Dear T.I., No Father Owns Their Daughter's Body

Dear T.I., No Father Owns Their Daughter’s Body

ti-hymen-comment-2
Prince Williams/Getty and Chrissy Teigan/Twitter

There are times when I read something in the news, and I have to set my phone down, or get up from my desk chair and walk away, so that I don’t break something expensive that I can’t afford to replace. Like my iPhone or my laptop.

And today that reason was actor/ rapper T.I. bragging about the fact he accompanies his daughter–who is 18 by the way– to her gynecologist appointments to make sure her hymen is still intact. Yes, you read that correctly.

He’s very proud of this. In fact, he wants to share this information with the whole, entire world.

In an interview for the podcast, Ladies Like Us, hosted by Nazanin Mandi and Nadia Moham, T.I. said he goes to his daughter’s yearly gynecologist appointments to make sure her hymen is “still intact.”

PodcastONE

The rapper also went on to say, “So we’ll go and sit down and the doctor comes to talk, and the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism.”

Yeah, no shit T.I., that’s their job. 

After explaining how the doctor tells him he needs his daughter’s permission to share any information with him, T.I. says, “I’m like, ‘Deyjah, they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you would not want me to know? See, Doc? Ain’t no problem.'”

I’m sorry. I am not normally violent, but I want to punch a doctor and a rapper right now. 

Let’s be very clear here, it’s obvious she is not truly getting a choice in this matter. There is no “my body, my choice” empowerment happening here. This man seems to get off by humiliating his daughter and leading her to believe her own father gets to have a say in when/how she chooses to lose her virginity.

We did mention she is 18, right? A legal adult. But even if she wasn’t, this is toxic and creepy and downright infuriating.

As a mother to a teenage daughter myself, if her father ever breathed a word about going to the doctor with her to see if she was still a virgin, I’d tell him a snowball stands a better chance in hell than he does of getting away with that level of emotional and mental manipulation and abuse with our child. I would also likely to do something to cause intense pain to his nether regions.
Why would anyone want to do psychological damage to their own daughter by making her believe she’s his property?

I don’t care how old your teenage child is, you do not own their body. You do not own their sexuality. Purity culture is abusive and toxic and leads to grotesque situations like this. You do not go into an examining room with your child and ask a doctor to inspect their innards so you can have proof they are a virgin. 

You should absolutely talk about sex with your child, early and often. You should answer their questions. You should teach them about consent and boundaries. What you do NOT do is ask them to sign a form so you can invade their privacy. And you do NOT teach consent and self-respect and empowerment by stripping your child of all of their bodily autonomy.

And you definitely do NOT have someone inspect them for a fucking torn hymen! Any idiot knows there are other ways to break or tear your hymen besides having sex like biking, horseback riding, masturbation, or even using a tampon. Not to mention some women are even born sans hymen. So, really it sounds like you need to spend more time educating yourself and less time flapping your mouth about how you stand guard over your daughter’s genitals. This isn’t even an accurate way to check up on your daughter’s sexual activity.

T.I., treat your daughter like the amazing human being she is. Please. Talk to her in an open, respectful manner while taking into account her body is, in fact, her body, not a piece of your real estate that needs to be inspected to make sure it’s up to your personal standards.

Quite honestly, You need to fuck all the way off, I don’t care who the hell you are. You are setting the worst possible example for your daughter. You are causing her trauma and pain.

Have you ever stopped to think how this may be affecting her self-esteem? Her future relationships? Her mental health?

Silly me. A man who thinks he even has a slice of a right to do this doesn’t think. Like, at all. Ever. 

In fact, you are so clueless and so drenched in misogyny and toxic masculinity that you went on a podcast to broadcast this abusive bullshit publicly. As if anyone else in the world, besides like The Duggars, was going to co-sign this. The level of smug entitlement here makes me feel physically ill.

It’s disgusting, it’s uncalled for, it’s not the way you show your flesh and blood you trust them and and respect them and their ability to make decisions for themselves when it comes to their own body.

Also, you’re lucky I’m not your daughter or your wife because I’d take a nutcracker to your balls while you sleep.