We don’t mean to toot our own horn, but we can’t possibly be the only ones who love good toilet humor. No matter your age, a fart will never not be funny, and a shart will never not be tragically hilarious. After all, everyone passes wind, from the youngest of babies to the eldest grandparent in the room. So with that in mind, we went ahead and founded up the best fart jokes we could find.
Unlike the stinkiness of a fart, a good fart joke is something that lasts forever. Laughing at the different smells and sounds that plop out of the human body is as old as time and as an adult, it can still make you crack a smile. Even if you’re not into the fart joke universe, your kids definitely will be.
- Why do you have to watch out for ninjas’ farts?
They’re silent — but deadly.
- What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A bunny fart!
- What happens when you make a bean and onion casserole?
- What do you call a ghost fart?
A spirit bomb.
- I didn’t fart…
My butt likes you so much it blew a kiss.
- How would you biologically describe a fart?
It is a kiss from the intestines.
- Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop.
One fly farts and the other fly cries, “Hey! I’m trying to eat here!”
- Why won’t the skeleton fart in public?
He doesn’t have the guts.
- What is invisible and smells like worms?
A bird’s fart.
- What’s the ideal weight of a fart?
Zero pounds. If it’s anything more, you’re in trouble.
- Why did the man stop telling fart jokes?
He was told that his jokes stink.
- Why did everyone notice when Bill Gates farted in the Apple store?
Because they didn’t have any Windows.
- Farts are like children.
You don’t mind your own, but you can’t stand other people’s.
- Do you know what’s scary?
Attempting your first fart after having diarrhea.
- I got fired from my job delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness.
Unfortunately, I let one rip.
- What do you get when an aristocrat farts?
A noble gas.
- I just rang the Incontinence Hotline.
The woman said, “Can you hold, please?”
- I farted at work yesterday, and my coworker opened the window.
It must have been bad — we’re flight attendants.
- My partner said he wanted to heat things up in bed.
So I farted under the sheets.
- I didn’t fart in front of my partner until we got married.
Her family wasn’t too impressed.
- An old married couple is at a concert one Friday night, when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband tells her, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
- A fart is like success.
It only bothers you when it’s not your own.
- If you farted while traveling at the speed of sound, would you smell it before you heard it?
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
She didn’t want the other chickens to notice that she farted.
- Did you hear the one about the blind and heartbroken skunk?
She fell in love with a fart.
- Farting on an elevator is probably the worst thing you can do.
It’s just wrong on so many levels.
- Why did the fart miss graduation?
It got expelled.
- What do you call someone who only farts alone at home?
A private tutor.
- What did the menstrual pad write on the “thank you” note to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
- Why is it a bad idea to fart in church?
Because you have to sit in your own pew.
- What are gassy surfers afraid of the most?
A shart attack.
- Why is love like a fart?
If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
- Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Fart and the world stops laughing.
- Why do farts smell?
So that deaf people can enjoy them too.
- What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past!
- Why does everyone always think Piglet farted?
He plays with Pooh!
- I don’t fart. I whisper in my pants!
When a clown farts, does it smell funny?
- I used to cough in public to hide my farts, but now I fart in public to hide my coughs.
- Frank farted in the classroom, so his teacher threw him out.
As he sat outside the class, he could not stop laughing.
The principal walks by and asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your classroom laughing?”
Frank replies, “I farted in class, and the teacher threw me out.”
The principal asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”
Frank says, “Those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
- I just farted on my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
- What do you call a cow’s fart?
- How can you tell when a moth farts?
It flies in a straight line.
- Some people might say that fart jokes are immature, but I assure you, there’s a methane to the madness.
- What did one pharaoh say to the other when they both farted?
“We have a toot in common.”
- When I was a kid, every time my dad farted, he denied it.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized he had been gaslighting me.
- When is a fart joke acceptable?
When it doesn’t stink!
- Hookers don’t fart.
They let out prosti-toots.
- What’s the difference between a pun and a fart?
A pun is a shift of wit.
- How does NASA pass gass?
They fart using their ass-teroids.
- Why was there a fart on Kickstarter?
It just needed some gas.
- If you fart in public, just yell “jet power!” Then, walk faster.
- Fart jokes are funny, but eye jokes are cornea.
- How does a duck fart?
With his ass-quack.
- I sit here broken hearted, came to poop but only farted.
Then one day I took a chance, tried to fart, and pooped my pants.
- The best part about being a teacher is being able to fart freely at work and then watch the drama unfold as all the kids try to blame each other.
- What did the poo say to the fart?
You blow me away!