I can’t even count the number of times a disgruntled man on the internet has told me no man will ever want me because I’m fat. It’s the most predictable thing in the world. I write anything at all about life in a fat body, (literally anything. I once wrote an essay about breastfeeding and was inundated with this garbage) and people with penises come barreling out of the woodwork, desperate to inform me that they don’t want to the put their little generals in me. (Or any other big girl.)
This is supposed to be an insult, but you have to be a special kind of stupid if you think I’m losing sleep over that. If they’re the kind of asshole who will even think about talking to a woman like that, there’s a zero percent chance I would want any of their body parts in or around me, literally ever. The fact that they’re not interested is just fine with me.
But also, a lot of the time, they’re full of shit. Secure, happy men who aren’t interested in fat women don’t feel the need to trample on anyone to make that point. They just go about their lives, dating women they do find attractive, never feeling the need to proclaim loudly to the entire digital universe that their precious wiener will never come anywhere close to a fat chick’s body.
I just don’t buy it.
My personal philosophy is that the men who are screaming their asses off about it are just so conditioned to societal beauty standards that their attraction to women with bodies that fall into a plus-size category makes them feel confused and ashamed. They can’t admit to me or themselves that some of us fat chicks are like, really pretty.
Whether their motivation is secret shame or an actual hatred for fat bodies, this idea that men don’t like fat women is so absurd it’s laughable.
Plenty of men are totally fine with a big girl, and enjoy a thick, curvy, soft, or even objectively fat partner.
Over the course of my life as a big girl I have wished I had a lot more of many, many things. Money, free time, Target gift cards, wine, cute boots, votes… Attention from men has never made the list. I’ve had more than my fair share, and I’ve never been anything but fat.
Some men are exclusively attracted to big girls. Others, like my husband, are attracted to women of many sizes. Even more might not approach a fat woman, but are completely content and happy with their partner even when she gains weight throughout their relationship.
For many men, attraction is not married to a dress size, and love is possible regardless of the number on the scale.
Need some examples? Happy to provide them!
This is me.
This gorgeous specimen is my husband. We have been doing it for almost two decades now, and he can’t get enough. He has zero complaints about my body. He’s into me, he thinks I’m hot AF, and the size of my body means nothing negative to him.
Does it look like TikTok celeb Alicia McCarvell’s husband, Scott, has any complaints about her bod?
Check out their TIkTok for two minutes and you’ll see him asking for a glimpse of that ass.
YouTuber Gloria Shuri-Henry has been in love with her husband Ali for a zillion years now.
They literally moved across the world to be together. They have the cutest, quirkiest relationship and I’m here for it.
Well, this is hot.
Does it look like influencer Jessica Kelley’s husband Devin missed the memo about how men are not supposed to want big girls, or is it just me?
Oh, hi, hello.
This love is sexy, and photographer Marielle Elizabeth is plus-sized. Imagine that.
Who wants to break it to gospel singer and world-class curvy beauty Kierra Sheard that her fiance Jordan Kelly isn’t actually supposed to be into her?
Anyone? All the eye rolls. This couple is stunning.
I mean, I could keep going for days.
Literally. Head to IG and search some hashtags. Anything containing fat or plus size will lead you to a treasure trove of sexy fat love. There are plenty of dudes that love a big, beautiful woman and have no desire to change the shape of their partner’s bodies.
Look. Fatphobia is real. People treat fat folks like shit on the reg, and it’s something we still need to address. There is just no reason that a fat person should have to defend the size of their body to anyone, ever. The faux health concern we live with every day is exhausting. The insults eventually do wear a person down—even if they’re pretty used to it, like I am.
Fatphobia needs to die in a fiery inferno, and anyone perpetuating it should be ashamed of themselves.
It’s 2020. We have a lot of important shit to do. If you have time to body shame people, you need to collect all those minutes you spend being a dick and use them to do something good. Attend an anti-racism seminar. Educate yourself about climate change. Plan your pandemic-safe Thanksgiving, or collect canned goods and toys for a holiday charity. Do something productive with your life.
And while you’re doing it, you’ll just have to live with the knowledge that there are millions of big girls out here getting that good lovin’ from men (and women and non-binary partners) who think we’re sexy as hell. Nothing you can say to attempt to shame us is going to change that.
Live mad about it or get over it.