105+ Hilarious Sports Jokes For Kids And All Athletes – Scary Mommy

105+ Sports Jokes So Funny They Knock It Out Of The Park

October 30, 2019 Updated August 5, 2020

sports jokes 2
Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/ Getty Images

Jocks get a bad rep for not being humorless. A quick look at the jokes from any given popular sport and you’ll soon realize that can’t possibly be true! From witty fan banter to classic and one-liners for kids, these jokes and puns run circles around every other list of sports jokes. Grab an orange slice and settle in for the best football, baseball, basketball, soccer, and hockey jokes out there.

RELATED: 100+ Jokes About School That Are Definitely For The Cool Kids

Baseball Jokes

1. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?
If he raise them both, he’d fall down.

2. Where do they keep the largest diamond in NYC?
Yankee Stadium

3. A man leaves home, makes three left turns and is on his way back home when he notices two men in masks waiting for him.
They’re the catcher and umpire.

4. Why did the Braves hire a baker?
They needed a new batter.

5. What goes all the way around the baseball field but never moves?
The fence.

6. What’s the difference between a pickpocket and an umpire?
One steals watches and one watches steals.

7. When should baseball players where armor?
When they’re playing knight games.

8. What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later!

9. Where do catchers sit at lunch?
Behind the plate.

10. Why is Yankee Stadium the coolest place to be?
It’s full of fans

11. Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
Because there’s not a fan in the place.

12. Did you hear? Detroit is building a new stadium at an undisclosed location.
They’re keeping it a secret because they’re afraid the Tigers might find out and try to play there.

13. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?
Forget it. It’s way over your head.

14. What are the rules for zebra baseball?
Three stripes and you’re out.

15. I kept wondering why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

sports jokes, man swings a baseball bat that hits another woman
Giphy, 4GIFS

16. An apartment building is on fire and people are at the window, screaming for help.
“Just jump out the window,” a man yells. “I’m a baseball player. I can catch you.”
One smart resident decided to get more information, first.
“Wait,” he said. “What team do you play for?”
“The Cincinnati Reds,” shouts the man.
“Ehhhh,” shrugs the resident. “I’ll take my chances with the fire.”

17. Why are umpires always overweight?
It’s their job to clean their plates.

18. What’s a baseball player do when his eyesight starts to fail him?
He takes a job as an umpire.

19. Where do you keep your mitt while driving?
In the glove compartment.

20. Which baseball player holds water?
The pitcher

21. Why are baseball games at night?
The bats sleep during the day.

22. What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?
One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.

23. What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A baseball team

24. I love the fall. It gives me a chance to sit at home and watch the World Series.
Just like the Dodgers.

25. How do baseball players keep in touch?
They touch base every once in a while.

Basketball Jokes

26. Why are basketball players such messy eaters?
They’re always dribbling

27. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?
They aren’t allowed to travel.

28. What do you call a player that constantly misses slam dunks?
Alley Whoops

29. Why doesn’t Albany have a professional basketball team?
Because then NYC would want one, too.

30. Which fast food chain is most likely to win a basketball tournament?
Dunkin’ Donuts

31. What do you call the basketball play where you drink too much and then score?
Slam Drunk

32. Why doesn’t the basketball team have a website?
They can’t string together three Ws.

33. What do prison guards and basketball guards have in common?
They’re both supposed to protect you.

34. If a basketball player gets athlete’s foot, what’s an astronaut get?
Missile Toe!

35. What’s Prince Charles’ favorite American basketball team?
Sacramento Kings

36.Why was the basketball player sitting on the sidelines drawing chickens?
Coach told her to learn how to draw fouls.

37. What does a basketball player do once he loses his sight?
Become a referee

38. What do you call twelve millionaires gathered around the TV to watch the NBA Finals?
The Detroit Pistons

39. Why do basketball players like cookies?
It’s just another excuse to dunk.

best sports jokes, Shaq tries to eat cookie with no hands
Giphy

40. Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.

41. I’m thinking of creating a fantasy show about basketball.
I’ll call it Hoopernatural.

42. What do you call a monkey who wins back-to-back titles?
The Chimpion

43. What do you call a basketball-playing shark?
Sharq

44. Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?
He was afraid of the net.

45. What’s the difference between Kobe Bryant and time?
Time actually passes.

46. Why are frogs so good at basketball?
They always make the jump shots.

Football Jokes

47. Why did the football coach go to the bank?
Do get his quarter back.

48. What do you call a Cleveland Browns QB at the Super Bowl?
A spectator.

49. Which team cooks gourmet meals together?
The Kansas City Chefs.

50. What do you call a football play with long legs who builds houses?
A car-punter.

51. How many Chicago Bears does it take to win a Super Bowl?
One. Walter Peyton. But, he’s retired.

52. What do football players wear for Halloween?
Face masks.

53. What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penaltea

54. Why do football players like smart women?
Opposites attract.

55. What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man?
Scoring like no one has ever seen.

56. Who played in the pirate Super Bowl?
The Tampa Bay Bucs and the Seattle Seahawks

57. Why couldn’t the All-Star football player listen to any music?
He broke all the records.

58. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute then sits down and starts crying the next?
A football coach.

59. How do you spot a Tennessee fan at a wedding?
Look for the guy in the orange t-shirt.

 

Related: 100+ Football Jokes That Will Score You A Touchdown With Friends

 

60. How are scrambled eggs and football teams the same?
They’ve both been beaten.

61. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.

62. Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.

63. Why did the poor QB has his receivers cross at mid-field?
He was trying to make ends meet.

64. Where do football players go when they need new uniforms?
New Jersey

65. What’s harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath

best sports jokes, Homer Simpson running and panting
Fox/Giphy

66. Why couldn’t the defensive end pass any of his tests?
He was a tackling dummy

67. What do you get when you cross a quarterback with a carpet?
A throw rug.

Hockey Jokes

68. What would you call the world’s greatest hockey player if he’d decided not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretsky.

69. I watched hockey before it was cool.
It was swimming. I watched swimming.

70. Putin scored eight goals in the exhibition game due to his being an excellent slap shot.
If you don’t let him score, he slaps you and then shoots you.

71. Why did the refs stop play in the Washington Capitals game?
Kuznetsov.

72. What does a hockey play and a magician have in common?
They both do hat tricks.

73. Why did the boy climb up the tree with a hockey stick
Cause he wanted to join the maple leafs.

74. Why are hockey rinks rounded?
Because if they had 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

75. Why do hipsters love field hockey?
Because it’s ice hockey before it gets cool.

76. What did the skeleton drive to the hockey game?
The Zam-bony.

77. Hockey players are known for their summer teeth.
Summer here, summer there

78. Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from?
The tooth fairy

79. Why do the Germans always get beat by the Canadians in hockey?
Canadians bring the “eh” game, while Germans bring their wurst.

80. What do you give a hockey player when he demands to be paid?
A check.

81. Hockey players are like goldfish.
Just tap on the glass to get their attention.

82. My friend and I visited Canada together for the first time.
We went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out.

83. Why are hockey players so good at making friends?
They’re quick to break the ice.

84. What’s the difference between hockey and boxing?
In hockey, the fights are real.

best sports jokes, hockey player knocks another guy over
Giphy

85. How do hockey players kiss?
They pucker up.

86. How many teeth does a hockey player have?
Don’t you mean tooth?

87. Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?
Because soccer and baseball are much more popular in Mexico.

Soccer Jokes

88. What’s the difference between basketball players and soccer players?
Basketball players get actual injuries.

89. Why couldn’t anyone see the soccer ball?
The defense cleared it.

90. Soccer is surprisingly relevant to my life.
Just consider the lack of goals.

91. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?
They watch cricket, instead.

92. What did Santa bring the naughty soccer player?
COOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!

93. What’s the difference between England and a teabag?
The teabag stays in the cup longer.

94. What’s is called when a dinosaur get a goal?
A dino-score.

95. What do you call and Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee

96. What’s a ghost’s favorite soccer position?
Ghoul keeper

97. Which soccer player keep the field neat and tidy?
The sweeper.

98. Why are soccer players excellent at math?
They know how to use their heads.

99. What do soccer referees send during the holidays?
Yellow cards.

100. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match

101. Two soccer teams play a game against each other. The home team wins, but not a single man from either team scored a goal. How can this be?
They were women’s teams.

best sports jokes, women soccer player drops mic
U.S. Soccer Federation/Giphy

102. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
He wanted to tie things up.

103. Which goalie can jump higher than the crossbars?
All of them. Crossbars can’t jump.

104. Why can’t you play soccer in the jungle?
There’s too many cheetahs!

105. Why is bad soccer like an old bra?
Neither have pads or offer any support.

106. Which soccer player wears the biggest cleats?
The one with the biggest feet.

107. Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
He was tired of being kicked around.

108. What position do ghosts play in soccer?
Ghoulie

109. Why shouldn’t you play soccer in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!

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