Women Are Describing Themselves Like Male Authors Would, And It’s Hilarious

by Christina Marfice
Originally Published: 
Image via Twitter/Shannon Coulter

Just in case we needed proof that men know nothing, here it is

Good writers know that the best writing comes from the experiences you’ve actually lived. If you haven’t experienced something, you just aren’t going to write as well about it. That goes for characters, too. Writer Gwen C. Katz was reading a Twitter thread about how important it is to hear about the experiences of marginalized people from the actual people who have lived those experiences, when she came across a male author claiming he could write a book from a woman’s perspective.

Spoiler alert: He could not. Katz shared a quote from the first page of his book to illustrate her point.

“I sauntered over, certain he noticed me,” the excerpt read. “I’m hard to miss, I’d like to think – a little tall (but not too tall), a nice set of curves if I do say so myself, pants so impossibly tight that if I had had a credit card in my back pocket you could read the expiration date. The rest of my outfit wasn’t that remarkable, just a few old things I had lying around. You know how it is.”

Yes, all women will confirm that that is exactly what our inner monologue sounds like at all times.

While most women were busy rolling their eyes at Katz’s tweet, Whitney Reynolds, who hosts a podcast called I Haven’t Seen That, saw it and proposed we all play a little game.

And oh, the responses. They are poignant and they are wonderful and they are true. And they mostly refer to women as basically walking sets of boobs and ass, because of course.

Others alluded to the fact that there might be personalities behind the boobs and asses, but that we don’t care about that, obviously.

Sometimes women had legs in addition to their boobs and asses.

Other times, they weren’t pretty enough to be immediately noticed, because we all love that trope.

Some of the replies focused on how women of color tend to be described, playing into racial stereotypes and using some downright baffling food references.

Others were about how women who don’t fit conventional beauty standards are disregarded.

Even Shannon Purser, who plays Barb on Stranger Things, weighed in, writing about how her shape isn’t the one that’s societally coveted by men, and so she would be described that way.

As the responses got more and more tongue-in-cheek, mansplaining even made an appearance in the thread.

The most depressing part of all of this is that even though these responses are clearly exaggerated, they’re not even that far off from the real thing. So hey, male authors, maybe start treating women as actual people and not just objects crafted to fit your own unattainable standards. And writers, stick to your own experiences. We can all do better, and make literature more safe and inclusive for everyone.

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