20+ Dave Chappelle Quotes That Are None Of Yo' Goddamn Business

by Laura Grainger
Originally Published: 
Dave Chappelle quotes

Dave Chappelle has been a comedic icon since the 90s. With a career spanning multiple decades, he’s a stand-up vet and an award-winning writer, producer, and actor. He therefore has a large body of work that can be scoured for one-liners to laugh at. But Chappelle’s long career has also taught him a lot about life and fame, which he has frequently spoken about and offered some words of wisdom on.

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We’ve compiled a list of Dave Chappelle quotes that are equal parts humor and wisdom. Whether you need a fun laugh or a motivational boost, you’ve come to the right place. Read on to get your fill.

  1. “The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.”
  2. “Where I’m from? A little town called none of yo’ goddamn business!”
  3. “The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.”
  4. “They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, ‘Oscar, you are so mean! Isn’t he kids?’ ‘Yeah, Oscar! You’re a grouch!’ It’s like, ‘Bitch! I live in a fucking TRASHCAN!'”
  5. “You can become famous, but you can’t become unfamous. You can become infamous, but not unfamous.”
  6. “You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.”
  7. “You got to be careful of the company you keep.”RELATED: 40+ Hysterical ’30 Rock’ Quotes Because Liz Lemon And Jack Donaghy Are Iconic
  8. “Weed’s not as bad as everything else, ’cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean? You can smoke some herb and still function. You ain’t crisp… but you’ll function.”
  9. “I’m not smoking crack. I’m definitely stressed out.”
  10. “The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.”


  1. “See, I’d never vote for George Bush Jr., but I don’t know anything about his politics. All I know about that George Bush Jr. is that that guy sniffed cocaine. That’s right. Now, listen, we can’t have that shit in the White House. That may be fine for a mayor, but goddammit, not the White House! The stakes are too high.”
  2. “No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.”
  3. “I’m cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.”
  4. “I don’t like letting my friends drive drunk, but I was smokin’ a joint. I really couldn’t say shit to the guy.”
  5. “Something about New York, man. You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.”
  6. “No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone… you answer it.”
  7. “The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive.”
  8. “All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.”
  9. “Every Black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak ‘job interview.'”
  10. “I love my jokes.”
  11. “What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!”


  1. “Wow. … That’s a good question. … Is `I don’t know’ an acceptable answer?”
  2. “I think every group of Black guys should have at least one white guy in it.”
  3. “The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.”
  4. “I’m Dave Chappelle and I’m a chronic masturbator.”
  5. “I would go to work on the show and I felt awful every day, that’s not the way it was. I felt like some kind of prostitute or something. If I feel so bad, why keep on showing up to this place? I’m going to Africa. The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.”
  6. “Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!”
  7. “Hey hey hey, smoke weed every day.”
  8. “The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.”
  9. “My generation is under-entertained.”
  10. “America, I appreciate you liking me.”
  11. “What is wrong with me? I just bought a bag of weed from an infant.”

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