Why Watching Porn Can Be Good For Your Relationship

The first time I watched porn with a partner was when I was in my early twenties. We were in a committed relationship and it was something we both had done separately. When we finally confessed to each other (I’d found his tapes after he’d moved in), we decided to watch it together.

I wasn’t sure what to expect. I mean, I knew where it would lead and what might happen. Porn is hot and gets you in the mood, but I didn’t know if we’d laugh, feel a little embarassed, or even be able to talk to each other about the experience without feeling silly.

The truth is, we did all of the above (and then some). And after the initial awkwardness wore off, it wasn’t only something we did again and again, but it brought us closer together and made our sex life even more intimate.

While watching porn with a partner (or alone) isn’t for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that, there are some who feel they have to hide it from their partner or are ashamed and wonder if something is wrong with them because they enjoy it.

Watching pornography with another person is a personal preference, and if you are comfortable watching it as a couple, there can be some good benefits to your relationship.

For me, it helped me show my partner the things I liked, or what got me hot without having to verbalize it. Yes, communication is good when it comes to what you like in the bedroom, but it can be hard to talk about. Sometimes watching something and saying, “Oh, I’d like to try that with you,” can be a huge turn on and help you discover new things to try. You might see something you’ve never imagined before and want to test it out after you see it in action (reverse cowgirl, anyone?).

After I became a mom, it became harder to get my mindset into sexy time after a day with the kids. Quickies are great and all, but if it takes you over an hour to get your head in the game and you need a massage, a glass of wine, and a half hour of naughty thoughts to feel ready, there’s nothing quick about that. Not to mention I’d be asleep after the massage and one sip of wine.

We’ve all felt ourselves come alive in our special place while watching a steamy scene in a movie or our favorite television show, even if it isn’t considered “porn.” My point is, it’s nice to have a little help, and maybe you are your partner are open to getting that little push you need to keep things spicy by watching other people get it on. And if it benefits you both, why not?

Psychologist and author of Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems And Revolutionizing Your Relationship, David Schnarch tells The Huffington Post, “Erotica, as well as couples’ own masturbatory fantasies, can be useful tools for helping them develop as adults.”

It’s important you are both watching responsibly, and talk about boundaries so you can be sure you are on the same page. Maybe you don’t want to fool around while watching, or maybe you do. Perhaps you are only comfortable watching pornography when the kids are out of the house, or you aren’t comfortable with your partner watching it without you. When you have some guidelines in place, this can help your sex life come alive and make for some happy mattress dancing.

Just make sure you speak up about what turns you on, and what you like in order for it to be an effective shared experience. It’s not about one person reaping all the benefits, while the other isn’t enjoying themselves and just giving in to make their partner happy. This only works if two people are coming together and deepening a sexual connection.