40+ Hilarious '30 Rock' Quotes: Iconic Liz Lemon And Jack Donaghy Lines

40+ Hysterical ’30 Rock’ Quotes Because Liz Lemon And Jack Donaghy Are Iconic

February 13, 2020 Updated February 24, 2020

30 rock quotes
NBC

NBC is home to many of our favorite comedies – Parks and Recreation, SNL, Friends and The Office all originally ran on the network. 30 Rock is no different, having joined the list in 2006. This hilarious show was the brainchild of leading lady Tina Fey, who plays the show runner of a comedic sketch series. The show focuses on the backstage antics of this fictionalized NBC-style comedy series.

While it wrapped up in 2013, its hysterical lines are still laugh out loud-worthy today. Check out this list of 30 Rock quotes and see for yourself.

Liz Lemon

“And one time at summer camp I kissed a girl for a dare, but then she drowned.”

“Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? This moi.”

“It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in New York. It’s still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises.”

“I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.”

“We have a show tonight. I’ve never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.”

“Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.”

“I am telling everyone here that there’s no way I can be pregnant, because I have had my period for the last 61 days.”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize my college futon, with its trademark absence of sex stains?”

“Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.”

“I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!”

“Sorry Jack, I have to take this. Yes, may I please speak to pizza…”

“If reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t keep people with no shame down.”

30 rock quotes
NBC

Jack Donaghy

“I didn’t get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by not being good at business.”

“You want a confession? Let’s get this done so I can go eat. I’m divorced. I take the Lord’s name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident.”

“Rich 50 is middle-class 38.”

“Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold.”

“I don’t sleep on planes. I don’t want to get incepted.”

“I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.”

“I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.”

“I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut.”

“What’s wrong, Lemon? When I see you chew your nails like that, it’s either you’re very anxious, or you handled some ham earlier.”

“I only pass gas once a year, for an hour, atop a mountain in Switzerland.”

Liz: “Why are you wearing a tux?”
Jack: “It’s after six. What am I, a farmer?”

Jenna Marone

“Relationships are like sharks, Liz: if you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.”

“This is a nightmare. My nemeses — Abigail Breslin and that woman from those Progressive Insurance commercials — are in the audience.”

“You’re engaged?! What if the bachelorette party theme was ‘sluts?'”

“There’s no ‘I’ or ‘me’ in ‘America.'”

“You look like that flashcard they told me means sadness.”

“Fine, I’ll set aside my feud with Raven Symone for one day, but she knows what she did.”

“I’m sure she’s down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born.”

“When I was pageantizing, my mother told me there’s only three things standing between you and winning: your breasts, and wanting it bad enough.”

“You know what they say boys. If you can’t stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.”

Tracy Jordan

“Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?”

“Here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it’s Shark Week.”

“Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you’re science. Tell her, Jack!”

“I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait, what was the question?”

“I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.”

“I’m not going to rehearse. I’m going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet.”

“I am a stabbing robot.”

“I promise. I swear on my mother’s grape.”

“A book hasn’t caused me this much trouble since Where’s Waldo went to that barber pole factory.”

“You remember Donald, my son who’s two years older than me.”

30 rock quotes
NBC

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