The Youths think our side parts and skinny jeans are lame, you guys
Hello fellow Elder Millennial moms. Did you just slip your 37-year-old butt into a nice pair of skinny jeans and check in the mirror to make sure your side part is on point? If so, FYI, the youths of TikTok think you’re a style-free dork. Yup, that’s right. The generation whose WiFi and phones are financed by us thinks we look old in our snug jeans and side-parted hair. Excuse me if I’m not going to take fashion advice from someone who only wears scrunchies on their wrist.
So I’m an Old on TikTok. As a member of the late 30s crowd, I’m basically grandma age in a sea of people born after 2000 — the year I graduated high school.
That means I am very used to this app making me feel extremely ancient, but I am not used to my fellow users shaming my flattering skinny jeans and sexy side part. Like who do these zygotes think they are? We MADE them. In some cases, LITERALLY.
@amelie_coleman_Okay we all had a skinny jeans phase but I love my baggy jeans♬ This is not my sound – Mikaela
Like, it’s hurtful you guys.
@speedforcecosplay#stitch with @blushliz I’m 24 but apparently I’m 100 🙄#middlepart #millennial #genz #adulting #GEICOLipSync #emophase #30plusontiktok #oldface #hair♬ middle parts are back apparently – Speedforcecosplay
They’re calling us out. Us. The ones who PAY for their weird, baggy jeans and dumb haircuts.
@.theresa.jonesIm keeping it all 😂#guessimoldnow #middlepart #sidepart #skinnyjeans #genz #millennial #momsover30 #momlife #1981 #grandma #momsoftiktok #fyp♬ brandy running and crying – brandy running and crying
@ayyylexii don’t think i can ever go back. skinny jeans are still cute tho #swag♬ So swag right now – yea
But no matter how much they shame us, it’s never happening.
@leakoobWhere are my zillenials at? #fyp #old #genz #zillenial #millenial #middlepart #skinnyjeans #laughemoji #wlyg♬ original sound – OwenWeir
This is our team uniform y’all. We wear it with pride.
@parodymomThese colors don’t run. #momsoftiktok #90skids #momsofteens #sidepart #skinnyjeans♬ original sound – ParodyMom – Natalie Railey
Loud and proud member of OldTok.
@omgoshsomeoneactuallyWelcome #fupa #momsoftiktok #oldtok #sidepart #skinnyjeans♬ som original – Paramore Fans
Basically, this. We were here first, you little shits.
@takingmylifebackat42#millenials #genz #no #oldtiktok #over40 #2021 #middlepart #sidepart #skinnyjeans #guessimoldnow #momsoftiktok #momlife #fyp #grandma #1977 #humor♬ Buss It – Erica Banks
I took my daughter to Target the other day to grab her some new clothes and do you know what that 8th grader drooled over? High-waisted, acid-washed mom jeans. You know, the ones that accentuate the FUPA or give us a FUPA we wouldn’t otherwise have? She got home, put them on, and came downstairs, center part blazing, thinking she knows what’s up.
Now — I know every generation is different as far as style and what’s trending. But I come from the generation that exhausted the baggy jeans trend back in 1998, and you guys, I’m here to tell you, skinny is the way to go. Although these teenage babies don’t yet have a post-pregnancy tummy shelf that needs a little stretch to accommodate, so I guess we will just have to wait until they see the light in about 15-20 years.
There are apparently other markers of being an Old and they include taking selfies from an upward angle (they hide my double chin, you little shits) and using the LOL-cry emoji, which, you can pry from my cold, dead hands. Youths, have your fun, but never forget who came before you — and who pays for your unlimited data.