Overzealous Parents With iPhones Have Shoving Match At Kindergarten Play

by Mike Julianelle
image via Shutterstock

Kindergarten play erupts into brawl when parents are unable to film their kids

As the public lines up at the movie theater to see Batman take on Superman in the battle of the century, an auditorium full of parents got to see an even more ridiculous spectacle at a kindergarten play.

A kindergarten play at a California school had to be canceled when a fight broke out between parents who were jockeying over seating and viewing arrangements. Let me repeat that: a fight between parents. Because they couldn’t see a kindergarten play.

Have you ever been to a kindergarten play? It’s chaos. Adorable chaos, sure, but there’s less actual storytelling and performance on display when five-year-olds are on stage than there is in an Adam Sandler flick. But don’t tell that to the parents who were so desperate to capture their special little snowflake’s first shot at stardom by standing up and filming it with their phones that they got outright punchy when a woman stood in their way and refused to move.

To be clear, it seems that this one woman was not exactly the most polite mom in the world. According to the NY Daily News, “The play was almost over when a “pushing match” started after an unidentified woman stood at the front of the audience and obstructed the view for other parents, as they tried to film the show. The woman wouldn’t get out of the way even after the principal asked her to move, and a brawl broke out.”

Wow, this “unidentified woman” didn’t heed the principal? SHE TRULY DON’T GIVE A FUCK. (Seriously, I’m 40 and principals still scare me. Okay, maybe vice principals. But still.)

Look, I understand the desire to document every moment in your kid’s life, and their first play is fun and special. I’ve been the guy who holds up my phone to catch my son flubbing his lines, and so have you. That said, I also have approximately 39 million photos of my kids on my iPhone and computer and I’ve never actually looked at one of them. The idea of starting a fight because I might miss one moment in a lifetime of them, that I might not have that one precious file to toss into the abyss of the Apple Cloud and never look at again? Seems a bit extreme.

Again, the offending woman, that cold-blooded principal-defy-er who allegedly “was very rude to everyone […and] actually shoved [someone who] was holding [an] infant…” was clearly not being her best self. But when the word’s “kindergarten play” and “brawl” go together and it’s NOT because the play in question is “Fight Club”, then parents are getting a little bit out of control, don’t ya think?

Guess what? Your kid is going to be in another play. You’re going to have another 5,000 opportunities to film the little tyke doing all manner of adorable stuff that you can look back on when he’s fifteen and you’re regretting ever having had him the first place. It might be a good idea to rein in your temper and not start throwing fists at other middle-aged people in the front row of the school gymnasium, no matter how rude they may or may not be being. If you’re gonna start a fight at school, at least do it outside behind the monkey bars, like a proper juvenile delinquent. At least that way your kids can’t see you.

Also, the next time you plan to get into a brawl, it might be a good idea to not do it in front of a crowd of people filming the room. If I’d been there, it would have taken me two seconds to switch from filming my kid’s wooden performance as Eeyore to documenting the parent who decided to to have an MMA match during Pooh’s closing monologue.

That’s one video I would never delete.