Toddlers are tiny wizards who conjure up recipes for a feeling that I can only describe as emotional lightning—something both scary and beautiful at the exact same time.
It’s scary because I am saving their lives every day. Scary because I am never sure what is going to happen next—ever. And yet, it’s beautiful! Beautiful because snuggling with a toddler may be a small piece of heaven. Beautiful because their laughter can change the whole mood of a room instantly.
Having toddlers is chaos, beautiful Tasmanian devil chaos. If you take too long picking out a flavor of Greek yogurt, people will launch milk out of your grocery cart and then give themselves a round of applause.
These days, that’s just how the cookie crumbles! Oh no, wait. Actually, my toddlers crumble the cookies and stick them between the couch cushions when I’m not looking.
Still so insanely beautiful that it makes me want to sing you a song! But since my 1-year-old currently yells “No!” in my face every time I start singing, I’ll write you a poem instead.
Apple: I will eat only half an apple.
Band-aid: I would fake any injury in the world to receive a Minion band-aid.
Crayons: I regularly eat crayons.
Dog: I open mouth kiss my dog.
Eat: I could eat snacks all day long.
Fire trucks: Fire trucks make me shit my pants in happiness.
Go! I yell “Go!” at my mom while she puts on makeup in the car in our driveway.
Happy: If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Ironic: It is ironic that when I am overtired, I fight sleep so hard.
Jam: I like to jam out with my mom and have dance parties.
Kraft: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese is delicious.
Learn: Playing is how I learn.
Mickey Mouse: Mickey Mouse is my drug of choice.
NO: Just no. No to everything.
Outside: Everything is better outside.
Pacifier: I hope to take my pacifier to college with me.
Question: My favorite question is, “Why?”
Rash: Diaper rash is the pits.
Seat: I like to stash secret snacks in my car seat.
Tubby. The tubby is a place to eat bubbles and turn the bathroom into a water park.
Up! When I shout “up!” please pick me up, hold me tenderly, and carry me around like you’re my chariot.
Very: I like bouncy houses very much.
Wail: If you do not give me a popsicle at 6 a.m. like I have demanded, I will wail.
X: An X marks the spot for pirate treasure as far as I’m concerned.
You: I need you, Mom.
Zzz is the sound of bedtime. So don’t you dare laugh at any of this and wake up my kid. I’ll come to your house and give you a wedgie.