Sorry, We Don't Mean to Interrupt, But These Canadian Jokes Are Great, Eh?

Oh, Canada — our friendly neighbor (or should that be “neighbour”) to the north. It’s true: Americans don’t know nearly as much about you as you do about us, and what we do know tends to be limited to cold weather, poutine, maple leaves, ice hockey, your hot prime minister, Tim Horton’s, Dave Coulier, and the fact that your Thanksgiving is earlier than ours. All that being said, we know that we really shouldn’t be making Canadian jokes at your expense. As a country, you’re exceptionally polite. In fact, many jokes about Canadians are based on the citizens’ good manners and kind ways.

That’s not only because you’re a genuinely polite country, but also because we’re a little jealous of you — what with your affordable healthcare and cities that look like they’ve been plucked out of Europe. Plus, you’re the home of Lucy Maud Montgomery and her gift to the world, Anne Shirley. Sure, you may use the metric system, but we probably should too, at this stage. And we know it can get cold up there, but we hear that July and August are beautiful. So, please don’t be offended by these Canadian jokes, because they’re our way of saying that we care.

Now, it’s time for some (friendly) jokes about Canadians.

Best Canadian Jokes and Puns

1. What’s a Canadian’s favorite letter?

Eh (A).

1. Why did the weightlifter move to Prince Edward Island?

To get the best mussels!

1. How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?

You say, “Please get out of the swimming pool.”

1. What does Canada produce that no other country in the world produces?

Canadians.

1. What did the snow say to the Rocky Mountains?

“I’ve got you covered.”

1. Why shouldn’t curlers tell jokes on the ice?

Because it might crack up!

1. What has antlers and sucks blood?

A moose-quito.

1. Why is maple syrup always so sad?

Because it’s sappy.

1. How do you get a Canadian to apologize?

Step on their foot.

1. Why are Canadian students so smart?

They get lots of ehs.

1. How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?

Take away its broom!

1. Why do hockey players like baking cakes?

They’re great at icing.

1. What is the type of tire that fixes itself on its own without troubling the driver?

It is a Canadian tire.

1. So, the U.S. and Canada are combining their space programs to send a spacecraft to the moon.

They’re calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.

1. Did you know that Canada has a real hard water problem?

Most of the time, it’s frozen.

1. What are the two seasons of Canada?

Winter… and July.

1. What should you call Canada when it fails at something?

You call it Can’tada!

1. Why was the Canadian friend late in reaching the airport?

He got delayed because he was poutine in some food.

1. Why couldn’t I reach my Canadian friend during an emergency?

He was watching a game of hockey!

1. In which way is the U.S. better than Canada?

It has nicer neighbors!

1. What constitutes fifty percent of Canada?

The letter A.

1. My sister told me that she didn’t know the capital of Canada>

I told her, “You Ottawa know it!”

1. How did the beaver bid farewell to the maple leaf tree?

He said, “It really has been nice gnawing you!”

1. Why do Canadians love helping people in times of trouble?

Because they are Can-aid-ians.

1. What was my father’s reaction when he imported a tree from Canada?

He said, “This looks quite oak, eh?”

1. Why was my Canadian friend who was in the timber business so muscular and strong?

He was lumber jacked!

1. How was the Canadian student kicked out of class?

The teacher sat him down and then asked him to leave.

1. What is the name of the city in Canada that is filled with wild cats?

The city of Van-cougar.

1. During the ice hockey game, I tried to sneak into the front of the line.

Unfortunately, the guard caught me and told me, “Quebec to the end of the line!”

1. I was invited to Canada by my friends over there…

They were planning to have a New Year’s part-eh!

1. When someone commits a first-degree murder in Canada…

It becomes a 34-degree murder in the US.

1. What’s a Canadian’s favorite comedy show?

It’s Always Snowing in Winnipeg.

1. What is the only place in the world where the United Kingdom and Latin America meet?

British Columbia.

1. What’s an example of a Canadian tourist advertisement?

“This is the land where frostbite and sunburn happen in the same week.”

1. How does a Canadian confess their love?

By saying, “I love you more than poutine!”

1. What’s every Canadian’s favorite soap opera?

The Cold & The Beautiful.

1. I told my friend I’m not really Canadian…

But he was having Nunavut!

1. Why isn’t Canada real?

It’s all mapleleaf.

1. A Canadian man told me he was 100 years old.

I replied, “I Canada beleaf you are 100!”

1. While we were on a hunting trip to Canada, there was this deer that we kept tracking but couldn’t catch.

It led us on a wild moose chase.

1. What did the super-fan say when the Canadian National Team won the Hockey World Cup?

“What eh time to be ehlive!”

1. My friend told me a joke about the Candian Rockies.

They were absolutely hill areas.

1. What type of public transport do Canadians like for visiting America?

Zambonis.

1. What do all the people in the Capital of Canada eat for their breakfast?

Ottawaffles.

1. What happens if you lose your wallet in Canada?

You’ll get it delivered to your house.

1. How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?

None — they accept things the way they are.

1. What was the Canadian skeleton doing at the hockey game?

He was there to drive the zam-bone-i!

1. What happened when two Canadian musicians met during the fire at the gaming stop?

They formed Arcade Fire.

1. How do you get invited to get-togethers in Canada?

Someone says, “Hey, we’re having a part-eh!”

1. Why is Canada so good at social media platforms like Facebook?

They have so many lakes.

1. How do the Toronto Blue Jays get ready for a game?

They do worm-up sessions.

1. What did the excited tourist say on their first visit to Canada?

“Yukon see the northern lights from here!”

1. What song do pumped-up Canadians sing?

“Who Let the Sled Dogs Out?”

1. What’s a Canadian ghost’s favorite food?

Boo-tine!

1. How does Canada respond to coin shortages in the U.S.?

They give us Nickelback.

1. How do Canadians take care of their hair?

With moose.

1. I went to watch a boxing match in Canada…

And a hockey game broke out!

1. My brother didn’t believe me when I told him the name of Canada’s prime minister.

I replied, “You may not believe me, but it’s Trudeau!”

1. Why didn’t the tourist want to visit the lake from the Canadian side of the border?

It was giving them an eerie feeling.

1. What do people say about Canada in the winter?

It’s the moose beautiful time of the year.

1. I asked my tour guide to tell a funny joke about Canada…

He responded, “I’m sorry, but I Canada think of any.”

1. Why didn’t the American make a joke about the Canadian border?

They realized that would cross a line.

1. What do you call a special type of deer in Canada that drinks human blood?

The moose-quito.

1. I finally decided to open a business in Canada.

My business advisors told me, “Don’t get cod feet!”

1. Why was the tourist terrified during their trip to Canada?

There was so much tundra and lightning!