Today, I Will Enjoy My Life

Today, I will enjoy my life.

Even when I have to rush around getting ready for work and getting kids out the door; packing lunches, signing checks, scrubbing crusty noses. And just when I feel like I have it all together, I will watch as the bus leaves with my son in it…and his soccer bag still in my hand. I am going to try to find this funny.

Even when there is a flat tire and a frozen water pipe in the same week that my husband is gone on a business trip. I will read the fricking car manual and I will fire up the blow torch. And as I jump on the tire bolts or stand in the freezing cold shed trying to heat up a water pipe, I will think…I am, like, a super badass right now.

And when the dishes have somehow managed to procreate little disgusting baby dishes, and I decide that whoever invented Play-Doh is an asshole who has never had to sweep a floor. I will dig in, and do it all over again. Today, I will try to enjoy the feeling of making things clean.

Even when my son comes home sad because no one played with him at recess, or my daughter says I am mean for not giving her juice, or my husband and I have an argument over spaghetti. I am going to try and acknowledge those little blips in my life as those things that make us human and imperfect and…real.

Even when I am worried about the health of my parents, the durability of my children as I throw them into the world, the visibility of me as I navigate the strange lands of being a mom. I will try to take a moment, or a breath, and realize again that most things in this world are good.

Even as I compare and contrast, like women do, and that persistent voice inside my head says things like, “I should really do some core exercises.” I will try to remember to tell that voice, “Be quiet now, I’m trying to watch my kid play soccer.”

Even when it all seems too big, too loud and I find myself just about to shout, “Please! I can’t hear myself think! Stop yelling and playing! And just stop…being children!” I will try to take that pause and make the choice to see how funny they are. See how being wild and crazy and physical is teaching them things that they need to learn. Amidst the chaos, I will try to just turn around and make the dinner.

Even when I am so tired and there are monsters in the middle of the night. I will rock her and sweep her hair off her face and then tuck her in and create images for her of tiny monsters in tutus who dance. And I will do the monster in a tutu dance at three in the morning and I will really shake my ass.

Even when I don’t know what the heck I am doing. I will try to realize that I am not alone and this is not a contest to see who is doing it more right.

Even, at the end of particularly long day, when I just could care less about doing anything right or wrong. Maybe I will just make popcorn and ice cream for dinner and we will watch a movie and stay up too late and wind our legs together on the couch.

Because today, I am going to enjoy my life.