Toddlers love jokes. Thankfully, it’s also easy to make them laugh. Making a toddler joke can involve sophisticated comedy such as making fart jokes and noises, blowing raspberries, or making funny faces. Sometimes, however, you need more inspired material. One of the best things about having a toddler is that they’re not hard critics when it comes to jokes. They’re a pretty easy crowd, but only if you reach them at their level. In this case, animal jokes and funny questions that pertain to them are basically your best bet. Plus, what’s better than the sound of a giggling baby?
Have you ever looked at your toddler and thought, whose kid is this? If you have a tot running around the house, you know they don’t give a f*ck. They’re fearless, curious, and a little wild, but most of all, they love to laugh. Kids really do the darnedest things and when it comes to the toddler stage, it’s probably one of the silliest ages. As they discover themselves and the world around them, pave their journey with comedy with these age-appropriate laughs.
We’ve assembled some quality material and kid’s jokes for you for the next time you need to avoid a toddler tantrum, or you want to distract your little one while you try to sneak some veggies into their plates.
1. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
2. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
3. Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for breakfast!
4. What does the cow do for fun?
It goes to the moooo-vies.
5. What’s a train with a cold?
6. Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
7. Why does the banana need medication?
It isn’t peeling well!
8. Why is the clock banned from the library?
Because it tocks too much!
9. What type of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
10. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
11. Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because they have smelly feet.
12. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Boo! Boo who? Oh no, don’t cry!
13. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Interrupting pirate! Interup… AAAAAR!
14. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Banana! Banana who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Banana! Banana who? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
15. Why do we call seagulls seagulls?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
16. What do you call a dancing cow?
17. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
18. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
19. What cheese is only mine?
20. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, silly head! Cows go moo!
21. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
22. What does one volcano say to the other?
“I lava you!”
23. Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
24. What do you give a sick lemon?
25. What is brown and sticky?
26. What’s the difference between zebras and bananas?
Bananas are yellow!
27. Why did the boy cross the street?
Because the cow said MOOOOOOOOOOOO.
28. What is a booger’s favorite song?
The Motown Boogie.
29. Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak!
30. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
31. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh— MOOO!
32. What does a cow do for fun?
Goes to the mooo-vies.
33. Where do you learn to make ice cream?
34. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
35. What do you call a sad strawberry?
36. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
She’ll “Let It Go.”
37. Why didn’t the duck pay for the chapstick?
He wanted to put it on his bill.
38. Why did Darth Vader turn off one light?
He prefers it on the dark side.
39. What do you call a fly without wings?
40. How do you throw a party on Mars?
41. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
41. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you!
42. Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
43. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumby.
44. How does the ocean say hello?
45. What did the tree say to the wind?
“Leaf me alone!”
46. What did one firefly say to the other?
“You glow, girl!”
47. What do you call a donkey with three legs?
48. What’s the difference between elephants and bananas?
Bananas are yellow.
49. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
50. What do you call an ant who fights crime?
51. Where does a queen keep her armies?
Up her sleevies.
52. What did the policeman say to his tummy?
“You’re under a vest!”
53. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRRRRR.
54. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
55. What has ears but can’t hear?
56. What did the science book say to the math book?
“Wow, you’ve got problems!”
57. What do you call a duck that gets all As in school?
A wise quacker.
58. Why did the police play baseball?
He wanted to get a catch!59. What did the microwave say to the other microwave? Is it just me? Or is it really hot in here?60. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!61. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because when you find it, you stop looking.
62. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
63. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.
64. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot!
65. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
66. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern…
67. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
68. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
69. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
70. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
71. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
72. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite!
73. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.
74. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
75. Who is Peppa Pig’s favorite painter?
76. How do piglets greet their grandparents?
With hogs and kisses.
77. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
78. What animal is always at a baseball game?
79. Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left him.
80. What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper.
81. What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
82. Why did an old man fall into a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
83. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
84. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
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