40+ Bank Jokes And Puns That Would Make A Banknote Laugh

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
bank jokes puns
Maitree Rimthong/Pexels

Comedy legends like Joan Rivers, Wanda Sykes, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, and so many others figured out a secret a long time ago: The great equalizer in comedy is to find the humor in the mundane and everyday shared experiences. That’s when comedy becomes a universal language. Activities like going to the dentist, doing your taxes, and watching your plumber (and their plumber’s crack) in action are comedy gold. Hey, we’ve all been there — that’s why it’s funny.

Another such example of a tedious and soul-sucking activity is going to the bank. The long lines, the outdated technology, the chain-anchored pens perpetually missing ink…it’s a journey. This is why bank jokes and puns are so darn enjoyable and silly. Sure, accountant jokes and money puns can scratch the itch sometimes, but there’s something about a good loanshark quip that hits the spot just right. So with that in mind, we rounded up the corniest, most ridiculous bank jokes even your teller would giggle at.

  1. Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

  1. What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

“I want my quarterback!”

  1. Why did the teller lose his job at the bank?

An old lady asked him to check her balance so he tipped her over.

  1. Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?

He did not have the guts.

  1. If you have no interest in banking

You are not a loan.

  1. Why was the woodchopper arrested at the bank?

He walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling, and shouted, “This is a stickup!”

  1. If money talks, why do we need bank tellers?
  2. When does it rain money?

When there is a “change” in the weather.

  1. What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

This is a stand-up.

  1. A naked man robbed a bank.

Nobody could remember his face.

  1. A basketball player and a horse jockey just robbed the bank.

Police are looking high and low for the culprits.

  1. Why did the bank owner buy cows?

To beef up security.

  1. What do you call a man with a head full of change?


  1. Where do fish keep their money?

In the riverbank.

  1. People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.

But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

  1. What did the recluse say to the bank teller when he needed money?

“Leave me a loan.”

  1. Why are Irish bankers so successful?

Because their capital’s always Dublin.

  1. Why is a river rich?

Because it has two banks.

  1. Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

They’re really good at saving.

  1. My dad always said to me, “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number” so I did.

Account balance: $9.11.

  1. I used to have an account with a bank at the North Pole.

They froze all my assets.

  1. What did the nut say when it held up the bank?

“Give me all the cashew have!”

  1. What do you call when you cross a banker and a fish?

A loan shark.

  1. Why did the old man take raisins to the bank?

He wanted to set up a current account.

  1. If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
  2. A criminal robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors.

But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily the judge was lenient, as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

  1. My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box.

He left me the key in his will. I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope inside, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: “Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10, and 13.”

  1. Why did the little old lady put her money in the freezer?

She wanted cold, hard cash.

  1. I quit my job at the bank today.

I guess you can say I lost interest.

  1. The bank must really like me.

They keep telling me that my loan is outstanding.

  1. Why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?

To check his balance.

  1. Did you hear about the gold digger?

They enjoy leisurely romantic strolls over to the Bank of America.

  1. Chuck Norris doesn’t have a bank account.

He just tells the bank how much money he needs.

  1. What did the bank teller say to the patron?

“Bank you very much.”

  1. What’s the hardest part about being addicted to banking?

The withdrawals.

  1. What did the tree do when the bank closed?

Started its own branch.

  1. Always borrow money from a pessimist,

He won’t expect it back.

  1. Why did the banker die?

He cashed out.

  1. Sign above bank teller’s station: “To err is human,

to forgive is not bank policy.”

  1. What do fish use for money?

Sand Dollars.

  1. I went to the bank to apply for a personal loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper. So they didn’t want to Post Malone.

  1. What do you call a boy named John who has a lot of money?

Johnny Cash.

This article was originally published on