Woman Hilariously Nails Why You Should Wait A While To Have Sex After Giving Birth

Vlogger Riona O’Connor asks in funny video: how soon is too soon to have sex?

If you’ve attempted to have sex soon after childbirth you know the deal: it feels like you’re shoving a prickly cactus up your lady parts. It doesn’t matter what kind of delivery you had, things down there can feel uncomfortable, wonky, and sometimes, downright painful. Even so, some brave souls among us still attempt to have sex pretty soon after having a baby.

Like Riona O’Connor, the vlogger behind The Unnatural Woman, for example. She did the deed shortly after giving birth and learned some hard (pun intended) lessons about postpartum sex. Lest you think you’re the only one that’s had a rough go in the sack after having a baby, you’re not. Just watch her hilarious Facebook video and feel less alone in the world.

“There comes a time a few weeks after you’ve given birth, you’re in a room with all of your new mommy friends and some brave soul asks the question: has anyone had sex yet?”

She says a hush falls over the mommy crowd because dun, dun, dun…

“NO ONE HAS!” says O’Connor laughingly. She admits that she foolishly attempted to jump into the sack shortly after childbirth and found out some things.

“Two point five seconds into doing the deed and two things happened,” she says. “You know how it’s like a lava flow?” She presumably means the bloody discharge you experience right after child birth.

“Once that stopped we discovered that downstairs is as dry as the Sahara Desert,” she says. To which we say TRUTH. It doesn’t matter how much foreplay you do, the vagina faucet doesn’t turn on. Dry as can be.

The other thing that happened: “The baby woke up, what else would he do?”

Through her disastrous postpartum sex attempt she says she discovered that “Mother nature is a badass” and that “She has created those drought conditions for a reason.”

She says, “If my vagina was a motorway there would have been a sign up saying ‘NO THROUGH ROAD’ if it was a shop there would have been a sign up going ‘CLOSED.'”

Her point: it’s important to listen to our bodies because they’re trying to tell us something.

“To be fair everything is so jumbled up in there. If our vaginas didn’t close up shop things could just fall out,” she says. “Honestly like my innards became my outards for a while.”

O’Connor says with conditions like that, shoving anything up there is not a good idea. And just as a reminder, not only is putting penises, vibrators, tampons, fingers or whatever else up there not a good idea, it’s also medically risky.

Horny people let’s get real for a second here. Most women’s doctors will put them on pelvic rest, or the “six week wait” as it’s dubbed, after having a baby because of risk of infection, according to Web MD. That means nothing, absolutely nothing, should be in your vagina for at least six weeks. You’re allowed to attempt to have sex if (and only if) you get the all clear from your doctor.

“We need to stop pressuring ourselves to have sex straight after you have a baby,” O’Connor says. “I hear people saying they’re worried their partners are going without.”

But for real, they’re fine. They’re fucking fantastic. You know why?

“They have not had to grow something in their body and push it out through their penis.” Preach sister, preach.

Sure, there’s always going to be that one mom friend, who apparently is a friggin’ unicorn, that has hopped in the saddle right away. We all know her, O’Connor says, and hell, you might even be her. But for many of us, we need a little more time to heal down there after having a baby and that’s OK.

“Let’s stop putting all of this pressure on ourselves to do all of these things right after you’ve had a baby and your insides are jumbled,” she says. “Wait for mother nature to turn on that tap.”

And if you don’t want to wait, O’Connor has one last piece of advice for those rearing to go.

“If you want to go there before the end of the drought, go down and get a pot of Vaseline.”

Noted.