Of course, people are still pissed off. Why? Because there’s still no middle finger emoji. Which, let’s be honest, is the one we’ve all really been waiting for. There’s also some buzz on social media about other still-missing emoji like a hot dog, taco, glass of white wine and lobster. Sounds like someone got invited to a clambake and is all hyped up to brag about it.
Anyway, all the hullabaloo got me thinking… what are some other emoji that would come in handy? Here are my Top 10:
Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman. Because Batman is a badass. And sending out a Bat Signal emoji tells everyone you are too. Got a big promotion? You’re Batman. Scored an awesome parking spot at Whole Foods? You’re Batman. Finished your fifth grader’s science project while he was outside jumping on the trampoline? You are SO Batman.
Because sometimes you just want to go your own way. Like Stevie Nicks. And Katy Perry’s awesome Super Bowl shark dancer. This emoji would come in handy when you get a text inviting you somewhere you totally don’t want to go. Like a birthday dinner for some girl you don’t really like, or a fundraising committee meeting for the Spring Gala at your kid’s school. Could you respond by typing: “No thanks, I’m just gonna left-shark it tonight”? Sure. But sending a Left Shark emoji would be so much less obnoxious.
Because it’s festival season and even though driving carpool is life, something tells me we’d all rather be at Coachella. We’ve got the ferris wheel, the palm tree and the sun, but this combo could just as easily be the Santa Monica Pier. Which is so not the same thing. A giant no-faced astronaut that floats through the crowd and shows videos on its face? Clearly Coachella.
Amy Poehler in ‘Mean Girls’
I know, I know. Some of the new emoji already look so much like Regina George’s mom in her pink Juicy sweatsuit that I can’t help but wonder if she was actually the muse. But none of them are holding an old school video camera in one hand and a humpday treat in the other. Good moms are so overrated. Sometimes we all just want to be the cool mom.
Sad Piccolo Girl
The Villanova band member who played through her tears as she watched her team suffer a loss, Sad Piccolo Girl was the best thing to come out of March Madness. She’s the emoji we all wished we had when Will got shot on The Good Wife, and when we found out Nina Dobrev was leaving Vampire Diaries. We were sad enough to cry. But not sad enough to stop watching. Also, Jenny Piccolo was awesome.
People love to hate on Starbucks. This emoji is not for those people. It’s for the people who love Starbucks. Because the people who love Starbucks don’t just love it, they love it more than life. Which makes the Starbucks Cup the “You complete me” of emojis. It’s our lobster. It had us at Hello. It gave us its heart, we gave it our pen. Please note: this emoji should be used sparingly, otherwise there’ll be one on every corner.
The title of the third book in the Hunger Games trilogy. Also known as the one that no one likes. Which makes it the perfect thing to toss out when something or someone suddenly shows up to ruin an otherwise perfectly awesome event. For example: “They totally mockingjayed the end of How I Met Your Mother.” See also: Dexter, Lost.
It was so dope that it vent viral on Twitter and scored it’s own spot in Washington, D.C.’s Newseum. But then it got trumped by a dress that was either blue and black or white and gold, depending on who you asked. A perfect emoji for pointing out when something that was once considered cool has been replaced by something even cooler. For example: “It’s time to put Pharrell’s Hat on Adam Levine, because he’s been upstaged this season, yo!” Or something like that.
Olivia Pope’s White Hat
Another hat? Damn straight. Because Olivia Pope is a Gladiator, damnit! A super connected fixer with a face that launched a thousand ships. And with a White Hat emoji you can hero up, save the day and let everyone know that whatever it is you’re currently chatting about is totally, unequivocally handled. Popcorn all around! Bonus points for using the White Hat to call out a wine drinking homewrecker with daddy issues. But if you tell Olivia I said that I’ll totally deny it.
A Plaid Skirt is the #sorrynotsorry of emojis. Sure, it might scream slutty schoolgirl, but it’s also so much more. Credit Britney Spears and Alicia Silverstone for turning this little slip of tartan into the sartorial equivalent of a magic pass. You can do whatever you want while wearing it, and you’ll get away with it. So throw on a sheepish grin, shrug your shoulders and use this emoji to say “Oops I did it again” or “Oops my bad,” even if you’re totally bugging ’cause you’re not that innocent.