We don’t mean to toot our own horn, but we can’t possibly be the only ones who love good toilet humor. No matter your age, a fart will never not be funny, and a shart will never not be tragically hilarious. After all, everyone passes wind, from the youngest of babies to the eldest grandparent in the room. So with that in mind, we went ahead and founded up the best fart jokes we could find.
Unlike the stinkiness of a fart, a good fart joke is something that lasts forever. Laughing at the different smells and sounds that plop out of the human body is as old as time and as an adult, it can still make you crack a smile. Even if you’re not into the fart joke universe, your kids definitely will be.
1) Why do you have to watch out for ninjas’ farts?
They’re silent — but deadly.
2) What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A bunny fart!
3) What happens when you make a bean and onion casserole?
4) Wow, did you just fart?
Because you totally blew me away.
5) You think you have it rough?!
Think how many farts a couch has to endure in silence.
6) Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop.
One fly farts and the other fly cries, “Hey! I’m trying to eat here!”
7) Why won’t the skeleton fart in public?
He doesn’t have the guts.
8) What is invisible and smells of worms?
A bird’s fart.
9) What’s the ideal weight of a fart?
0 lbs. Anything more and we’re in trouble.
10) Why did the man stop telling fart jokes?
He was told his jokes stink.
11) Why did everyone notice when Bill Gates farted in the Apple store?
Because they didn’t have any Windows.
12) Farts are like children.
You don’t mind your own but you can’t stand other people’s.
13) There is no more nerve-racking moment than attempting your first fart after having diarrhea.
14) I got fired from my job delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness.
Unfortunately, I let one rip.
15) What do you get when an aristocrat farts?
A noble gas.
16) I just rang the Incontinence Hotline.
The woman said, “Can you hold, please?”
17) I farted at work yesterday and my co-worker opened the window.
It must have been bad — we’re flight attendants.
18) My partner said he wanted to heat things up in bed.
So I farted under the sheets.
19) I didn’t fart in front of my partner until we got married.
Her family wasn’t too impressed.
20) An old married couple is in a concert one Friday night when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband tells her, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
21) A fart is like success.
It only bothers you when it’s not your own.
22) If you farted while traveling at the speed of sound, would you smell it before you heard it?
23) Why did the chicken cross the road?
She didn’t want the other chickens to notice that she farted.
24) Did you hear the one about the heartbroken blind skunk?
She fell in love with a fart.
25) Farting on an elevator is probably the worst thing you can do.
It’s just wrong on so many levels.
26) Why did the fart miss graduation?
It got expelled.
27) What do you call someone who only farts alone at home?
A private tutor.
28) What did the menstrual pad write on the “thank you” note to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.
29) Why is it a bad idea to fart in church?
Because you have to sit in your own pew.
30) What are gassy surfers most scared of?
A shart attack.
31) Why is love like a fart?
If you’re really trying to force it, it’s probably shit.
32) Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Fart and the world stops laughing.
33) Why do farts smells?
So that deaf people can enjoy them too.
34) What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A Blast from the Past!
35) Why does everyone always think Piglet farted?
He plays with Pooh!
36) I don’t fart. I whisper in my pants!
37) When a clown farts, does it smell funny?
38) I used to cough in public to hide my farts
But now I am farting in public to hide my coughs.
39) Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?”
“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principal asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”
“Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
40. I just farted on my wallet
Now I got gas money.
41. What do you call a cow’s fart?
42. How can you tell when a moth farts?
It flies in a straight line.
43. Some people might say that fart jokes are immature
But I assure you, there’s a methane to the madness
44. What did one pharaoh say to the other when they both farted?
We have a toot in common.
45. When I was a kid, every time my dad farted he denied it.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized he had been gaslighting me.
46. When is a fart joke acceptable?
When it doesn’t stink!
47. Hookers don’t fart
They let out prosti-toots
48. What’s the difference between a pun and a fart?
A pun is a shift of wit.