Woman Gets Label Maker And Hilariously Labels The Sh*t Out Of Her Home

by Julie Scagell
Originally Published: 
Image via Joe Arroyo

Garbage disposals will forever be known as ‘sink demons’

You know when you get a gift for someone you know well and just have a feeling it’ll be put to good use? It’s the best feeling in the world, though this brother couldn’t have had any clue just how excited his sister would be to receive and use a label maker to mark everything in her house with new, unusual names.

“My wife and I got my sister a label maker as a wedding gift…then this happened,” Joe Arroyo posted next to several pictures of said label maker being put to good use. And by “good use,” we mean his sister, Lita Martinez, the oldest of four siblings, decided to label everything in her home not by their given name, but by the way the items made her feel inside.

Take this first example. Martinez wanted to make sure if anyone were to eat eggs that they are aware eggs are actually just “really young chickens.” I’m currently on a diet that only allows for eggs and, like, three other things, so I’m just going to ignore this one altogether.

Image via Facebook/Joe Arroyo

Next up is the best moniker I’ve ever heard for laundry detergent — laundry sauce — which shall from here forward be called by this name. It actually makes doing laundry sound sort of fun, like you’re a contestant on Beat Bobby Flay. Sort of.

Image via Facebook/Joe Arroyo

Martinez also used her downtime as a new bride to make sure everyone knew where the “raw toast” was, and who can have raw toast without “bread moisturizer?” No one, that’s who. I’d appreciate if she could also come up with words for peanut butter and jelly, just so we have options. Biscuit candy? Butter putty? Just spitballing here.

Image via Facebook/Joe Arroyo

Image via Facebook/Joe Arroyo

Arroyo tells Scary Mommy the entire family values ridiculous jokes and puns. “Growing up, we could easily have an entire conversation at the dinner table while speaking only in movie quotes.” So, why buy her a label maker for her wedding? “Lita already had a running list of clever names for various things, collected from memes and what not, and would commission others to come up with some additional ones over the past few years. It’s always been kind of a running joke. We saw her post something with alternative names for spices and immediately knew what to get her as a wedding gift.”

I’m just picturing her looking around her home, new husband by her side, and thinking to herself, “I’m about to label the shit out of everything we own,” and her husband just stepping aside and letting her do her thing. “She has a way of getting everyone around her to brighten up,” her brother said. This is one of the reasons her husband married her, of that I am sure.

Here is one more reason we want to be friends with her if she’s got openings:

Image via Facebook/Joe Arroyo

Not to diss on Martinez, but I’m pretty sure every parent since the beginning of time thought of this one before her, but we never took the time and effort to put it on a label so she’s got us there:

And my personal favorite, the “sink demon,” otherwise known as the garbage disposal. Seriously, you’d never have to wonder living with her.

Last but not least, lest she forgets the drink of the gods, Martinez knows coffee can only be made with “awake water.”

Image via Facebook/Joe Arroyo

Please, please continue to label all of the things in your home lady friend, and please keep sharing your humor with the world.

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