Wake the Fuck Up

by Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 

Of course you have heard of the book, Go the Fuck to Sleep. I would like to suggest a follow up, inspired by my husband…

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The dishes are washed, everything tidy in its place

The leftovers boxed up, my dear, and the counters wiped away I’ve asked you six times, don’t make me say it again Please, for the love of God Just empty the fucking trash can.


You work hard and need your rest

I do know that and care But you slept all night and napped three times You’ve more than gotten your share It’s time to awake and get on with the day Wake the fuck up already, you hear me OK?


You’ve been flipping for an hour

But have yet to pick a show Could you be more annoying? The answer is no. Surrender the remote, I’ll ask one last time or I’m kicking you out, on your fucking behind.


The day is getting dim

Soon it will be night I can’t see a thing, my love You have to know I’m right I’m not as tall as you so I need your larger height Would it kill you to change that fucking hall light?


I know you feel sick but I do as well

My nose is stuffy too and my throat sore as hell Please stop complaining It’s just a little cold So shut up and cope You’re not that fucking old


I love you so much

I value what you say But now I’m trying to sleep And you’re keeping me awake For the last time, my sweet, I just don’t give a crap. Enough already, really Just shut your fucking pie trap.


I’m laying in bed, desperately needing my rest

You’ve been sleeping for hours Happily passed out on your chest, How are you so loud, I really don’t know But if you don’t fucking stop snoring, You’re gonna have to go.


Is this too much to ask,

from the man I adore? I really don’t get why I’m so easy to ignore. Start listening to me, that’s all there is to it. Oh, and the dog needs a walk Just fucking do it.


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