The Truth About Snow Days
Snow days used to be a day blissfully spent watching the snow fall, drinking mimosas in the morning and enjoying a snow filled walk to the bar in the afternoon. Snow Days are no longer a bonus days of leisure, and instead are like working an extra shift with out reinforcements and go something like this…
Three days out:
See that they are forecasting snow. Silently pray that they are wrong, that school won’t be canceled and that you will get to the grocery store before it becomes a madhouse.
Two days out:
Attempt the grocery store and realize that the 1-3 inches of snow that they are forecasting has turned your fellow shoppers into a pack of panicked animals who are grabbing eggs, butter and milk like the apocalypse is coming. Walk around the store muttering under your breath that it’s just snow and that it might not even happen as you anxiously fill your cart with cookies.
One day out:
Realize you forgot to go the liquor store and that your wine rack is bare. If you are going to be stuck at home with the kids all day (possibly days) you need to make sure you have plenty of reinforcements. Head out to the store and stock up on wine, beer and liquor.
Night before:
Monitor the weather, snow seems inevitable. Think that you should pull out the hats, boots and gloves but you aren’t 100% sure you know where they are and you aren’t ready to admit that this snow shit is actually going to happen. Pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy the calm before the storm.
Day of:
Wake up at 6AM to shouts of “It’s snowing.” Mutter obscenities under your breath, drag yourself from bed and before the coffee has even brewed start fielding questions of “When can we go out in the snow?”
Check your phone and confirm what the layer of white outside had already made apparent, that school is in fact closed.
Take the news in a stride, this could be a great day filled with fun memories. You will make a big breakfast, you will play in the snow and cuddle and watch movies it will be wonderful.
Slave over the stove for an hour burning several pancakes. Serve pancakes to unappreciative family. Answer “why do we have to eat breakfast and I want to go out in the snow?” Finally sit down to eat your burnt pancakes and drink your cold coffee.
Realize you have a moment of quiet and get lost scrolling Facebook. Notice that your overachieving Mom friend has already had her kids out in the snow and it’s not even 9:00. Berate yourself for not being a better mother. Good moms, are frolicking in the snow with their kids not hiding in the kitchen watching Good Morning America.
Get up to get the snow gear and realize that your kids are playing quietly, sneak back into the kitchen pour another cup of coffee and eat a cookie.
Two minutes later, “Mom can we go out in the snow now?”
Look for snow gear, and find five gloves with no mates, a pair of boots that are a size too small, and a hat that you’ve had since you were 15. Curse yourself for being so unprepared. Head to the basement and start digging through bags, find a pair of boots for yourself and a pair of boots that are a half size too small for your child.
Answer another round of, “mom can we go out in the snow?” and run upstairs to get dressed. Attempt to turn your wardrobe of yoga pants and t-shirts into appropriate snow gear. Layer fleece lined yoga pants under sweat pants, put on tank top, t-shirt and sweatshirt. Grab super cute snow hat and think you got this.
Excitedly announce that it is “TIME TO PLAY IN THE SNOW!” As you speak those words you feel like the world’s best mom.
Child emerges from the playroom saying, “But Rescue Bots isn’t over yet and do I have to take my jammies off.” Realize your child is still in pajamas, head back upstairs and find appropriate snow clothes for him.
Dig through drawers of clothing and determine you have no snow pants or snow suit. Answer shouts of “I thought you said it was time to go out in the snow!” Find some swishy athletic pants and think good enough. Walk back downstairs and wonder why you are so hot and remember the three layers of clothes you have on.
Explain to child that he can’t go out in the snow in his pajamas and yes he has to wear boots and no he can not take all of his toys out in the snow with him.
Wrestle child into snow clothes, and notice you are sweating more than you did at your last work out (not that you can remember when that was). After putting on layers of clothes, gloves and zipping up his jacket, he says to you “Mom I have to go pee.”
Quickly undress child and then redress child. Kick yourself for putting on so many layers and for not thinking to have him use the bathroom first.
Finally get out in the snow. Enjoy the joy, wonder and beauty that is this winter wonderland, for 5 minutes before the onslaught of “Mom my glove fell off,” “Mom I’m cold,” “Mom this snow isn’t making snow balls,” “Mom, do you want to build a snowman?”
Start singing “Do you want to build a snowman” and hate yourself a little bit.
Build snowman. Race back into house tracking snow as you go in search of things to use for eyes, nose and mouth. Gather oreos, carrots and some string that might look like a mouth and go back outside.
“Mom, he needs a hat!” Run back inside, slip in a puddle from your previous run inside. Track more snow throughout house, find hat and scarf for snowman.
Go back outside to find child crying and snowman toppled over, ask what happened and get a very unbelievable “I don’t know.”
Rebuild snowman, take pictures and upload to Facebook, take that overachieving mom.
Suggest hot chocolate and quickly head back inside. Remove layers of clothing, leaving a a trail of hats, boots and gloves throughout the house. Step in wet puddle in socks.
Make hot chocolate and spike yours heavily with Bailey’s, Kahlua or Vodka… actually any liquor works. Glance at the clock and see that it’s only been 30 minutes since you went outside.
Turn on a movie and curl up on the couch. Scroll through Facebook while your child is hypnotized for the thousandth time by Frozen. See that overachieving mom has moved on to crafts and painting snow and is that a tub of snow in her house? It’s barely noon how has she done all this?!
See that it is lunch time and attempt to sneak away to the kitchen to eat. Get to the kitchen and hear “Mom I’m hungry.” Make lunch.
Ten minutes later, “Mom can I have a snack?” Hand over a package of cookies and hope for ten minutes of silence. Search Pinterest for ways to keep your child entertained. Remember that you have Play doh stashed away upstairs.
Bring out fun new Play Doh set and are dismayed to see that the icing tool resembles something children should not be playing with. Ignore it, you are fun mom who is letting her kid play with Play doh. Who needs crafts when you have a giant frosted Play doh cake to make?
Find that you are the one making the Play Doh cake while your child sits next to you and repeatedly orders you to make different decorations for the cake.
Clean up play doh and all the itty bitty pieces of hardened Play Doh that are now part of your carpet. Curse yourself for thinking play doh was the answer, Play Doh is never the answer.
“Mom I’m bored,” “Mom can we bake cookies.” Decide that cookies are a great idea. Pull up a recipe on Pinterest, and think how smart you are that you actually brought stuff to make cookies. Start baking, child loses interest after dumping most of the flour onto the counter.
Find yourself baking cookies alone, while child shouts “Mommy come play!” and you respond “Mommy is finishing baking the cookies you wanted to make.”
Debate another spiked hot chocolate. Think that over achieving mom probably doesn’t need alcohol to survive a snow day. Look at the clock and realize you have 3 hours till it’s acceptable drinking hours, you can make it.
“Mom I’m bored,” “Mom I’m bored,” “Mom can we build a tent, play a board game, take all of my toys out.”
Hand your kid the iPad and finally get some silence. Check Facebook and curse over achieving mom whose kids are now happily napping after an exhausting day.
Wonder why you didn’t think of the iPad sooner. Glance out the window and think about how pretty the snow is, clean up the mess of gloves and hats and puddles that is now your entry way. Make a nice warm dinner. Pour yourself a glass of wine and pray for school in the morning.
Related post: Dear Parent who Likes Snow Days
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