35+ Funny And Relatable April Ludgate Quotes That Are A Big Mood

35+ April Ludgate Quotes For Every People-Hating, Animal-Loving Witch

March 23, 2020 Updated April 3, 2020

aubrey plaze as april ludgate
Greg Gayne/NBC

In 2015, Parks and Recreation wrapped up and the world was forced to say goodbye to its favorite local government’s intern-turned-deputy-director. We watched April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza) go from a bored, distant and chaotic 19-year-old to an ambitious, caring, and chaotic young woman. Through Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler)’s mentorship, supportive friendships, and her marriage to Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt), April’s character blossomed while staying true to her hilarious core.

From the angst of her moody teen years/early twenties to her relatable freak-outs about adulthood, April has provided us with many words of wisdom. Well, the kind of wisdom a human-hating half-witch, half-wolf might give, at least. So we’ve compiled a list of our favorite April Ludgate’s most hilarious quotes that suit just about any mood.

Hate people, but love your partner? Hate socializing, but love being with friends? Repeatedly threatening to murder someone, but too kind to follow through? Read on for the very best of April.

“At least I didn’t make any new friendships.”

“What? I love garbage.”

“Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the 90s’ party. I assumed it was the 1690s.”

“I can convince small children that I’m a witch.”

“I hate talking to people about things.”

“I love games that turn people against each other.”

“I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seem to hate you.”

“Thank you, alcohol.”

(While being hugged) “Ow! You’re hurting me!”

“My instinct is to be mean to you.”

“She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her.”

“I very maturely and straightforwardly left anonymous comments about her online.”

“I want to tell people what to do, then send them far away from me.”

“It’s because I’m half wolf.”

april ludgate quotes

“I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same, and if you spend more than $5 on wine, you are very stupid.”

April: “Someone will die.”
Andy: “Of fun.”

“Being a responsible adult sucks butts.”

“I declare that everything you are saying is stupid.”

“I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions.”

“This is my boyfriend, Derek. This is Derek’s boyfriend, Ben.”

“Don’t try to bond with me.”

“I wasn’t listening but I strongly disagree.”

“So, you’ve gone insane! That’s fun.”

“Being nice made me feel terrible.”

Jerry: “You look lovely.”
April: “I’m going to murder you a thousand times.”

“I don’t care about that prize, but I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away.”

“Alcohol is fun and delicious.”

“I will be providing my world famous $100 lap dances.”

“Is this gonna be one of those cool bachelorette parties where things get out of control and we murder someone, and then we all have to take a blood oath to never reveal our secret?”

“I really only listen to like, German death reggae. And Halloween sound effect records from the 1950s. And Bette Middler, obviously.”

“Stay back, slut.”

High schooler: “Where’d you get that dress?”
April: “I was buried in it.”

“Ann’s leaving town, and saying painful goodbyes to loved ones. Greatest day of my life!”

“Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge.”

“She’s the cold, distant mother I never had…I love her.”

“That’s gross. I love it.”

april ludgate quotes