Brooklyn 'Stroller Mafia' Organizes Text Chain To Follow Channing Tatum

by Erica Gerald Mason
Scary Mommy and Todd Williamson/ Through the Lens/Getty

The search is on for the Magic Mike star and his rumored paramour Zoe Kravitz

All people, no matter how hot and sexy, deserve privacy. All that bodaciousness needs time away from prying eyes to percolate, you see. Yet nothing will deter a group of Williamsburg mums from tracking down hottie Channing Tatum.

Page Six reports a group of mamas (collectively known as the Stroller Mafia) are part of a group chat that discusses all things related to Tatum In The City.

The mag reports the group chat has a fevered tone:

“Has anyone seen CHANNING TATUM is dating ZOË KRAVITZ and they’ve been seen around Williamsburg. My goal this week is to find them. WHO IS WITH ME?” the text reads.

“Someone told me she lives on South [BLEEP] Street. I think it’s best if we split up into teams and cover as much ground from Leonard to [BLEEP] Street,” another responded.

One lucky mafiosa found the pair: “I saw them walking through McCarren Park! Almost threw my baby at them as a conversation starter.”

One Twitter user was on the hunt.

Three words for Channing Tatum: LOCK YOUR DOORS.

Seriously, do you know what a pack of mamas can do? These are women who are used to fishing through kiddos’ backpacks to find their child’s login for the school’s homework portal. They’re used to deciphering a third-grader’s answer of ‘fine’ when the question is: “How was school?”

They’re used to deciphering low key shit.

Finding a hunky movie star who’s trying desperately to go incognito is nothing to a woman who’s had to search for her little bebe in a grocery store.

I have no doubt the women have not only found Tatum, but have already collected a stool sample, ID’d every one of his skincare products, and can tell you the setting on his trimmer.

Don’t play with a woman on a mission.

This is a good time to tell you that for those who’d like to join the mafia, the website of “New York City Harassment Attorney” Jeffrey Lichtman warns that the crime “can be a violation-level offense, a misdemeanor, or even a felony, depending on the severity of the alleged action.”

Meanwhile, Evan Ross Katz posted a cheeky joke on Instagram.

To all our fellow mamas out there, doing it for the sisterhood, stay sane, stay safe, and stay within the law.

And while Tatum is top-notch, tell Zoe we loved her in Big Little Lies and wish High Fidelity had AT LEAST two more seasons.