Ask Scary Mommy is Scary Mommy’s advice column, where our team of “experts” answers all the questions you have about life, love, body image, friends, parenting, and anything else that’s confusing you.
This week: What do you do when your spouse suggests plastic surgery for a “problem area” that isn’t a problem? Have your own question? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
Hi Scary Mommy,
I’m eight months postpartum with my third baby. I have had two C-sections and we are done having babies now. Recently, my husband brought up to me that I should now consider getting a “mommy makeover” to get rid of my post C-section FUPA. I was taken aback and offended by this suggestion because I’ve never mentioned wanting plastic surgery to “fix” myself. He said he just assumed I wanted my pre-baby body back, and that he was willing to help me get it. I asked him if HE wanted me to pursue the surgery and he said “well, yeah” but he also said that it’s up to me and that he will be fine with it either way. You can imagine what this has done to my self-esteem. I was just under the impression that a FUPA is normal and fine, and I wasn’t hung up on it. Until now. What do I say to him? How do I get back to loving my body after this low blow? I feel so upset and hurt.
And by “what,” I mean what the ever-loving fuck?
Where do men store this endless well of audacity? I swear to God.
Are we entertaining the opinion of the guy who thinks it’s even remotely close to acceptable to tell his wife and the mother of his three children that she should have part of her tummy lobbed off? UNPROMPTED.
No. No, we are not.
You literally never mentioned this to him ever, and he thought this conversation was going to go well? Has your husband ever met a woman?
Poor thing. Did you suggest that he have his head surgically removed from his ass? Because that’s where he’s clearly shoved it.
You are one hundred zillion percent correct in your impression that having a FUPA is normal and fine. Any form that your body naturally takes after giving life to three human beings is not only “normal and fine,” but beautiful and miraculous. Not only did you create people in your body, you had two surgical births. That’s some badass womanhood. Your body is a walking testament to the power of a woman.
If this surgical makeover was your idea, I’d be in your corner. You don’t need a mommy makeover, and your body is amazing as-is. But if you had talked it over with a qualified board-certified plastic surgeon decided on your own you wanted to move forward; I’d say go for it. You’re already perfect, but I totally support your choice do what makes you happiest with YOUR body.
But your husband is a dude. What the hell does he know about how it feels to live in a post-baby body?
I’m like, really pissed that your husband’s boneheaded decision to bring this up has affected how you see your body. The petty side of me wants you to make a list of all the ways he could surgically alter his own body for your viewing pleasure, starting at the top and working your way down to the toes. Doctors are doing some amazing enhancements on pretty much every single body part these days.
But the adult side of me says that he deserves to face the music for his outrageously insensitive and stupid decision. Tell him clearly that his suggestion was immature and hurtful. You had no problem with your body before he made you feel self-conscious. You’re going to be loving it again, exactly like it is. If he doesn’t like your FUPA or any other piece of you, that’s something he needs to work out on his own. You carried children so he could be a father, and if he thought that your body would look exactly the same after carrying three babies and having two C-sections, well, he’s an idiot, and that’s not your problem.
Then you rock that FUPA without a single fuck, and let him feel stupid for a while. I bet he’s a decent enough guy, but he screwed this one up, and he needs to marinate in that for a while.