75+ Pumpkin Puns And Jokes To Give 'Em Pumpkin To Talk About

75+ Funny Pumpkin Puns And Jokes To Give ‘Em Pumpkin To Talk About

August 3, 2020 Updated March 9, 2021

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Benigno Hoyuela/Unsplash

There are two kinds of people: Those who lovelovelove Halloween and those who like to rain on our parade. We get it. We’re a little obnoxious when we start jonesin’ for a PSL in March or planning our Autumn decor in July. But, let’s just try to let people love what they love, right? The world is dark. Life is hard. Halloween is a chance to scoop the brains out of pumpkins and spook things up a bit. It’s our chance to come up with elaborate costumes and, for a few short hours, be absolutely anyone we want to be. Cheerleader? Sure. Headless Marie Antoinette? Great. Sexy Pumpkin? I mean… are you just not trying or are you just a gigantic How I Met Your Mother fan?

As Halloween gets closer, our excitement bubbles over and we start looking for ways to cope: Hot cocoa on a rainy day, a scary movie or just digging up some silly pumpkin jokes and puns. If you’re here, it’s probably because you’re looking for exactly that: Some silliness to get you into the spirit. None of those jokes are particularly hysterical but they’re all worthy of a smile, at the least. These Halloween jokes are perfect for kids, classrooms, and sharing with your smiling barista as you order your first pumpkin spice latte of the season. Enjoy!

Pumpkin Puns Straight Outta Hobby Lobby

1. Squash goals.

2. Life is gourd.

3. Gourd big or go home.

4. Hey gourd-geous!

5. You’re the pick of the (pumpkin) patch.

6. Have a gourd Halloween.

7. Let’s “carve out” some fun this Fall.

8. Let’s give ’em pumpkin to talk about.

9. I’ve never met a pumpkin I didn’t like.

10. Oh my gourd! I love fall.

11. I only have pies for you.

12. Orange you pumped for Autumn?

13. Wow, this pumpkin is totally jacked.

14. Give ’em pumpkin to talk about.

Pumpkin Jokes Gourd-lore

15. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
The crossing gourd.

16. What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?
Good-pie everyone.

17. How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?
Use a pumpkin patch.

18. What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver?
Cut it out.

19. What do you call an athletic pumpkin?
A jock o’ lantern

20. What do you call a fat Jack-o-Lantern?
A plumpkin.

21. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

22. What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker?
Use apples, instead.

23. When asked how he was feeling, what did the pumpkin say?
I’m vine, thanks!

24. What’s the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?
You’ll get autumn’y ache.

25. What kind of romance do pumpkins enjoy?
A mushy romance.

26. Why do pumpkins do so bad in school?
Because they had all their brains scooped out.

27. Where do pumpkins hold meetings?
The gourdroom

28. Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.

29. What did one Pumpkin say to the other?
Happy Hollowing!

30. What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
You look a little sick.

31. What did Cinderella say when her carriage turned into a pumpkin?
Oh my gord!

More Pumpkin Jokes

32. What’s black, white, orange and waddles?
A penguin carrying a pumpkin.

33. A pumpkin says to a jack-o’-lantern “All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don’t you want to mix it up, try something different?”
The jack-o’-lantern says “I don’t have the guts.”

34. What are gourds afraid of?
Things that go Pumpkin the night.

35. Where do pumpkins like to live?
In the seedy part of town.

36. What do adventurous pumpkins do for fun?
Go bungee gourd jumping

37. What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.

38. What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?
A life-gourd.

39. Why did everyone think the Jack-o-Lantern was evil?
It had a wicked candle inside it

40. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?
Pulp fiction.

41. Why was the gourd so gossip-y?
To give ’em pumpkin’ to talk about.

42. Why was Cinderella bad at football?
Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

43. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.

44. How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?
On vine-yl.

45. What’s the pumpkin’s favorite Western?
The Gourd, The Bad, and The Ugly

46. Why was the jack-o’-lantern so forgetful?
Because he’s empty-headed.

47. What did the queasy pumpkin say?
I don’t feel so gourd.

48. Why are jack-o-lanterns so smart?
A candle makes them bright.

49. How did the jack-o’-lantern quit smoking?
The pumpkin patch.

50. What did the pumpkins say at happy hour?
Let’s get smashed

51. What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?
Squash.

52. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.

Pumpkin Spicin’ Things Up

53. How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?
Apply the pumpkin patch.

54. We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil.
It’s for Autumnmobiles

55. Let’s pumpkin spice things up

56. Sorry I’m latte. I had to pick up my pumpkin spice.

57. I know a latte pumpkin spice puns.

58. Unless it’s pumpkin spice, I don’t give a frappe

59. Me + PSL = Squashgoals

60. Life is gourd when it’s pumpkin spice season!

61. I only drink pumpkin spice — just call me a basic witch.

62. Pumpkin Spice and everything nice.

63. Let’s Pumpkin Spice things up.

64. Blood type: Pumpkin Spice.

65. Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?
To make them even more basic.

66. Which English pop singer is most popular during Thanksgiving holiday?
Pumpkin Spice.

More Pumpkin Jokes & Puns!

67. Why is trick or treating with identical twin witches so challenging?

You can never tell which witch is which.

68. What type of pants to ghosts wear?

Boo jeans.

69. Why don’t mummies go on vacations?

They are too afraid to unwind.

70. Which Halloween creature got the best grades in Math?

Count Dracula

71. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine

72. What kind of music do mummies like best?

Wrap music, duh.

73. What rides do ghosts like best at the haunted carnival?

The scary go-round and the roller ghost-er

74. Why don’t skeletons eat Halloween candy?

They just don’t have the stomach for it.

75. Which Halloween creature is the best dancer?

The Boogie Man!

76. What do birds say on Halloween?

Trick or Tweet

77. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

They have no body to go with.

Quotes About Pumpkins

“There are three things that I’ve learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” — Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He’s gotta pick this one. He’s got to. I don’t see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there’s not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.”.” — Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” — Henry David Thoreau

“It’s the Great Pumpkin! He’s rising out of the pumpkin patch!” — Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“I’d say the first thing you need is… a pumpkin.” — Fairy Godmother, Cinderella

“Sometimes I think that ideas float through the atmosphere like huge squishy pumpkins waiting for heads to drop on.” — Neil Gaiman

“I tromped through the pumpkin patch.” — Mr. Hyde, The Nightmare Before Christmas 

“I will defend pumpkin until the day I die. It’s delicious. It’s healthy. I don’t understand the backlash. How did pumpkin become this embarrassing thing to love but bacon is still the cool flavor to add to everything? I don’t have anything against bacon; just don’t come after pumpkin like it’s a crime to love an American staple.” — Anna Kendrick, Scrappy Little Nobody

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” Henry David Thoreau

“Sometimes I think that ideas float through the atmosphere like huge squishy pumpkins waiting for heads to drop on.” Neil Gaiman

“I heard a pumpkin a day keeps the goblins away.” Pembrokeshire