Plus, Beau reveals how he’ll propose to Stassi, Scheana finally opens up, and more tears are had on ‘Vanderpump Rules’
“Schwartz makes amends with Katie after their blowout fight, while Beau opens up to them about his plans to propose to Stassi. Lisa reprimands Danica about improving her attitude, Kristen learns she isn’t invited to Las Vegas for Schwartz and Katie’s second wedding, and Brett sets his sights on a newly single Dayna, despite Scheana’s emotional objections.”
The above synopsis for this week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules may have put you (and me) to sleep quicker than your melatonin gummies, but there were a handful of gems sprinkled throughout this episode worth highlighting, including Scheana Shay shedding many tears while opening up about her loneliness, Beau Clark repeatedly getting emotional over how much he loves Stassi Schroeder (all the while Stassi unfairly pressures him to propose after dating for all of two years (try eight, Stassi)), and Tom Schwartz terribly failing at apologizing to wife, Katie Maloney-Schwartz, after drunkenly degrading her in front all of their friends.
We start the episode by watching Jax Taylor, Schwartz, Max Boyens skate at the skate park; and just as we expected would happen, Schwartz made an “I’m too old for this shit” comment.
New-hero Raquel Leviss then makes what would typically be an eye-roll-worthy pun actually kind of adorable…?
It isn’t until after Lisa Vanderpump reprimands Dayna Kathan at SUR, telling her she has an “attitude problem,” that we get to Schwartz’s non-apology to Katie.
“I overreacted to your reaction, but I have to be honest. I still am dumbfounded and confused by your reaction,” Tom starts.
“It just felt a little insensitive for these times that we’re living in,” Katie responded.
“Don’t be a social justice warrior,” he then tells her. “It was a harmless prank, but after the dust had settled, you were still sulking and scowling.”
“Because of the way you were talking to me,” she responds.
“No, bubba, that’s what triggered me. Honestly, I thought it was really self-indulgent and immature. They put a lot of time and money into this,” Tom continues, further defending last episode’s prank.
“Well, maybe that was a waste of time and money then,” Katie says simply, adding, “I don’t apologize for being offended by that. I don’t think I should have to.”
“All I want is for Tom to apologize for speaking to me that way,” she then said in a talking head. “He’s entitled to have his own opinion, even if it’s f**king wrong.”
Tom eventually says, “I love you,” whilst maintaining zero eye contact with Katie.
Point-blank: Katie’s right, and Tom’s wrong. Sure, Katie overreacted, but he had no right to speak to her the way he did at Jax’s birthday party. And his apology sucks. The strangest part of this segment might just be that Katie’s so weirdly calm about it all. Makes you wonder: How often does this happen between these two? And how disorienting was it when they somehow seamlessly transitioned into talking about Beau and Stassi’s pending engagement?
The Witches of WeHo meet up for lunch at Villa Blanca to plan a party for their eponymous wine brand. Lisa walks up to the trio and accidentally spills the beans about Katie and Stassi’s upcoming trip to Las Vegas for Katie and Tom’s “second wedding.” Kristen is left sitting there totally in the dark, and it’s an awkward moment we wish Bravo lingered on for just a teensy bit longer.
Beau, Katie, and Beau then excitedly plan how he’ll pop the question to Stassi — something he’s had on his mind for six (six!) months. What he plans to do, he tells Katie and Tom, is propose to Stassi at a cemetery, specifically Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
“She loves graveyards,” Beau starts, “and at the beginning of summer, she started talking about after her grandmother passed that she wanted to look for mausoleums for her own. And when she said that, it was a lightbulb. I’m going to find a mausoleum that has a gate that I can put a rock-looking ring box, so I can be like, ‘Babe, what is that?’ I’m already down on one knee. Boom.”
We have to admit, it is very Stassi, getting engaged at a cemetery. Bonus points for Beau.
“I want to marry Stassi because she is the most important person in my life. We laugh together, she’s beautiful, she’s funny, she’s charming. We have the same sarcastic humor. When I’m around her, I don’t want to be around anyone else. She’s the first person I think about having an amazing future with and having kids with. We don’t have to say anything. We can just look at each other and eat freakin’ mac ‘n’ cheese, and everything in the world is freaking perfect,” Beau says in one breath.
Are you crying? We’re crying.
The tears don’t end there, either.
Stassi gets upset that Beau told Katie that they fought about him not yet proposing, but puppy dog-eyed Beau effectively goes on the defense. “Can you just wait? I’m not trying to hurt you,” he says through misty eyes.
A legitimately hurt Kristen is also seen bawling while confronting Katie at Dayna’s birthday party about not getting invited to Katie’s “second wedding.”
“I’m not angry with you. I just think we need a break from each other,” Katie said, to which Kristen responded, “But you literally looked me in the eye and said, ‘We’re not sisters, best friends, or friends.'”
“Have we been that? No! We haven’t!” Katie snapped back.
“Whether you like me or not, I love you,” Kristen then tells Katie, later saying in a talking head, “I wish you would spare me the bullshit breakup chat of, ‘I love you, but it’s just not right for right now.’ It’s a really tough pill to swallow.”
And later on, while chatting with Lala, Scheana finally — finally! — opens up about what’s really going on in her life and how’s she’s really feeling.
“I just want you to be honest about what you’re feeling,” Lala says to Scheana after confronting her about her questionable love interests. “It’s like you want to make this thing where ‘everything’s perfect’—”
“Everything’s not perfect!” Scheana interjects. “I cry every f**king day, not over f**king Brett. It’s not over Dayna. It’s not over Max.”
After wiping away a few tears, she continues: “It’s my life. And I’m doing this, and I’m single, on my own, 34, f**king divorced. Because I’m optimistic that one day the right guy might come along and he might want to have kids with me. So, I’m doing this, for a ‘maybe.’ I feel very overwhelmed.”
“It’s frustrating when I see everyone around me what I want again,” Scheana said in a talking head. “I just didn’t think I would be where I’m at at 34.”
It’s the most relatable Scheana’s ever been, and it’s something we need to see more of — not this b-s love square between her, Max, Dayna, and Brett.
Vanderpump Rules airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.