When You Don't Have A Squad

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I always feel like I’ve somehow been forgiven for all my negative thoughts and emotions after talking to my best friend. She lives five hours away and is one of the only people whose number I know by heart and who I carve out time to talk to.

Three hours later, we have discussed everything from succulents to that time in college we started drinking daiquiris at ten in the morning and made some bad choices (like going to Shakespeare class with a strawberry slushy mustache) to reassuring each other we will make it through the rough patches in life because we’ve watched each other do it time and time again.

I don’t see her more than a few times a year. It’s not enough, and yet somehow it is because our time spent together with just the two of us packs quite the punch. It’s true quality time when we can be ourselves and not worry about friends or family members chiming in about not wanting to get a pedicure with us, or getting annoyed because we sit in the parked car outside our hotel and talk for hours instead of just going in already.

I have a few lovely girlfriends who live near me, too. One friend and I get drinks after spin class. We talk about sex and dating while we chow down on nachos and test drive cars. And then, there is an amazing woman who used to be my neighbor when we were growing up. We reconnected a few years ago and I don’t know why we ever lost touch. We check in weekly and have cried in front of each other more times than we have not.

My best friend from high school and I meet for lunch on the regular, stuff our faces with sushi and talk about clothes and decorating and our love of books and how stressed our kids make us. We attended a Crossfit class together once, but are happier eating and talking during our limited time together.

I love all these woman and they have brought a lot of comfort to my life. Our time is treasured.

We never hang out as a group though, and I can honestly say, it doesn’t diminish the experience at all. To me, it enhances it.

In high school and college, I was always part of a group. We’d go get ice cream, go on runs, hit the mall, and all arrive at the party, together. We were a package deal and I loved being part of a large circle.

While the experience was great, and I sometimes get a bit sad when I see a group of women posing for a picture at the movies or in Mexico, I no longer feel I need that in my life.

I’m not saying I’d refuse the opportunity. If my current friends all fell in love with each other and wanted to plan a day trip to the spa, I’d be the first to volunteer to make the appointments.

I just feel like spending one-on-one time with my beloved friends is enough for me.

For one, it’s so much easier to say all you want to say because you don’t have to wait for more than one person to be done with their story so you can chime in with yours.

Secondly, have you ever tried getting a bunch of women on the same schedule in a group text so you could go see the latest rom-com playing in theaters? What a fuck-show that is.

Also, it cuts down on the gossip. None of my friends know each other well, and because of this, they don’t hurt each others feelings, have misunderstanding, or piss one another off when they can’t make it to a birthday bash. It’s rare we spend our time talking about people (besides ourselves, our partners, and our kids). We talk about self-help books, great recipes, and inspiring Instagram influencers instead.

Lastly, no one feels left out if you craved some one-on-one time with someone in the group because the group only consists of two people. It’s exhausting to try and hide that from others, which is what we do to avoid hurt feelings.

I don’t have a big group of friends to hang with, and I’m fine with that. In fact, I am really great with the situation. My friendships are deep and fulfilling, and I’ve come to realize at this stage in my life, there is no reason (and no energy) to change something which already makes me feel full and happy just because I don’t have something a lot of other people have.

Not to mention, sharing a plate of nachos with another person is my limit. If I had to share with a bunch of girlfriends, I don’t think I’d handle it well. I get pretty crabby when I have to share food.

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