, but they will always be my kids. I just want to be apart of their lives and not tossed aside because I have to “let them go”. Having said that, I think I’m going to be an awesome MIL 😉 If you have a good relationship with your kids from day 1 and keep that strong- chances are they’ll marry somebody you will like also

Erin Bowers Brackenridge 1 year ago

I’m so lucky. I truly have the BEST mom in law. Love her to bits!!!

Jo 1 year ago

I’m sorry but this is in now way funny. It has struck a chord with a lots of DILs on here – and for very good reason.

Jessica Linnell McConnell 1 year ago

I’m extremely blessed with my In-laws… Love them tons, they are awesome.

Jo 1 year ago

and we’re sick of being b!tched about BY our MILs

Jo 1 year ago

Pardon?

Rachel Farrar 1 year ago

Apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t think this sounds unreasonable

Jo-Ann Mason 1 year ago

Isn’t it wonderful how much perspective we gain with every passing year? Some of the young moms who are venting here will find that out some day. I really hate all the venom that is flowing on this site.

Ginny Schultz Vandenburg 1 year ago

When my parents buy things for my kids that I don’t have a place for, I just suggest that we leave it at their house for when we visit! Works like a charm.

Courtney 1 year ago

You sound pleasant. Understand that your son chose his wife; they’re his family now. You sound like a jilted girlfriend who isn’t getting all of the attention again. Those are your DIL’S children; whatever rules and boundaries she and your son put in place, you follow. Period. Your presence in your grandchildren lives is a privilege, not a right. Get over yourself.

Anne Sausser 1 year ago

I feel you, Diane. My own MIL could have written this. I do think this over-simplifies what can happen between the MIL and DIL, which can be a lot like a mother-daughter relationship but without the freedom to openly communicate grievances. I would let fly on my mom about most everything because it’s more or less a given that we can work it out, but with my MIL I don’t feel that safety. There’s a lot more at stake if it all goes wrong, and can be harder to work it out with someone you don’t have a lifelong relationship with.

Susan Crook 1 year ago

Why yes, I do expect my parents to treat my husband with decency and respect. Because that is what spouses do for one another. My exhusband didn’t expect that from his parents. When I would tell him there was a problem, he’d say but what about your parents, to which I’d say, did my parents ever…..

1. Tell me “you can get a new spouse, but not new parents!, so we come first!”
2, demand equal rights to parent our children?
3. Ask for money?
4. Drive our child around without a carseat, thereby risking his life?
5. Tell you that because you were wearing a red tshirt you were clearly a tramp?
6. insist that we had to do all the driving to visit, because “it’s such a long way to drive!” (and it is somehow shorter with babies in the car?) and initiate all the phone calls (because phone lines run only one way?)
7. insist that a 120 dollar set of artisan made sterling earrings were “cheap crap” and sell them at a yard sale for 50 cents?
8. Demand to go on vacay with us and expect us to pay for it?

See my point? My parents acted decent, did none of these things and treated my ex like the son they never had. He treated them like dirt, and when his parents did every one of the listed things -several of them repeatedly- I was informed I was lying, crazy, and just hated his parents for no reason. To this day he insists that I am persecuting them, and denies that my problem actually is that he allowed them to mistreat me and our children. Moreover, I am accused of brainwashing our kids to hate the paternal grandparents. Doesn’t matter how hard a person tries sometimes, and I tried for 20 YEARS before I left that man in the dirt. He still insists I did nothing to get along. Yeah, nothing but be stomped on, berated and abused for insisting that I had the right to raise my own children, go on a vacation with them and my husband, that I shouldn’t have to pay the bills for two people who have college degrees and are by no means disabled.

Nor does he understand that I didn’t brainwash my parents to hate him, they treated him well all that time and only refuse to speak to him now because he beat me when I was pregnant, and accused them of lying.

Don’t tell us we don’t have standards for our parents. We do. In most cases you hear about bad MIL’s, it’s the husband’s mother being a biatch, not the wife’s.

Susan Crook 1 year ago

Be nice to her, and you will. Most women want a good relationship with their husband’s mother and will try to make it work, at least at first. It’s the mil’s who work with their dil’s at this stage instead of being jealous and territorial who are successful.

Dara Gibson Snowden 1 year ago

I do spends lots of money on my grandchildren can’t help myself…and I DO NOT like roosters…other than that we’re golden! ❤️

Susan Crook 1 year ago

The lady who wrote this article ought to realize, she may have given birth to her son and have been there first, but he *picked* his wife, for himself. And she is the one who will live life with him and be his comfort and strength when you die.

Except of course in the cases where attitudes like yours turn into the reason men end up being divorced or ‘deserted’ by their wives, because the girl realizes you are always going to be interfering and meddling, and feel entitled to come first. No decent mother wants to risk her son being hurt because of her constant nagging of her entitled feelings. Well played ma’am.

Natalee Hartwell 1 year ago

Glad I’m not her DIL!!!

TillyMomma 1 year ago

I think that in reality – a lot of us do. I certainly have come to grips with my mother’s fallibility just as much as my MIL’s and so it goes for all of my family, including myself. My husband has done the same thing. Blending our families has not been an easy thing to do. My parents are so vastly different from his that barring us marrying – the probably wouldn’t choose to be around each other normally. My MIL isn’t someone I would have as a close friend. Our ways of being are just too different. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about her. It just means that there are, for the time being, limits to our relationship. Limits that I have had to repeatedly enforce and lead by example – which isn’t any fun as a DIL. I can understand the author’s perspective but the way she comes across is entirely inappropriate and does NOTHING to encourage a civil a working relationship.

Jeanette79 1 year ago

#7 – If, as parents, we are having trouble making ends meet, let alone buying our kids nice things, why can’t the giant toys under the tree read “From your family” instead of “From Grandma”? Why can’t we be in this together? It was hard enough during our roughest year not being able to buy anything we wanted for our girl but my MIL bringing Christmas with her when she walked through our drafty door just about destroyed us. Yes, buy your grandchildren gifts but why compete? Can’t we give each other credit we all deserve and help each other out?

Jeanette79 1 year ago

I’m so sorry for your loss and everything that you had to go through.

Jenapher Hutchison 1 year ago

I have an AMAZING mother in law; after reading so many (kinda horrible) rules for MILs, it’s nice to see a great rebuttal!

Linda Wilkie 1 year ago

My MIL (Diana) and I have a mutual love and respect for each other and for our man by which we are related. I always keep in mind that this amazing woman raised my husband with unconditional love and stood by him through the good, the bad and the ugly. Because of that, there is so much I can learn from her. In turn, she understands that he chose me to be his life companion and can clearly see that I love and respect him. I think that most MIL/DIL drama is bred through selfishness on one or both parts. I have an XMIL and have seen first-hand how cruel their selfishness can be. As a mother of 2 sons, I can only pray that my future DILs will love and respect my sons as I do. As long as that is the case, we should have no problems and I can love them as my own daughters.

Kristy Russell Armour 1 year ago

Me too! Kinda demanding I think! I’m lucky to have you as MY daughter-in-law Rachel Armour !! We all are lucky!

Emily 1 year ago

I really want to go give my mother-in-law a hug now. I can’t imagine her ever saying anything to me in the tone in which this article is written. She has always treated me as one of her own children and respected my marriage to her son and the way we parent her granddaughter. I’m incredibly lucky to have her.

I’m pregnant with my first son, and reeeeeaallly hope I don’t end up saying things like, “I’m the mother, and I’ll be here when you’re gone,” to his wife someday. Yikes. Of course I’ll be here for him if something tragic happens, but I never want to make his wife feel like she’s only here temporarily, or that she’s less important to him than me. Hopefully when the time comes, I’ll remember what a good example my own mother-in-law set and do the best I can to be like her.

Lisa 1 year ago

#4. I wish so badly I could tell my MIL things, except she’s overly sensitive to anything anyone tells her. So it would be 10 times worse for her to hear things coming from her DIL. I just have my husband communicate important decisions. He’s her favorite son so she takes things much better coming from him.

Stacy Fontana 1 year ago

Lol nice

Taralee Waite 1 year ago

“I’m not judging you. Well I am a little bit”…please see above 9 comments!!! Geez. My MIL and I do not act like this…thank the stars. I am glad this woman is NOT my MIL. I love my MIL! My sympathy to the DIL in question…you poor poor woman.

Lisa 1 year ago

Amen! I’m a good person. I’m not changing to appease you and I never kiss ass. Hopefully you like me for the person I am, if not that’s OK too.

Stacy Hughey 1 year ago

Not true for my mil at least

Tara Wade Poor 1 year ago

I thought this was a funny and awesome response to the recent mil rules article. I guess I am fortunate.

Kimberly Marie 1 year ago

5. Passive-aggressiveness is still aggressive. (Not to mention rude.)

9. …but I have YEARS and YEARS of experience. It’s got to be good for something. Maybe you could at least try to listen to some of it every once in a while.

Mmhmmm, ok.
(Was this written by my MIL??)

Allison Hebert Zellman 1 year ago

Wish I still had my MIL, she was a wonderful lady.

Lisa 1 year ago

I have 2 words for MILs: gift certificates

Lisa 1 year ago

Any time MIL asks us what gifts we’d like. We ask that she please put $ in their college fund. This rarely happens. MIL is generous, but bad with managing $. We are just going to ask for gift cards, use them on our needs, then take that same amount of money and put it in our children’s college fund. Really, they have plenty of toys.

Amanda Heideman 1 year ago

Spot on response, thank you for posting it! :)

Alysha 1 year ago

Does she live in the same state as you ?

Shawna Kearley 1 year ago

I can’t agree with the gift issue. Something expensive or excessive should be discussed first.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Author,

You make fair points; however, I would NOT be surprised to learn that it’s actually your tone, manner of speaking, and overall attitude that are the true barrier in your relationships. Authenticity and respect are much better avenues for relationship building than condescension and sense of entitlement. A little humility goes a long way.

Linda Torgerson Layne 1 year ago

The tone seemed very strident. I don’t think I’d like her for a MIL, but then, I had a wonderful MIL and learned simple rules: love, respect and don’t offer advice unless asked.

Julia Myers Zorzi 1 year ago

I’d love to know what this woman’s MIL had to say about her…

Heather Hofstetter 1 year ago

#7 — NO! You want to spend money on them? Contribute to their 529. Don’t bring a bunch of toys and other crap to my house; we have enough!

Kimberly Price 1 year ago

Lol. I am glad I am blessed with the best mother, father brother and sisters in law ever!!! I love them all so much. :)

Kylie 1 year ago

Me too. We totally get along. I realize I’m lucky.

MW 1 year ago

YES

Meredith 1 year ago

I find most of this article quite irksome, especially the fact that the author complains that her DIL is constantly complaining about her, as well as the point about passive-aggressive posts on social media. Um, isn’t that what this article is doing? Complaining about her DIL and doing so in a public article rather than to her face? Finally, this entire article takes a very accusatory, aggressive, “F-U” tone. If this is how she talks to her DIL it’s no wonder they don’t have a great relationship and she gets defensive around the MIL.

Stephanie 1 year ago

In the same boat. Because we live out of state, my kids are never acknowledged but the other 14 grandkids are. When I called her out on it she told me it was too expensive to send up a gift or card at Christmas and accused me of being materialistic. I told her it wasn’t the gift it was the idea of being acknowledge by their grandparents.

Stephanie 1 year ago

Was totally thinking the same thing! Yikes! And you wonder why she doesn’t answer the phone.

Laurel Scott 1 year ago

I really must say, I am a MIL to two delightful young ladies, guess I must be lucky

DW 1 year ago

If my son needs me that much as an adult, and is not putting his wife and kids first, I will have FAILED as a mother. I want to get him to be a strong, independent man who values his own family. He owes me NOTHING, I chose to have him and raise him, he had no choice in the matter. I hope that we will have a good enough relationship that he choses to continue to have me as an important part of his life as an adult, rather than feel obligated to do so just because of a accident of birth. I will always love him unconditionally no matter what he does, however.

DW 1 year ago

Wow, thank goodness my MIL is nothing like this. She is wonderful. Respects boundaries, recognizes that our family unit comes first to us, and offers great advice but only when solicited. Now, if I could just get my mother to do the same….

Bea Harris 1 year ago

i’d like to amend this article, just in case this was my monster-in-law who wrote it. she forgot a couple key parts:

1- Don’t tell me how I “am welcome any time” and then rant on your social media thingie about how I am “always at your house and up in your business.”
well, i blocked you as soon as i found out you created a profile, but since you felt it was your place to drop in unannounced those few time early on, we never even got to the part where we could feign the “welcome anytime” crap. and you find a way to be in our business anyway without being here. the one time i asked for advanced notification since (at the hospital after the birth of our child), you showed up without advance notice at a really bad time. of course.

2- Answer the damn phone!
well, you think it’s a great idea to call early in the morning on the weekend for non-essential reasons and then get offended when neither i or your child answer. and if it’s not an emergency you definitely don’t need to keep calling until we answer, and then get offended when we ask you not to call before 10am. not to mention that you call only your child’s phone, even if it’s to ask me a question, so you make him the go-between all the time, which btw annoys the piss out of him.

3. As much as I adore my grandchildren, I am not your free ticket to eternal childcare.
then thank God we don’t ever ask you to babysit. even when it’s my own parents, i always ask them anyway. perhaps you need to reword this to something along the lines of not expecting people to take your unsolicited “advice” (demands). and as far as “adoring”… you must have our child confused with your other favorites (see 7). btw i find it ironic this person is bitching about wanting to drop by whenever she wants but doesn’t want the same.

4. Act like the adult you purport to be, and don’t bitch about me behind my back. I’m sure that my child doesn’t like being put in the middle any more than YOU would, so if you have a problem with me, put your big girl panties on and come talk to ME about it.
i will when you start.. btw, your child loves it when you put him in the middle to complain about me (sarcasm).

5. Passive-aggressiveness is still aggressive.
awesome, i’m glad to see you’re finally beginning to understand this concept. i look forward to you improving your attitude and behavior in short-order.

6. Don’t buy me clothes or decor for gifts, if they are drastically different than what I own.
i would never do this ,as your house is stuck in a time-warp from the 70s and you would never use what i would give you anyway. i prefer not to waste my money when it’s not appreciated.

7. It’s my money, so please let me spend it.
i have no idea what you mean by this. you spend freely on your favorite grandchildren, who don’t belong to me. fyi, we see it. you do have other grandchildren out there, but you seem to forget this quite often. this is actually something that would be a good problem.

8. I want my son/daughter to be happy and have a happy marriage, but know this: I am the mother.
yes, yes you are, but that is in name only. i was taught by MY mother that you respect everyone, even if they make different choices. clearly you missed that lesson the day they taught it. btw, just because you’re the “mother” doesn’t mean you get to control everyone’s lives.

9. Speaking of, you DO realize that I successfully produced an offspring that grew into such an amazing adult that YOU decided to marry and have children with…right?
and yet, somehow he still managed to come out more or less unharmed in spite of your influence. yes, you birthed someone who grew into his own to be an amazing man, but you need to remember he is no longer 10 years old. he is an adult, as are all your children. stop trying to dictate and control everyone and everything. people have their own lives, it would be great for everyone for you to recognize this. as far as your unsolicited advice, maybe if you didn’t go ballastic when someone doesn’t take it, i’d b more willing to try it sometimes. as it stands, i don’t take most of it just to piss you off.

10. Contrary to what you might think, I am not trying to control you or judge you. Might as well learn to be gracious about it. I had to.
ha. hahahahahahahhahaha. HAHAHA! that was funny, i needed a laugh. yes, you are, just own up to it. you claiming you aren’t is half the problem right there. when did you learn grace? i have’t been extended any.

before i get flamed, you haven’t met my husband’s mother. one of the most controlling people ever. this was good therapy for me to get this off my chest. this article sucks balls, horrible. easily could have been written by her.

Cindy Horn Jeffery 1 year ago

Didn’t like this at all — what an unpleasant person.

Em 1 year ago

When I read this all I hear is jealousy and wanting to be the alpha female in your kids life. Grow up and realise you aren’t the boss anymore so you don’t get to set the rules anymore.

chill 1 year ago

I agree!!! #4 totally applies to her and many others do as well. Boy, I’d like to write responses to each, but she sounds so bitchy that it would be pointless.

Lacey Rooks-Turcotte 1 year ago

I love my MIL!!!! Like to no end she is the greatest woman I could ever know. I thank god for everyday. She’s one of a kind and for what she puts up with and all the love she gives out I am truly blessed. If only I will be half the woman she is one day. I might have it :)

Courtney Valle 1 year ago

I hate my mil just as much as my husband does and can I say 1 year with no communication bc she decided to wreck our house on HER grandsons birthday, (the one she didn’t show up too) and she didn’t even show up to the wedding, it has been lovely, she has to sulk and my husband and I are very happy!!!

Melinda Hicks 1 year ago

I like that this points out that mil/dil relationship problems aren’t ALWAYS the mil’s problem. Mil’s are villanized in our society, but I know of many relationships where the issues aren’t entirely the mil’s fault.

D 1 year ago

Omg! That’s what I said and she replied: she’s not a child from Guatemala. I’m the grandmother and will spend money on things for her. Let me spoil her.

My response: STOP buying junk- no child needs a stuffed animal for every visit & holiday.

D 1 year ago

Exactly! So sick of stuffed animals!!!!!!

Cassandra Dickinson 1 year ago

It’s like my own Monster in Law wrote this and after being with my husband for 19 years she STILL hates me! Sorry bitch,I’m not going anywhere!

April Sumner 1 year ago

The only one I agree with is don’t take advantage of grandparents as daycare and let them spoil the kids with gifts some and thats okay as long as they buy things the parents are okay with. The rest is ridiculous. I don’t want my future sons to put me first. I want them to lavish attention and importance on their wives and kids. That is how it should be. I am okay getting pushed aside as long as I am still a part of their lives. I don’t need top billing. I am having my time for that now. there are plenty of reasons they may not answer the phone. Take that up with your son, why can’t he answer the phone?

Nicole Dombroskie 1 year ago

I’m glad she’s not my MIL. I love my MIL.

Amanda McGregor 1 year ago

Hahahaha… I do everything I can to keep my MIL out of my life as much as possible. This was a list of tips on how to expedite the process.

Kathleen Wood 1 year ago

Despite the harshness of her words. I agree with most of what she is saying.. I hope i have a good relationship with my sons future wife *someday.

Bek Terry 1 year ago

Notice she hasn’t used her surname…

Bek Terry 1 year ago

Holy heck

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 1 year ago

Your mil is a bitch.. My ex mil was too. But there are wonderful MIL’s out there who are treated pretty lousy but their dils. That’s who this is for. I’m so sorry you went through all of that, hun.

Sally 1 year ago

Amen!!

Jessica Holden Lauderdale 1 year ago

These are great! Women can be horrible to their MIL’s sometimes.

Sandy Broda 1 year ago

So many of the anti-MIL columns really are whiny and passive aggressive. I like this one much better.

Catherine Lee Pettis 1 year ago

For real though .. 😀

Barbara Mcginn 1 year ago

Why not stay out of your childrens business an d keeping your mouth shut.

Maria Tripp 1 year ago

I just know a lot MILs that never contact their own child only the DIL. Even when the DIL always has DH respond back. I just think she might get better results if she called her son instead. She doesn’t seem to get the hint. She doesn’t seam to have a good relationship with them. It’s fine to call you DIL sometimes if you have a good relationship.

Sabrina David 1 year ago

This mil is insane! The best is she thinks she is going to out live the wife and be there to pick her sons pieces up

Pam Menard 1 year ago

I have a young son, but I’m not worried about the future.. The MIL/DIL relationship is what you make of it. Although their is lots of negative comments, I also see lots of positives. It’s not all bad and doesn’t have to be! I think one really important thing is to form some sort of relationship, no matter what that looks like, BEFORE kids enter the picture. After that it’s kind of too late in my opinion.

Kailey Lundquist 1 year ago

This is pretty cool.

Kerry Morris 1 year ago

Quid Pro Quo

Melanie Levin 1 year ago

Wow! Just wow. And no. This MIL needs a stern admonition from her son.

MyLove M. Barnett 1 year ago

LOL I hear you. I’m not making excuses for him, but he works 70ish hours a week, and we have 5 kids, all in extracurriculars, so I don’t blame him for not being able to keep up without seeing the calendar in front of him. He does his part. I’m just better with the data retention off the top of my head.

MyLove M. Barnett 1 year ago

Maybe I’m just thinking about it in terms of our relationship, and not in a case where she called in the evening when we were all home, you know? What I mean by that, is like for example, my MIL usually gets out and about to do her errand running in the day, and she can’t call my husband during that time, because he’s at work. She could, but she’d just be leaving him a voicemail that he won’t listen to for at least 4-6 hours, if ever. Whereas she can catch me pretty much any time, because even if I’m working, I can answer the phone where he can’t. And I *do* because my MIL rocks. But I’ve seen many many comments from others about how they avoid answering the phone when they see MIL’s name on the caller ID. And if they are suppose to be fostering a good relationship, why shouldn’t she be able to call her DIL instead of her son, for whatever reason it happens to be?

Lea Clary 1 year ago

Did this really just happen? I feel like I’m in an alternate universe. Also, your grown children are not somehow your property, they are your family, people aren’t property. Unfortunately you birthed them and then realized they don’t owe you anything for it, nor do their spouses. And yes, you may have years of experience…my mom was told to put me to sleep on my stomach and to sit in the front seat when I was young. Sorry if your daughter in law’s newfangled ways of doing things to keep your grandchildren alive is annoying or makes you feel unappreciated. How about some loving kindness and boundaries? Thank God I got blessed with the MIL I did, this lady needs a hug. And maybe some therapy. I say both.

Julie Napp 1 year ago

My mom likes him more than me. He got the good end of the deal when it comes to MIL.

Yong Danforth 1 year ago

MyLove M Barnett, I hear what your saying but considering how certain inlaw relationships work, I would think calling Dad would be better for the DIL and MIL relationship. For example even though my husband doesn’t know what size the kids wear it wouldn’t take him much effort to ask me or walk into their bedrooms and LOOK. As for scheduling… if this particular MIL wants her DIL to answer the phone every time if only to say, “I am busy can I call you back?”, what difference does it make if the son says, “Let me check with my wife and I will get back to you, mom.”
I took it as a power trip on the part of this MIL and I couldn’t help but think she was not close to her son so reaching out to the DIL who out of respect and love for her husband would be more willing to do things for MIL, like making plans with MIL…

Kimberly Lynn Cherrine-Bell 1 year ago

If only..Mine thinks we are suppose to pay all her bills, do all her repairs, pay for her vacations and she does nothing but bad mouth me and hates my child. Never babysat, never gifts unless it was some used item that was so dirty it should gave gone in the trash..and if I lived in a garbage dump it would be clean than her house..how does everyone get “normal” but me

Enisa Uzunovic Bjedov 1 year ago

Hahaha!

Nara 1 year ago

I think that part of it might be generational. For example, latch-key kids grew up not seeing our own grandparents very much, since the Boomers moved around a lot. They were the first “all about me” generation, and it shows. To some women, “GRANDMOTHER” is an achievement, a life goal. They think, “I’ve been a daughter, done being a mother, and now I can achieve GRANDMOTHER status”, almost as if it’s a career goal. In other words, they feel they’ve paid their dues and now they should reap the rewards.
And so they feel entitled to spoil the grandkids, entitled to set terms, entitled to “reserve” nights, like your children are a restaurant, entitled to bitterly write long guilt-ridden emails twice a day, entitled to impose on the DIL in ways that wouldn’t be socially acceptable anywhere.

Amanda Kurstean Matteson 1 year ago

Wow, I feel even luckier about the relationship I have with my mother in law after reading this.

Andrea Cummings 1 year ago

Riiiiight. I completely disagree with the gifts – if I tell you, “Please don’t buy them any presents/toys except for their birthdays; we’re out of space!”

I’m not being mean. I’m being honest! I’m truly out of space!

The rest of it could be turned around on the MIL – defensive much yourself? If you act like a booger to me, you can darn well bet I 1. won’t respect you and 2. will do my best to avoid interacting with you if you constantly vilify me, the decisions my husband and I make, etc. that being said, my MIL lives 3k miles away, but I wish she was closer. She’s awesome! Live and let live is her motto!

Lorien 1 year ago

If anyone takes time out of their busy day to spend some of the I hard earned money on a gift for you, the ONLY proper response is, “thank you!”

Michelle Bernson 1 year ago

The sad thing is she sounds a tad bit nicer than my monster in law :(

Claire 1 year ago

My MIL calls my DS7 “little what’s his name” because she does not like his name!

Jessica Renee 1 year ago

Wow, glad I’m not this lady’s DIL!! If you’re the type of MIL that doesn’t understand that anytime does not mean come over every day so you can give me unsolicited advice about how carseats are really not that necessary then yeah… I’m not answering my phone either!!

Corinne Arndt Girouard 1 year ago

I’m an MIL, and this woman sounds like a controlling bitch! My married kids are adults and deserve to be treated as such with respect for their decisions no matter what my opinion. If they want my opinion, they’ll ask; and I’ll ask their opinion about gifts, or visits, etc. Just be an adult for petes sake!

Jaime Trueba 1 year ago

What about being the mother in law your daughter in law might want.

Cher Guilmette 1 year ago

Any one watch the show Raymond that’s MIL next door n all smiling after 35 y because damn realty TV I be rich n be able too move lol

dd 1 year ago

BTW Liz your mom is no better than his sorry to inform you on this.

dd 1 year ago

I agree with you Mary

dd 1 year ago

That was a rude reply

Zury Apolinario 1 year ago

Good! I think we all have something to learn. lets put it that way….

Rebecca Louise Herbunot 1 year ago

Don’t agree with 7&8.

Nara 1 year ago

#5….. oh, the irony.

Nara 1 year ago

Another vote for this MIL being a bitch! Lady, if you were my MIL, you would not be in our lives.

Jen 1 year ago

Thank you! I totally agree. Also, even if its not “on purpose” or to sow the mother up…if you’re buying my kids gifts that are bigger/better/more expensive on every birthday or Christmas, that sucks. Every mama wants to be the one to wow they own kid and get something the child really loves, because that’s some of the fun parts of being a parent. We don’t buy our kids new toys often…I will scour yard sales, ect…but in bdays and Xmas, I like and put lots of love and thoughts into my kids gifts…I don’t want to be shown up, even if it isn’t intentional, regardless of if the family member in question “has the money to spend”…..if they have that kind of cash, a nice, appropriate gift will do, and if they want to spend more, there are always college funds …which is thoughtful for later for the child without being flashy !

Nora Simens 1 year ago

You’re nice to put yours in the cupboard. I put mine out for Goodwill the day after I open it 😉 I think all of my Christmas gifts last year came from an Avon catalog.

Nora Simens 1 year ago

I don’t have most of these issues with my mil basically because she’s a dud. Her house is filthy, she doesn’t buy my kids anything (just brings them the prizes from the happy meal she buys herself every day.) My husband pretty much raised himself – which is why he is a great guy but the rest of his siblings are a disaster. Yes I talk about her behind her back and yes I’m passive aggressive but it’s because she loves to lie and twist a story to make herself out to be the victim. So while I can see where this would apply to most dils it doesn’t apply here.

Cindy Smith 1 year ago

Wow. Lucky I have a great mil.

Gen 1 year ago

I have been so blessed to have fantastic in-laws, my MIL included. However, I know from my own mother’s past 15 years of dealing with bitchy DILs how I should behave when I became a DIL. This article is spot-on and exactly what my frustrated mother wanted to say if she wasn’t so concerned about keeping the peace – and being able to see her grandchildren. By the way, #8 proved to be true, unfortunately. As the badly-bahaving DILs left our family, my mother was there to help out as my brothers struggled through divorces. Both are in healthier relationships now and our family gatherings have become much more peaceful.

Kellie Hassall 1 year ago

OMG!!! When I told my hubby I was going to have a “chat” with his mom he all but begged me not to! Lol I have not spoken to her in 7 years and I love it!!! My life is much better because of it too!

Megan Arbster 1 year ago

meh, this isnt helpful at all

Laura Sauer 1 year ago

Sheesh. Bunch of sensitive DILs. This post is no bitchier than the posts geared toward the MILs. Author: If you’re reading the comments (and I can’t imagine why you’d put yourself through that, but maybe you’re tougher than I’d be), I thought the piece was enjoyable (and I’m a DIL with my own issues and complaints). Head up, sister.

Donise Alita Medina 1 year ago

This is hostile and completely not funny at all thank God my mil isn’t this bitch. I’m the one making him scream in bed I got news for her she’d have no power in my house.

Bethany 1 year ago

Ironically, this post only intensifies my in-law dislike.

Kristen D’Allegro 1 year ago

Offers a great perspective …one day I have to share my son & I’d hope his wife would respect & be kind to me. I hit the jackpot with my MIL but realize it’s not that way for all!

Christina Dudycz 1 year ago

I just don’t answer since she calls 8 times a day. Not kidding. Love her, but she is very controlling and sometimes as a woman you DO need to let your MIL know where you stand and where she stands, its very effective, I promise.

Kristen Bower-Buck 1 year ago

Yes you successfully raised a child that grew into a fantastic adult, and now you’re done, so let me do the same…Taking credit for everything your child becomes in life is bogus anyway. Glad this isn’t my MIL

Alyosha Violet 1 year ago

Dear mil, I regret the effort I made, every compromise of my existence to accommodate and please you. None of it worked anyway, to make you kinder to me.
We are not related and owe each other nothing.
That was obvious the day your son’s cheating was exposed, and your disregard for your grandchildren since then is reprehensible. I am glad to hear my youngest puked on your carpet on the weekend. I know that’s really nasty, I had actually hoped we would be friends, I gave it a red hot go – for years. I mostly feel bad that my kids have a pretty bad dad and crappy grandparents too. I hope they learn from all this and turn these negatives into positives in their lives :)

Elizabeth DeVirgilio 1 year ago

This is pretty sound advice…too bad most mother in laws are not like this lol

Katie Fisher 1 year ago

This post makes me want to smack the over-bearing author. Good thing I like my MIL I guess.

Alycia Nolen 1 year ago

I can’t begin to describe how much I hate this view of being a mother in law. My mil would say all of these things, and she has no room to. Yes. You raised my husband, but you made plenty of mistakes, and I can’t talk right now, I’m so busy trying to fix what you screwed up.

Meredith 1 year ago

#9 is illogical. By this thinking, children of abusive or neglectful parents would never marry. Some husbands grow up decently *in spite of* their mothers.

Mary Ann Tame 1 year ago

Wow my daughters in law and watch our tone of voice and treat each other with respect. Thank goodness.

Elissa M 1 year ago

Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit reading this. I had another response all typed it definitely would have put me in the being a dick category so I suppose I will have to keep it to myself. Good luck to you, lady. I sense a lot of alone time for you in the future with these “rules” of yours.

Margaret Uhrich Howell 1 year ago

Have you read the how to be a good MIL articles just as bitchy. I think that is the ladys point. Honestly, I think it is bad communication with hubby in the middle ( and making things worst)

Chris Gordy Miller 1 year ago

Someone needs a hug….

Missy Lynch Pettis 1 year ago

Super unloving. Awful attitude. I think this MIL needs to put on her “big girl panties” and be a better example.

Sheree 1 year ago

Before we were married my husbands parents would just drop in unannounced. It drove us both up the wall as they lived 3 hours away and therefor knew for awhile they were coming over. We told them to call first every time they did it, we had to cancel plans so many times. After we got married we thought maybe they’ll have more respect, but no, mid colitis we heard their car pull up so I just moand and screamed about him being a sex God. They call days in advance now!!

Holly Fertig Day 1 year ago

My mother-in-law would cringe at the idea of being lumped in with this harpy. Jeez.

Elissa Reider 1 year ago

“A daughter is a daughter your entire life. A son is a son until he takes a wife…” Women like her are why someone came up with that saying! If she were my mother in law she wouldn’t have my phone number!

Neishe Barker 1 year ago

Having 3 boys, this woman sounds like everything I NEVER want to be to my future DIL’s!

Antonella B. O’Brien 1 year ago

And crazy!

Antonella B. O’Brien 1 year ago

^on target

Jo-Ann Mason 1 year ago

You sound awesome!

Tait 1 year ago

If talking doesn’t work you have to implement consequences. See them much less. Put them in a “time-out” until they accept your boundaries. They don’t have to agree with your rules but they do have to follow them. They don’t get to have a relationship with the family/kids if they don’t respect the parents.

Yong Danforth 1 year ago

One of the things I found ridiculous was that she complains that DIL doesn’t answer the phone…. How about call your son instead????? since you are soooooo close. Oh, thats right you probably aren’t…

Elizabeth Petraglia 1 year ago

I disagree with most of this, but the one that gets me the most is the advice on raising children. My husband was an only child who was (and still is) a huge people pleaser…he would do anything to make his parents happy, and it led to addiction that nearly ruined our marriage. But because he was a model child, MIL is always giving me advice on how to raise our two. Sorry, I’m interested in raising healthy, loving children, not kids who think it’s their job to make me happy. Just because I love your son doesn’t mean you raised him right.

Michelle Castro 1 year ago

I disagree with #7 too. For the reason you said but also because I know she actually cannot afford it and her kids are still bailing her out.

Michelle Castro 1 year ago

Your therapist needs to talk to my husband and MIL!

Michelle Castro 1 year ago

Yes, my own mother has sucked as a MIL. in fact more so than my MIL.

susie 1 year ago

This is so completely laughable…my MIL hasn’t spoken to me in 2 years, is nasty with my husband, is even hateful to my stepdaughter. Points out all the reasons my husband is a failure, a horrible parent, all the while telling the stepdaughter she will “fail” if she doesn’t do what she says. What was required for me to be a good DIL? Be complacent, do as she asks, be her minion…when I stopped being a puppet, the niceness stopped…

Randi Johnson 1 year ago

I do not like this post ether!! Maybe she should be more worried about making the DIL feel more accepted and loved as one of the family, and less about staking her territory on her son. Ughhhh MIL

Jo Ann Puopolo Farrell 1 year ago

about #4…are thongs considered big girl panties??? Just wondering!

Michelle Castro 1 year ago

You’ve got a great outlook on it! This article blames/scolds the DIL for not agreeing with the spouse’s upbringing but it doesn’t address the situation where the child/spouse does not agree with their own upbringing with is a huge hot button in my family.

Erin Sims 1 year ago

As bill Cosby said “your mother will be there when you come into the world but your spouse will be with you when you go out from the world”. Both sides need to respect each other.

Shadia Ahmad 1 year ago

Really glad that I love my mother in law and this doesn’t happen in our relationship!

Zee 1 year ago

I struck lucky with my in-laws. My dad died before I met my husband, it’s kind of nice to have a father figure around again. My mother-in-law is one in a million. She’s the first person I call with news, good or bad. She is, as well as my husband, my rock. My own mother has been conspicuous by her absence for years. She doesn’t live far away, she just doesn’t care. My mother-in-law may not be able to always dash down here at the drop of a hat, but she would if I needed her, in a heartbeat.

Michelle Castro 1 year ago

In my case my spouse is not in the middle. My husband and my MIL put me in the middle of their issues and I am the one trying to manage the whole circus and communicate directly with both. It is not fun.

Erin Sims 1 year ago

What about the enabler mother in law that no one would be good enough for because she always wants her son to need her?

MotherofDragons 1 year ago

The author about section should read “Diane is a hypocritical, self appointed Queen of Snarkberg who can’t practice what she preaches when it comes being passive aggressive, and instead of buying lavish gifts for her grandchildren should invest in a quality vibrator and loosen up”

Heather Marie Lessley 1 year ago

I’m not even going to begin on my mother in law.

Michelle Castro 1 year ago

I’m glad we moved away from our parents. It made our family life much easier and our relationships better and more pleasant.

Kasse Mellor 1 year ago

Personally I think she sounds like somebody who has had enough. 😉

Heath Maull 1 year ago

Is it any wonder she doesn’t answer the phone? Cut the apron strings, lady, your son is wearing his big boy panties now. Quit trying to control his life by controlling his wife. You’re acting as entitled as a millennial. Grow up, MiL!

Elisabeth Bosworth 1 year ago

I love it when passive aggressive people call other people passive aggressive. Guess what, MIL who wrote this post, you can’t speak for your son. The mother-son relationship can go either way and most women would never marry a man who would not have her back over that of his mother. I know I wouldn’t. Don’t be nasty and make your son choose because you might not like the results. If you know you were a good mom and are a good grandmother, you wouldn’t need to write a post like this.

Tania Leigh 1 year ago

It’s a tricky relationship. It is for me. It was worse when my first child was born. They think they know best. They probably do. For me, it wasn’t the point. I needed room to do the bonding and making mistakes on my own. I needed to figure it out in quiet.

Misty 1 year ago

My mother once told me (in front of my husband) that her children in law were just people her children married. Her REAL (her emphasis, not mine) were the ones she really loved. Meanwhile, I’ve been blessed to have a mother in law who has always treated me as her daughter…to the point that people are sometimes confused as to whose mother she is. When my kids get married, that’s the kind of mother in law I intend to be.

Kalyn Elayna Alexandra Merkle 1 year ago

This is disgusting. Talk about entitled. And I’m sorry. But until that divorce, separation, death, etc happens that she seems to be so looking forward to, so she can “be there and pick up the pieces ” (sick) , the couple and health of the relationship trumps the relationship with the parents, period. Leave and cleave!!!!!!!!

Pat Kongabel 1 year ago

If all in-laws would read these rules life could be sooo peaceful!!

Laura Smith 1 year ago

Uhh no. This is a terrible article. The MIL who wrote this sounds likes she needs a hobby.

Tracy Deming 1 year ago

I wish my MIL would buy my kids something ! She spoils her other grand kids, just not mine.,

Courtney Toso 1 year ago

I’m not in this to be the daughter-in-law that she wants. I’m here to be the wife that her son wants.

Tracy Deming 1 year ago

I don’t care what my MIL thinks of me. I know what she thinks of me and the kids. Outbid sight, out of mind.

Amy Lynn McCoskey 1 year ago

I already knew that I struck gold in the MIL department but this lady just proved that to me yet again. I can’t imagine being married to one of this lady’s sons.

Yvette 1 year ago

#6 states not to buy her unwanted and unnecessary gifts, yet the same can be said about #7 – stop buying unwanted and unnecessary gifts for the kids just because you have the money to do so.
#9 – my husband was a bit of a loser before I met him. Believe me, you didn’t raise the perfect man, I moulded him to be that way through hard work and lots of encouragement and support.
GRRRRR this made me so angry!!!!!!
In my husband’s family I am referred to as “debra” even though that isn’t my name, as his parents are literally exactly the same as Frank and Marie off “Everybody Loves Raymond”.

bree 1 year ago

This just seems incredibly self righteous and bitchy, I would hate to be your DIL…

Kate 1 year ago

My thoughts EXACTLY.

Kate 1 year ago

I’m not sure Diane knows what “passive aggressive” means because anyone who claims they think it’s rude would never write this article. So rude. Speaking of big girl panties, sounds like its time for you to pull on your own grannie panties and address your own stuff directly. So thankful my MIL is nothing like this.

Amy Lynn 1 year ago

I already knew that I got very lucky when it came to a Ma-in-law but after reading what this gigantic pain in the rear MIL had to say I am even more thankful for my MIL. I really hope that 99% of this was a joke because you came off as a very unpleasant person, the kind that most of those MIL jokes are made about!

Geertje Jansen 1 year ago

Damn this made me agitated!!

Julie Napp 1 year ago

Amen!! Boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship.

Julie Napp 1 year ago

If it wasn’t a MIL, but a friend or anyone else, would you feel the same? There are boundaries in life. The job of being a mommy is to raise their children to be functioning adults, and to let them go. If a parent still has to have control of their adult child, then they failed their children. Support their marriage, don’t tear it appart.

Everything I wrote applies to people that aren’t MILs as well.

Monika Nelson 1 year ago

Ha! I tried to get to know my step-mother in law and she recently, *in my home* told me how much she doesn’t like me and how selfish and self centred I am and that the teasing banter I have with my husband is verbal abuse. This woman barely knows me from Adam and has hardly made an effort to change that. But she’s more than happy to judge me.
My actually mother in law loves me and has actually taken the time to get to know me and we get along really really well.
Sometimes the in-law really is the big bad bitch. And sometimes their not. I fully believe in being the same person to someone as you are when they are not around, but sometimes people are just impossible to get along with and it’s no fault of your own.

Julie Napp 1 year ago

I got the abuse accusation as well. Welcome to the club.

Michelle Heater 1 year ago

Ummmmm…..no.

Madelyn Stearns 1 year ago

Hello!

Madelyn Stearns 1 year ago

I’m with Julie. And I love my MIL.

Kristen Werner Schrotberger 1 year ago

I get it. I was just being silly. :)

Karen Williams Elvert 1 year ago

I am totally not meaning to be rude but as long as your realize your 30 year old or older grown, adult offspring CHOSE her to be his wife then it should be fine. They are our babies now but honestly, I think we have to step back and out and not get involved in their marriages.

Corrine Garvey 1 year ago

Haha I could date less if my MIL likes me… AND she doesn’t She never did, her loss not mine.

Andrea Sborgi 1 year ago

Haha.I guess its too late to read this… I better not comment on my relationship with MIL…

Jennifer Easlick Potter 1 year ago

I have two boys and I hope that I NEVER act like this to their future partners. I’m fortunate enough to have a wonderful relationship with my MIL, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to set boundaries if necessary. Also, the one thing that really upset me about this article is that she basically told her daughter-in-law that she expected her attachment to her son to be temporary. She’s always going to be his mother so she wins. Ugh. I chose my husband and he chose me. The moment that we stop choosing each other over our family of origin or outside commitments is the moment our marriage fails. We made a pact to always choose each other. Frankly, if my MIL had voiced such a blatant lack of respect for my role in her son’s and grandchildren’s lives, then I don’t think that I would be very eager to include her either.

Leslie MbŦ 1 year ago

As a Mother of all Boys, I kinda liked this! 😉

Jacque Gabel 1 year ago

I was thinking the same thing. I can see how the MIL can feel this way. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need to respect her son’s family. I like how the last sentence says “deal with it. I had to”. THAT is the true problem. One that I have to deal with in real life. Just because YOU didn’t have the balls to stand up for yourself against your MIL, doesn’t mean I have to do the same thing. And my MIL is so envious of me for raising my family MY way. That’s what causes the most tension.

Amanda Brady 1 year ago

And remember, I fuck your son, always and forever and ever.

Phoenix Fourleaf 1 year ago

I have much more in common with my MIL than with my own mother.

Karen Williams Elvert 1 year ago

Is this for real? Is this satire? Please tell me it is satire because if not this is one miserable, passive aggressive, entitled woman.

Jaime Holmes 1 year ago

Um hell no. I’ve never waiverd and I’m not fake, its one of the things my husband loves about me. I’m me, what you see is what you get. 5 years later and she’s still acquiring a taste for me. I honestly believe it has to do with him, I’m a shell and I’m pretty sure she’d hate anyone he was with. Sad.

Erin Foust 1 year ago

Thank GOD I have an awesome MIL who respects and loves me as I do her!

Karen Williams Elvert 1 year ago

You are going to be a rock awesome mil Heather.

Kristie J Runn 1 year ago

Oh right! My DILs are the BEST!! I love them as much as I love my sons that married them!!

Kimberly Nacho 1 year ago

Article just proves that they think they are the center of the universe. (MIL’s)

Michelle Guillory 1 year ago

Awe you’re so sweet:) and I’m so glad YOU are my mother in law

Kacy Johnson 1 year ago

That ain’t ever gonna happen!

Cindy Miller 1 year ago

Geez I hope I don’t even come close to that Mother In-law. You are the perfect daughter in-law.

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

Oh & she asks ‘where would Jen like to eat’? if we go out. So that must make up for all the pushing me out if the picture routine, right? Lol

Emilie Poulin 1 year ago

This is just a passive aggressive reaction to the MIL posts. Total bullshit.

Amy Nearpass 1 year ago

My MIL is a great MIL but a horrible grandmother. Other than showing up for dinner every Sunday(never with a dish to pass or even help with the dishes)she spends no time with her grandkids. Oh, did I mention that she lives next door??? I’d love it if she just showed up or lavished gifts on our kids. So I think this MIL’s rules are acceptable.

Karen 1 year ago

Yes, I am pretty much sure this mil’s dil has a lot to bitch about. Blech

Arden Reed Pathak 1 year ago

Do you have children? Boys? Imagine yourself in her shoes. I have all boys. They are 5 and under. Reading things like what you wrote make me sad for the future. :(

Trish Conway 1 year ago

Don’t bother. Just be the wife your husband wants and call it a day.

Rachel Ingle 1 year ago

Number 9 is just wrong. Terrible human beings do sometimes produce good kids.

Liz Scooby Stevens 1 year ago

My mom sucked as a MIL. As did his.

Stephanie Krawczyk Huseman 1 year ago

so she is pissed about making an appointment to come over but if you want her to babysit you need to make an appointment…

Karen Buck 1 year ago

If you have a wonderful mother in law–you haven’t been married very long!

Anna Dobner 1 year ago

I just learned to appreciate my MIL waaaay more because she isn’t this woman haha. Yikes! This lady is RUDE.

Karen Buck 1 year ago

Every single time I’m pissed at my husband…I look at him and see his mother!!! I’ve recently started thinkin of him as “Frances’ egg”—this is bad…very bad!

Sarah 1 year ago

If your calls go unanswered, check with your son. He knows how to use caller ID too. You don’t need to make an appointment because I’m not his social secretary. Feel free to call him directly. He has a cell phone and a work number. Use them. Better yet, wait for an invitation. MILs like this are exactly why we (and the kids) haven’t seen mine in 3 years.

Jenny Brown 1 year ago

Suck it, mil!

Rhia Knowles 1 year ago

I have a wonderful MIL who would never dream up such a list! Very lucky indeed!!!

Barbara Westphal Lowitz 1 year ago

#7 is wrong. It is your money, give them an appropriate gift, if you feel like sharing more, put it in a college account.

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

I had to explain to the hub that she is a terrible house guest. I know she’s his mom &he isn’t bothered by all the stuff she does but it isn’t just his house & his family. I live here, I clean, I raise these kids, it’s my territory & she should respect that, She should follow common house guest etiquette.

Sally Lucas Henry 1 year ago

Wow, bitchy much? Yikes!

Liz Scooby Stevens 1 year ago

I’m particularly not down w the money thing.

Tayler Misener 1 year ago

There is a reason my child only has one grandma my mil was controlling always complaining about nothing stole money from my husband during his first deployment she is the reason why he has bad credit and is still paying of loans he had to get due to her she would drink soda in front of my daughter and she would ask for a drink so my mil would just pour a whole can of soda into a sippy and give it to her I told her many times not to do that but she did it anyways she also had the nerves to accuse me of abusing my daughter by dragging her by her hair, feet, and arms. She also fakes having chest “pains” just so you will call the paramedics and cause a big scene when the problem was really her sugar from living off of soda. When she was having these problems I would offer to take her in so the whole team of medics and firefighters wouldn’t have to come to my apartment. So in one sentence my mil is a lying, stealing, crazy hypochondriac.

Kelz Pyffer 1 year ago

Nobody’s mom is perfect but my late mom (R.I.P.) was a lot nicer and more respectful than my MIL is!

Stacy Johnson Henry 1 year ago

I’m pretty much ok with theses things and I love my MIL …I could do without the snark in this article though. I also disagree with the “put in your big girl panties and talk to me” thing. I think in most things the husband should talk to his mom about anything that is overstepping.

Jen 1 year ago

She makes some valid points but it’s hard to take this seriously with the attitude that comes across in every point she’s trying to make. I guess I’m lucky that I have such a good relationship with my MIL that I don’t really have problems like these. Also, I’m not afraid to say something to her or my husband or both if something is happening that I don’t like. And, the point that I was most uncomfortable with is her saying that as the mother she trumps the wife because she will always be his mother and you may not always be his wife. If that’s actually the way that her son and daughter-in-law’s marriage works, then I feel sorry for them and could likely predict that they are headed for divorce. I’m a generous and reasonable person. However, I chose to make a family with my husband. So, whether it’s my family of origin or his family of origin trying to play the “who’s going to come out on top” game, the answer is always us. I will always choose him and he will always choose me. That’s the only way that a marriage will last. I really don’t like that attitude that she had with that particular point. Also, I’m the parent and therefore, I always (until they are adults) have veto power over purchases made on their behalf. I’m sure she exercised that right for her own children and I would only be asking for the same. As far as not wanting to talk to her or not wanting her to visit? Well, the obvious lack of respect she has for her son’s marriage and her daughter-in-law’s rights within that relationship make it quite apparent to me why there’s an issue there. I would probably feel the same way.

Jennie Reis 1 year ago

I’m so thankful for my MiL. She’s pretty amazing.

Robyn Lowry 1 year ago

This MIL would have me looking at properties on the opposite coast!

jenny 1 year ago

It really sounds like this MIL needs to realize that her son is now a grown man with his own family. She actually refers to him as her child in this article. Wow!

Liz Scooby Stevens 1 year ago

Hey Mary it wasn’t about our mothers was it???

Brianne McNally 1 year ago

Oh my, I’m glad this lady isn’t my MIL!

Liz Scooby Stevens 1 year ago

Yup

Liz Scooby Stevens 1 year ago

Screw that. Step aside mama. Your job is done. How about ten tips for shitty MILs to lay off?

Kate Runn 1 year ago

darn…. sorry you got stuck with such terrible DILs lol 😉

Stacy Hebein 1 year ago

I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it because my husband and his mother aren’t on good terms :) But I plan on having a great relationship with the ladies (or gents) that are lucky enough to marry my boys :)

jenny 1 year ago

My goodness…this lady’s daughter.in law sounds like a complete bitch. I’m glad my MIL and I get along and don’t have these petty issues!!!!!

Laura Wyne 1 year ago

Haha!! Well as long as you don’t complain about any farm animal themed kitchen accessories I get you I think we will be okay 😉

Kristin 1 year ago

Yikes! This woman does need to remember that she raised her son…they have left her nest. Mutual respect, and unconditional love (not 10 conditions) should be considered. I agree, this is extremely passive agressive.

Felicia Salazar 1 year ago

This is a bunch of fucking nope.

Unlucky DIL 1 year ago

The second I “put my big girl panties on”, and consult the MIL about my issues I have with her, she’ll be on the phone with CPS trying to take my son from me. I’m good without that shit!

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

I wish I could find the article this was in response too.

Mary Striegel Nienaber 1 year ago

Just hope you judge your own mothers as harshly as you do your husband’s. These responses prove why this was written. One day your sons will grow up and marry and you will be the MIL. Hopefully you will get DILs that don’t think you are the biggest annoyance to her family.

Janice Carlson 1 year ago

I am both a DIL and MIL – neither relationships even closely resemble this. Thank Heavens!!!!

Unlucky DIL 1 year ago

OMG! YES!!!

Shannan Hailey 1 year ago

Wow. I would hate to have this person as a MIL – I am blessed to have a great relationship with my MIL.

LeAnn Nielsen 1 year ago

This sounds like it was written by Marie Barone! Classic MIL guilt tripping!

Jo-Ann Mason 1 year ago

Don’t worry, there are lots of wonderful women out there for your son to marry. I know, because my son found one! :) And you are so right, women don’t have to be adversaries.

Michelle Cook 1 year ago

My MIL is an absolute sweetheart. She has a huge heart & good intentions but she is the kind to bring toys & junk food with her every time she visits. I love her to pieces but we already have enough junk toys in the house & we definitely don’t need more, especially with a new baby. I like the comment about grandparents buying what they want but keeping it at their house :)

Georgina Vant 1 year ago

Sounds a bit cunty. Glad my mil is nice lol

Christine Walker 1 year ago

I don’t agree with #7 at all. A small gift is fine every once in a blue moon. However, I really don’t want my kids to run around expecting people to give them stuff all the time. Plus our house is only so big! I would much rather you “gift” a trip to the park or some other activity.

Charity Moats 1 year ago

Bitch please.

Jess Allen 1 year ago

While I understand most of what this mil is asking is not that outrageous, the way she demands it is horribly rude. This lady should take a little of her own advice with the passive-aggressive tude. My family is mine to raise as I see fit, and while you may give your input and I respect your advice, it is still my family and up to my husband and myself, and no one else.

Laurel Ostberg Brashears 1 year ago

What about the MIL’s who buy lots of cheap crap when they could well afford to buy one decent gift?

Michelle Lane 1 year ago

None of this applies to my current situation but this MIL is awful. Just saying.

Daphney Owen 1 year ago

Number one rule for MILs and my own mother too. Lol. Follow my rules I have for my children or you won’t see them. The end. Simple enough right?!

Breige Mccaughey 1 year ago

I hope none of these apply to me and you!!!

Michelle Cook 1 year ago

Agreed!!!

Helen Sanborn 1 year ago

This article IS NOT the way to mend things with your DIL (clearly she has issues with hers). Yikes… Resentful much??

Michelle Staggs Mayfield 1 year ago

Can someone post the rules for Mil’s that people are talking about?

Melody Mankus 1 year ago

You will probably be an awesome MIL. My own mother acts like everything I say is ridiculous (things like, “Don’t feel my kid a bag of sugar, it triggers her migraines” or “Do not smoke around my children”. And I know what growing up under her parental tutelage was like (bag of sugar and smoking with the windows rolled up)!

Erin Gerzina 1 year ago

Barf!

Katie 1 year ago

I would have a very hard time being this one’s DIL…good thing I’m not!!!

Jo-Ann Mason 1 year ago

Hear, hear!

Michelle Guillory 1 year ago

Cindy Miller I think it’s safe to say we all have our issues but I could be a far worse daughter in law lmao

Jo-Ann Mason 1 year ago

Whew! I feel sorry not only for your MIL but for your children and your husband too. Interesting how some of these replies reveal way more about the author than they intend.

Carolyn Balbi 1 year ago

As long as there is respect and boundaries – we won’t have ANY problems. It’s figuring out what those are on both sides that is the rub. Give it time….what the hell else can you do??

Amanda Fiedler Goldsmith 1 year ago

Impossible. My MIL wants a single son with no children who devotes all his spare time to her

Michelle Staggs Mayfield 1 year ago

I know that my Mil genuinely loves my husband and me and wants the best for us, but her definition of what is best and my definition are very different things. I ( and my husband) have very different value systems and priorities from my in laws. I try my best to bite my tongue and be polite bc I know they mean well, but it is often a challenge not to take comments from them personally.

Melody Mankus 1 year ago

My mother-in-law actually does #6 to me! And for me, #7 (the money/lavishing gifts) is more about “Where am I going to put all of this?”, as my house is bursting since our second was born. But, to revisit #6, I agree that gift certificates, or maybe chipping in for non-physical gifts (like their violin or gymnastics lessons), would be appreciated by everyone!!

Mary Beth Akins 1 year ago

No MIL will ever give me a list of what she wants… I don’t care if it’s suggestions or not. I might not be her favorite, but I didn’t exactly hit the jackpot either ; )

Bree 1 year ago

This is a great list to try to keep in mind as a daughter in law. But I do have a little problem with #4. I try my very best not to rank about my mother-in-law, and even my own mom for that matter. But trying to talk to them about some things is literally like talking to a wall. They listen, they nod, they agree and as soon as my back is turned they fill my kids cup with Pepsi and hand him a doughnut. I tell them we are all excited about buying him his first tricycle for Christmas, the next time we visit there’s a tricycle for him in the yard. And as I much as I try to talk to them about it, it just does not work.

Kami Aldrovandi 1 year ago

O I forgot the constant grunting, panties in the floor, bathsuit and nasty feet on the coffee table.

Ashley Brady 1 year ago

After reading this article…no way! Haha. I knew I was lucky, but seeing all these comments is making me want to hang onto my hubby just to keep my MIL!

Sheina Rosenbluth 1 year ago

I have the same exact situation only she lives with us. Both her and my husbands name are on the deed. She won’t let us sell. It’s hell.

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

Lol there’s not enough time in the day to get everything. But it’s a start!

Amber Beck 1 year ago

OUCH!

Kristie J Runn 1 year ago

I think the MIL in this list sounds very condescending and a little self-righteous even. I believe the #1 thing to keep in mind for both MIL and DIL is respect.

Kami Aldrovandi 1 year ago

Jen Aldrovandi…like when you set boundaries and ask her when she is coming and she says a few days…and changes at the last minute and stays for a month cause you are incapable of what? Or how every time she watches her grandkids they end up injured because she was really to busy with her kindle. And honestly I am still working on “raising” my husband! My house still my rules respect it. Your son married me! I didnt marry you and him to have your stupud opinion all the time. Daughter in laws unite! She cripes and complains about me and when I tell her about a problem I have with her she calls her son into the rescue (crying) and im the bad guy and fighting with my husband whom I only get to see 6 months out of the year and you invade about half of that….did I get everything jen?

Stacy Klever DeMay 1 year ago

I can only hope someday I am as “perfect” as this woman. Offensive much?! Thank God my MIL is nothing like this. That’s probably why we get along so well!

Amy Nelson 1 year ago

The majority of responses to this make me hope my son doesn’t ever marry. Women don’t have to be adversaries.

Sunshine Fancher Kibbe 1 year ago

If only…

Sarah 1 year ago

Gifts… My MIL have an understanding. She knows what I don’t allow in my home and those gifts become “grandmas” toys and stay at her house for when the kids are there. It’s nothing against her, my mom, same rule. Other than that, great article! I’m fortunate enough to love my MIL. I would never complain about her stopping by uninvited or make snide comments about her housekeeping. She wouldn’t do those things to me either! And I’ve always understood, she raised the man I love. I hope she understands I love the man she raised….

Crystal-Ann Strangways 1 year ago

I hope none of these apply to me……as far as I know they do not :)

Lisha Purdy 1 year ago

I only wish my kids knew their family like they know and are comfortable with most of our friends… kind of discusting.

Kimberlie Turnbaugh 1 year ago

I also was tempted to make similar post, well said thanks

Alicia Arzola 1 year ago

I actually like this. Sounds like some DILs can be really presumptuous. Not everything is about you. So quit assuming everytime a opinion is made or a gift is given its to challenge you. Get over yourself please. If MIL intent is really the negative agenda you claim. Well then she only has as much power as you give her. How about being an example to your kids and be the bigger person.

Nancy Duncan Daley 1 year ago

My MIL calls before stopping by because we may not be home. And ya know who she calls? Her son. Just like my mom calls me for the same purpose. We are rarely too busy for grandparents because we don’t see them often. But if they were in the same town, we probably would be. Because we have Stuff To Do and we saw them yesterday.

All grandparents cleared questionable gifts first. Why? Because that’s POLITE. To send an obnoxious toy home is rude.

It is equally rude to bitch about the gifts you are given. And maybe quit blaming your DIL. BLAME YOUR SON. He should be doing the shopping for you. And dollars to donuts, she asked him if the rooster would be a good gift for you. He probably grunted a “yea, sure” thankful he was relieved of the task.

And lady…. You are all sorts of Judgy McJudgington. Your daughter-in-law has my sympathies.

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

Except for when they don’t lose because the mil is manipulative.

D 1 year ago

This article made me more pissed off. She sounds like a b- mil. Passive aggressive much? 1: don’t bring or buy us cleaning supplies then. 2. I will if I want to. 3. I don’t trust you w/ my baby. Your little jokes aren’t funny about feeding my baby McD & shi. 4: same back at ya. 5: yes. Same back @ ya. 6: don’t buy US stuff & clothes we don’t need or like. A misto every year is obnoxious. We prefer gift cards or cash. 7: see #6. 8: mind your own business. 9: same as #8. If I WANT advice, I’ll ask. 10: maybe you shouldn’t make sh–y comments then.

I dread mil visits. Just want her to go away w/ her judgy comments & crappy useless gifts. Ugh.

Lisha Purdy 1 year ago

Ha.. that’s hilarious! Maybe if ANY even bothered to call let alone take them…..

Megan Romero 1 year ago

Enedina Suarez I’m so glad we get along. I love and respect my mother in law so much that I won’t ever speak ill of her. She’s been through so much and has raised 4 boys on her. I married her youngest and we have a successful marriage that I am very proud of. We have 3 beautiful children and she has helped. Not financially but with very kind and wise words to make sure we don’t fail as parents and to not fail as a married couple. She has excepted me and welcomed me with open arms. I respect their Native American culture because my children are Native American. She is a strong woman and i love her. I’m blessed to have 2 wonderful mothers. My own mom and my mother in law.

Patricia Harding Gannon 1 year ago

There’s only one rule to being a mother-in-law: love your daughter-in-law unconditionally, just like you love your son. Period.

Amber Leane 1 year ago

#9 still questioning that!!

Claire N Anthony Lye 1 year ago

Ugh!!! I have nothing to do with my in laws, after 9.5 years of tension, bullshit and me constantly trying. Sometimes things just don’t work, and that’s ok too. People shouldn’t have to go through this awkward pain, if it’s obvious there is no pleasing her, and no change!

Rachel Armour 1 year ago

Amen. And it’s nothing personal. I don’t answer for anyone if I’m not in the mood.

Becoming Homegrown 1 year ago

Wow. 8,9,10 are extremely possessive. Great, you are THE MOTHER, but once your child is married that authority falls to the wayside. Holding it over your daughter-in-laws head is intimidating and will not help the relationship.
I have an incredibly healthy relationship with my MIL and that is in part to her not holding the “I AM THE MOTHER” authority over my head. She trusts me and respects me as I do her. She does not anticipate the end of my marriage. She supports it.

Jessica 1 year ago

This woman sounds horrible and her entitled, know it all tone is the exact reason so many people have MIL issues. Lady, you’ve had your day in the sun and it’s over…. Find some hobbies, give your DIL some space and your issues will go away.

Rachel Armour 1 year ago

Seriously! Need it really be said that she’ll still be there in the event of divorce or death? Kind of sounds like she’s holding out hope…

Suzy Weinberg Snyder 1 year ago

I will never become my mil. I have 2 boys and a girl and by seeing hown my mil is i am learning what not to do. She is an over opined negative passive aggressive women who instead of being a grandmother she try to act like a mother. Instead of enjoying the kids she is constantly critical. I wish my mil would spoil my kids instead of criticizing and making faces at everything I do she was far from mother of tje year seeing

Tara 1 year ago

Seriously! I’m more pissed off now than before I read this. Big fail, MIL

Julie Napp 1 year ago

Dear MIL, when I gave you an open invitation, I assumed you would apply common sense and not be at my home more than you are at yours. If I am busy, I do not have time to answer the phone just to tell you I am busy. If you need something, leave a message. Your money might be yours, but these are my children, under my care, and my supervision. Don’t tell me can buy anything, and then criticize the gifts you are given.

Obviously God had a strong hand in my husband’s upbringing, thankfully. He and I will parent our children as we best see fit. If you truly want your son to.be happy, you will but out of his marriage. He picked me, chose me, and married me. I am his wife, I am his rock. If you want to be in his life, you will respect and support his marriage.

Angela ‘Dray’ Gideon 1 year ago

I have no idea what it’s like to have a bad MIL. I have been married twice and both sets of parents were awesome to me (even after I divorced their son). And my first marriage I had two (his parents were divorced and remarried). I still talk to them on occasion (and would more so had my child from my first marriage survived her BMT). I don’t understand these stories because I have yet to meet any person I can’t be nice to and get along with even if we’re not going to best friends or hang out often.

Heather Gibb 1 year ago

Yeah….as a mom to a now adult child and others coming up soon, I wasn’t feeling most of this. When a son leaves home and gets married, he’s a husband first. And just b/c she married your son doesn’t mean she agrees with how you parented him. These are their kids now. And if a mom or dad asks you to not buy their child something or give them something, then don’t. You aren’t a parent or stepparent to that child. I have a grandchild and would never overstep his parents role or wishes.

Sar Butcher 1 year ago

Wow. Just. Wow.

Sylvia Edwards-Blenkush 1 year ago

I think this goes for everyone

Jennifer Shelton 1 year ago

LOVE my MIL! Its my bitchy judgemental FIL I can’t stand.

Sarah Ricker Foynes 1 year ago

Mine too

Sidney Montes 1 year ago

Nope!

Chantel Hayes 1 year ago

I have a wonderful MIL and I try to follow her example with my own DIL.

Tara Malli 1 year ago

This woman is exactly why we can’t stand our MIL’s!!!!

Felicia Tee 1 year ago

Yea glad the author isn’t my mil. I’ll take my mil over this author any day

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

Maybe part of the reason we don’t trust you with our children is because of the stories we’ve heard from our husband/your son of all the times your ‘skills’ caused/allowed injury.

Stephanie Orr 1 year ago

This is a really disappointing article. This list had that “I’m the mother and he is my baby and I will always try and make myself his priority over you” tone that so many despise.

It had a lot of potential though. I think grand parents should be a part of their grandchildren’s life. We should all do our best to get along- at least for the sake of the kidlets.

My mother in law rocks, I feel bad for people with an in-law like this lady

Lacey Stanton 1 year ago

This is absurd and not how DIL’s should be towards their MIL’s. Let’s get this perfectly straight. Yes you have birth to your son, congratufuckinglations. Would you like a gold star? And we gave birth to your grandchildren so guess what? RESPECT each other EQUALLY. Both have vaginas that created a MEMBER in the SAME family. Get off your high horse and maybe you shelled out equal respect to your DIL. Also when your precious baby boy grew up and said I DO to his wife that was when his wife and him became ONE soul. He started his OWN family that he has to put first above everyone else, including his own mother. As soon as these pretentious MIL’s realize this and let their sons go and take a couple steps back out of their business the better the relationship will be between all!!

Andi Anderson 1 year ago

That would be great if I was shopping for a mother, but I already have one. I married your son, I’m sure he factored all of that in before he asked.

Alicia 1 year ago

I like this. Good way in showing the perspective the other way around. I think it’s pretty presumptuous to assume everything your mother in law does is to undermine you or out do you. Just get over yourself and insecurities. I didn’t have the best mil but I always respected her as a mother, being that I am a mother myself and one day I will be in her shoes. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter that she wants to be involved or have a opinion? It’s only as big of a deal as you make it. It only has as much power as you give it. Just like I tell my children, “Always do what is right and be kind despite how you feel. Don’t let other people’s action determine the person your gonna be.”

Kimberly Wilson Parsons 1 year ago

I disagree with the “should be fine” part. As a society, we teach our children that in-laws, and especially mothers-in-law, are destined to be a troubled and contentious relationship. And as for “normal boundaries” – boundaries require communication because normal boundaries just aren’t the same for every person. And communicating directly is not something we as a society encourage DILs to do. It’s so much more fun to bitch and moan via social media or to friends or whatever. We create monsters of women we’ve never even met long before we ever meet them. 😉

D 1 year ago

Yes!!!! This article made me MORE pissed off. H agrees w/ me mostly, but I know it’s hard since it is his mom. I still can’t STAND her. Ugh.

Every response above: Yes! Exactly!!!!!

René Chartier Kokoska 1 year ago

Ha! NONE of these even apply to my MIL!

Dil 1 year ago

Crazy bitch .

Melody Gutierrez 1 year ago

Lol… Sounds like she is being a bit passive aggressive with this blog… Glad I don’t know this issue with my MiLs

Amy Hubbard Somers 1 year ago

Guess what MIL, your son got stuck w/you, he chose his wife. Get over yourself.

Rhoni Anderson 1 year ago

I hope I’m not this kind of mother in law. I know my daughter in laws (and potentials) are much nicer than whom she speaks of.

Zsanett Huszar Mayr 1 year ago

well i dont care if im the daughter-in-law my MIL wants. i am it, if she likes it or not.

Beth 1 year ago

It takes two to tango & her DIL could be a real jerk. Or they bring out the worst in each other.
As both a DIL & MIL of 3 I agree with all if them with the over riding “the parents are still the boss over their child”.
One of my DIL told me “spoil them with time with them”. She doesn’t want their kids to expect a gift every time we visit & that is wise parenting. I keep breaking that rule because we like bringing books to read with them. But not every visit.
Respect is needed on both sides. It’s not easy sometimes.
I love my DILs. They are fantastic moms so I don’t need to worry about the care my grandkids are receiving.

Dawn Aumiller 1 year ago

Most of this I am cool with, but the unsolicited advice thing? No. No. No. Keep it to yourself unless I ask!

(Mine was totally fine, for the record)

Rachel Ann Termini 1 year ago

I think this is funny. I am happily in love with my second husband. I have 3 adult children and 3 young children. You know what my advice is? Stay as far away as you possibly can!

Irma Doornink 1 year ago

She must have done this tongue in cheek to retaliate against the “rules for MILs earlier today. Lol

Sasha Alexandria Ashcraft 1 year ago

Unfortunately it was my ex mother in law talking crap about me all over town! Lol

Megan McCann 1 year ago

Whichever mother in law wrote this in one I don’t want! Wow, so snide and witchy.

Megan Sabato 1 year ago

I love my MIL but she does overstep sometimes when she discusses our parenting choices only with my husband. I feel like that undermines me a little especially when we both agree with how we are raising our daughter.

Kristen Werner Schrotberger 1 year ago

It would be interesting to see some of these comments years down the road when we are the mother-in-laws. :) I always remind myself that with three boys will most likely come three daughter-in-laws. I promise myself I will be as good as I can possibly be… but they are MY babies. Lol!

Dawn Fowler 1 year ago

Mine too:(

SL 1 year ago

Lol so true!

Brooke Barrett Hunter 1 year ago

Exactly!!! Exactly!!! Exactly!!!

Kimberly Swingle 1 year ago

In other words .. Don’t be a dick! 😉 😉

Sara O’Brien Farmer 1 year ago

Sounds pretty reasonable. I agree that parents should have veto power over gifts, though.

Brooke Barrett Hunter 1 year ago

She sounds like mine.

Jessica Reynolds 1 year ago

Amen! My husband has issues that stem from her, but yet she wants to make passive aggressive remarks about my parenting.

Andrea Koehnke 1 year ago

Then you are very lucky.

Sara Edwards 1 year ago

And yes, it is your money but I think we can ALL AGREE: enough with the fucking stuffed animals already!

Kathy Fiser 1 year ago

Wow…was someone triggered or what?!

Kristen Bilbruck 1 year ago

My mom was there, but my dad didn’t go. He is a little eccentric and we didn’t expect him to be there.

Theresa Hauge 1 year ago

Screw that the mil needs to get off her high horse and realize she is not the sun!

Emily Zeb 1 year ago

Sounds exactly like mine. Hell on earth

Leesh Sadler 1 year ago

I never want to be her daughter in law!

Daphney Owen 1 year ago

Does anyone else thinks it’s weird if the MIL does buy shoes for your daughter and brings her home in them… But then takes them off of her and leaves with them? What else does she need them for and I know they better not have been on someone else’s feet.

Caro Embrey 1 year ago

I love my Mother in law. I wasn’t always easy and she saw me at my worst. I only hope I can be as graceful and understanding some day.

Sara Edwards 1 year ago

Oh. Hell. No.

Joanna McCawley 1 year ago

If you met my mil you’d tell me we did the right thing calling time on it. She’s vile & self centred – she was never a mother to her son so she doesn’t get to judge me or mine. Or drop poison in the well or lie about me or criticise me or even be near me or my children. End of. This is her own child’s CHOICE.

Maria Tripp 1 year ago

As long as you are respect normal boundaries, you should be fine.

Susan Dylka 1 year ago

My ex MIL treated me like I was barely tolerated in her home. She would put me down in front of guests and family. Interrupt as if I didn’t exist or shouldn’t be part of any conversation. She sure raised my exhusband alright! To make sure no one can do anything right ever. To keep them wondering and confused. But hey! On the outside everything looked GREAT! Yeah. A bit of bitterness. I’ll stop ranting. I’m sorry. Anyone with a decent MIL should be grateful!

Whitney Christine Graef 1 year ago

This does NOT sound like a MIL I want! Ick!

Shawn Marie Gaffke 1 year ago

Take note of the women liking this article and stay the fuck away from their sons. Haha run away. As. Fast. As. You. Can.

Becky Smith-Ortiz 1 year ago

Then we have my peach of a, MIL that talks to my husband in Spanish when we all speak English. Or she nit picks meals when we eat out. And incessantly questions me about what i cook, how much i make, how much things cost, etc. That would be why we don’t come around.

Kelz Pyffer 1 year ago

My MIL buys my daughter gifts all the time against my wishes and it infuriates me to no end! Sorry I don’t want a spoiled brat feeling entitled to things she didn’t earn. Doesn’tmmatter who’s money it is. If someone asks you not to do something with their kids, then just respect the parents wishes!

Julie Henderson 1 year ago

Why do we MIL’s have to always look like that?!!! But this is a funny article.

Bec Lockhart 1 year ago

Oh oh and the buying clothes or decor is the opposite in my sitcho too! I WISH she would STOP buying frigin stuff for my house that just gets set in the cupboard because it’s nothing like the rest of my house! Especially photo frames

Gadija Abrahams Chothia 1 year ago

Lol. Loved the article. Too true.

Kim Reay Waldon 1 year ago

Crazy

Bec Lockhart 1 year ago

Wow don’t like that mil at all!! #5 is the opposite in my situation!! She’s the one who is passive aggressive! Oh and yes mil you will always be his mother but he has a new family now and they come first. ALWAYS. Ughhh

Lisa Marshall Alvarez 1 year ago

Actually, I felt this article was a good reminder for myself. But only because I love my MIL. I feel like I struck gold.

Debbie Ng 1 year ago

This made me sick. Coming from a daughter-in-law who can do no right.

Nicole Craig 1 year ago

Wow. This is really over the top. Everyone needs to have a glass of wine and chill the heck out.

Barbara Weaver Wyne 1 year ago

If I’m ever that way-just know I’m sorry. Then pick my nursing home!

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

Exactly! This should be the outline of a rebuttal article !

Anne M Turner 1 year ago

My MIL passed away before I had my first, she was great and easy going. She was the type that let her son be an adult and was there for him when he needed her. Never overbearing, very kind. But my mother is a pretty shitty MIL, never very kind to my husband, very opinionated about him, he didn’t make a lot of money so he was beneath her. It sucks when there are family that can be that way.

Alaina Jones 1 year ago

Shut up, MIL! No one wants to hear it.

Erin Maher 1 year ago

I don’t agree with #7

Rebecca Hodge 1 year ago

And remember this: I am the wife. You, he had no choice in. Me, he picked. So save your passive aggressive bitching for someone who wants to hear it.

Megan Bishop 1 year ago

This list is much meaner thwn the one to a mil lol

Peggy Windisch 1 year ago

Wow!!

Heather McMurry Ramos 1 year ago

Ummm…she can go to hell. I mean, really??? What a b**ch! So disrespectful!

Irish Bz 1 year ago

This MIL sounds like a bitch. Just a guess here, but I think SHE’s the problem. Lol.

Holly Mac Neil 1 year ago

That article was Pure. Utter. Bullshit.

Salim Fam 1 year ago

I am a lucky woman my mil is great!

Lori Ann Silva 1 year ago

I don’t agree with number 4. How many times do therapists say that each partner in a marriage take care of business with their own parents. Take care of your own animals, keep them in check and I’ll take care of mine. Anyways, MIL should respect her son enough not to put him in the middle knowing she will lose every time.

SL 1 year ago

This is super snotty! Talk about the DIL being passive aggressive…. Geez. Glad you’re not MY mother-in-law

Jessica Josh Marek Pman 1 year ago

Call your own child, not someone else’s. My marriage therapist tells us all the time, your mom your responsibility. She wants to talk, she calls her kid :)

Ashley Wagy 1 year ago

This is ridiculous. No wonder this lady has problems with her DIL. She has no respect for her adult child and his family. Back off lady!

Melanie Hendrickson 1 year ago

I have nothing to do with my in laws. But I do let my husband and son visit his mother/ grandmother when they want. She and I never get along and she never approved of me even when he and I dated. But I don’t allow them to enter my home and they are not welcome for festivity mesls. I have same rules for my mother and family. It keeps the peace somewhat.

Lynn Vander Meer 1 year ago

Kind and accepting goes a long way in family relationships. You are blessed.

Katrina Rhett 1 year ago

Omg. This was a perfect response. I was reading the article feeling off about it. Yes. You hit the nail on the head! Thank you!!!

Rheanna Rocha 1 year ago

I have amazing inlaws and I’m so grateful.

Shawn Marie Gaffke 1 year ago

If my mil was like this, I would politely tell her to get fucked.

Hayley Cliff 1 year ago

My MIL told me today that an anagram for MIL is ‘Hilter Woman’ and she’s going to start introducing herself as Hayley’s Hilter Woman!

Missy Doehne 1 year ago

Passive aggressive bitch lol

Jessica Josh Marek Pman 1 year ago

^^ Totally! It could be a result of the other, amazing people who influenced his life that resulted in who he is today (not to mention years of therapy).

Tommie Lynn Reel 1 year ago

Eff mine!!!

Ivy McGraw Cooper 1 year ago

Lucky for me, I have a great MIL, but most importantly, I have a Mother who has DILs. I know she pains herself to try and always say/do the right thing, that won’t upset them. It’s a hard relationship, kind of like a step-parent. “She’s not MY mother so why is she acting like it?”
Well, the day I married her son, I believe she kind of did become my other mother. At least I will always think of her that way and respect her in that way, And treat her that way. I even call her Mom sometimes. I love her because my husband loves her. We are all family.

Missy 1 year ago

This bitch needs to get over herself lol. I guarantee you, the reason she is writing this blog is to bitch about her DIL and she is the one being passive aggressive. You want your DIL to talk to you like a big girl and tell you what is wrong? Yeah right. The moment she does, you will climb her shit and talk about how much of a rude bitch she is etc. Nice try lady. Now who’s using a social media outlet to bitch about their in law?

Kimberly Boucher 1 year ago

Bull Shit!!! Cut the cord already!!!

Christina Edwards 1 year ago

Agreed – if she’s so bent on “spending” her money, put it in a college fund.

Lynn Vander Meer 1 year ago

I do not care if anyone judges me. My MIL did not like me, because he was a good boy until he met me, meaning I don’t jump through hoops for anyone and he chose not to continue to do so. Not sorry, my life.

Jenny 1 year ago

The author seems to have forgotten what it is like to be the DIL. These “tips” are just flat out negative in tone.

Things I may point out-
1) You do need to “make an appointment” before coming over. Your kid is now an adult with his own family and time obligations. Drop ins are only ok if that is the dynamic of the relationship.
2) You are the mother? Seriously? This status does not mean you trump the wife, ever. If that son lets you, then the DIL should run like hell.
The Unity Candle, cleaving to your spouse….any of this ring a bell?

You need an attitude adjustment.

Crystal Foxworth-burrell 1 year ago

And no matter how hard u try there is just no pleasing some people! Be yourself and if anyone don’t like it oh well! Screw the rules and regulations on trying to please everyone…the daughter n law will always be judged and talked about no matter how good she is…period!Some parents can’t and will never see the flaws of their children. Just being real

Michelle Halsey ‘Mcgunigle’ 1 year ago

Brilliant x

Karen Lowder 1 year ago

Harsh.

Emily Frances 1 year ago

I read stuff like this and am so grateful my mother in law is nice and non judgmental. This lady sounds a little much

Stacy 1 year ago

I was thinking the same thing! Wow….just wow….

daughter in law 1 year ago

What if your mother in law is all of this to the 10 degree?? I get blamed for everything, things I don’t do or say. I get blamed because my husband doesn’t call his psychotic mother but what does he care not his fault right!!! She gets invites and can’t make them then she will say she was not invited. Better off without the daddy mama drama in our lives

Melinda Gordon-Lichioveri 1 year ago

Sounds like a watered down version of my own MIL. We don’t (and will never again) speak. No respect for boundaries and a huge Narcissistic Personality problem.

Britt 1 year ago

Oops. #8, not 9. I miss having an actual keyboard to type on.

Nicole Debra Thomas 1 year ago

Seems the author will get on well with my MIL. Their way or no way, controlling, attention seeking woman.

Maria Martinez Johnson 1 year ago

I feel this list is considerably more aggressive and hostile than the list about what MIL should be. That list was funny, and lighthearted…this is just angry.

Shawn Marie Gaffke 1 year ago

This mother in law can suck a big one lol

Adriane Olszko Bossone 1 year ago

But it doesn’t say a word about her caring about how her dil feels or that she cares about her or anything. That’s not ok.

Aleja Suarez Giovenco 1 year ago

This is a passive aggressive MIL. Not surprised her DIL doesn’t answer the phone. And most of those issues she should be speaking to her son about, who can, in turn, discuss them with his wife. So much for not putting shit on social media.

Newmommy 1 year ago

Totally ridiculous! All this grandparent rights and crazy MIL’s make me sick.
1. You do have to let me know wen you would like to see my child! I have a life that is not open all the time for you.
2. Again. I have a life. If I don’t answer the phone I am busy. I will not answer if I don’t want to. You don’t control my life.
3.understandable. I don’t expect you too.
4. If I have a problem I will but if you drag your child into it and act like a child then I will not bring my problems to you.
5. If you are PA to me then I will be right back!
6. If you don’t like what I get you I won’t get you anything. If I have tried several times and you complain you get nothing.
7. I don’t care if you have money. If I say no or your child says no. It means NO. My child does not need a ton of toys and you certainly do not need to one up me to my child. I get all big gifts. I do all the firsts. You are not the parent.
8. You maybe the mother but you are not my mother or my child’s mother. You do not control our life.
9. That is just it. You raised a child. Let me raise mine! I don’t care how you did it years ago. I will raise my child the way I see fit! You do not get a say.
10. He maybe all of those things but our family( me him and our children) come first!) leave and cleave! He can still be all of those things but our needs come first.

S 1 year ago

I agree with you on some things, but my mother-in-law truly did a horrible job raising her son (my husband). He is a selfish person, who doesn’t even know how to cook, clean or do anything for himself. And, yes, it IS mostly her fault, but I’m not getting into details. These points are okay if you have a good mother-in-law, I guess, because mine up until about a month ago, has been pretty rude, critical, and controlling, so it’s hard for me to apply these things to the situation.

Nicole Adalio Flegal 1 year ago

I dunno how my relationship would be if this were my mil, but the relationship with my real mil is a good one! :)

Wende Mitchell Carpenter 1 year ago

Uhhhhh. Kind of an aggressive, defensive tone there.

Alex Crow 1 year ago

This only applies when the MIL is a normal. I’ve had a normal MIL and one who’s off her rocker,delusional and unwilling to talk and resolve problems.

Britt 1 year ago

#9. No… Just, no. Anyone who treats my marriage like some sort of temporary living arrangement will not be a part of my family. My husband and I take that “till death do us part” bit very seriously. Our marriage is a lifelong commitment. Nobody (and I do indeed mean nobody) who treats our marriage as transitory will be around our children. Ever. As a young military family the last thing we need is our daughter being exposed to people who actively undermine our marriage or downplay the significance of our commitment.

Leave and cleave, guys. Leave and cleave.

Jen Aldrovandi 1 year ago

It’s refreshing to hear the other side of the mil/dil struggle but this is exceptionally bitchy & just reinforces the power struggle. Your son grew up, now learn to let go!

Antonella B. O’Brien 1 year ago

What in the world? Come over anytime means (by all polite standards) feel free to let me know if you’re interested in coming over, but of course call first. Gifts should be discussed with parents because there isn’t unlimited space in homes. Pick up the phone? Umm a million and one scenarios as to why that can’t always happen. And just because you made him doesn’t mean he’s perfect-MIL you are not a nice lady. I hope your son doesn’t take after you!

Megan Stofer 1 year ago

What a load of bull!

Tiffany Oskins 1 year ago

So negative….MIL wrote this

Daphney Owen 1 year ago

If this bitch is my mother in law… It doesn’t matter they are my kids and she’s going to follow my rules. I know my mother in law needs to stop spending her money on shit my kids don’t need and spend it on important things like fixing her nasty ass house up. And stop buying stupid clothes for my children that don’t match that I end up donating right after i skim through them. And I do not appreciate the part where she costs me hundreds of dollars in dental bills. Not to mention all the junk food. And sending the kids back home to where they misbehave and have to end up in time out. I think a MIL should think ahead and ask herself if she wants her granddaughter to not get in trouble… Stop teaching her stupid shit and letting her get away with things she’s not supposed to do. My husband was so spoiled and not patented by her … He didn’t know how to use a can opener and every meal he was used to came from the microwave. Some MILs need to get their act straight.

Noemi Skok 1 year ago

Bullshit! :-)

Courtney Rozendaal 1 year ago

Sounds like this daughter in law isn’t a very nice person. Or the mother in law is looking into things way too much

Lauren McCarty 1 year ago

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have such great in laws. Sounds like this family has some issues that need to be sorted out…

Jenny Viernes 1 year ago

I absolutely love my MIL! So thankful that she is the wonderful woman that she is. She raised an amazing man who I am lucky enough to share my life with. I feel bad for those who don’t have a good relationship with their in-laws.

Kate Runn 1 year ago

i feel very sorry for families who think they need to make these lists.

Maria Tripp 1 year ago

She should try to call her son instead of her daughter in law.

Krista Welsh Parzych 1 year ago

This was most likely written is response to the “how to be a good MIL ” that was posted the other day which was awful. I don’t see why everyone can’t just be nice and respectful to each other. Now I get there are the exceptional cases where either side may be irrational. But in most cases if both MIL and DIL where just nice and respectful of each other life would be much easier.

Brook Nicole Hall 1 year ago

While I kinda thought this article had a little bit of a negative tone (which isn’t my favorite), I really think it was supposed to be humorous and some of you are taking it way too serious. You don’t have to like the post, but do you really have to personally attack the author? It’s a vulnerable thing to post your work on the internet, maybe cut her a little slack. You don’t know her based on one post she wrote. Maybe she has a great relationship with her DIL and just wanted to write a funny piece. (I don’t know her either.)

Linda Kuster 1 year ago

My daughter in law to a T

Laura Wyne 1 year ago

Yikes. If she is anything in real life what she sounds like in this article I don’t think I would answer her calls either.

Sarah Weng 1 year ago

Wow. So negative. I can feel the anger and superiority floating off the page…

Devon Baker Pierangeli 1 year ago

Lmao

Meghann Hanvey 1 year ago

Written like a true mother in law.

Stephanie Long McAfee 1 year ago

I have a great relationship with my MIL. I knew this long before I married her son. If she and I hadn’t gotten along, I never would have married him. Period. The end. Life is actually too long to tie yourself to another person who is tied to someone who despises you. I was smart enough to get myself out of just such a relationship and vowed never to get myself into another one. I love my in-laws and I love the wonderful son they raised.

Valerie Hernandez 1 year ago

She called her grown son a child. That is enough to keep the mil away in my book.

Alice 1 year ago

I agree that this article is written in a very aggressive & rude manner. As for the gift thing I also disagree. My in laws kept buying very LARGE toys and we requested they stop. We live in 800 square feet!!! And yes. I’m sorry. You DO need to make “an appointment” to see your son and grandchildren. It’s called “making plans” & it’s what people do!!! No one is exempt!

GNeener 1 year ago

Wow, I wonder if “Diane” actually has said these things to her DIL’s face, or is just bitching in an anonymous blog to let off steam. Would be hypocritical, no?

Also, the red roosters and the “answer the damn phone” bullshit can be handled by dropping the rope and letting MIL’s own son handle all of these things. If nothing the DIL does is good enough, well, really MIL is her son’s problem, right?

As for the other stuff, it’s pretty laughable. Grandparents are not a necessity, and the relationship they have with grandchildren depends upon the relationship they have with the parents. There are no rights, only privileges, earned by having a mutually cordial, respectful relationship with this set of adults that doesn’t really have all the time in the world to cater to entitled retirees.

Tracey Carlton Samuels 1 year ago

I don’t have a MIL. I wish I did. :( (Yes, I’m married. They are estranged. She has mental health issues.)

Michelle M. Watzlawick 1 year ago

If only my mother in law wasn’t batshit crazy. This might actually be a workable plan. Too bad she’s such an abusive twat my husband doesn’t want her around our kids.

Christi Cook 1 year ago

I’m a DIL and I don’t disagree with any of it. It’s a two way street! Sounds like most can dish it to their MIL but not take it…

Antonia Maria 1 year ago

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang! Lol great stuff.

Kristin Lawver 1 year ago

I love my MIL very much and I think we have a pretty good relationship, but some of this list is crap.

Karen 1 year ago

The gift thing. That’s the only one I take issue with here. Sure, it’s your money, but it’s MINE and your SON’S home and OUR kids. The floodgate of never-ending crap is up to us to control, and the expectation of gifts is up to us to teach. Ask us first.

E 1 year ago

Love your handle. That alone is enough to make anyone love you, even a MIL 😉

Jessica Sato 1 year ago

Yeah I don’t buy into most of this. Sure when I married my husband I married the rest of his family but I don’t have family of my own so the concept is somewhat new to me entirely. It’s never going to be perfect and that’s the only real expectation we can all agree on. We have to push each other’s boundaries in order to learn from one another… Like raising a child. It’s important we both be ourselves and have those experiences. My mil has nursed me through 2 major knee surgeries in 6 months all while taking care of my 1 year old son, cleaning my house, cooking us dinner, taking care of her house and her husband all at the same time. We don’t always see eye to eye but she is a wonderful woman who I am honored to call family. We can and will always have issues but at the end of the day we love each other and the rest is petty bullshit. Right Cathy Sato ? Xoxo

Jessica Brown 1 year ago

What a colossal load of crap!

Joni Landis 1 year ago

I’m not answering the phone if I don’t feel like.

Alisa Borden 1 year ago

Haha!

Marcy 1 year ago

Wow Diane, not one person reading that could ever accuse you of being passive aggressive, just plain old aggressive will do you fine. You sound fearsome to behold and I suddenly think my MIL is not so bad. So silver linings and all that.

Reilly O’Donnell Figenscher 1 year ago

I am so glad this woman isn’t my mother-in-law.

E 1 year ago

I was thinking the same thing!!! How about mutual adult respect and lose the snark?

Vanessa Hahn 1 year ago

My MIL and I get along great. So sad so many of you can’t have such shitty relationships with them.

Whitlow Fam 1 year ago

“Ok, well, I might judge you a little bit. I can’t help it.”

I think this is why #1-10 be a bit of a problem….the second you admit to judging someone even a little, defenses go up.

Kelly Lance 1 year ago

Pshhh… I’m awesome enough.

Lindsey D’Lugos 1 year ago

Good list. #6 cracks me up because my mil is always buying stuff that isn’t my style. But I love her nonetheless

sarah 1 year ago

I totally agree!!

Michelle Markey 1 year ago

I never met my MIL. She died of breast cancer when my husband was 12. I’m told she was incredible. The only thing is that if anyone wants to pop in with no warning, they don’t get to bitch about the mess.

Jamie Perrera Taylor 1 year ago

I agree with everything said in this article! I’m a pretty good in-law and just want some respect and consideration. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for….

Natalie Bowes 1 year ago

^ I agree, it goes both ways. I’m omitting a massive rant here! 😉

Joeyandkatie Graham 1 year ago

I love this! So sick of hearing women bitch about their MILs!!!

Heather Nicole Shoemaker 1 year ago

What mil wants? Ha. She injected herself in my marriage. Told me I CORRUPTED HIM??. She babied her 27 yr old baby boy and enabled him to the point he refuses to get a job or help raise his own kids. I had to work to support our family with no help from him. ( he also had one child before our relationship and only found out 7 years later that he don’t support either) so that makes three. She is soo PROUD.. :/? On divorce day I told her she could have him back. And she is present every time we exchange the children( at a neutral location) for visits even tho the court order says she isn’t even supposed to be there.

Lindsay Tanner 1 year ago

#7? Nope. That pisses me off.

Maggie Jagger 1 year ago

Ugh. Watch how far you step, mothers, mother in laws, and other figures who feel like they are superior to his wife or the children’s mother. I moved our family 1500 miles away and now none of them bitch about anything on this list and I don’t have to deal with it. You can think you know better then I do from way over there.

Natasha Blank-Jimenez 1 year ago

I have a monster in law…she hates me because I work…we only have two kids and I make my husband carry his own weight. Sorry barefoot and pregnant is not for me. Ironic because she was a terrible mother to my husband…

LoLo Yates 1 year ago

I WISH number 1 was an issue. The MIL sounds like a total *cough*. And #4 goes both ways. Don’t stick him in the middle and bitch about me to him and not even say anything to my face. Just because you gave birth to him doesn’t mean you raised him right….could be thats the only thing you did right. I really hope this article is a joke.

Tannith Fielding Bata 1 year ago

I actually really liked this! I am lucky i have a great mother in law. We don’t dhare clothes or spend all our time at lunch together but she is kind and accepting of me. She shares her ideas and opinions respectfully with me and i do the same.

Andrea Austin 1 year ago

I actually really hate these articles. They all just stir up hate and negative emotions between parties. They are nothing but bitching about someone in their life. And people are ALL different. Every family has issues, and I do think they have more to do with personalities than anything. I say be genuine, honest and up front across the board. If you don’t want your kids to expect lavish things, as a parent, you have every right to say so! If I don’t feel like talking on the phone, too bad! I won’t answer. Leave a message. As far as talking behind backs and being passive aggressive etc., those are personality traits, not something daughter-in-laws stereotypically possess. I think this was very poorly written. Which is a shame. Because I really like reading the things you post.

Buffy 1 year ago

My mother in law might no be anything to brag but about, but compared to the woman who wrote this, she’s the best ever. It’s not so much the things she was asking, but the way she was asking them. She sounds like a real bitch. I pity the women who have to deal with her.

Debra Alcorn 1 year ago

Really dont understand the whole hating your in-laws thing.. mine are the sweetest people around. Im very blessed to call them family.

run bek 1 year ago

I told the grandparents they are welcome to buy any toy/present they wanted as long as said toy stays at their house. Suddenly that swing set my baby needed wasn’t really a necessity :)

Lynn Vander Meer 1 year ago

I am the EX-MIL to a SIL, and he made me the enemy in his own mind. And blood is thicker than water, buddy. I was there to pick up the pieces, but to have to support your children because you will not really pisses me off because you have the means to do so and do not. I do not “hate men”. I hate artifacts that pretend to be men.

Jessica Hadley 1 year ago

My MIL hasn’t seen my child, husband, or I in months so I haven’t had to worry about any of these in quite a while. Even though she is less than 15 miles away. The last time my MIL watched my son (about 8 months ago) for a few hours he ended up playing in the toilet but she just assumed he had played in the sink and just changed his shirt. If she had only gotten up to check (same floor and less than 25 feet away from where she was sitting) she would have realized what he had been doing and that he hadn’t even been flushing the toilet. Good thing my FIL is a good guy.

Ashley Safstrom 1 year ago

Clearly I am in the minority here, but I can certainly see where I could be more mindful of some of these. A few I want to roll my eyes at, but I think it is possible that I would likely expect respect in many of these ways also. Some even now, honestly. Honestly Scary Mommy, thanks for putting this into perspective.

Elisa Baudoin 1 year ago

So grateful for the relationship with mine. This is hilarious, even more so if you read the one from the DIL first lol

Celia Swaney 1 year ago

This was the biggest load of bullshit I have ever read. Hahahaha

Shaina Adams 1 year ago

This MIL sounds horrid! She clearly needs to learn to respect boundaries and her DIL. Your son is your son yes, but he is now a man who makes his own choices and chose your DIL. Respect that and that you are not allowed to tell them how to parent or try to parent your grandkids. Sheesh lady chill out.

Amanda Rotach Huntley 1 year ago

I disagree with #7. It may be your money, but they’re my kids…

Melanie Fortier 1 year ago

I think this is great and right on point. I am not a MIL, I am a DIL but I know that there are two sides to every coin.

Katherine Nix 1 year ago

I don’t give a shit about being the anything anyone wants.

Megan Larty 1 year ago

I don’t have any of these problems with my MIL just because she doesn’t want to accept my kids from a previous marriage, even though we are in the process of her son adopting them. So I guess I will never be the Daughter in law that my MIL wants!

Erika Herrera Prestwich 1 year ago

Wow, hostile!

Ashlee BirthDoula Schraeder 1 year ago

This MIL sounds like a cranky old hag lol

Kimberly Wilson Parsons 1 year ago

Finally. As an all-boy mom, I DREAD being the MIL because almost every post I ever see is about how horrible MILs are – most with a very nasty, childish and defensive tone. I get it. There are some really heinous ones out there – but I do think we perpetuate the situation by harping, harping, harping on it. It’s almost as bad as the Mommy Wars. Let’s just relate as WOMEN and MOTHERS and play nice!

Kelsi Banks 1 year ago

I don’t understand when people answer the phone to say “I can’t talk now” especially when they’re in the middle of something. Leave me a voicemail, and I’ll call you back if I want, when I want.

Jennifer Fisher Banzet 1 year ago

Yeah…..no. My husband is a great man despite his upbringing. Not going to answer the phone because I don’t care who you are sleeping with this week and I don’t care about motorcycles. Yes he’s your grandson and I would have loved for you to see him much more, until you came to our home and tried to lock my 3 year old in his room while screaming “you’re bad!!” at the top of your lungs. I might have a few nice things to say if you had at least called your son when our 2 children died. I got a text on the day of the funeral saying you couldn’t make it. No comfort for your own son. Not even flowers. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. So no thanks. We are good without all the crap that comes with you.

Mary Gessner Harris 1 year ago

This made me laugh!

Caroline Verre 1 year ago

Unfortunately there are some MIL’ s that you just can’t win no matter what with:/

Christine Say 1 year ago

LOL hilarious!! Good luck growing old alone, lady.

Brittany Zickefoose 1 year ago

Tips on how to be a great dil. Don’t take tips from this mil. Bitchy much?

Mandy Engelbrecht 1 year ago

interesting – I am hoping to be a better MIL one day when my son gets married… not just yet tho as he’s only 16!
mine burst into tears when she was told I was the DIL to be…
& she spent so much time running down the other DILs to me, that I was sure she did the same about me to them…

Tricia Rathgeber 1 year ago

I truly hope this is satire…

Angela Smith 1 year ago

I have a great MIL! Very grateful and lucky to have her! Her son on the other hand is debatable! Hahaha j/k

Jessica Beam 1 year ago

#4 is just all wrong because most of the time, she’s doing the bitching and involving her child in it instead of putting her elder panties on and coming to see the DIL. #5 is the same thing; she is the one who is passive aggressive and we say “we have toddlers, you don’t” bit and 6 as well,

Eva Marie Riena 1 year ago

Thank goodness I don’t have these type of issues with my MIL.

Sonya Sawn Byrne 1 year ago

Oooh… I see a few growth areas for myself.. Sometimes I forget he IS someone’s child and not just MY husband.. Good article.. Very good

Christine Feeney 1 year ago

I’m thankful every day I have the most amazing MIL and I don’t do any of those things….ok sometimes we don’t give a lot of notice. Lol.

Ashley Brady 1 year ago

My MIL is great because she would never put any stipulations on a relationship like this. Just let it be organic and easy, sheesh! I would dread being a DIL to this woman. Yikes!

Traci Muller Rylands 1 year ago

The only one I have an issue with is #7 and gifts. My own in-laws are fine on this one so it’s not a personal conflict. But if they were constantly buying him big ticket items (not for birthday/Christmas) to the point he expected us to do the same, we would have to have a talk. Not a fight, but a talk.

mommagem 1 year ago

I have a very healthy relationship with my mother in law. (she does live in a different state) I will call her for advice on dealing with her amazing, stubborn, thick headed son. I will share funny stories about her amazingly like their father, Grandchildren. and we actually go and see her ON PURPOSE (even if the visit is short)

Kristen Bilbruck 1 year ago

Our in-laws didn’t even come to our wedding. I met them later…

Laura Bowman Muir 1 year ago

I am very blessed!!!

Jennifer Moreno 1 year ago

Hilarious! There’s really no winning, though. Unfortunately, at least for me, the tension will always be there. Le sigh…..

Tania Ballantyne 1 year ago

I really like this.

Shelbie Newman Turner 1 year ago

Or how about this. Just be yourself and if she doesn’t like you then just be polite.Your spouse loves you the way you are. If she doesnt then you shouldnt feel obligated to change the way you are for her. What this doesnt mention is the fact that some (SOME, not all) Mother in laws do things like buy lots of expensive gifts for their grandkids to make the mother feel bad for not being ‘good enough’. Yes, we know you gave birth to him and you’ll always be his mother, but in the end when you pass on we’re going to be the ones that hold him when he cries. You are his mother by birth, we are their wives by their choice. Not saying this to start an argument, just putting my opinion out there.

Michelle Buccheri 1 year ago

Omg. Each one is my MIL. Jesus. Now to handle her.

Karin Stallsworth Pyeatt 1 year ago

I am so blessed with a wonderful MIL. (Kristi ) I feel we have a close and respectful relationship. I love her even more because she created my best friend!

Amy Lindstedt Kelly 1 year ago

sorry, but that particular MIL sounds really bitchy! LOL!

Dawn Courtney Schulte 1 year ago

Lol. Goes both ways.

Nichole Lewis 1 year ago

I literally have none of these problems with my MIL. Actually, she’s pretty great so I must have really struck gold cause all I ever hear about is how horrible they are.

Kathleen M. Cornagey Davis 1 year ago

#9. She ‘wins.’

Akasha Pearson 1 year ago

#9 I thank my in-laws all the time for raising such an amazing man :)

I’m just lucky me and them hit it off the first time we truly got to meet on our wedding day

‘Corinne McNeely Jenkins’ 1 year ago

I agree with everything but gifts. A grandmother can buy whatever she likes. That is true. However,a parent has final veto power on what they allow in their home and allow their children to play with. I am glad that the grandparents usually confer with me before buying for the kids.