30+ Money Jokes And Puns Will Make You Feel Like A Millionaire

These 30+ Hilarious Jokes About Money Will Make You Feel Like A Millionaire

October 30, 2019 Updated April 22, 2021

money jokes
Skitterphoto/ Pexels

Teaching your kids about money can be stressful. The fact that it exists, that everyone needs it, that it does not grow on trees… stressful. Lighten up your family’s financial lesson plans with these clean, kid-friendly money jokes. It might take a while for those lessons to sink in, but at least you can share some laughs in the meantime.

They say money makes the world go round, but it also makes for some killer jokes. When you’re a wealthy princess like Jasmine from Aladdin or Elsa from Frozen, money can be a real stressor for us common folk. Money management definitely isn’t the most exciting activity, but these jokes will remind you to take it slow, have a much-needed laugh, and leave those worries behind for a moment. Whether you’re Elon Musk rich or the queen of coupons, these money jokes will put a smile on your face. 

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Money Jokes

1. What did one penny say to the other penny?
Let’s get together and make some cents.

2. What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs?
A penny.

3. When does it rain money?
When there is “change” in the weather.

4. Why don’t cows have any money?
Because farmers milk them dry.

5. Where does Dracula keep his money?
In a blood bank.

6. Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.

7. Where do fish keep their money?
In a river-bank.

8. How do dinosaurs pay their bills?
With Tyrannosaurus checks.

9. Where can you always find money?
In the dictionary.

10. Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted to make a clean getaway.

11. What did the duck say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.

12. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.

13. What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
One hundred pennies.

14. Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.

15. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re always a little short.

money jokes
Warner Bros.

16. Why did the student eat his dollar bill?
His mother told him it was for lunch.

17. Why did the student swallow all his pennies?
The teacher said he needed more sense.

18. What did the dollar name its daughter?
Penny.

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19. How much money does a skunk have?
One scent.

20. How is the moon like a dollar?
They both have four quarters.

21. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In snow-banks.

22. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Nicholas
Nicholas who?
Nicholas half as much as a dime.

23. What type of money do crabs use?
Sand dollars.

24. If money grew on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?
Fall.

25. Where do frogs deposit their money?
In a river-bank.

26. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Cash me if you can.

27. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
You’re nuts.

28. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Hanover.
Hanover who?
Hanover your money.

28. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Iowa.
Iowa who?
Iowa you a dollar.

29. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Yolanda.
Yolanda who?
Yolanda me some money.

30. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Celeste.
Celeste who?
Celeste time I lend you money.

Bank Jokes

Most people don’t play around when it comes to their money, but we have jokes that’ll have you laughing all the way to the bank. The next time you go make a deposit, tell your teller one of these jokes.

  1. I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.
    An old man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.
  2. What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
    “I want my quarter back.”
  3. My bank loves me.
    They told me my credit card balance is outstanding
  4. Why didn’t the skeleton rob the bank?
    He didn’t have the guts.
  5. What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
    This is a stand-up.
  6. Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
    Because they are really good at saving.
  7. A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
    The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
    The robber yell, “Don’t change the subject!”