Baseball is a fun game and all, but even the most avid fan can start to get bored right around the 5th inning of no score. Sometimes you have to find a way to pass the time during America’s favorite pastime. While you’re waiting for that much-needed 7th inning stretch to finally see some entertainment on the field, kill some time and have some laughs with these 100 baseball jokes, puns, one-liners and riddles.
1. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?
If he raised them both, he’d fall down.
2. Where do they keep the largest diamond in NYC?
3. A man leaves home, makes three left turns and is on his way back home when he notices two men in masks waiting for him. Who are they?
They’re the catcher and umpire.
4. Why did the Braves hire a baker?
They needed a new batter.
5. What goes all the way around the baseball field but never moves?
6. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?
One steals watches and one watches steals.
7. When should baseball players wear armor?
When they’re playing knight games.
8. What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later!
9. Where do catchers sit at lunch?
Behind the plate.
10. Why is Yankee Stadium the coolest place to be?
It’s full of fans
11. Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
Because there’s not a fan in the place.
12. Did you hear? Detroit is building a new stadium at an undisclosed location.
They’re keeping it a secret because they’re afraid the Tigers might find out and try to play there.
13. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?
Forget it. It’s way over your head.
14. What are the rules for zebra baseball?
Three stripes and you’re out.
15. I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
16. An apartment building is on fire and people are at the window, screaming for help.
“Just jump out the window,” a man yells. “I’m a baseball player. I can catch you.”
One smart resident decided to get more information, first.
“Wait,” he said. “What team do you play for?”
“The Cincinnati Reds,” shouts the man.
“Ehhhh,” shrugs the resident. “I’ll take my chances with the fire.”
17. Why did the Brookside Angels have a ghost on their team?
To add a little team spirit.
18. What’s a baseball player do when his eyesight starts to fail him?
He takes a job as an umpire.
19. Where do you keep your mitt while driving?
In the glove compartment.
20. Which baseball player holds water?
21. Why are baseball games at night?
The bats sleep during the day.
22. What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?
One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
23. What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A baseball team
24. I love the fall. It gives me a chance to sit at home and watch the World Series.
Just like the Dodgers.
25. How do baseball players keep in touch?
They touch base every once in a while.
26. What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?
One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.
27. How long did the baseball player spend in the library?
Five minutes. It was a short stop.
28. Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?
She ran away from the ball.
29. Why did the police officer go to the baseball game?
Someone stole second base.
30. Why are frogs good baseball players?
Because they’re great at catching flies.
31. A man at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit him.
32. Did you hear the one about the fast pitch?
Never mind. You just missed it.
33. Where does the baseball player go when he needs a new uniform?
34. Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug baseball teams?
Because it takes too long to put their cleats on.
35. What runs around a baseball field but never moves?
36. What’s the difference between a pick pocket and an umpire?
One steals watches and one watches steals.
37. Something to ponder:
“Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?”
38. How is a baseball team like a baker?
They needed a good batter!
39. When does the Queen watch baseball?
If it’s a knight game!
40. Which baseball player loved ﬁreplaces?
41. What animal is best at baseball?
42. What do baseball players eat on?
43. Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball?
She had a pumpkin for a coach!
44. What do you call 40 millionaires sitting around watching the World Series?
The New York Yankees!
45. What’s the difference between a Royals fan and a baby?
The baby stops whining after a while.
46. What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?
47. What do baseball players use to bake a cake?
Oven mitts, bundt pans and batter.
48. A baseball scout found a remarkable prospect: a horse who was a pretty good fielder and who hit the ball every time he was up at bat. The scout got him a try-out with a big league team. Up at bat, the horse slammed the ball into far left field and stood at the plate, watching it go. “Run!” the manager screamed, “Run!” “Are you kidding?” answered the horse. “If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”
49. Who’s the most famous Los Angeles Dodger?
50. What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?
You can buy a Yankee Stadium hotdog in October!
51. How many baseball players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’re too busy arguing the last call.
52. Why did the cops go to the baseball game?
Because they heard someone was stealing a base.
53. Why can’t you play baseball in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
54. Why is the baseball stadium hot after the game?
Because all the fans have left.
55. What does a baseball player do when he loses his eyesight?
Become an umpire.
56. What did the hand say to the baseball?
You’re such a catch.
57. Why did the sausage quit playing baseball?
Because he was the wurst on his team.
58. Why is an umpire like an angry chicken?
They both have foul mouths.
59. Did you hear the joke about the baseball?
It will leave you in stitches!
60. Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90′s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.” The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.” “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching on Wednesday.”
61. Have you ever seen a line drive?
No, but I have seen a baseball park!
62. Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base?
From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle
63. Where did the baseball player wash his socks?
In the bleachers.
64. What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man?
Pitching like no one has ever seen.
65. Which superhero is the best at baseball?
66. What cartoon character is the best at baseball?
67. What is a baseball player’s favorite thing about going to the park?
68. Why are singers good at baseball?
Because they have perfect pitch!
69. What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?
A double header!
70. Why don’t baseball players join unions?
Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
71. Why did the baseball player shut down his website?
He wasn’t getting any hits!
72. Why did the baseball player bring a pacifier to the game?
He wanted to play like the Babe.
73. Why don’t matches play baseball?
One strike and you’re out!
74. Manager: Our new infielder cost $10 million. I call him our “Wonder Player.”… Every time he plays, I wonder why I bothered to get him.
75. What is the difference between a boy who is late for dinner and a baseball hit over the fence?
One runs home and the other is a home run.
76. Two baseball teams play a game. The home team ends up winning, but not a single man from either team has touched a base. How can this be?
The teams were all-women.
77. Where do coal diggers play baseball?
In the miner (minor) leagues.
78. How can you pitch a winning baseball game without throwing a ball?
Only throw strikes.
79. Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
The pitcher kept throwing screwballs.
80. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?
Five after nine. (9:05)
81. Where does a catcher sit for dinner?
Behind the plate.
82. Did you hear the joke about your pitching style?
Never mind. It’s foul.
83. Two guys are walking down a street in hell when it begins to snow. One guy looks up at it and says, “Well, it finally happened. The Cubs just won the World Series.”
84. What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
85. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a baseball bat. How do you get out?
Unlock the door, of course!
86. Why couldn’t the fans get soda pop at the double header?
Because the home team lost the opener.
87. Why don’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
88. There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing Take Him Out of The Ball Game!
89. Why was the mummy sent into the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew, once he sent the mummy in the game would be all wrapped up.
90. One day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, “Very well, But you realize that we’ve got all the good players, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and the best coaches.” The devil snickered, “I know, and that’s all right, We’ve got all the umpires.”
91.Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teenager and retains his jailhouse nickname to this day?
92. Which baseball players is a fruitarian?
93. Why did the police arrest the baseball player?
He stole 3rd base!
94. What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet?
A throw rug.
95. The pitcher really had good control today… Didn’t miss a bat for three innings!
96. If brownie mix is on first base, pudding on second, and cookie dough on third base, who is hitting at the plate?
The cake batter.
97. Knock – knock… Who’s there?… Uriah…Uriah who?… Keep Uriah on the ball.
98. Knock – knock… Who’s there?… Phillip… Phillip who?… Let’s phillip the bases.