What Dads Say Vs. What Moms Think

Warning: Please do not read this if you get easily upset at posts that poke fun of mom/dad stereotypes or if you think that expressing ideas of said stereotypes, even in jest, is offensive and could destroy our children’s ability to one day achieve true equality between men and women. Or if you, yourself, are completely opposite of every stereotype and you feel like someone else expressing ideas about stereotypes takes a little piece of your soul. End warning.

Dads say: You look amazing honey, did you lose some weight or something?

Moms think: What?! Did I look bad before?!

Dads say: I can’t find the milk.

Moms think: He’s just not looking hard enough. The milk is right there in front like it always is. I can’t believe I’m going to have to get up and go find it for him. I’m just going to sit here and see how long it’s going to take. Oh crap. He can’t find the milk because I forgot to buy the milk.

Dads say: I slept great last night!

Moms think: Can’t hear due to excessive choking on second life-giving double espresso of the morning.

Dads say: I’m going to go out and use a chainsaw (or some other dangerous device).

Moms think: Oh God, he’s totally going to chop his arm off, get maimed, or die. I can’t watch. I’m just going to pretend he’s not doing that.

Dads say: What did you get at Target today?

Moms think: All the things. I bought all the things.

Dads say: I like those pants on you.

Moms think: What?! These pants look horrible and my butt is channeling Kim Kardashian and definitely not in a good way.

Dads say: I don’t like those pants on you.

Moms think: I might never ever speak to him again. Ever.

Dads say: I really think the toilet paper roll should go in this direction.

Moms think: I will spend the rest of my life switching that thing back to the way I like it when he’s not looking.

Dads say: I feel like I was too hard on the kids today.

Moms think: Welcome. Let’s talk. Let’s talk about all of your feelings and really delve into how all those feely feelings are affecting you.

Dads say: Are you crying over that cat food commercial?

Moms think: Umm…yes.

Dads say: Did you really spend the entire day talking to your sister on the phone?

Moms think: Umm…yes.

Dads say: Did you really eat all of the chocolate?

Moms think: Umm…yes.

Dads say: I dressed our daughter. And fixed her hair.

Moms think: Oh, this should be interesting.

Dads say: No, really. What did you get at Target today?

Moms think: Quick! Distract him!

Dads say: I cleaned the house so you could relax.

Moms think: Sexiest. Man. Alive.

Related post: What Moms Say vs. What Dads Hear