You Might Be a Parent If...

by Samantha Cappuccino-Williams
Originally Published: 

1. You correct you coworkers and friends when they don’t say “please” and “thank you.”

2. You automatically cut your own food into teensy-weensy pieces.

3. You hum “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere…” while you do the dishes.

4. You would give your left arm for a brand new, fully loaded, top-of-the-line minivan.

5. Your idea of a good time includes going to Target, alone, on a Saturday night.

6. You have ever tried to re-roll an entire roll of unraveled toilet paper.

7. You’ve had to choose between an extra ten minutes of sleep and making it day day without a shower.

8. You think staying up until 10PM qualifies as burning the midnight oil.

9. You think sleeping until 8AM is sleeping really, really late.

10. You spell-talk to others even when there are no K-I-D-S around to hear you talk S-H-I-T.

11. You’ve discussed poop with someone like you’re a couple of CSI investigators.

12. You’ve ever hidden in a closet to eat a cookie or have a glass of wine in peace.

13. You automatically tell your partner you’re SO proud of them after they use the toilet.

14. You’ve licked your fingers to clean something off your boss’ face.

15. You believe it’s completely OK to flip kids off behind their backs.

16. You’ve scooped vomit out of your bra.

17. You have walked around all day with barf down your back.

18. There is more food under your kitchen table than on it.

19. You’ve removed something other than boogers from another person’s nostril.

20. If you and your mate feel more like tag-team wrestlers or zoo-keepers than lovers, you might be a parent.

21. You consider shaving your legs every two weeks shaving often.

22. People in other cars have caught you singing Hakuna Matata at the top of your lungs at a red light.

23. Everything in the top rack of your dishwasher is made of brightly colored plastic and there is never room for glasses.

24. You can carry on a coherent, excited, one-sided conversation with something that cannot talk back.

Might you be a parent?

Related post: 25 Ways You Know You’re a Stay at Home Mom

This article was originally published on