The White House Easter Egg Roll was pretty strange — again
At yesterday’s Annual Easter Egg Roll, President Donald Trump captured the very spirit of Easter by rambling on about our $700 billion military budget and how our armed forces will soon be at a level never seen before. He also, in a truly baffling moment, declared that there’s “really no name” for the White House because it’s “special.” Mmmmk.
“House or building or whatever you wanna call it because there really is no name for it in tip top shape. We call it tippy top shape,” he said. Truly moving words from someone who has spent a significant amount of time criticizing people who use teleprompters.
Next to him, as is tradition, stood the Egg Roll’s official Easter bunny–this year sporting a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, purple eye shadow, and the very same frozen expression of ongoing shock worn by at least half of the American people.
The Easter Egg Roll has been going on for 139 years, but there’s never been one quite like this. After spending the actual holiday in Mar-a-Lago, the First Couple jetted back up to Washington, DC, where they took care of some of their stranger Presidential duties, in the style that only they could.
Is that a bunny on the White House lawn? No: that’s just Fake News. It’s actually a disingenuous little girl wearing bunny ears.
What else happened? Well, the “tippy-toppy shape,” as many call it, was decked out for Easter by Melania Trump. It was kind of like the creepy Christmas decorations she chose, except with significantly fewer Christmas trees and significantly more bunnies and eggs. Not sure what the theme was, but there are a few contenders:
- Fever Dream After Seeing A Cadbury Commercial
- Easter on Acid
- Down the Rabbit Hole
- The Nightmare Before Easter
Perhaps the most joyful moments of Easter were reading Twitter’s critiques of the White House decor:
The President and Melania weren’t the only Trump family members in attendance. Donald Trump Jr. was also present, making that face that he always makes, no matter what the occasion–the one where it looks like he’s remembering his first love, who was lost at sea, and also like he kind of needs to urgently find a restroom.
What’s that pin on his lapel? Well, since you asked, it’s the traditional Easter Deplorable pin. If you didn’t get one in your Easter basket this year, well–it might mean that you aren’t deplorable?
Finally, after the odd remarks and a little music, the roll got started! Please enjoy a moment of normal children being normal.
Donald Trump then went down among the masses–where it looked like he was worried that the hug of a human child might make his heart grow two sizes too big.
He also helped color some military cards, though probably an aide told him that he was signing a bill officially banning children from his lawn.
The President also blew a whistle for the very first time in his life.
Just remember: only two more Easter Egg rolls to go before the 2020 elections!
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