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Did You Hear The One About Elastomeric Insulators? 55+ Funny Engineer Jokes

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Engineer Jokes and Puns
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Listen, we know that being an engineer is a serious job. In fact, some may go so far as to say it’s no laughing matter — from buildings to pacemakers, engineers design things that, well, you don’t want to fail. That’s a lot of responsibility! But the truth is, sometimes a little levity is precisely what these essential professionals need. And if you’re an engineer (or have one in your life), engineer jokes and puns could be the fun you’re looking for when you need a break from mentally doom-scrolling the disastrous consequences of what could happen if your work goes wrong. Just file “taking five for a good laugh” under your personal development goals.

Another thing about engineers? They have a sort of — how do we say this? — esoteric brand of humor. Engineers find stuff like patches, programs, updates, and even electricity hilarious. So, if you aren’t in that field, well, some of these jokes might fly over your head. And you know what? That only makes engineer jokes and puns funnier to these professionals. Every joke is basically an inside joke!

So, if you’re an engineer and need a bit of humor to help pull you out of a slump or distract you from a tedious problem-solving session, keep reading for some of the best engineering jokes on the web.

Best Engineer Jokes and Puns

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  1. The optimist says, “The glass is half full.”

The pessimist says, “The glass is half empty.” The engineer says, “The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”

  1. What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.

  1. You might be an engineer if…

You window shop at Radio Shack.

  1. The Laws of Engineering:

– Any circuit design must contain at least one part that is obsolete, two parts that are unobtainable, and three parts that are still under development. – Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection. If you can’t fix it — document it. – The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the servicemen.

  1. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each takes a turn to try and bag it.

The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20 meters short of the deer. The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineering pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes, he’s ready. He takes aim and fires. The bullet lands 20m past the deer. The statistician triumphantly leaps in the air, shouting, “We got it!”

  1. A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. They crash the raft onto the bank. They have a supply of canned goods but no can opener.

The chemist tries to erode the can. That doesn’t work. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. That doesn’t work either. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims, “I’ve got it! Assume the can is open!”

  1. Three engineers were gathered together to discuss the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last said, “Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

  1. How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do?

Tell them it’s “impossible.”

  1. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favor.

“Darling, can you please pop out to the store and get a pint of milk? And if they have eggs, get a dozen!” Off the man goes to the shop and, half an hour later, returns with 12 pints of milk. His wife stares at him and asks, “Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?” “Well… they had eggs,” he replied.

  1. What does an engineer use for birth control?

His personality.

  1. What is the definition of an engineer?

Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

  1. “When I die, I want the people I’ve done group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.” — @RaghebRaad/Twitter
  2. What do nuclear engineers like to eat?

Fission chips.

  1. Engineer No. 1: “I bet you can’t name two structures that can hold water.”

Engineer No. 2: “Well, dam.”

  1. Wind turbine No. 1: “What kind of music do you like?”

Wind turbine No. 2: “I’m a big metal fan.”

  1. An indeterminate beam walks into a bar.

“What can I get ya?” asks the bartender. “Just give me a moment,” replies the beam.

  1. There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
  2. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1 + 1 is, I would have said 2.

Now, I’d say I’m pretty sure it’s 2, but we’d better make it 3 just to be safe.

  1. What’s the difference between a doctor and an engineer?

A doctor kills people one at a time.

  1. What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked?

That hertz.

  1. A graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

A graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” A graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

  1. New engineer: “How do you estimate how long a project will take?”

Seasoned engineer: “I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi.” New engineer: “Why pi?” Seasoned engineer: “It ensures that all my budgets are irrational.”

  1. What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for their birthday?

Shorts.

  1. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all trying to find the volume of a yellow bouncy ball.

The mathematician gets his calipers out and measures the diameter, then evaluates the integral. The physicist fetches a bowl of water, drops the ball in, and measures the displacement. The engineer strolls up with book in hand, checks for a serial number, and looks up the volume in his yellow bouncy ball table.

  1. Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?

For the mass.

  1. Why do electrical engineers love power naps?

You can build up a charge with them.

  1. Did you hear about the company that sells elastomeric insulators?

Their motto is “resistance is butyl.”

  1. You might be an engineer if…

You destroy things just to see how they work.

  1. Me: “You’re an engineer, why are you so dumb about technology?”

Spouse: “I just design it, I don’t use it.” — @blurvirus/Twitter

  1. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That’s a hardware issue.

  1. Are you made of copper and Tellurium?

Because you’re CuTe.

  1. An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school. Four years later, upon his son’s return, he asked him what he had learned at college. The son replied, “Pi r square.”

The dad exclaimed, “You didn’t learn nothin’, boy! Pie are round; bread’s square.”

  1. What’s a polar bear?

A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates.

  1. What’s an engineer’s favorite nursery rhyme?

“Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature…”

  1. Why did the engineering students leave class early?

Because they were getting a little ANSI!

  1. Professor: “How much pressure is on you guys these last two weeks before break?”

Guy: “24,000 Pascals.”

  1. How is molasses separated from cane sugar?

By spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge — it’s a viscous cycle.

  1. What did one bridge say to the other bridge it had been courting?

“We can’t be together. You have truss issues.”

  1. What kind of graphs do engineers make after Thanksgiving dinner?

Pie charts.

  1. You may have heard of Sin City, but have you heard about Den City?

It’s mass over volume.

  1. What song lyric do electrical engineers always get stuck in their heads?

“Watt is love? Baby, don’t hertz me.”

  1. Two antennas got married.

The wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.

  1. Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri— mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ).

  1. Why did the electron throw up?

He was spinning.

  1. What’s the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer?

An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he’s talking to you. An extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when he’s talking to you.

  1. What did the structural engineer say to the architect?

Nice buttress.

  1. Why did the thermometer feel superior to the graduated cylinder?

He had more degrees.

  1. Every time a freshman switches out of engineering, a cannon should go off like in the Hunger Games.
  2. How many consulting engineers do you need to replace a light bulb?

One, but you will be charged $50.

  1. Did you hear about the person who invented the escalator?

They were mechanically inclined.

  1. An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him.

“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess,” said the frog. He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. “What is the matter?” the frog asked. “I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” “Look,” said the man. “I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog — now that’s cool!”

  1. Why do computer engineers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because 31OCT = 25DEC.

  1. An engineer is a person who measures with a micrometer, marks it with a crayon, and cuts it with an ax.
  2. What’s the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist?

A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun.

  1. Most people believe, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

Engineers believe, “If it ain’t broke, add more features!”

  1. A girl asked her boyfriend, an engineer, “Don’t you want to see where I was operated upon for appendicitis?”

The engineer replied, “Oh, I would hate to see a hospital.”

  1. I keep trying to find a phone number in Atlanta, but all the websites keep returning “Not Found” errors.

(Explanation: The area code for Atlanta is 404 as in HTTP 404, the error code for “File Not Found.”)

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