A gift of no ‘thank you’ notes can be a fabulous gift, indeed
It’s good manners to send a “thank you” note if you receive a gift. It’s polite, graceful, and also extremely time consuming in, say, the case of weddings, showers, and anywhere a group of people are showering you with presents. So one guest at a baby shower decided to “gift” the expectant mom-to-be with a “no thank you card” rule.
And it’s sparked some lively debate online.
Laura Turner, 32, a San Francisco-based writer revealed on Twitter that one of her shower guests gifted her with the ultimate prize — not writing “thank you” cards for the gifts she’d received.
At my baby shower yesterday, one woman said, before I started opening gifts, “Can we give you the gift of no thank-you notes?” And everyone gasped and I DIED and now I’m going to be that lady at every shower I go to.
— Laura Turner (@lkoturner) April 15, 2018
“At my baby shower yesterday, one woman said, before I started opening gifts, ‘Can we give you the gift of no thank-you notes?’ And everyone gasped and I DIED and now I’m going to be that lady at every shower I go to,” Turner, who is expecting her first child in June wrote. The sentiment came from her mom’s friend who attended the shower, 52-year-old Amy Arnold, whom everyone will be inviting to their baby showers from now until the end of time.
Turner told ABC News that at first “everyone was kind of stunned. Pretty quickly it turned from a sense of surprise, to a sense of excitement at this new and relieving idea.”
Of course, a handwritten note of gratitude is nice to receive. But if someone tells you, gifts you, not to do one, take that shit seriously. Expecting moms have enough stuff to worry about and prepare. And if you aren’t preparing or at a doctor’s appointment or working or taking care of your other kids or doing laundry and actually have some downtime, take it. Sleep, read, watch TV while shoving Haagen Dazs in your yapper, or stare at a wall. Do something besides what you feel obligated to do because soon you’ll be taking care of another human being. It’s ok to give yourself a break.
It seems the people of Twitter had very strong opinions about the matter:
Devil's advocate here--but I find the act of writing thank you notes soothing. It doesn't matter if it takes a long time, either. People are so shocked to get one they don't care if the baby is walking by then.— Samra Jones Bufkins MJ,APR (@Samjb) April 16, 2018
I attended a shower once where we wrote thank-you notes to ourselves and gave them along with our presents. Stamped and in envelopes and everything. They were all like "You're gift was my favorite!!! ..."— PuzzleGirl (@PuzzleGirl65) April 16, 2018
Yes! For me, this is a must for new moms. You have far more important things to do in the next year of your life! Please do not send a thank you note for any baby gift I ever give you.— Bethany HallFitelson (@bfitelson) April 15, 2018
Me? I’m writing those notes anyway.— jenluit (@jenluit) April 15, 2018
Meh. If I'm at the party and they say thank you to my face why do I need a note? A hug and a smile is way better imo— AlwaysShouting (@BeetsRgross) April 16, 2018
This could become an international movement. Spread the word.— Michael Balter (@mbalter) April 15, 2018
I know some reading this will be all, “Omg, never in a million years, what horrible manners,” and I get it. My mom had a rule in our house that if you don’t send a “thank you” card, you don’t keep the gift. But you aren’t going to burst into flames by not sending or receiving a thank you card. If someone tells you not to send one, don’t. It will all be okay, says Turner.
“While I like writing thank you notes, to remove the obligation felt like such a relief to me.”