35 Valentine's Day Jokes, Puns, And Riddles For Your 2022 Sweetheart

35 Valentine’s Day Jokes Sweeter Than Candy For Your Little Valentine

January 10, 2021 Updated January 10, 2022

valentines day jokes
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Even if you’re not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day, it can be a really fun experience for kids, allowing them to show their creativity and learn about different ways to demonstrate affection. One of the best ways to demonstrate affection? Share humor. Tell jokes. Do something goofy. Make your Valentine’s Day even cuter with these LOVEly jokes. Help your kids pop these fun jokes into their V-Day cards to give them a unique and hilarious touch. Your little one will think they’re the best jokes.

These clean, kid-friendly Valentine’s Day jokes are sure to be a hit with your kiddos — and honestly, the best Valentine is their toothy, drool-y little mouths bursting into huge smiles at some corny puns.

RELATED: Hilarious Knock, Knock Jokes That Will Knock You Over

1. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
I’m stuck on you.

2. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.

3. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?
Be my Valen-slime.

4. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.

valentines day jokes, lady gaga posing with phone
Getty Images/Giphy

5. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.

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6. What did the one sheep say to the other?
I love ewe.

7. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?
He stole her heart.

8. What did the cat say to her Valentine?
You’re purrr-fect for me.

9. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.

10. What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?
ChocoLATE.

11. What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
My heart beats for you.

12. What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?
You can always count on me.

13. What did the blueberry say to his Valentine?
I love you berry much.

14. What did the squirrel say to her Valentine?
I’m nuts about you.

15. What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
Whale you be mine?

16. What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
I lava you.

17. What did the elephant say to his Valentine?
I love you a ton.

18. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
Because it’s got heart.

19. Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
Because he wanted sweet dreams.

valentines jokes, white cat licking red lollipop
ABC/Giphy

20. What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
Cauliflowers.

21. What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
You’re fun to hang around with.

22. What did one light bulb say to the other?
I love you a whole watt.

23. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you.

24. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke, I got a Valentine.

25. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend.

26. What’s the best recipe for a perfect morning on Feb. 14?
A hug and a quiche.

27. Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie-boyfriend?
He was a real keeper.

28. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day?
All they wanted to do was spoon.

29. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet?
By saying, “Hit me up!”

30. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day?
Her heart wasn’t in it.

31. What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day?
“Gimme some sugar!”

32. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?
“Lovesick.”

33. Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob?
He was so row-mantic.

34. What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut?
“I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love!”

35. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine’s Day?
Stealing too many hearts.