Why Do Moms Always Talk About Coffee And Wine?

by Kristen Schrotberger
Originally Published: 
I need coffee to parent
NKS_Imagery / iStock

Okay, what is up with all the talk about moms needing coffee and wine? Seriously! It’s everywhere. I see something pop up on my Facebook newsfeed almost everyday with this type of content. Why the hell do moms need those beverages so badly?

I’ll see a post that says, “No talking before my coffee” and it gets a thousand likes or picture of a swimming pool that says “fill my wine glass up to here,” and it gets another thousand likes? (Okay I made that last one up). But what’s up with that shit? Why aren’t we over that already? Well sit down now…’cause I’m about to tell you.

Here’s why we need the coffee:

• We may have children who wake up several times a night and our “day” actually begins at bedtime, so by the time the morning comes around, we need a little “pick-me-up.”

• We may have 20 things or more that we have to get done by 8:00 a.m.

• Because cocaine is illegal.

• We are addicted to caffeine and don’t want a withdrawal headache. Fo’ real (you don’t want that).

• Without it, we can be real bitches and quite frankly, we don’t want anyone to get hurt.

• We need our eyes to open fully, not half-way, because that could just be dangerous.

• We may not even have time to eat breakfast for crying out loud, because we are too busy taking care of our kids. We have to put at least SOMETHING into our bodies.

• We can personalize and adjust it to our mood, diet, etc.

• We are thirsty.

• Because we drank a little bit of wine last night and we need the coffee to help shake that off…which leads to the second part…

Here’s why we need the wine:

• We may not have even sat down yet for the entire day and just need to relax and unwind. I mean shit, we may be moms, but we ARE human.

• It’s 9:00 p.m. and we have to celebrate the fact that our kids are asleep, even if they only stay asleep until midnight.

• We may be so worried about something, whether it be our children, cabin fever (for the stay-at home moms), careers (for the working moms), bills, the dog, the cat, the husband…I mean what DON’T we worry about? Our minds need a break.

• It tastes really effing delicious.

• Just because.

• Sometimes, it helps us engage in sexual relations with the husband…if you know what I’m sayin’.

• Because it helps us stay sane.

• Because tequila, whiskey, and rum are just a little too strong (sometimes).

• We are really really thirsty.

• We feel glamorous drinking out of a wine glass, even if we are in sweatpants with no make-up and our hair is a mess. There is something about the stem on that glass…well there’s just something about it.

So really, there are a lot of reasons why we are not over the coffee and wine chatter already. But here is the big one. You ready? Okay…here it goes:

We share everything with our children. Some of us share our beds, we’ve shared our wombs, we share our televisions to watch stupid cartoons, we even share the bathroom, because we all know we can’t get a minute alone.

But here’s the awesome thing about wine and coffee…we don’t have to share it, because the kids can’t have it!

So, CHEERS! Here’s to coffee, to wine, and to us.

Related post: “Me Time” Is Bullshit Once You’re a Mother

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