Sink Your Fangs Into These Excellent Bat Puns And Jokes

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Girl in front of window decorated with bats — bat puns and jokes.
Elizabethsalleebauer/Getty Images

Even if you find bats (the animal, not the baseball equipment) to be a little creepy (they are associated with Halloween, after all), you can’t deny that they’re interesting little creatures. Bats are nocturnal — meaning they stay up all night while the rest of us are asleep — and often spend their days sleeping in dark places like caves and hanging upside down. Not to mention that they’re the only mammal that is genuinely capable of flying (unlike flying squirrels, for instance, which only glide) and that they use echolocation to find their way around in the dark. But just because these creatures of the night may seem serious doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of bat puns and bat jokes to keep you laughing in both broad daylight and the dark. These creatures can be pretty funny!

Of course, the fact that bats are the center of so much lore only makes them that much more fascinating. We love ’em so much that we even created an entire collection of bat coloring pages to celebrate our little winged friends. So, be sure to check those out after you sink your fangs into the following bat puns and jokes.

Bat Puns and Jokes

  1. Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave. The first bat asks the second, “Do you remember the worst day of your life?” “I sure do,” said the second bat. “It was the day I had diarrhea.”
  2. I keep a bat in my bedroom for protection.

It makes me feel safe but it also keeps pooping in my ear.

  1. A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: “What the heck are you doing down there?” And the fellow shouts back: “Yoga!”
  2. I made a bat joke.

It went viral.

  1. What’s a bat’s favorite holiday?


  1. What’s the difference between Batman and a shoplifter?

Batman can go into a store without Robin.

  1. What did Batman do when he went shopping?

Got ham.

  1. What does Batman put in his drinks?

Just ice.

  1. What position did Bruce Wayne play on his baseball team?

He was the bat boy.

  1. My girlfriend said I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.

What a Joker!

  1. What does Batman do when he’s losing at cards?

He uses his Joker.

  1. What is the first thing bats learn in school?

The alphabat.

  1. What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?

Love at first byte.

  1. In the animal kingdom, bats are the only skilled in playing baseball.
  2. What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?

You end up with frost bite.

  1. Why are most softball games are played at night?

Because the bats have to sleep during the day.

  1. What happens when you cross a lonely hearts club and a bat?

You end up with lots of blind dates.

  1. There are a lot of activities that bats engage in at night, but the most prominent is aerobatics.
  2. There is no friendship greater than that of bats.

They always hang around together.

  1. How does a vampire bat enter his house?

Through the bat flap.

  1. Where do school-going vampires carry their books?

In bat-packs.

  1. What do vampires use when baking cakes?


  1. The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
  2. Why did the witches team lose their opening baseball game?

Because all their bats flew away.

  1. What advice do bat counselors give to their clients?

“Just hang in there.”

  1. What did the bat say to his best friend after missing a day of school?

“Welcome bat, you haven’t missed a lot.”

  1. What markets do bats avoid at all costs?

Flea markets.

  1. What are little bats fond of drinking?

Alpha-bat soup.

  1. Where do bats go when they lose their tails?

They go to a re-tail store.

  1. What does a vampire do after taking a shower?

It stands on a bat mat.

  1. How do bats make new friends?

With a sound wave.

  1. What makes it OK for bats to just poop wherever they want?

For a bat, every room is the bat-room.

  1. What did the rat say when he saw a bat?

“Oh my! I just saw an angel!”

  1. Robin: “Batman, Batman, there is a problem with the Batmobile, it does not start.”

Batman: “Must be the battery.” Robin: “What is a tery?”

  1. Me: “Dad I have bats in my attic.”

Dad: “Baseball or softball?”

  1. Where do bats go to learn things?

To night school.

  1. What did the bat do when he didn’t know the answer to the teacher’s question?

He winged it.

  1. How do bats do the register at school?

In alpha-bat-ical order.

  1. How do bats know what’s to come in their future?

They read their horror-scope.

  1. What do bats have in common with dentures?

They both come out in the night.

  1. Why do bats hate living on their own?

They want to hang out with their friends.

  1. Who does the famous bat get letters from?

His fang club.

  1. What did the bat say to the girl he liked?

“Let’s hang out together some time.”

  1. Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?

To the blood bank.

  1. What do bats say to vampires?

“You suck!”

  1. Why don’t people like grumpy vampires?

Because they have bat tempers.

  1. Why don’t vampires use the front door?

Because they use the bat flap instead.

  1. What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?

Pancake batter.

  1. What’s a vampire bat’s favorite food?


  1. Why are vampire bats so unpopular?

Because they’re a massive pain in the neck.

  1. What’s a vampire bat’s favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine.

  1. What do little witches like to play at school?

Bats cradle.

  1. What is a vampire’s favorite sport?


  1. What do you say to a bat who’s just found a donor?


  1. How does a vampire keep fit?


  1. How are bats like real-estate agents?

It’s all echo-location. Location. Location.

  1. Two bats sat in a tree. One was hungry for blood, so she flew out. A minute later, she came back with her entire face covered in blood.

“Where did you get all that blood?” asked the second bat eagerly. “You see that tree over there?” she said. “No…” said the second bat. “Me neither.”

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