End of the world, Armageddon, Doomsday — call it what you want, humanity’s been anticipating and thinking about the end of life as we know it since its very beginning. And where our thoughts go, culture follows. Nostradamus, the Mayans, Y2K, and Bruce Willis in Armageddon all somehow contributed to the fear. Although to be fair, Deep Impact is a superior end-times movie from 1998 and doesn’t get the credit it deserves. But we digress.
Though it might truly feel like the end of the world as the frightening realities of the coronavirus pandemic send the entire global community into quarantine, this too shall pass. Perhaps it’s people’s fear they don’t actually have as much control as they’d like, or that we really are just a collection of cells on a tiny blue dot in space, there’s not much you can do but read the thoughtful, and often quippy, words of others to come to peace with our time on earth.
So, with that in mind, we’ve collected a sampling of the funniest and most introspective end of the world quotes and jokes to get you to tomorrow.
1. People are making end of the world jokes, like there’s no tomorrow.
2. If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas would it stay in Vegas?
3. What if once everyone was a zombie and there was a human apocalypse?
4. It’s the end of the world? Nope, just Monday.
5. “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.” — Richard Bach
6. “The end of the world is on people’s minds. We have the power to destroy or save ourselves, but the question is what do you do with that responsibility.” — Nicolas Cage
7. “Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! ” ―
8. “Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come.”―
9. “Don’t wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.”―
10. “The End is Nigh!” the man shouted.
“Is there still time for hot chocolate?” Riley asked.
The-End-is-Nigh guy blinked. “Ah, maybe, I don’t know.” ―
11. “They say the captain goes down with the ship, so when the world ends, will God go down with it?”
12. “Funny story, Kent. It’s the end of the world!” — Homer Simpson
13. “It’s the end of the world every day, for someone.”―
14. “How baffling it is that we imagined cities incinerated by alien bombs and death rays when all they really needed was Mother Nature and time.”―
15. “End of the human race is just part of an endless life cycle.”―
16. “This is the way the world ends/ Not with a bang but a whimper.” ―
17. “To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart.” ―
18. “I sat in the dark and thought: There’s no big apocalypse. Just an endless procession of little ones.”
19. “My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave. Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips)” ―
20. “I have heard the languages of apocalypse, and now I shall embrace the silence.”―
21. “What if nobody showed up at Armageddon?”―
22. “I love my virginity to the apocalypse.”―
23. “One of the illusions of life is that the present hour is not the critical, decisive one.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
24. “What’s the news?/
None, my lord, but that the world’s grown honest,
Then is doomsday near.” — William Shakespeare
25. “In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.”―
26. “God knows when the end of time will come, not some fanatic… The world will end someday, but the end of the world and the end of time are two different things.” — Dolly Parton
27. “The probability of apocalypse soon cannot be realistically estimated, but it is surely too high for any sane person to contemplate with equanimity.” — Noam Chomsky
28. “I’m not the apocalypse nor the promised land.” — Jose Mujica
29. “As far as love is concerned, possession, power, fusion and disenchantment are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” — Zygmunt Bauman
30. “Once we start believing that the apocalypse is coming, the amygdala goes on high alert, filtering out most anything that says otherwise.” — Peter Diamandis
31. “The species will continue, whatever apocalypse we manage to unleash. It just won’t be much fun to live through.” — Naomi Alderman
32. “I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein.
33. “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” by R.E.M.
Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
World serves its own needs
Don’t mis-serve your own needs
Speed it up a notch, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter
With a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry
With the Furies breathing down your neck
Look at that low plane, fine, then
Uh oh, overflow, population, common group
But it’ll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine”
36. “The only thing that is the end of the world is the end of the world.” — Barack Obama