10 Things Every Expectant Dad Needs To Know

Expectant-Dad
So, your partner is pregnant — congratulations! Wondering just exactly what this means for YOU? (Of course you are.) Here are ten things expectant dads need to know…

1. You no longer matter, at least for a while. From the second those two lines appear, she and her ever-growing belly are the center of the universe and you merely play a supporting role. Accept it.

2. You may be super stoked about the baby, but YOU are not the one carrying it. The phrase “we’re pregnant”? If you’re wise, you won’t ever use it.

3. Her appetite is going to be all over the map. Nix the snide remarks, and get used to running to the 7-11 for Funions and Yoo-Hoos in the middle of the night. She really does need them.

4. Hormones are INSANE. One minute she’ll be laughing like she’s on top of the world, and then two seconds later she’s sobbing on the bathroom floor because the soap dispenser is empty. This is normal, and thankfully, temporary.

5. Speaking of the bathroom: Don’t be surprised and judge if a sneeze requires a change of clothes. Piss happens.

6. She will more than likely suffer from morning sickness and it will more than likely not happen just in the mornings. There may be ways you can help her, or she may not want you within a hundred miles until the retching is over. Figure out where she falls and act accordingly.

7. Her sense of smell will be so heightened that you can fart and she’ll be able to tell you what you had for lunch. And who you had it with. And what kind of aftershave they were wearing. And what color socks they had on. If you’re wise, you’ll vacate the room should you need to pass gas.

8. During the next nine months, there will be weeks when you need a viagra prescription, a car battery and some jumper cables to keep up with her. There will also be weeks when she’ll bite your head off for the mere suggestion of sex. Follow her lead and be grateful when you can get it.

9. Fill up the freaking gas tank. She doesn’t need to be breathing in gasoline fumes, and you never know if you’ll have to rush out to the hospital at 3AM. Put gas in the car and keep it topped off like it’s your job… because it is.

10. When she says it’s time to go to the hospital, don’t stand there wasting time with stupid questions like “Are you sure?” Grab the bag, start the car, and hit the road. (Make sure she’s in the car before you peel out, though.)

Good luck, dad-to-be, you’ll be fine!

Probably.

Related post: 10 Things Dads Need To Know About Labor & Delivery

About the writer

What started as an innocent on-line baby book to chronicle Jill's stay-at-home days with her children, quickly transformed into a vibrant community of parents, brought together by a common theme: Parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Learn more here.

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Soon to be a Dad 1 year ago

Dang…give him a hj or a bj at least. If you want to keep a husband happy, fulfill his needs that ALL MEN have. We express our feelings through physical love with the women we take care of and would do ANYTHING to keep our wives happy. A little reciprocity goes a long way. Don’t hold out on him, unless you want him to get the affection/attention he’s craving from you by someone else. When men are denied sex from there wives over a long period of time, it makes up develop a complex of inadequacy and insecurity, not to mention testosterone poisoning.

Jessica 1 year ago

*NO

Jessica 1 year ago

LOL….My first pregnancy, I wanted it all the time. My second pregnancy, I had interest in it at all.

Zoey Mariana 1 year ago

Men should know that raising a child takes 100% of their effort as well as 100% of their partner’s effort. A 50/50 effort isn’t enough!

Vivid Rife 1 year ago

Omg I can’t stop laughing!

Karen Kedroski Kipp 1 year ago

Not saying men are stupid or even clueless. They just sometimes need a reminder or told specifically what we want and what is causing our craziness.

Haley MacDonald 1 year ago

Lmao at no 7 & 8

Natalie Fazio-Peterson 1 year ago

I loved being pregnant, but wished my husband was the type to rub the belly or talk to it. He wasn’t. Not something I had thought about beforehand, but it did bother me.

Jenn Feuer 1 year ago

So true

Julia Smith Lamoglia 1 year ago

Tums. Crackers. Sprite. Ice cream. Now get the hell away from me.

Melissa Ramirez Akana 1 year ago

Right? I hated sex while pregnant. I’m pregnant again and I feel bad for my husband, but at least this time he knows the drill. I still feel sort of guilty…but not enough to actually do it.

jennlw 1 year ago

Yeah, I didn’t mind either. I mean, he was going to be a father just as much as I was going to be a mother, so…..

melanie 1 year ago

Can we please let these dads know that unsolicited massages are a must!!!!

Emily Victoria Brandon 1 year ago

Dude, #8? Who the hell wanted sex?

Sarah Fritz-Maldonado 1 year ago

Lmfao my hubby needed this last year but I read it to him as a reminder this year

Nicole Aprea 1 year ago

Just one night of you getting up with the baby while I sleep would be the greatest gift ever

Bridget Gorrell 1 year ago

Lol

Alexandria Cruikshank 1 year ago

Rub her feet no matter how bitchy she gets. Shut up and rub those feet. She’s right, you’re wrong, end of story.

Kristin 1 year ago

I ate a ton of mashed potatoes also, only thing I ever craved that went down ok. My husband did not get the memo on the last item though. He went to bed and wouldn’t get up until the doctor said it should head to the hospital.

Salim Fam 1 year ago

3,4,7 are on point

Irene Joy Sapon 1 year ago

#10 hilarious!

Aimee Hempy-De La Cruz 1 year ago

There’s one thing to know most of all (from my experience): it’s a bumpy ride and God forgive us because we are not at all ourselves – ever!!!!!!! Whew I don’t miss being pg. I was whacked out. And I don’t do that apparently.

Chelsea Pal 1 year ago

Same here! No problem with it.

Angie Garcia Lampietti 1 year ago

I never had a problem with my husband saying “we are pregnant”. I was thrilled that my husband was so involved with the pregnancy and that he could not wait to be a father (1st time, second time and 3rd time).

Toni Hammer 1 year ago

Spot on. Especially the appetite one. I’m amazed I didn’t get Potato Buds to sponsor me considering how much instant mashed potatoes I consumed.

Deirdre J Brandon 1 year ago

That was a great short read.

Sarah Walsh 1 year ago

Be involved. If you don’t stay involved in the process, the changes to your life once the baby’s born will be a rude awakening.

Karina Ketelsen 1 year ago

No.7 lol

Lauren Toria 1 year ago

LOL’d so hard at number 7.